【1010G精英组】ISSUE&ARGU 习作 by Group Ambition

fufan6711UID: 2788330

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."



According to the title of the statement that the socialization of children determines the destiny of society,while we have not learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society,while I partly agree.There is no doubt that the destiny of society is determined by the children,but we have also learned how to raise our childen who can bring about a better society.

The destiny of society rest on the shoulder of the children."Youth is ambitious, nation is ambitious; Youth is rich, nation is rich; youth is strong, nation is strong", said Qichao Liang, a leading ideologist of Qing Dynasty and a pioneer in the reformation of China's society.The role that the children played in determing the destiny of the society is self-explanatory from what he said.Imagine one day in the future,when the children had grown up becoming the backbone of the society , taking over the prdecessor's job,they'll determing which way the society should take. For example,today's children will be turned out to be politicians who administate and serve the society,the scientists who develop science and tecknology , the teacher who educate the next generation,the businessman who make our society more prosperious ,the soldiers who protect us ,etc. However,when the children are not well socialized , it would be a huge disaster for the society. Bad-socialized children can't adapt to the changing rapidly society,feeling neglected and abandoned,which may lead to the hatred for society.It's easy for them to commit crime ,destroy the harmony of the society .As a consequence,we have to take into accout how children are socialized which determines the destiny of tht society seriously.

Fortunately ,we have also got the key to raise our childen who can creat a better society.From when we were very young, the parents and teachers taught us how to be a useful person with filial piety,ambition,patrionism ,caring and so many other noble virture.And these noble virture can help us to conquering every obstacles that hinder us from progressing to make a better society.Let's take our beloved Premier Zhou En'lai's story for instance.When Premier Zhou was a child about 12 years old, he was still learning at school. At that time, China was etremely weak ,one day his teacher asked him what's the purpose of study ,he answered loudly :"For the rise of China" .And the facts stand for itself.Under the command of Communist Party of China,we've founded the New China,and step into the right direction of building abetter life.When the Sichuan earthquake took place two years ago , untold buildings collapsed and hundreds of thousands of people died .The situation is so critical,but during the earthquake,many heroic indeeds about children had emerged.A boy named Tong Shiqiang helped to rescued 32 children ;a 9 years old boy called Lin Hao rescued several classmates from the shambles;Song Xue ,a 12 year old girl helped the classmates to escape from the tottering classroom,but she didn't make it.just to name a few.How could these children to behave unselfish.I beliebe that's the consequence of what we taught to our children when they were very young.

From what has been discussed above ,we may draw the conclusion that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and fortunately, we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society

