kingarthur_lee IBT 作文互改

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

5. 12. 09-1-17
NA

Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.) @) D- A, D" E) N2 N8 s8 H

Nowadays, with the development of society and economy, the pace of people's living has
accelerated faster than decades ago. One of the significant changes resulted are eating
habits. Do they change the eating habits on their own? No, I do believe they are influenced by some outer factor, that is advertising. Unfortunately, what the information about diet the advertising conveys to the folks is not good to their health. After taking all aspects into consideration, I will elaborate the reasons as below.

First of all, advertising plays an important role in people's life, it has a very significant power on the decisions as it exists everywhere. We even can say that people can not live as colorful as before if advertising disappeared.
For example, if you go to a shopping mall to buy some kind of shampoo, undoubtedly will you choose the one which you see most frequently on TV recently. So it is the same when people choose the way of eating.

However, much of
the information about diet that the advertising conveys are not good to people's health. Take fast food for example. People do not have much time to sit in a restaurant to have
wholesome food with friends or colleagues during the daytime because of the fast rhythm of work. So fast food suppliers catch the opportunity to advertise on TV to persuade people to have fast food in the name of saving time. Gradually, people go to eat fast food and form the bad habits that are unhealthy.

In addition, many food suppliers give incorrect information through advertising to people
in order to attract more customers to improve profits. They may cover the true by convincing people that their food are more wholesome than actually, while in fact they are not.

Although there are some other sources that lead to unhealthy eating habits, like people are influenced by others, it is less significant as advertising due to its pervasively and convinced influence. After all the reasons, I support the opinion that advertising are the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5. 12. 09-1-17  u) ^& `1 z1 |$ H3 A$ {' a" i
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Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.) @) D- A, D" E) N2 N8 s8 H# q/ C2 K3 D- w
Nowadays, with the development of society and economy, the pace of people's living has- H' j" t& O* e" ^2 `: ]
accelerated faster than decades ago. One of the significant changes resulted are (is) eating
|habits. Do they change the eating habits on their own? No, I do believe they are influenced by some outer factor, that is advertising. Unfortunately, what the information about diet the advertising conveys to the folks is not good to(can be paraphrased ) their health. After taking all aspects into consideration, I will elaborate the reasons as below.( follow)
First of all, advertising plays an important role(can be paraphrased)  in people's life, it has a very significant power on the(their /people's) decisions as it exists everywhere. We even can(even) say that people can not live as colorful as before if advertising disappeared.
For example, if you go to a shopping mall to buy some kind of shampoo, undoubtedly will you（我不确定这里要不要到装 语法不好 嘻嘻） choose the one which you see most frequently on TV recently. So it is the same  (alike)when people choose the way of eating. However, much of3 W! j4the information about diet that the advertising conveys (paraphrase)are not good to people's health. Take fast food for example(instance). People do not have much time to sit in a restaurant to have, M9 nwholesome food with friends or colleagues during the daytime because of the fast rhythm of work. So fast food suppliers catch the opportunity to advertise on TV to persuade people to have fast food in the name of saving time. Gradually, people go to eat fast food and form the bad habits that are unhealthy.4 I1 G. C; S; e# M) h( p
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In addition, many food suppliers give incorrect information through advertising to people8 q5 k4 e& _* O( x( h3 Z
in order to attract more customers to improve profits. They may cover(conseal)the true (truth)by convincing people that their food are more wholesome(pharaphrase) than actually, while in fact they are not. (这里好像不是很通）
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Although there are some other sources that lead to unhealthy eating habits, like people are influenced by others（influence from other people) , it is less significant(pharaphrase) as advertising due to its pervasively and convinced influence(pervasive and persuation). After all the reasons, I support the opinion that advertising are（is） the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.

