小弟下周一考，写了20多篇issue了，但是第一次发，各位G友给点意见哈

liubingxuanUID: 2794364

尽管喷吧，我承受能力强呵呵~~失误吗，之前没在这里发

48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

Are brilliant individuals more importan than groups of people in history? To analyze this issue, we should not pay attention to the phenomena but also try to find out the incisive revelation between individuals and those groups of people that had significant effects in history.

It is undoubtedly that those talented individuals do play an important role in our history. They had a wider perspective than other normal people and they had more rational undertanding of the world. As a result, such persons tried to enlignten all the other people, publizing their ideas. Revolution and reform need a driving force, coming from those greatest men’s intelligence and leadership. Examples are everywhere. Chinese people would never forget their nation’s toughest time—from 1840 to 1949—during which China was invaded by other powerful countries such as England, Ruassia and America. Chinese people kept fighting for freedom and independence for more than 100 years, and
many great fighters and leaders were remembered forever. Chairman Mao is the most presentative. Under his leadership, Chinese people assembled their own army—the Red Army, a resistance force against those reactionaries and quislings. After decades of wars, China achieve的 its independence. Chairman Mao is regarded as the father of this nation. Without his contribution, it is hard to say whether China could survive druing that time.

However, only the power from one specific person is not enough for fighting for a great goal. We all know that the very strenth to promote society’s improvement is that of people. When it comes to the WW, we should not forget the sacrifices of the martyrs. During thse two disasters, come out a number of so-called miraculous generals such as Patton whose army’s battle effectiveness was beyond our wildest imagination. Patton did win a lot of wars, great wars, and he is recognized as the greatest general in history. But what if Patton had no brave sodiers to execute his order? Those intrepid veterans is the most vital factor to these victories. It is unfair to underestimate their sacrifices and contribution. It is not in the war but in other fields that groups of people have essential influence. The Appolo Project, one of the most important projects in human’s history, attributed to many great scientists, researchers even some office clerks. Although Armstrong is the first man stepping on to the moon and attract more attention, this project came not only from his nerve but also those people’s hard work. All the people who have tried their best to the development of history deserve our respect.

Actually, if we try to study the revelation of individuals and groups of people, we will know that both thses two factors are prerequsite. We could not hope that everyone in the world could have a sense of reform and lead others. There were some people we call them forerunners to enlighten others and give them guidances. On the other hand, a great job could not finished by just one person, those groups of people helped the forerunners or leaders to make their dreams come true. Bohr, one of the founders of quantum mechanicsm, firstly proposed a integrated system of quantum. But his success owed to some other great scientists and even some common students. Bohr give them a new idea and they helped Bohr to give an insight into the idea. As a result, one of the most important revolutions in physics appeared.

To sum up, we should not emphasis too much on the individuals since both the individuals and those groups of people who served as a major force are crucial in history. These group of people should be paid as much attention as those individuals. And we are glad to see that people today have not forggoten those groups of people, there are memorial activities for them in almost every country.

xiao.xinUID: 2682051

4分，但是用词的准确性和多样性还需要提高，比如normal people 应该写成 common people,即普通人，平常人。不时正常不正常。宽广的视角应该是 profound vision, wider perspective 觉得很中式英语。句子比流畅，逻辑也清晰，我只看了前2段

liubingxuanUID: 2794364

2# civilmanxx
哦，谢谢仁兄了~~要是真能得四分也足够了呵呵~~~以后多改进~~

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

天色已晚，明日细读，先占个位的干活！！

xuanivyUID: 2789600

4# cooltozero
您这酱油啊呵呵

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."




Are brilliant individuals more importan than groups of people in history（我觉得这转述与原题目有些差异）? To analyze this issue, we should not（only) pay attention to the phenomena but also try to find out the incisive revelation (有点不明白什么意思呀 是revalation 还是relation?） between individuals and those groups of people that had significant effects in history.

It is undoubtedly（这里该用形容词吧？） that those talented individuals do play an important role in our history. They had a wider perspective than other normal people and they had more rational undertanding of the world. As a result, such persons tried to enlignten all the other people, publizing their ideas. Revolution and reform need a driving force, coming from those greatest men’s intelligence and leadership. Examples are everywhere. Chinese people would never forget their nation’s toughest time—from 1840 to 1949—during which China was invaded by other powerful countries such as England, Ruassia and America. Chinese people（连续用两个这个作主语有点~~） kept fighting for freedom and independence for more than 100 years, and
many great fighters and leaders were remembered forever. Chairman Mao is the most presentative. Under his leadership, Chinese people assembled their own army—the Red Army, a resistance force against those reactionaries and quislings. After decades of wars, China achieve的 its independence. Chairman Mao is regarded as the father of this nation. Without his contribution, it is hard to say whether China could survive druing that time.

However, only the power from one specific person is not enough for fighting for a great goal. We all know that the very strenth to promote society’s improvement is that of people（这里没有上一段处理得好，带有论断的性质，而非论证，"we all know that ~~" 如果你这里的people指groups的话，那你就是重申观点没有论证，如果是指所有人（包括individuals and groups forgotten)的话，又觉得没意义了呀） . When it comes to the WW, we should not forget the sacrifices of the martyrs. During thse two disasters, come out a number of so-called miraculous generals such as Patton whose army’s battle effectiveness was beyond our wildest imagination. Patton did win a lot of wars, great wars, and he is recognized as the greatest general in history. But what if Patton had no brave sodiers to execute his order? Those intrepid veterans is the most vital factor to these victories. It is unfair to underestimate their sacrifices and contribution. It is not in the war but in other fields that groups of people have essential influence. The Appolo Project, one of the most important projects in human’s history, attributed to many great scientists, researchers even some office clerks. Although Armstrong is the first man stepping on to the moon and attract more attention, this project came not only from his nerve but also those people’s hard work. All the people who have tried their best to the development of history deserve our respect.（这一段例证丰富，不错）

Actually, if we try to study the revelation of individuals and groups of people, we will know that both thses two factors are prerequsite. We could not hope that everyone in the world could have a sense of reform and lead（ing)  others. There were some people we call them forerunners to enlighten others and give them guidances. On the other hand, a great job could not (be) finished by just one person, those groups of people helped the forerunners or leaders to make their dreams come true. Bohr, one of the founders of quantum mechanicsm, firstly proposed a integrated system of quantum. But his success owed to some other great scientists and even some common students. Bohr give them a new idea and they helped Bohr to give an insight into the idea. As a result, one of the most important revolutions in physics appeared.

To sum up, we should not emphasis too much on the individuals since both the individuals and those groups of people who served as a major force are crucial in history. These group（s)  of people should be paid as much attention as those individuals. And we are glad to see that people today have not forggoten those groups of people, there are memorial activities for them in almost every country.


语言还是流畅的。但是沙发上那位G的意见也值得注意。   对下面两个句子：As a result, such persons tried to enlignten all the other people, publizing their ideas. Revolution and reform need a driving force, coming from those greatest men’s intelligence and leadership   我觉得两个ing 之前似乎应该加点什么，我也不确定。

结构上是典型的一正一反一综合的结构，或者说，你这里是一反一正一综合。
没有什么问题。
只是可能开头需要再点清楚一点你的观点。 结尾主要用于升华主题，你这里做得不错。

另外，这些天觉得我们也许在写作结构上可以创创新。增强可读性，不然会太辛苦那些raters 的。


以上个人意见，请斟酌采纳~~~


加油吧， 炳兄，我是没什么大希望了，期待着你的高分啊。

heng0203UID: 2719265

付出总有回报。
GX 3.5。
同UESTCer。