【1010G精英组】ARGUMENT35 B组回收站

weaselUID: 2739489

提交时间为5月2日13点前

weaselUID: 2739489

By offering longtime study about local residents’ headache conditions, the argument recognizesthat salicylates have a positive influence on easing headaches, which seemslogical.

However, firstlythe argument lacks an intensive exploring to salicylates’ virtual pharmacologicaleffects. It is mentioned that the salicylates are members of the same chemicalfamily as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. It is entirely possiblethat two chemicals with a same structure have totally different healingeffects. In addition, even if salicylate can reduce headaches’ degree to someextent, there is also a circumstance that they it has some negative effects andthus harms our health. This harmful influence may include some uncomfortablefeelings to kids, pregnant women and elders with weak bodies.

Besides, there areother alternatives leading to a steady decline in the average number ofheadaches reported. It can refer to an incompletable survey. Such a possibilitymay exist that only a few people participate the study and most of them arerecovering or have recovered from headaches and on contrast others who aresuffering a long-time headache were not investigated at all. Again, the weatherand environment conditions can also result in a discomfort. Long term atrociousweather and amounts of air pollution may increase residents’ bad passions andwhat they breath, which can add their originally sight headaches. Furthermore,the advance of medicine also should not be ignored. High-tech treating skills,sophisticated professional doctors and effective relevant machines all play avital role in headaches healing.

Finally, eventhough salicylate is useful in easing pains, when considering the speaker’sconclusion that with this new use for salicylates as flavor additives forfoods, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headachessuffered by the average citizen of Mentia, one also feels improper to make suchan assertion. Fist of all, we are not sure whether more salicylates come withmore benefits. The speaker did not provide us with enough evidence. Furthermore,there are also some other facts that can aggravate headaches. In
reference to the activities of thepopulation, residents in this place, Mentia, could have more living and workpressure so as to reduce the time they spend on doing some exercise. It is alsopossible they all have to work facing computers everyday. As a result, it is notdubious that their severe physical statuses bring them a disaster.

All in all, afterthe analysis, the argument definitely lacks enough evidence to support itsconclusion. Therefore, to make its statement more credible, more efforts shouldbe taken to substantiate the main flaws mentioned above. Otherwise, theargument fatefully is a useless essay.

钱钱去米国UID: 2761990

In this argument the author hold the view that as Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin,they can also be used to treat headaches,like aspirin.while ignoring the different forms they are and different kinds of people Salicylates treat with.

To begin with,the author peovides no evidence that the study’s reaults are reliable.Althought Salicylates and aspirin stay in the same chemical family ,the author cannot conclud that Salicylates can treat headaches only because aspirin can treat them.Aspirin may has some special chemical properties,which Salicylates don’t has ,that can treat headaches. Lacking of a sufficient evidence ,the author cannot justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion.
Even assuming that the study is reliable,a direct correlation between salicylates to food as preservatives and the decline in the average number of headaches,dose not necessary prove that the former causes the latter.while a high correlation is strong evidence of a causal relationship,in it self it is not sufficient. there are many different reason that cause headaches, salicylates many treat one kind of them but may not be able to treat all of them. The author must account for all other possible factors leading to the decline in average numbers of headaches like the other substances in the food that can treat headaches.

Similary, a correlation between salicylates used as flavor additives for foods and a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia does not necessary infer a causal relationshop. Though, as a preservatives in food, salicylates can decline the number of headaches,it cannot prove that as a food flavor additives salicylates will contribute to a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. The author must consider wethere as flavor additives for foods the salicylates can treat all kinds of headaches.Otherwise, I cannot accept the author’s implicit claim that as flavor additives for foods. Even assuming that salicylates used as flavor additives for foods leads to decline of the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen,the author cannot reasonably conclude that the people living in Mentia can be treated effectively by salicylates.Thus,wether salicylates used as flavor additives for foods can decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia steady is unknown.

In sum,the aegument is unconvincing as it stands.To strengthen it the author must give more sufficient evidence.

sola-nanaUID: 2744594

Given a report from a twenty-year studyindicating that there is a steady decline in the average number of headacheswith salicylates added to foods as preservatives in many food-processingcompanies and salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, the editorialconcludes that there will be a continued steady decline in the number ofheadaches suffered bu the average citizen of Mentia. On the surface, then, theconclusion mentioned above may appear to be reasonable. However, a more nuancedexamination of all the reasoning and conclusion suggests this argument standson several doubted grounds.