1.主谓一致的问题好像有点小严重  请注意。
2.多积累常用词的同义词 比如说 重大 ，例如 等等 这些可以同义转化的词 ，以及转折过渡词汇。
3.句型比较单一基本上就是从句和陈述句 可以尝试变化句型 以英文的思路写句子 。
4.第一个论据使用类比非常好但是将其中道理转化到食品广告的时候只用了一句话，为什么不多写几句来使之具体化呢？ 比如说，食品广告多在吃饭时间频繁播出 更加刺激了人们的消费欲望。
5. 第二三个论据我觉得可以合二为一，因为基本都是讲食物本身的不利面 。可以先说广告基本都着眼方便快捷大肆宣传快餐，然而却隐瞒了快餐不利于健康的事实。
6. 最后补充一个让步论据，尽管广告本身确实导致了人们不健康的饮食习惯 ，但是人们自己也有错，毕竟广告只是客观存在，终究决定要吃还是不吃的是自己，不是广告也不是食品商家。

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

5月15日

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes,such as football and basketball players do not deserve high salaries that they are paid.


Whether professional athletes deserve high salaries that they are paid is a subject of much debate in contemporary life. However, a definite answer has not found, as different people of different background have different opinions. While some hold the opinion that they deserve because many of them work hard to get the opportunities after drastic competition, others believe that they do not deserve because they are some kind of lucky due to the strong bodies born instinctive. After taking all factors into consideration, I consider that the value of athletes like football and basketball players are exaggerated.

The primary requirement to be an excellent athlete is to have a stronger or taller body than average men. Take as an example, a basketball player in NBA, he has to be as tall as, if not more than 190 cm height, which is impossible for the majorities. This prerequisite is brought by his tall parents whom most of us do not have. Can you imagine what’s the salary of one NBA player? It shocks you. According to an official announcement by NBA administration, the mean salary of each player is as high as 2 million dollars, let alone some superstars. Such amount of money takes the average man 20 years or more to earn

Furthermore, the job they are doing is not as difficult or tough as others, like construction workers or even university professors, compared to their salaries. They are the lucky people who benefit much from their parents to some extent. Thus, social inequity arises because hard working people earn less money compared to those less diligent ones.

Last but not least, many athletes with high salaries were not well educated, because much time is spent in training. Some would be addicted into drugs or sex without obtaining good ethical restraint from university education, which cause serious social problems due to poor self-control ability.


Although we deem that it is not so easy to survive to become an excellent athletes, because of drastic competition and easily suffered injuries, and they do have to work hard or train hard to catch the opportunity to get high salaries, however, all these are based on the prerequisite—strong body brought by parents. So I am of the opinion that they do not deserve such high salaries.

canoe03UID: 2786666

Whether professional athletes deserve high salaries that they are paid is a subject of much debate in contemporary life. However, a definite answer has not (been) found, as different people of different background have different opinions. While some hold the opinion that they deservebecause many of them work hard to get the opportunities after drastic competition, others believe that they do not deserve because they are some kind of lucky due to the strong bodies born instinctive. After taking all factors into consideration, I consider that the value of athletes like football and basketball players are (subject is ‘value’,  so is must be used here) exaggerated.

The primary requirement to be an excellent athlete is to have a stronger or taller body than average men. Take as an example(I think ‘take XXX as an example would be better’), a basketball player in NBA, he has to be as tall as, if not more than 190 cm height(楼主的意思是‘as tall as 190 cm height’，所以断句应该断在more than后面比较好), which is impossible for the majorities. This prerequisite is brought by his tall parents whom most of us do not have. Can you imagine what’s the salary of one NBA player? (what XXX is从句中不用疑问式) It shocks you. According to an official announcement by NBA administration, the mean salary of each (NBA) player is as high as 2 million dollars, let alone some superstars. Such amount of money takes the average man 20 years or more to earn.

(这里又重开了一段，那么后面的they应该指一下到底是谁)Furthermore, the job they are doing is not as difficult or tough as others, like construction workers or even university professors, compared to their salaries(这里有点问题，显得句子有点莫名，请改一下). They are the lucky people who benefit much from their parents to some extent. Thus, social inequity arises because hard working people earn less money compared to those less diligent ones.

Last but not least, many athletes with high salaries were not well educated, because much time is spent in training. Some would be addicted into drugs or sex without obtaining good ethical restraint from university education, which cause serious social problems due to poor self-control ability. (这段话及上段最后一句和论点没有关系)

Although we deem that it is not so easy to survive to become an excellent athletes, because of drastic competition and easilysuffered injuries(delete this word or you may say ‘easily injured’), and they do have to work hard or train hard to catch the opportunity to get high salaries, however, all these are based on the prerequisite—strong body brought by parents. So I am of the opinion that they do not deserve such high salaries.

