523作文

250427293UID: 2582347

5.23  09.5.9 In order to become a financially responsible adult, people should be taught how to manage money at an early age.

In recent years, with the improving of family’s annual income and people’s living quality, some children become more waste on money and have no sense of how to manage money even until they grow up. In order to cultivate a financially responsible adult, some suggest we should teach children how to manage money at an early age. In my point of view, it is absolutely necessary to do that because which will benefit both children and parents.
To begin with, by teaching children how to manage money will let them understand the meaning of “earning money” therefore they will use money in a more meaningful way. In a majority of our families, children obtain money from their parents before they attend work. Thus, seldom of them has a real sense of the hard of “earning money”. For them, ask is the only way to get money to buy or fulfill their desire and which is relatively easy because parents usually will compromise at the end. So, let them know how to manage money at the very first seems essential. For example, by let children do some chore to get the money or set a rule of the money the child could get a month will effectively help them have a sense of money that also help them become more responsible of money after grow up.
Further more, by let children know how to manage money will teach them to not waste or compare with other children financially. While children have the sense of money, they tend to use them at a more meaningful place but not just for beautiful clothes or shoes in order to compare with other children, which, definitely will be a good habit for them.
Finally, financially responsible children will also help parents to reduce some sort of financial burden. While the child knows the money should be used in a right way, for instance, for a meal but not snacks, for some self learning books but not expensive summer programs, the parents will have much less burden. Even better, some children will try to get some part-time job to help parent.
In sum, to have a good sense of how to manage money is definitely necessary for children at an early age. For which not only benefit children at now but also after they grow up, at the same time, the parents will have less financial burden with a child know the hard of earning money.

canoe03UID: 2786666

Inrecent years, with the improving of family’s annual income and people’s livingquality, some children become more waste(wasteful) on money and have no senseof how to manage money even until they grow up. In order to cultivate afinancially responsible adult, some suggest(suggestions)we should teach children how to manage money at an early age. In my point ofview, it is absolutely necessary to do that because which will benefit bothchildren and parents.

Tobegin with, by teaching children how to manage money will let them understandthe meaning of “earning money” therefore they will use money in a moremeaningful way. In a majority of our families, children obtain money from theirparents before they attend work. Thus, seldom of them has a real sense of the hard(这是形容词，也许用hardness？) of “earning money”. Forthem, ask(这是动词，不能做主语，可以用asking forparents)is the only way to get money to buy or fulfilltheir desire(表达有点奇特，fulfill指完成某种计划之类，并且desire也不是buy来的，你说是吗？buy what theywant) and(删掉此词) which(这里的从句指代不明) is relatively easy (to get) because parents usually will(删掉此词) compromise at the end.So, let them know how to manage money at the very first seems essential. Forexample, by let(letting) children dosome chore to get the money or set a rule of the money the child could get a month(monthly) will effectively help them havea sense of money that also help them become more responsible of money aftergrow up.

Furthermore, by let(letting) children know how to manage money will teach them to not(not to) waste or compare with otherchildren financially. While children have the sense of money, they tend to use(spend) them at(on)a more meaningful place but not just for beautiful clothes or shoes in order tocompare with other children, which, definitely will be a good habit for them.

Finally,financially responsible children will also help parents to reduce some sort offinancial burden. While the child knows the money should be used(spent) in a right way, for instance, for ameal but not snacks, for some self learning books but not expensive summerprograms, the parents will have much less burden. Even better, some childrenwill try to get some(删除此词) part-time job(jobs) to help parent(theirparents).


Insum, to have a good sense of how to manage money is definitely necessary forchildren at an early age. For which(这里从句是指代谁呢，还有，for前面应该用句号吗？) not only benefitchildren at(删掉此词) now but also after theygrow up, at the same time(删掉此词), the parents will haveless financial burden with(of?) a child knowthe hard(这不是名词) of earning money.


楼主第一段写得蛮好的，整篇作文的结构也比较好。就是从第二段开始，出现好多语法错误，句子结构比较乱。第三段用词都比较简单，表达有点生硬也有些中式化。作文中举的例子比较模糊，可以写点具体的。可能是因为刚开始写，我相信写多了就会有改进了。改的不足之处，请谅解。

lhs8600UID: 2383996

如果改得不好或不对, 请多多包涵, 刚开始练T作文....