annkeUID: 2605122

18# fufan6711
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

[please check spelling errors before uploading, thanks ]
According to the title of the statement that the socialization of children determines the destiny of society,while[conj.前面部分缺主语] we have not learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society,while I partly agree.There is no doubt that the destiny of society is determined by the children,but we have also learned how to raise our childen[children] who can bring about a better society.
The destiny of society rest on [the shoulder of][Chinglish，rest on表示依靠，后接children就行，不是靠肩膀] the children."Youth is ambitious, nation is ambitious; Youth is rich, nation is rich; youth is strong, nation is strong"[我想，少年和小孩还是有区别的], said Qichao Liang, a leading ideologist of Qing Dynasty and [a pioneer in the reformation of][pioneering reformer] [China's 不能这样用] society[Society of China or directly China society].[The role] that the children played in determing[determining] the destiny of the society [is self-explanatory搭配不当] from what he said.Imagine one day in the future,when [the冠词去掉] children had grown up becoming [the] backbone of the society , taking over [the没有特指] prdecessor's job,they'll [determing前面是will] which way [the society should take社会不能take way, chinglish]. For example,[today's children] will be turned out[vi没有被动] to be politicians who administate and serve the society,[the] scientists who develop science and [tecknology] , [the] teacher who educate [the] next generation,[the] businessman who make our society more [prosperious] ,[the] soldiers who protect us ,etc. However,when [the] children are not well socialized , it would be a huge disaster for the society. Bad-socialized [children已经长大] can't[书面语不能缩略] adapt to [the] changing rapidly society,feeling neglected and abandoned,which may lead to [the hatred用词不当] for society.It's easy for them to commit crime ,destroy[ing] the harmony[搭配不当,只有中国人说破坏和谐] of the society .As a consequence,we have to take into [accout] how children are socialized which determines the destiny of [tht] society seriously.
Fortunately ,we have also got the key to raise our [childen] who can [creat] a better society.From when we were very young, [the] parents and teachers taught us how to be [a][an] useful person with filial [piety],ambition, patrionism ,caring and so many other noble [virture]. And these noble [virture][virtue] can help us to conquering[conquer] every obstacles that hinder us from progressing to make a better society.[Let's][no abbreviation] take [our][take notice you are talking with American raters] beloved Premier Zhou En'lai's story for instance.When Premier Zhou was a child about 12 years old, he was still learning at school. At that time, China was extremly[extremely] weak ,one day his teacher asked him what's the purpose of study ,he answered loudly :"For the rise of China" .And the facts [stand for itself][没有这个表达吧].Under the command of Communist Party of China[注意意识形态差异，美国人认为共产党反民主，尽量避开敏感话题],[we've] founded the New China[Republic of China，正式一点],and step into the right direction of building a better life[例子不好，没说到点子上].When the Sichuan earthquake took place two years ago , untold buildings collapsed and hundreds of thousands of people died .The situation is[was] so critical[用词不当，这是关键的重要的,emergent],but during the earthquake,many heroic indeeds about children[太泛了] had emerged.A boy named Tong Shiqiang helped to rescued 32 children ;a 9 years old boy called Lin Hao rescued several classmates from the shambles;Song Xue ,a 12 year old girl helped the classmates to escape from thetottering classroom,but she didn't make it.[just to name a few?这只是个成分，不是句子].How could these children [to] behave unselfish.I beliebe that's [the] consequence of what we taught [to] our children when they were very young.From what has been discussed above ,we may draw the conclusion
that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and fortunately, we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society
[建议熟悉语法，精炼句子。有些表达不地道，注意转换思维。加强逻辑训练]

fufan6711UID: 2788330

14# lvruochen
To lvruochen(若尘)

It is a fact broadly recognized that the capacity to liaise closely with society is of increasing significance nowadays. Besides, children are hopes of the future. Then it seems to be unchallenging to draw the deduction that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, in my point of view, what lies ahead doesn’t exclusively concentrate on that（指代什么？） single point. Moreover, we are not facing with absolute catastrophe when we don’t know how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.（题目里说we haven’t learned how to raise children，你在这里说we don’t know how to raise children didn’t bring catastrophe 是不是就默认同意作者的观点了？因为你最后一句话的意思就是不知道怎样教育孩子也没带来灾难性的后果）

Socialization is one of the most influential abilities children should get through education. The industrial revolution ushered（好词） in a whole new era of ways of our life. Modern technology created new forms of communication that did not exist in agrarian economies. It is socialization that influences much in the development of students（文中讨论的是children，students的范围是不是太广了）. Never can we live alone, in the absence of socialization. Children should learn to be socialized through the education to know how to work in the coming times.

Nevertheless, socialization is not the only intention of education. Although socialization makes it much more likely to have direct impact on our society, a society merely relies on socialization is nothing but an extreme nightmare. When the ability to be socialized is too much stressed, people would definitely lack any individual space（socialization 与indivisual space 有什么关系？后面的部分好像都跑题了）. A highly organized society is nothing more than a machine, while, as distinct parts of the horrible machine, few things we can do is to do whatever meets needs of the society without our own thinking. As a result, development of individuals would be greatly restricted, where there is no way to create opportunity for persons chasing after things that can be achieved only by thinking alone. What’s worse, great innovations would never come to （应该用from）such a society. The only thing we could do is to live vainly in the society rather than to improve the society we live in. That goes beyond our imagination. Is that the future we really want? The answer is obvious, I believe.