(LZ的这篇作文除了有些语法问题外，就是大部分的时间跑题了，很明显题目是问你体育运动员的高工资是不是值得的，但是LZ到后面就写成了高工资对他们的危害，以致到结尾的时候说明你的论点时有些没有底气。也许这篇作文LZ要好好改动，事实上我觉得这篇作文是有些难写。由于本人水平有限，说的不当请原宥则个。。。):)

yixin5690UID: 2790180

3# kingarthur_lee

jiangskyskyUID: 2478960

不错，明天我也来，不过题目是自选么

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

5.16 07.12.15
It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts /


Whether it is better for students to draw ideas and concepts from facts or learn facts themselves is the subject of much debate in contemporary life when the society has paid increasingly more attention on the development of students. However, an answer has not been found yet, as different people of different background have different opinions. While some people hold the opinion that ideas and concepts are more valuable, others believe facts are more concrete and easier for the students to understand. Personally, I consider that advantages of understanding ideas and concepts outweighs those of facts.

The head and chief aspect is that it is once and for all if a student obtains the essence of any instructive ideas or concepts. The essence of those are appliable in many different cases beyond the constraint of the specific facts. As we know, it is impossible for students to encounter facts that they never have the opportunties to approach, thus ideas and concepts are the best way to be utilized through what they have acquired to the unknown world.

Another equally important factor is that the number of facts is too much to be counted compared to abstract ideas and concepts. We can classify amouts of facts into certain catagories according to the type of meaning of ideas and concepts. So it is easier for students to apply what they have learnt into reality without conforming what they encounter to the theory.

To get a better evaluation of these two meanings, we must have a bird’s eye view of what kind of person the students belong to. After all ,different people pursue different goals as I said above.



In conclusion, although advantages could be found for students to understand facts, such as facts are vivid and easier to understand and may inspire students to imagine beyond facts, however, to most students, it is definitely far from enough. When the advantages and disadvantages are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is self-evident. Thus I support the understanding of ideas and concepts are more important than learning facts

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

谢谢阁下详细的批评，接受并改之，这篇文章确实有点难写，发现后面确实跑题严重，在考试中就麻烦了。希望共勉，加油 4# canoe03

yixin5690UID: 2790180

7# kingarthur_lee
Whether it is better for students to draw ideas and concepts from facts or learn facts themselves is the subject of much debate in contemporary life when the society has paid increasingly more attention on the development of students. However, an answer has not been found yet, as different people of different background have different opinions. While some people hold the opinion that ideas and concepts are more valuable, others believe facts are more concrete and easier for the students to understand. Personally, I consider that advantages of understanding ideas and concepts outweighs those of facts.
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The head and chief aspect is that it is once and for all if a student obtains the essence of any instructive ideas or concepts. The essence of those are appliable in many different cases beyond the constraint of the specific facts. As we know, it is impossible for students to encounter facts that they never have the opportunties to approach,(这是句废话） thus ideas and concepts are the best way to be utilized through what they have acquired to the unknown world.
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/ X1 ~+ O; R+ f* x: D7 d( A+ y5 d1 wAnother equally important factor is that the number of facts is too much to be counted compared to abstract ideas and concepts. We can classify amouts of facts into certain catagories according to the type of meaning of ideas and concepts. So it is easier for students to apply what they have learnt into reality without conforming what they encounter to the theory.
（不懂）4 ?  p6 [( J" k7 l) }
4 @( G% p9 d. c* K1 }To get a better evaluation of these two meanings, we must have a bird’s eye view of what kind of person the students belong to. After all ,different people pursue different goals as I said above.' e8 W* k7 N- `4 w1 m, }

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0 L; x& j9 T0 K0 P% uIn conclusion, although advantages could be found for students to understand facts, such as facts are vivid and easier to understand and may inspire students to imagine beyond facts, however, to most students, it is definitely far from enough. When the advantages and disadvantages are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is self-evident. Thus I support the understanding of ideas and concepts are more important than learning facts

可以看出LZ也是无话可写，强忍着东拼西凑给写完了(和我一样），观点不清，论证不明，基本上就是把题目来回的说，可能是这次题目的原因吧。 剃掉题目里的句子和模板文章实在惨不忍睹。（话说的有点重，见谅）

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

5月17日
希望这次的会好点，前两次的自己确实也觉得写的很烂。

5.17 07.12.8

Advertisements are a waste of company's money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy.


