ISSUE130求狠拍

caoafeiUID: 2756778

130."How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Socialization, as sociologists call the process in which one learns to be adapted to his culture, to communicate with others in the society, and to live within it, has been a common issue these days, as the result of an increasing demand for interpersonal cooperation in this world of globalization, while adolescents today do not seem to be sociable enough to be adapted to the social. As the destiny of the society is largely determined by the extent to which adolescents are socialized, we have to find a solution to this dilemma.

We should never contempt the significance of children’s ability to communicate with peers, or socialization, as it plays such a role of great importance in our society. As our society itself is just like a giant network containing tens of thousands of relations of people, being accustomed to dealing with people will surely make the world work more efficiently. MBA course, as we can see, though enduring criticism from experts and entrepreneurs, who affirm that one will learn nothing more than several out-of-date cases from an MBA degree, are in extreme demand. It is not the cases taught in the MBA courses but the skills of dealing with interpersonal relationships gained in the teamwork that renders this degree valuable. And business is not the only area where socialization is of great importance. Coping with the relationships with people is an essential ability in every corner of the Earth, with no exception to the most silent work of science, for it needs the communication between the professor and the assistant.

Crucial as socialization is, unfortunately, our education system has not yet paid enough attention to the development of children’s ability to fit the world. Too much emphasis being put on the scientific knowledge and professional skills, which someone thinks still not enough, can never help build a well-developed adult. Cases where students with depression go to extrem are zooming now, disturbing students on the campus as well as their parents. We still remember the issue that four college students were killed by their roommate, who thought himself humiliated by them, just because the victims had thought the murderer cheat in the game. Besides, tragedies in which students commit suicide happen every day, which is another evidence supporting that socialization has to be put into a critical position in the education system.

It is acknowledged that scientific technology, including physics and chemistry, economics and finance, literature and art, contribute much to the society, without which, as many argues, civilization may be still preliterate now. No one can deny the great progress these traditional courses in the college have made to us, and its great impact will never fade in the future. Such is the reality, nevertheless, that we are confronted with a world full of competition, conflict, and defraud, which can never be avoided if we are determined to survive. And learning to communicating with people, dealing with people, and cooperating with people is the only way to get the information first and catch the opportunity in the era of information explosion.

What has to be stressed more than twice is that how children are socialized does have a great influence on the future of the society. Education system should adopt some courses involving interpersonal relationships and communication skills in order to develop the mental health of the students, and make them more equipped for the stressful but challenging world.

304483018UID: 2791676

Socialization, as sociologists call the process in which one learns to be adapted to his culture, to communicate with others in the society, and to live within it, has been a common issue these days, as the result of an increasing demand for interpersonal cooperation in this world of globalization, while adolescents today do not seem to be sociable enough to be adapted (adapt)to the social（society）. As the destiny of the society is largely determined by the extent to which adolescents are socialized, we have to find a solution to this dilemma.(children=adolescents?)

We should never contempt the significance of children’s ability to communicate with peers, or socialization, as it plays such a role of great importance in our society. As our society itself is just like a giant network containing tens of thousands of relations of people, being accustomed to dealing (deal)with people will surely make the world work more efficiently(efficient). MBA course, as we can see, though enduring criticism from experts and entrepreneurs, who affirm that one will learn nothing more than several out-of-date cases from an MBA degree, are in extreme demand. It is not the cases taught in the MBA courses (classes)but the skills of dealing with interpersonal relationships gained in the teamwork that renders (render)this degree valuable. And business is not the only area where socialization is of great importance. Coping with the relationships with people is an essential ability in every corner of the Earth, with no exception to the most silent work(field) of science, for it needs the communication between the professor and the assistant.

Crucial as socialization is, unfortunately, our education system has not yet paid enough attention to the development of children’s ability to fit the world. Too much emphasis being put on the scientific knowledge and professional skills, which someone thinks still not enough, can never help build a well-developed adult. Cases where students with depression go to extrem are zooming now, disturbing students on the campus as well as their parents(z这里不对称，或许可以加上at home). We still remember the issue that four college students were killed by their roommate, who thought himself(being) humiliated by them, just because the victims had thought the murderer cheat(cheated)in the game. Besides, tragedies in which students commit suicide happen every day, which is another evidence supporting that socialization has to be put into a critical position in the education system.

It is acknowledged that scientific technology, including physics and chemistry, economics and finance, literature and art(文学是科技的一种吗), contribute much to the society, without which, as many argues, civilization may be still preliterate now. No one can deny the great progress these traditional courses in the college have made （brought）to us, and its great impact will never fade in the future. Such is the reality, nevertheless, that we are confronted with a world full of competition, conflict, and defraud, which can never be avoided if we are determined to survive. And learning to communicating (communicate)with people, dealing(deal) with people, and cooperating (0cooperate)with people is the only way to get the information first and catch the opportunity in the era of information explosion.

