issue170 希望有人帮忙修改，或者我们互改，谢谢：）

cherry_mixUID: 2731553

非常感谢~~如果能找到互改的G友最好了^_^
ISSUE 170 The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people.


I agree with the speaker’s assertion that the surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientist, but the general welfare of its entire people. It might be tempting to agree that achievements from these elites could partially reveal whether a nation is great. However, the general welfare is more convincing to indicate a great nation essentially.

In all ages, the achievements from rulers, artists and scientist could show the state of development of a nation from their specific aspects. From scientific contributions, these advanced technologies can reveal the greatness of material and technique in a country. This is because to carry on a scientific research, it calls for large funds which need nation’s support. It is obvious that if a nation is suffering from famine or anarchy, there is no fund for elites to do creating or research. Inversely, if a nation is prosperous, it has plenty money to fund research, which can help scientist to further their investigations. As a result, great nation have highly developed scientific techniques.

However, elites are just limited number of people which cannot represent sufficiently all aspects of a nation, for that, their achievements fails to point out the greatness of a nation. As a typical example, the Soviet Union, who emphasize on their heavy industry in the 20th Century had achieved various attainments. In the 1940s, the value of gross output in Soviet Union had leaped into the front ranks of globe. Yet, these remarkable achievements in heavy industry cannot suggest whether the Soviet Union is a great nation for the reason that the government at that time overlooked the development of light industry which contains daily needs from citizens. As a result, the dearth of product of light industry led to a situation that people have no sufficient material to keep the pot boiling, which eventually caused the fission in the 1990s. The history of the Soviet Union told us that greatness in few field fails to suggest a nation’s genuine status.

The failure of the Soviet Union showed us that without concerning on populace’s well-being, that is, general welfare, cannot one be a great nation. General welfare, we also called common good, is the imperative and ultimate goal of a nation. This goal aims not only letting all their populace in the nation have the rights to pursue their liberty and interests, but give them a peaceful and stable habitat to get wealthy and cheerful. It is undoubted that the greater a nation is, the better general welfare provided. General welfare improves people’s life by the effort that stabilize goods price, build convenient road and infrastructure construction to facilitate the daily living. Whether general welfare is efficient depends on how developed in all aspect. It indicates not few people’s achievements but the whole well-being in a nation.

In sum, achievements from scientist, artist and ruler point out the greatness of specific field of a nation, but fail to suggest the whole statue. General welfare which concerns about all populace’s condition indicates surely the greatness of a nation.

cherry_mixUID: 2731553

顶一下。。。。

hailidUID: 2744864

非常感谢~~如果能找到互改的G友最好了^_^
ISSUE 170 The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people.


I agree with the speaker’s assertion that the surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientist, but the general welfare of its entire people. It might be tempting to agree that achievements from these elites could partially reveal whether a nation is great. However, the general welfare is more convincing to indicate a great nation essentially.(
感觉是大部分同意吧)

In all ages, the achievements from rulers, artists and scientists could show the state of development of a nation from their specific aspects. Take scientific contributions
for instance, these advanced technologies can reveal the greatness of science and technology in a country. A scientific research calls for large funds which need nation’s support. It is obvious that if a nation is suffering from famine or anarchy, there is no fund for elites to have a research. Inversely, if a nation is prosperous, it has plenty money to fund research, which can help scientist to further their investigations. As a result, great nation have highly developed scientific techniques.(加上对人才的培养：强国great nation对人才重视)
再讲讲art，比如困难的社会，painting可能就是反映社会的动荡，强国，人民安居乐业，painting可能就是反映太平盛世。Example。。。“同意achievement能反映有点太少了”。。

However, elites are just limited number of people which cannot represent sufficiently all aspects of a nation, （这里最好讲成就吧，题目achievements）你就说少数人的成就不能代表全部。他们不representative..for that, their achievements fails to point out the greatness of a nation. As a typical example, the Soviet Union, who emphasize on their heavy industry in the 20th Century had achieved various attainments. In the 1940s, the value of gross output in Soviet Union had leaped into the front ranks of globe. Yet, these remarkable achievements in heavy industry cannot suggest whether the Soviet Union is a great nation for the reason that the government at that time overlooked the development of light industry which contains daily needs from citizens. As a result, the dearth of product of light industry led to a situation that people have no sufficient material to keep the pot boiling, which eventually caused the fission in the 1990s. The history of the Soviet Union told us that greatness in few field fails to suggest a nation’s genuine status.？你这个ＧＤＰ

是为了说明什么？是说少数人的ａｃｈｉｅｖｅｍｅｎｔ？有点欠妥。

The failure of the Soviet Union showed us that without concerning on populace’s well-being, that is, general welfare, cannot one be a great nation. General welfare, we also called common good, is the imperative and ultimate goal of a nation. This goal aims not only letting all their populace in the nation have the rights to pursue their liberty and interests, but give them a peaceful and stable habitat to get wealthy and cheerful. It is undoubted that the greater a nation is, the better general welfare provided. General welfare improves people’s life by the effort that stabilize goods price, build convenient road and infrastructure construction to facilitate the daily living. Whether general welfare is efficient depends on how developed in all aspects. It indicates not few people’s achievements but the whole well-being in a nation.（这段不错，说了welfare．．．）