Whether it is a wise decision for company to spend large amounts of money and energy to advertisement is the subject of much debate in contemporary life because advertisement has broad influence on people’s life. However, an definite answer has not been found, as different people with diverse expericences and values hold different opinions. Some people contend that it is actually a waste of money because consumers know what they want to buy. Personally, I am of the opinion that it is sagacious for company to invest on ad vestments.

The head and chief factor is that people would like to buy the products which are frequently broadcasted on TV. Advertisements are kind of stimulus to spur people to buy the merchandises. Is it true that consumers know what they want to purchase? Definitely, I agree with it. However, the advertisements play a key role in determining which kind of brand they would like to choose. For example, when my mother goes to a shopping mall to buy some kind of shampoo, she will choose the one which is widely and frequently broadcasted on different TV channels now.

To get a more profound understanding of the functions of advertisements, we must have a bird’s eye view of company’s image in front of the public first. A positive image of a company takes much efforts and energy for decades of years or even hundreds of to build up. While advertisements are one of the key factors to boost the image. The consumers, of course, are inclined to buy the products from well-imaged companies. For example, the PC computer market is very competitive. Thus in order to improve the image and boost sales, DELL put large amounts of money into advertisements during certain period. While one of my friends was attracted by the advertisements when he was deciding to buy one PC.

Although we can not deny that there are many disadvantages of them, for instance, over-spent money on advertisements could lead to bankrupt of one well-structured company, while it is the policy or regulation but not advertisements themselves resulting in the catastrophe. All the factors above determined me to draw the conclusion that it is worthwhile for the company to invest money to some degree on advertisements to attract consumers.

kacieUID: 2812774

10# kingarthur_lee
Whether it is a wise decision for company to spend large amounts of money and energy to advertisement is the subject of much debate in contemporary life because advertisement has broad influence on people’s life. However, an definite answer has not been found, as different people with diverse expericences
and values hold different opinions. Some people contend that it is actually a waste of money because consumers know what they want to buy. Personally, I am of the opinion that it is sagacious for company to invest on ad vestments.

The head and chief factor is that people
would like to buy the products which are frequently broadcasted on TV. Advertisements are kind of stimulus to spur people to buy the merchandises. Is it true that consumers know what they want to purchase? Definitely, I agree with it. However, the advertisements play a key role in determining which kind of brand they would like to choose. For example, when my mother goes to a shopping mall to buy some kind of shampoo, she will choose the one which is widely and frequently broadcasted on different TV channels now。

To get a more profound understanding of the functions of advertisements, we must have a bird’s eye view of company’s image in front of the public first.
A positive image of a company takes much efforts and energy for decades of years or even hundreds of to build up. While advertisements are one of the key factors to boost the image. （这句话和前一句不应该是while的关系）The consumers, of course, are inclined to buy the products from well-imaged companies. For example, the PC computer market is very competitive. Thus, in order to improve the image and boost sales, DELL put large amounts of money into advertisements during certain period. While
one of my friends was attracted by the advertisements when he was deciding to buy one PC.
楼主的意思是说广告有助于提高和传播公司好的形象。但是例子好像不够充分，其中只说明了戴尔大量广告吸引朋友去购买，并不是因为他公司美好的形象才购买的。

Although we can not deny that there are many disadvantages of them, for instance, over-spent money on advertisements could lead to bankrupt of one well-structured company,
while it is the policy or regulation but not advertisements themselves resulting in the catastrophe. 这句话不太明白什么意思。All the factors above determined me to draw the conclusion that it is worthwhile for the company to invest money to some degree on advertisements to attract consumers.