What has to be stressed more than twice is that how children are socialized does have a great influence on the future of the society. Education system should adopt some courses involving interpersonal relationships and communication skills in order to develop the mental health of the students, and make them more equipped for the stressful but challenging world.
楼主貌似通篇再谈socialization 的重要性，可是题目有两层意思，你对当今教育体系是否足够重视socialization几乎没有发表意见，（个人意见，也许我没领会楼主精髓）
总体说楼主功底很好，加油

304483018UID: 2791676

Children，being the future of our society,should be carefully raised.I concede with the speaker that some means that we adopt to raise children are questionable,which  fail to better our society .What's more,the extent to which children are socialized do has substantial impact on the destiny of society.However,I think that the speaker overrates the function of so called "solized children" and underrates the effectiveness of the methodology that we used to raise children.

Admittedly,some people have misconseptions toward how to raise children.For example,a vast number of parents force their children to attend various talented courses,dancing、drawing and learning different kinds of instruments are included.However,these parents overlook and ignore the true interests of their children,the dire consequences are children cannot grasp what they have learned due to lack of interests nor learn what they want to learn because those they want to learn are so called unusefull  for their futher developments.

In addition,the extent to which children are socialized do contribute to the well-being of whole society.Hardly can we imagine that a person who does not comnunicate with his or her conterparts can benefit the sociaty.How can he or she absorb the nutrition of civilization without effective and efficient interacting with others?

Though there exists lots of misconseptions of how to raise children and what role the socialize plays,the speaker underrates the achievements that we have  obtained in terms of raising children.Every year,billions of college graduates going to their workplace and making huge contribution to society, aren't this can approve the positive side of education.What's more,no technology innovations are the product of intelligent elites,who are raised to bring a better society.

Another misleading asserting is making children socialized is a factor to determing the fate of sociaty,but, it's not the only factor.For example,the intelligence of children also plays a signicant role to determine the future of society.

To conclude,though we have achieved a lot by the means that we used to raise children,we still need to explore more effective and efficient ways to make our children better builder of society.Apart from which,we also need to pay more attention on other significant factors that determine the destiny of society.

呵呵，也请楼主帮我看看

caoafeiUID: 2756778

Children，being the future of our society,should be carefully raised.I concede with the speaker that some means that we adopt to raise children are questionable,which  fail to better our society .What's more,the extent to which children are socialized do has substantial impact on the destiny of society.However,I think that the speaker overrates the function of so called "solized children" and underrates the effectiveness of the methodology that we used to raise children.

Admittedly,some people have misconseptions toward how to raise children.For example,a vast number of parents force their children to attend various talented courses,dancing、drawing and learning different kinds of instruments are included.（这句话有两套主谓宾了啊。。）However,these parents overlook and ignore（这两个词连用有赘词的嫌疑啊） the true interests of their children,the dire consequences are children cannot grasp what they have learned due to lack of interests nor learn what they want to learn because those they want to learn are so called unusefull  for their further developments.（第一点，这句话又有2套主谓宾；第二点，这句话里learn太多了；第三点，段首说很多家长有misconception，但这个misconception是什么没有说出来，之后却重点谈了孩子的兴趣）

In addition,the extent to which children are socialized do contribute to the well-being of whole society.Hardly can we imagine that a person who does not comnunicate with his or her conterparts can benefit the sociaty.How can he or she absorb the nutrition of civilization without effective and efficient interacting with others?（这段的论证很无力啊。。3句话基本上陈述了3个类似的观点，但几乎没有论证。孩子社会化的好处是什么？对社会的贡献具体体现在哪里？都没有说）

Though there exists lots of misconseptions of how to raise children and what role the socialize plays,the speaker underrates the achievements that we have  obtained in terms of raising children.Every year,billions of college graduates going to their workplace and making huge contribution to society, aren't this can approve the positive side of education.What's more,no technology innovations are the product of intelligent elites,who are raised to bring a better society.（没有看懂为什么要写what‘s more这句话）

Another misleading asserting is making children socialized is a factor to determing the fate of sociaty,but, it's not the only factor.For example,the intelligence of children also plays a signicant role to determine the future of society.这段。。。。基本上没什么意思吧。。

To conclude,though we have achieved a lot by the means that we used to raise children,we still need to explore more effective and efficient ways to make our children better builder of society.Apart from which,we also need to pay more attention on other significant factors that determine the destiny of society.
（感觉文章的论证还是比较空的，没什么例子，还停留在就事论事的阶段；语法错误较多，而且越写到后面越多，可能是卡时间写的原因；文章长度也太短。LZ还要加油啊）