Various individual abilities will not be too much emphasized. The supporter’s view of abilities and the kind of education it demands fails to appreciate the enormous variety of abilities that we need. Other abilities is the goal of education as well. More tellingly（好词）, I will take Victor Hugo for example. Whenever he determined to write some marvelous work, he would buy himself an unattractive suit of clothing. By this way, he showed his unwillingness to be too much socialized, or he will be easily distracted from his work. Afterwards, Les Miserables(悲惨世界，果然牛人) makes that he is a prominent man ever in the history of literature. The case is not rare. With socialization the final goal of our education, such brilliant works would hardly be made. Similarly, when students apply for some positions after graduation, it is all kinds of ability rather than the single socialization that counts. Even more，in some fields like science, the ability to be socialized may not seem that important, and it is sometimes a vice for scientists, which makes it difficult to concentrate on science（这句话的观点我坚决不同意，科研是要讲求交流，合作的，再牛的人自己闭门造车也是不行的）. In a word, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society is partial and superficial.

At last, I believe that not realizing how to educate children is not a disaster（我相信没有意识到怎样教育好孩子不是个灾难，我觉得这句话相当有问题，肯定是要找拍的！！！）. Education is not aimed to tell exactly what should children do in the future. Society varies greatly, and we can never absolutely know what the better way to do in the future is. Education is to provide opportunity to motivate the students to learn for themselves and, more important, by themselves. After we do our best to tell them something guiding, their autonomous initiative is the key to make a better future. In conclusion, I think we should teach children something more than mere socialization and it will be their own chance to control the future and make it better.


PS:       我个人感觉你写跑题了，你把socialized 理解成了社交，应该理解成社会化，融入社会。
        "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society" 这句话应该围绕HOW来展开，有well socialized ，bad socialized ，能很好的融入社会，不能很好的融入社会
         Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society 。题目说我们还没有学会怎样抚养孩子，你没有给出你的立场。
         在开头应该明确的给出自己的立场。Issue 是立论文，不是像Argument 要攻击作者的观点。Issue的写法应该是从Title 里提炼出自己的观点，再用例子去论证。

lvruochenUID: 2792806

坐下来慢慢看。。。。。。。。。。。
其实我也发现自己跑题了。呵呵

给自己一个经验教训
名词要先解释清楚的

学习了一下论坛里的帖子发现自己错了
╮(╯▽╰)╭

lvruochenUID: 2792806

以下停止
作文发到新的帖子里去
连接在首页

xiaohaixxxUID: 2317561

to annke mm:




The author claims the significance of socialization of children which is entitled to determining the destiny of society. However, the author is (passive)disappoint
to today's situation because we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring (about) a better society. From my perspective, I agree with the author.这个地方放有点太笼统了，最好具体说同意哪个观点，同意的程度是多少~~~~

Consider the author's first assertion that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized. It is true that the more progressive children immerge in society, the better they can obtain ability to improve society（理由 why?）. And qualified civilians （which）who come out as well-socialized children are responsible for a promising society. On the one hand, individuals should improve themselves not only on knowledge about what the society is and how to recognize it, but also on abilities to deal with interpersonal relationship, especially learn to compete and cooperate. In the way, society will undoubtedly benefit from (benevolent competiveness)regulated competition and cooperation among individuals, which lead to economic progress and communal activity of a society. On the other hand, an advanced society desire for effective and far-sighted leaders, who should take account of different benefits and manage to compromise in need. The United Nations President Lincoln is always cited as a typical example. During the civil war, Lincoln considered the different opinions of the North and the South, the white and the black, and he acted wisely to get support of as widely as possible. Only in this way could the United States get rid of splitting danger (which)
and brought out a bright future of America. Therefore, the destiny of society is greatly shaped by successfully socialized children.
However, when we look at the children today, we are likely to feel sad and regretted. As every families are engaged in a single box in apartments, children has less opportunities to play with other children. Instead, they kill time with dolls or have fun with computers, which will reduce the communication skills and even cause loneliness, eccentricity and other mental obstacles. Moreover, nowadays young parents would like to spend lots of money to send their children to bilingual kindergartens rather than accompanying and playing together with their children, which will results cleverness in children’s minds while coolness in their hearts(去双语学校和coolness in their hearts有啥关系呢？
不过句子写的还是很漂亮
膜拜一下). When they grow up, they may not care about other people rendering a cool-blooded society lacking compassion and mutual understanding. For example, some girls cruelly killed a cat and felt happy about that, which indicates modern society encountering serious problems of younger generation representing the world future. In my opinion, children today do have not yet learn how to socialize and how to shoulder the social responsibilities.