呵呵，我是新来的，希望这些意见能给楼主一点帮助：整体构架感觉写的蛮好的，除了个别的拼写及语法错误。个别长难句理解起来比较困难，楼主可以在改进一下。 加油~

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

非常谢谢你的批改，我还是蛮有收获的。

我发现我的while 用的是有点多，1，2处还没有多大关联。你说看不懂那处我想表达的意思是公司的政策，比如广告的投放，并不是广告本身对公司有不好的影响。
你说的那个例子支持不足我也发现了，其实是讲广告投放数量并不是公司形象吸引顾客去买的。

另外，我建议你写作的时候可以多用些好词汇吧，发现你的词汇用的偏简单（忠言逆耳:) ）

总之，共同加油吧

凯文马丁UID: 2769048

都是强人

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

5月20 日
Visiting museum is the best way to learn about a country.

Whether visiting museum is the best way to learn about a country is the subject of much debate as international communication is being strengthened in contemporary life. While a definite answer has not been found, just like an old saying goes, “there is one thousand Hamlets in one thousand people’s eye”. Some people disagree the statement and believe that watching TV or going to the counrty for real touch is the best way to know about a country, while others contend that museum is the best place because people just need to go to one place nearby and can obtain all information of that country. Personally, I am of the opinion that museum,undoubtedly, is the best place to learn about a country.

The head and chef aspect to support my opinion is that the most profound
way to know about a country is to know its history and culture, and museum conforms to both of the standards. For example, when I went to Amercian museum in Shanghai, after visiting around I could have a whole understanding of American history, from May Flower Ship to Independent War, from Great Depression and World War II, from Independent Declaration to the speech of Martin.L.king. Then I was deeply impressed by all these historical events and how true freedom came from. I can do all these barely by going to the museum.

By visiting the museum , we do not need to travel around the country, thus a lot of money will be saved. It is true that if we do not visit the museum, it costs us amouts of money to go to different places to acquire more about the country. For example, if you want to know about the art of procelain of China, you do not waste money to take a plane to go to Jing dezhen, instead, visiting the Chinese museum will give you whatever you want to know.

Although other ways , have some advantages at the same time, like travelling around or watching TV, people can get more real feeling. However, after advantages and disadvantages are carefully compared between them, I can safely draw the conclusion that visiting the museum is the best way to learn about a country.

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

Whether visiting museum is the best way to learn about a country is the subject of much debate as international communication is being strengthened in contemporary life. While a definite answer has not been found, just like an old saying goes, “there is one thousand Hamlets in one thousand people’s eye”. Some people disagree the statement and believe that watching TV or going to the counrty（拼写） for real touch is the best way to know about a country, while others contend that museum is the best place because people just need to go to one place nearby and can obtain all information of that country. Personally, I am of the opinion that museum, undoubtedly, is the best place to learn about a country.: C+ r; b6 T# P. ]( A% ]
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The head and chef aspect to support my opinion is that the most profound0 x* i- ^% a+ u; q
way to know about a country is to know its history and culture, and museum conforms to both of the standards. For example, when I went to Amercian 拼写museum in Shanghai, after visiting around I could have a whole understanding of American history, from May Flower Ship to Independent War, from Great Depression and World War II, from Independent Declaration to the speech of Martin.L.king. Then I was deeply impressed by all these historical events and how true freedom came from. I can do all these barely by going to the museum.
, }. I7 i+ u, e9 Z9 O/ @1 d/ r
By visiting the museum , we do not need to travel around the country, thus a lot of money will be saved. It is true that if we do not visit the museum, it costs us amouts拼写 of money to go to different places to acquire more about the country. For example, if you want to know about the art of procelain拼写 of China, you do not waste money to take a plane to go to Jing dezhen, instead, visiting the Chinese museum will give you whatever you want to know.
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Although other ways , have some advantages at the same time, like travelling around or watching TV, people can get more real feeling. However, after advantages and disadvantages are carefully compared between them, I can safely draw the conclusion that visiting the museum is the best way to learn about a country.

写的挺好的，个别拼写错误，没有语法错误，句子流畅
观点清晰，有细节，学习啦！