First of all, the argument is based on a ungroundedpremise. Thought claiming that salicylates and aspirin are in the same chemicalfamily indicating they have familiar structures, there is no such proof showingsalicylates have the same effect with aspirin to treat headaches. A chemicalfamily is a group of elements or, more commonly, compounds that share certainchemical characteristics and have a common name. Those certain characteristicsmay not include the function of relieving headaches. Even if salicylates couldbe used as a medical treatment to headaches, there is no research on the durativeof salicylates. It is possible that it is just temporarily effective onheadaches or it may be ineffective on the second treatment with salicylates. Howcould the editorial gives the conclusion that there will be a continued andsteady decline in the number of headaches?

In addition, the editorial asserts there isa correlation between the rise in the commercial use of salicylates aspreservatives and the steady decline in the average number of headaches reportedby participants in their twenty-year study without any evidence. The decline inthe number of headaches can be influenced by many other factors. With the rapidgrowth of economy, living conditions, which used to be damp and dim but now is commodiousand bright, of local citizens might be ameliorated. It is such an extraordinaryrelief to the local citizen that they did not have to worry about basic living issues.As a result, headaches were released. In addition, improved environmentalconditions leaded by increased local citizens’ awareness of environmentalprotection, rise in the living standard, improved health conditions could alsocontribute to the decline of headaches.

Besides, even if salicylates are effectivein treating headaches and used as flavor additives for foods, it could not beconcluded that there will be a continued steady decline in the number ofheadaches. Increasingly fast pace of life could give rise to a hardship in adapting thenew kind of life. Sudden ascending of work pressure would bring a huge burdento both mental and physical. These would all contribute to another rise in thenumber of headaches. Albeit salicylates in foods could treat headaches, itcould not be hastily concluded that the decline is around the corner.

To sumup, the argument totally could not support its conclusion. In order to be more convincing,the editorial needs to provide scientific evidence to indicate the effect ofsalicylates. Simulately, take all possible factors into consideration no matterin the study or prediction.

youngstoneUID: 2670818

In this summary, the arguer concludes that there will be a continued steady decline in the number of headache sufferers in Mentia after salicylates are used as flavor additives. The arguer points out that salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin and that the rise in the use of salicylates is related to the decline in the average number of headaches according to the 20-year-long study. Clearly examining the evidence, we may find this summary groundless.

In the first place, the assumption that salicylates would treat headaches is open to doubt. Since the mere fact aspirin and salicylates are in the same chemical family does not necessarily indicate that salicylates would have a positive effect on headaches. Even if salicylates does have a function  and effect on the treatment of headaches, however, the effectiveness of salicylates as preservatives is open to doubt since there is no information concerning whether the salicylates as preservatives would also have the same effect.
In the second place, even though salicylates do have a positive effect on headaches, the editor fails to prove that the steady decline of headaches results from the commercial use of salicylates in food. Other factors may also lead to the decline in the average number of headaches such as the enhancement of people’s standard of living. People may eat more healthily and increase health awareness during the 20 years period.

In the third place, even assuming that the headache decline is due to the salicylates in food, we cannot get the conclusion that the number of headache sufferers in Mentia would decline continuously and steadily after the use of salicylates as slaver additives for foods. Since there is no information about the number and fraction of Mentia citizens who prefer food with salicylates as flavor additives. Maybe only a few people would choose such kind of foods. In addition, other factors rather that salicylates may result in the change in the number of headaches sufferers in Mentia. We do not know people’s life style and the environment in Mentia. A bad eating habit, the lack of necessary exercise and the pollution of the environment can all influence the number of headaches sufferers. Thus the assumption that the number of headaches sufferers would decrease continuously and steadily is unwarranted.