Nevertheless, our younger generation are not as hopeless as the author believe. With recognizing the importance of socialization, parents, schools and governments all take actions to build children’s socialization abilities. For example, there are more relevant programs provided by schools to help students learn how to cooperate and handle their feelings, and governments start reformation of education systems switching the exam-oriented education into person-oriented education. Parents also begin to encourage their children to keep curiosity of society. （开头说同意作者观点，现在又有这样的一段，有点突兀，觉得把这个改成对未来学生教育的建议比较好）
To sum up, I think socialization of children should be put enough emphasis for it determine the future of our society. At the same time, we should have a clear view of problems of children socialization, and join hands to take all means to help children better socialized.

咳咳   annke cow woman 啊~~     

xiaohaixxxUID: 2317561

51The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

This paragraph firstly cites an opinion that the secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. Then the author provides to result of an experiment to prove the conclusion mentioned above, finally the author suggest all patients would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment; however, there are several illogic points that make the paragraph confusing.
First of all, the first group is treated by Dr. Newland; an expert specializes in sports medicine, while the other group is treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician. Obviously these two men’s skill is not at a same level. So even the second group took antibiotics, the recuperation time of the second group may also much longer than the first one, for, as we all know, the difference of the two groups was not only if who take the antibiotics.
Moreover, the “typically expected “is an ambiguous concept. The author asserted that the recuperation time of fist group was 40 percent quicker than typically expected, while the time of second group was not significantly reduced, but he did define the “typically expected time” refer to whom. Through the time of second group was not significantly reduced, the time finally reduced. So if the “typically expected time” is average time for these who didn’t take antibiotics. The second group, which didn’t take antibiotics, spent less time than typically expected time may suggest that the key factor to determine the recovery time may not whether take antibiotics but by other factors.
What’s more, the author didn’t illustrate the relationship between the secondary infections and take antibiotics. We don’t know, in the experiment, if these patients in group two are secondarily infected. If they didn’t infect secondly, the experiment is fail to support the conclusion that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain and the advice that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment is also unreasonable.
In conclusion, the author fails to illustrate his opinion successfully and undoubtedly.

lvruochenUID: 2792806

错了
发到那个帖子里去

fufan6711UID: 2788330

51The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."




In this argument ,the arguer draws the conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer provides us with a preliminary results of a study that a group of patients who took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment recuperated quickly than another group of patients who took sugar pills instead of antibiotics. Nevertheless, this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws after scrutinising the experiment.

To begin with ,the arguer fails to tell us the detailed information about the patients chose in the study. What if the patients chose in the first group are health people , while the patients in another group were suffering from other disease; what if the first group consist of
young people who are bound to recover much quickly since they are relatively strong and robust, on the contrary ,the other group is made up of elder people who are physically weak and therefore tend to have a long recovery. When it comes to recuperation for a people , there are several factors which we need to take into account , such as age ,gender, health condition,ethnic,etc.

Another point worth considering is that the treatment conducted by two different kinds of doctors can not lend strong support to what the arguer claimed. The treatment is of great significance in one’s recovery, while the arguer fails to provide any details of the treatment. The specialty of these two doctors may have something to do with the recovery. It is very likely that Dr. Newland ,who specializes in sports medicine, having a better knowledge of muscle injuries than the general physician ,can offer a suitable treatment for the patients which is the key factor that helped to decrease the recuperation time .
Last but no least, the patients in the second group did not take the antibiotics ,but they did take the sugar pill .The arguer fail to tell us whether the sugar pills have effects on the patients. What if the sugar pills have negative influence on the recovery? As a result, the study can not demonstrate that the antibiotics can help to reduce the recuperation time.
In summary , the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid. To
make it more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more details concering the patients and therapeutic methods of the two groups as well as the function of the sugar pills. Moreover, the arguer have to present more evidence to demonstrate that antibiotics is suitable and safe for every muscle strain patient before we can better evaluate the argument.

lvruochenUID: 2792806

我帮你转过去了

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:loveliness::loveliness:

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更新了
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又更新了

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对不起
更新晚了

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