In sum, achievements from scientist, artist and ruler point out the greatness of specific field of a nation, but fail to suggest the whole circumstances of the nation. General welfare which concerns about citizenry’s conditions indicates surely the greatness of a nation.（结尾不错，学习．．．）

都是个人之见，选择性接受．．文章总体感觉不错．．文采，用词都还很好，会有很大进步的．
今天在构思这篇文章，有幸抽到你这篇就提提我的一点看法了．．．呵呵．．


PS:贴上好像修改的部分没了，有些我直接在原文上修改了的。。原先改的时候自己理解错了，想成你是大部分反对作者观点了！！那就不用理会我第二段后的话了，

cherry_mixUID: 2731553

3# hailid

谢谢你的修改，你说的第三段的问题，我也意识到了，我这就修改下，不知道你什么时候AW，bless一下

hailidUID: 2744864

快了,4月27号..时间不行,写一篇都得老长时间!! 有兴趣可以互改..185690356my QQ

segelnd1988UID: 2689122

I agree with the speaker’s assertion that the surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientist, but the general welfare of its entire people. It might be tempting to agree that achievements from these elites could partially reveal whether a nation is great.(用词过于谨慎，partially显然不必要) However, the general welfare is more convincing to indicate a great nation essentially.

In all ages, the achievements from rulers, artists and scientist could show the state of development of a nation from their specific aspects.（此句甚啰嗦，表达不是很清晰，可以考虑调整句子结构？）From（？可否用by？私以为from有Chinglish之嫌:)） scientific contributions, these（删去？） advanced technologies can reveal (represent) the greatness of material and technique in a country. This is because to carry on a scientific research, it calls for large funds which need nation’s support.（,for the reason that it calls for large funds to carry on scientific researches , which needs the national support.） It is obvious that if a nation is suffering from famine or anarchy, there is no fund for elites to do creating or research (that a nation, suffering from famine or anarchy, has no fund for elites like scientists to do inventions or researches). Inversely, if a nation is prosperous, it has plenty money to fund research, which can help scientist to further their investigations. (a prosperous nation would have more money to ...) As a result, (a) great nation (would) have (obtained more) high(ly developed) scientific techniques.

However, elites are just limited number(part) of people which(who) cannot represent sufficiently all aspects of a nation , for that(which), their achievements fails(fail) to point out the greatness of a nation. As a typical example, the Soviet Union, who(which?) emphasize(puts too much emphasis) on their(its) heavy industry in the 20th Century had achieved various attainments. 转折 In the 1940s, the value of gross output in Soviet Union had leaped into the front ranks of globe. Yet, these remarkable achievements in heavy industry cannot suggest whether the Soviet Union is a great nation for the reason that the government at that time overlooked the development of light industry which contains daily needs from(for) citizens. As a result, the dearth of product of light industry(好啰嗦哟，用the dearth of light industrial products 可否) led to a situation that people have(led to people suffering from) no sufficient material(s) to keep the pot boiling, which eventually caused the fission in the 1990s(咦..恕在下浅薄，这样就导致分裂了呀，好快的，不太懂呢). The history of the Soviet Union told us(taught us a lesson) that greatness in few field fails to suggest a nation's genuine status.

The failure of the Soviet Union showed us that without concerning on populace's well-being, that is, general welfare, cannot one be a great nation. General welfare, we also called common good, is the imperative and ultimate goal of a nation(ultimate一词会不会不够严谨啦). This goal aims not only letting all their populace in the nation have the rights to pursue their liberty and interests, but give them a peaceful and stable habitat(诡异的用法) to get wealthy and cheerful. It is undoubted that the greater a nation is, the better general welfare provided. General welfare improves people's life by the effort that stabilize(of stabilizing) goods price, build(ing) convenient road and infrastructure construction to facilitate the daily living. Whether general welfare is efficient depends on how developed in all aspect(how all aspects developed). It indicates not (a) few people's achievements but the whole well-being in a nation.

In sum, achievements from(of) scientist(s), artist(s) and ruler(s) point out the greatness of specific field of a nation, but(yet轻度转折足矣) fail to suggest the whole statue(??). General welfare which concerns about all populace's condition indicates surely the greatness of a nation.
在下菜鸟，故不妥之处请指教。
楼主的逻辑不太严谨，说来说去仍是觉得“因为人民福利重要，所以人民福利重要”，仅仅一个例子未免单薄了些。还有就是即使人民福利重要，也应考虑“补”——即若是仅考虑了人民福利，那么会出现怎样的情况。关于elite, 说他们的成就是specific fields也欠妥，应为有些思想家政治家之类的人物他们的课题是关于社会以及大众民生的。另外，绝对化的语言（尤其后两段）最好别要出现吧？只有作了种种限制以后，才可下断语，不然看起来真的很像市面上的政治宣传手册呢。lz遣词不错，例子新颖，等等优点就不多说了。
lz有意办小组么？在下5.6机试，遍寻小组无路~