To sum up, the conclusion that the number of headaches sufferers in Mentia would experience a continued steady decline is hasty and unjustified. To bolster the conclusion, the arguer should provide evidence that ralicylates would treat headaches. Besides, the numbers and the fraction of citizens in Mentia who prefer food with salicylates as additive are needed. Last but not last, the arguer should rule out other factor that may influence the number of headaches sufferers in Mentia.

youngstoneUID: 2670818

In this summary, the arguer concludes that there will be a continued steady decline in the number of headache sufferers in Mentia after salicylates are used as flavor additives. The arguer points out that salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin and that the rise in the use of salicylates is related to the decline in the average number of headaches according to the 20-year-long study. Clearly examining the evidence, we may find this summary groundless.

In the first place, the assumption that salicylates would treat headaches is open to doubt. Since the mere fact aspirin and salicylates are in the same chemical family does not necessarily indicate that salicylates would have a positive effect on headaches. Even if salicylates does have a function  and effect on the treatment of headaches, however, the effectiveness of salicylates as preservatives is open to doubt since there is no information concerning whether the salicylates as preservatives would also have the same effect.
In the second place, even though salicylates do have a positive effect on headaches, the editor fails to prove that the steady decline of headaches results from the commercial use of salicylates in food. Other factors may also lead to the decline in the average number of headaches such as the enhancement of people’s standard of living. People may eat more healthily and increase health awareness during the 20 years period.

In the third place, even assuming that the headache decline is due to the salicylates in food, we cannot get the conclusion that the number of headache sufferers in Mentia would decline continuously and steadily after the use of salicylates as slaver additives for foods. Since there is no information about the number and fraction of Mentia citizens who prefer food with salicylates as flavor additives. Maybe only a few people would choose such kind of foods. In addition, other factors rather that salicylates may result in the change in the number of headaches sufferers in Mentia. We do not know people’s life style and the environment in Mentia. A bad eating habit, the lack of necessary exercise and the pollution of the environment can all influence the number of headaches sufferers. Thus the assumption that the number of headaches sufferers would decrease continuously and steadily is unwarranted.

To sum up, the conclusion that the number of headaches sufferers in Mentia would experience a continued steady decline is hasty and unjustified. To bolster the conclusion, the arguer should provide evidence that ralicylates would treat headaches. Besides, the numbers and the fraction of citizens in Mentia who prefer food with salicylates as additive are needed. Last but not last, the arguer should rule out other factor that may influence the number of headaches sufferers in Mentia.

weaselUID: 2739489

改钱钱

首先贴到网上给别人改前，要现在word上用自动纠错功能，自己修改一下基本的单词拼写和语法错误等，毕竟别人不是给你改单词错误的，不能写好了就完事了。
另外为方便别人观看，段与段之间最好空一格

35.The followingappeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents ofMentia.
"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, amedicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich insalicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have alsobeen adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercialuse of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in theaverage number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study.Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also beused as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we canexpect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by theaverage citizen of Mentia."


In this argument the author hold the viewthat as Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, theycan also be used to treat headaches, like aspirin. whileignoring the different forms they are anddifferent kinds of people Salicylates treat with.（这里是不是语法错了？）

To begin with, the authorpeovides no evidence（to support） that the study’s reaultsare reliable. Althought Salicylates and aspirin stay inthe same chemical family, the author cannot concludthat Salicylates can treat headaches only because aspirin can treat them. Aspirinmay has some special chemical properties, which Salicylates don’t has, that cantreat headaches. Lacking of a sufficient evidence, the author cannotjustifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion.


Even assuming that the study is reliable, adirect correlation between salicylates to food as preservatives and the declinein the average number of headaches, dose not necessary（adj. or n.不能用在这里） prove that the former causes the latter. whilea high correlation is strong evidence of a causal relationship, in itself it isnot sufficient. there are many different reason that cause headaches, salicylates many treatone kind of them but may not be able to treat all ofthem（？？treat all of them？你是想表达不能代表全部吧，还有从there开始到这里，这个他因举得不好，开始就错了，应该说是有其他的原因可以减轻头痛，然后分层次，可以先说是食物中有其它的成分能够治疗头痛，水杨酸可能是其中的一种，可能只是微量的作用；再说可能人们所处的环境等等能够让他们减少头疼，又或者医疗措施的发达等等）. The author must accountfor all other possible factors leading to the decline in average numbers ofheadaches like the other substances in the food that can treat headaches.


