【1010G精英组】ARGUMENT45 Ambition组回收站

lvruochenUID: 2792806

15# annke
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annkeUID: 2605122

3# lvruochen
Grounding on the decline in arctic deer population found by hunters, and [adding the two facts that migration habitat of deer to find food in areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and the simultaneous melting of ice caused by recent global warming trends][没有明白], the argument draws [to去掉] a seemingly well grounded conclusion that the decline in arctic deer population results from deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. However, there are 3 problems in the above analyze[analysis].
First of all, the decline[declination], concluded from the number of deer hunters found, is not exactly what actually happened [to the number of deer去掉,或者 what the number of deer real situation]. The statistic evidence the hunters given merely shows how many deer they found in [daily life没有提到，如果要说，可以说可能是日常生活中找到的而不是全部的]. Although they live on hunting and spend most of their time in field, their conclusion can not be used as a valid [consequence在论证当中是用作assumption]. To be more detailed, [is] the declining number of deer the only reason for the fewer findings? What about [the changing of routines by which deer migrate][啰嗦deer’s migration routines change, what about 的谓语呢?]what about the number of deer [that migrate][migrating] in routines where hunters usually appear declines owing to [the] hunting? What's more, [the declining] should be noted by exact number to exclude the possibility that the phenomenon is based on the very few casual encounters[?你想说什么呢]. Further investigation is needed.
Besides, the connection between global warming and the changing migration patterns can't[aw中不用缩略] be demonstrated firmly[这个被动不好]. Global warming brings about numerous effects. Ice is more likely to melt in hotter situations. Nevertheless, there is no convincing evidence showing that the age-old migration patterns are influenced, or, in another words[set phrase: in other word], the ice there are melting. If ice there is not melted at all, the deduction will be ridiculous. Ice of age-old migration patterns should be constantly detected until the answer is drawn clearly. There is still a long way to go.[论证很模糊：全球变暖和迁徙改变无关。冰没有化的原因是虽然变暖，但是上升的温度尚不足以使冰融化，没有达到融点。中间的好几句都是对一个点的反复。]
Last but not least, even if the number of arctic deer is declining and global warming [is to be blamed for that不符合表达习惯], some reasons other than disappearance of age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea are possible. The regular plants on which they feed grows well on the old environment. But as the temperature goes up, more plants can survive where there was so cold that only a few of plants can be found before.[这个假设很独特！] The environment changes greatly as a consequence of more intense competition between plants[如果changes是谓语，那么change as a consequence表达错，如果changes不是动词，句子就缺少谓语], and prevailing plants may change to some other plants that deer don't want to eat. The lacking of food can do the same to the number of deer as well. More complicated results are also likely to be led in. Those possibilities should not be put aside.[读了两遍没有找到确切的论点]
In a word, the argument will be sounder if all the 3 problems are solved by further experiment[实验？]. By that time[on that time], the topic will be more clear.
[文章最大的问题在语言表达上，英语的习惯用法不熟悉，应该加强基本语法，如冠词、主谓一致等。]