5.15作文

chengyue111UID: 2809740

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes, such football and basketball players do not deserve high salaries that they are paid. ! F# n" l0 E6 v' A

It has been heatedly debated on the topic whether professional athletes deserve high salary for a long time, usually millions of dollars. Apparently, no agreement will be reached until the basically simple meaning of salary is made clear. Most of the complaints about the athletes’ high salary stem from people’s envy and jealousy mentality, for they maintain it is impartial that the professional athletes have the strong and gifted figure when they
were born. But apparently, this superficial opinion is not valid at all.


First of all, Professional athletes make great profits for their employers. With the rapid development of competition sports, an increasing number of spectators are attracted to stadium after work. This rapid growth of revenue brought by ticket sales results in tremendous profits that the owners of the professional team make. So, compared with this great profits that professional athletes make, the professional athletes’ high salary is naturally resonable.

Furthermore, the effects will run much deeper. The high salary of professional athletes will remarkably promote the development of competition sports. Because more and more children will take it as a promising career that will bring them great fortune. And the country will attach enough attention to the further development of this industry, which makes a great contribution to annual fiscal revenue through tax. What is more, people will be more willing to spend time on energizing their physiques. Consequently, it will improve the natinal virtue as a whole. So taking all their benefits into consideration, the high salary of professional athletes is quite acceptable.

In conclusion, professional athletes deserve the high salary, for they not only make great profits for their employers, but also promote the development of the entire industry.

m4mischaUID: 2740466

mIt has been heatedly debated on the topic whether professional athletes deserve high salary for a long time, usually millions of dollars（不喜欢你这句，你要么就把修饰工资的短语放在工资的后面
要么不加for a long time 修饰debate,要么把修饰debate的放在debate后面
不然你这样一个句子两个修饰并且间隔着放显得很乱）. Apparently, no agreement（consensus）will be reached(to)until(unless) the basically simple meaning of salary is made clear(emerge from the dense fog). Most of the complaints about the athletes’ high salary stem from(这词用的好～) people’s（这个people’s可以去掉了） envy and jealousy mentality, for they maintain it is impartial that the professional athletes have the strong and gifted figure when they0 ^  k% M# P- A( _* W& r5 k3 Z
were born. But apparently( 换个词), this superficial opinion is not valid at all.（你这第一段，首先我就不明白你为什么要提到薪水的基本含义，这跟你文章完全没关系啊
。其次，你一直都在否认反方的观点，直到最后一句还在否认，
怎么就不肯定自己的观点呢？另外，个别措辞比较啰嗦重复。）
First of all, Professional athletes make great profits for their employers. With the rapid development of competition sports, an increasing number of spectators are attracted to stadium after work. This rapid（又是rapid） growth of revenue brought by ticket sales results in tremendous profits that the owners of the professional team make（obtained by the owners of the professional team.）. So, compared with this great profits that professional athletes make, the professional athletes’ (their)high salary is naturally resonable.（还是同一个问题，用词重复句式单一，还好论证比较充分，lz别光用that引导的定语从句啊，
定语从句引导词可以那么多重，另外还有非限制性定语从句，足够你整篇文章一种用一个了啊，另外，个别地方还是罗嗦。）
5 k# w1 `" T+ B6 m7 t
Furthermore, the effects will run much deeper. The high salary of professional athletes will remarkably promote the development of competition sports. Because more and more children will take(think of ) it as a promising career that will(can) bring (to)them great fortune. And the country will attach(这个词用得不错) enough attention to the further development of this industry, which makes a great contribution to annual fiscal revenue through tax. What is more, people will be more willing to spend time on energizing their physiques（这个你的想法很好但似乎有点不通顺）. Consequently, it will improve the national virtue as a whole. So taking all their benefits into consideration, the high salary of professional athletes is quite acceptable.+ W1 \  `5 O%这段  （ （    这段你的 & I1 S
( H& i& h
这段
L. e3 U# S+ `& F' Y
(这段你写了两个分论点啊， 高新可以促进体育事业的发展从而带动国家。 高薪可以刺激孩子们积极地运动，促进大人多锻炼。 为什么要把他们和在一段呢， 分开来写出第三段不是更好么 ，再结合现在很多学校为了升学率废体育课的现象以及运动能够帮助人们缓解压力，就不会那多富士康员工自杀了。我觉得文章会更加出彩，毕竟两段的论证略显单薄，而且你第二段无论对于哪个分论点的论述都不够充分，似乎只是简单的对于其优点的陈述。)
In conclusion, professional athletes deserve the high salary, for they not only make great profits for their employers, but also promote the development of the entire industry.(都用了not only but also 了
就倒装个呗)
（最后一段还是要赞一个的，总结加结论，显得文章比较完整，也使得最后一段没有那么突兀，挺好的，但是还是要注意句式的变化啊 ~）

Ps.
Lz 可能我改的狠了点
满篇看上去都是红字，
确实这也是我改的最狠的一片文章，
但是··
·
为了进步~
敬请谅解

加油～