Similary, a correlation between salicylatesused as flavor additives for foods and a continued steady decline in the numberof headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia does not necessary infer acausal relationshop. Though, as a preservatives in food, salicylates can decline the number of headaches, it cannot prove that as afood flavor additives salicylates will contribute to a continued steady declinein the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. Theauthor must consider we there（？） as flavor additivesfor foods the salicylates can treat all kinds of headaches. Otherwise, I cannotaccept the author’s implicit claim that as flavoradditives for foods（that后面应该是个从句，怎么说一半没说完）. Even assuming that salicylates used as flavor additives for foods leads to （a） decline of the number ofheadaches suffered by the average citizen, the author cannot reasonablyconclude that the people living in Mentia can be treated effectively bysalicylates. Thus, wether salicylates used asflavor additives for foods can decline in the number of headaches suffered bythe average citizen of Mentia steady is unknown.
模板太浓，对于刚入门，模板或许有用，可以帮助入门，但是内容有点空洞了，论证不太充分，你可以把你模板划出来，看看自己添了多少内容。建议多学习官方范文，体会体会，该如何说明一个问题，该如何列举他因，该如何充实自己的内容
等等

In sum, the aegumentis unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must give moresufficient evidence.

文章整体，主要的逻辑错误找的并没有问题，语言尚可，用词略显单调，anyway，第一次，不容易了，继续加油：）
本着负责任的态度，批得较狠，见谅！

有掉色，直接下载附件更清楚

钱钱去米国UID: 2761990

改sola



Given a report from a twenty-year study indicating that there is a steady decline in the average number of headaches with salicylates added to foods as preservatives in many food-processing companies and salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, the editorial concludes that there will be a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered bu the average citizen of Mentia. On the surface, then, the conclusion mentioned above may appear to be reasonable. However, a more nuanced examination of all the reasoning and conclusion suggests this argument stands on several doubted grounds.(一个挺不错的开头,很概括的把问题点出来了，且没有那种重复赘述的感觉)

First of all, the argument is based on a ungrounded premise. Thought claiming that salicylates and aspirin are in the same chemical family indicating they have familiar structures, there is no such proof showing salicylates have the same effect with aspirin to treat headaches. A chemical family is a group of elements or, more commonly, compounds that share certain chemical characteristics and have a common name. Those certain characteristics may not include the function of relieving headaches. Even if salicylates could be used as a medical treatment to headaches, there is no research on the durative（相比持续性用稳定性会不会更好些） of salicylates. It is possible that it（指代不明） is just temporarily effective on headaches or it may be ineffective on the second treatment with salicylates. How could the editorial gives the conclusion that there will be a continued andsteady decline in the number of headaches?

In addition, the editorial asserts there is a correlation between the rise in the commercial use of salicylates as preservatives and the steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in their twenty-year study without any evidence. The decline in the number of headaches can be influenced by many other factors. With the rapid growth of economy, living conditions, which used to be damp and dim but now is commodiousand bright, of local citizens might be ameliorated. It is such an extraordinary relief to the local citizen that they did not have to worry about basic living issues.As a result, headaches were released. In addition, improved environmentalconditions leaded by increased local citizens’ awareness of environmentalprotection, rise in the living standard, improved health conditions could also contribute to the decline of headaches.

Besides, even if salicylates are effectivein treating headaches and used as flavor additives for foods, it could not be concluded that there will be a continued steady decline in the number of headaches. Increasingly fast pace of life could give rise to a hardship in adapting the new kind of life. Sudden ascending of work pressure would bring a huge burden to both mental and physical. These would all contribute to another rise in thenumber of headaches. Albeit salicylates in foods could treat headaches, it could not be hastily concluded that the decline is around the corner.

To sum up, the argument totally could not support its conclusion. In order to be more convincing,the editorial needs to provide scientific evidence to indicate the effect of salicylates. Simulately, take all possible factors into consideration no matterin the study or prediction.
全文逻辑比较清晰，例证也很得法，是一篇标准的三段式argument，语言比较平实，可以试着多用一些比较出彩的小词。

sola-nanaUID: 2744594

改youngstone

youngstoneUID: 2670818

是该我改组长的了吧~~
By offering long time study about local residents’ headache conditions, the argument recognizes that salicylates have a positive influence on easing headaches, which seems logical.

However, firstly the argument lacks an intensive exploring to salicylates’ virtual pharmacological effects. It is mentioned that the salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. It is entirely possible that two chemicals with a （和same搭配感觉应该是the)same structure have totally different healing effects. In addition, even if salicylates can reduce headaches’ degree to some extent, there is also a circumstance that they it (it去掉）has some negative effects and thus harms our health. This harmful influence may include some uncomfortable feelings to kids, pregnant women and elders with weak bodies.

Besides, there are other alternatives leading to a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported. It can refer to an incompletable （应为incomplete)survey. Such a possibility may exist that only a few people participate the study and most of them are recovering or have recovered from headaches and on contrast （应in contrast) others who are suffering a long-time headache were not investigated at all. Again, the weather and environment conditions can also result in a discomfort. Long term atrocious weather and amounts of air pollution may increase residents’ bad passions and what they breath, which can add （感觉此处应该有to）their originally sight（sight headaches是什么，如果是个名词 ，前面就是original了） headaches. Furthermore, the advance of medicine also should （应该先should后also) not be ignored. High-tech treating skills, sophisticated professional doctors and effective relevant machines all play a vital role in headaches healing.

Finally, even though salicylate is useful in easing pains, when considering the speaker’s conclusion that with this new use for salicylates as flavor additives for foods, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia,(此句应为原句的同义表述比较好，照抄不妥） one also feels improper to make such an assertion. Fist of all, we are not sure whether more salicylates come with more benefits. The speaker did not provide us with enough evidence. Furthermore, there are also some other facts that can aggravate headaches. In reference to the activities of the population, residents in this place, Mentia, could have more living and work pressure so as to reduce the time they spend on doing some exercise. It is also possible they all have to work facing computers everyday. As a result, it is not dubious that their severe physical statuses bring them a disaster.

All in all, after the analysis, the argument definitely lacks enough evidence to support its conclusion. Therefore, to make its statement more credible, more efforts should be taken to substantiate the main flaws mentioned above.（加强主要错误？不应该是减少吗？加强观点） Otherwise, the argument fatefully is a useless essay.(这种评价方式第一次见，很新鲜，但不知道这样写好不好）

组长果然功力过人！！！ARGUE写了这么多，敬佩敬佩。另外每一个错误都说得很充分，很展开，我要向你学习！！

weaselUID: 2739489

额，说来批别人是批别人，自己argu写得也很没感觉，的确有不少低级错误，多谢

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

The author of the summary concluded from a study which had been carried out to investigate the relationship between the number of the headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia and the additional usage of the salicylates in the food that it is the salicylates as preservatives that leads to the steady decline of the ailment. The conclusion seems reasonable at the first glance, but after further analogy several flaws will be found.

To begin with, there is no adequate evidence showing that the salicylates added by the food-processing companies directly leads to a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. As mentioned in the report, many food are naturally rich in salicylates. So it is possible that the citizens begin to eat more food rich in salicylates in the past 20 years. At the same time, 20 years is a long period, and therefore the medical facility probably have a great improvement, or with the development of the living standard the bodies of the citizens in Mentia has become more healthier than before. The three factors given above could all cause the decline of the number of the headaches. Thus, only by the little information given in the report cannot demonstrate the causal relationship between the preservatives and the reduction of the headaches.

Moreover, it is mentioned in the report that the salicylates are usually used as a medicine like aspirin to treat headache, but we cannot infer that when the salicylates are used as preservatives, the medical effect has been saved. As a common sense, preservatives in food must be delimited to a low level, otherwise the huge amount of the additive may cause illness. In this case, salicylates remains little in the food by the companies, and whether the curing effect of the salicylates when used as a medicine will exist is worth doubting.

In the end, even if the curing effect of the salicylates has been saved when it is used as the preservatives, whether the one will also be saved when it is used as a flavor additive cannot be ensured.

In summary, the author cannot easily expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches
suffered by the average citizen of Mentia because the real reasons which lead to the decline call for more investigation on the life style and the medical effect of salicylate used as preservatives according to the analogy above.