In recent years, with the improving offamily’s annual income and people’s living quality, some children become more waste on money(我觉得这个用法好怪, waste做形容词好像是没有”浪费的”这个意思, 感觉用waste more money 就可以, waste on 一般是”浪费在…上面”) and have no sense of how to manage money even until they grow up.In order to cultivate a financially responsible adult, some suggest we shouldteach children how to manage money at an early age. In my point of view, it isabsolutely necessary to do that(so) because which(it, 这里because 跟 which 只能2选1, 用because 的话要加上it) will benefit both children and parents.

To begin with, by teaching children how tomanage money will let them understand the meaning of “earning money” thereforethey will use money in a more meaningful way. In a majority of our families,children obtain money from their parents before they attend work. Thus, seldomof them has a real sense of the hardness of“earning money”. For them, ask is the only way to get money to buy or fulfilltheir desire and which(这里which是哪个的补语, ask? ) is relatively easy because parents usually will compromise at(in) the end. So, let them know how to manage moneyat the very first seems essential (感觉这句表达不太好). For example, by(删除) let children do some chore to get the money or set a rule of themoney the child could get a month will effectively help them have a sense ofmoney that also help them(删除) and become more responsible of(for) money after grow up aswell. (这段的表达觉得还可以更进一步, 因为读起来不是很舒服)

Further more, by letting children know how to manage money will teach them to not(应该是not to) waste or compare with other children financially. While childrenhave the sense of money, they tend to use them at a more meaningful place butnot just for beautiful clothes or shoes in order to compare with otherchildren, which, definitely will be a good habit for them.

Finally, financially responsible childrenwill also help parents to reduce some sort of financial burden. While the childknows the money should be used in a right way, for instance, for a meal but notsnacks, for some self learning books but not expensive summer programs, theparents will have much less burden. Even better, some children will try to getsome part-time job to help parents.

In sum, to have agood sense of how to manage money is definitely necessary for children at anearly age(我觉得这里用名词开头更好, a good senseof money management is essential for children at an early age ). For which not only benefit children at now but also after(when) they grow up, at the same time, the parents will have less financial burden with a child knowthe hard of earning money(前后一致比较好, 继续用主语to have a good….., 改为: it will ease the parents’ financial burden as the childrenbeing aware of the hardness of earning money).

简小跳UID: 2738450

In recent years, with the improving of family’s annual income and people’s living quality 你这句感觉有语法错误，看到recent最好用上现在完成时(along with househoulds` annual income and people`s living quality have been improveed drastically), some children become（用start to读起来更舒服点） more waste on money and have no sense of how to manage money even until they grow up.In order to cultivate a financially responsible adult, some suggest we should teach children how to manage money at an early age. In my point of view, it is absolutely necessary to do that because which will benefit both children and parents.
To begin with, by teaching children how to manage money will let them understand the meaning of “earning money”，要学会用标点，这会被人家看成很低级的错误，扣分很严重的therefore，they will use money in a more meaningful way. In a majority of our families, children obtain money from their parents before they attend work. Thus, seldom of them has a real sense of the hardness of “earning money”. For them, asking for support is the only way to get money to buy or fulfill their desire,which is relatively easier(relatively有比较的关系在这里）， because parents usually will compromise at the end. So（therefore), let them know how to manage money at the very first seems essential.根本不是一个句子 For example, by letting children do some chore to get the money or set a rule of the money the child could get a month will effectively help them have a sense of money that also help them become more responsible of（for) money after growing up. or they grow up
Furthermore, by letting children know how to manage money will teach them to not (not to)waste or compare with other children financially. While children have the sense of money, they tend to use them at a more meaningful place but not just for beautiful clothes or shoes in order to compare with other children, which definitely will be a good habit for them.
Finally, financially responsible children will also help parents to reduce some sort of financial burden. While the child knows the money should be used in a right way, for instance, for a meal but not snacks, for some self learning books but not expensive summer programs, the parents will have much less burden. Even better, some children will try to get some part-time job to help parent. ) G) u* z& f6 H2 t( T1 O  u
In sum, to have a good sense of how to manage money is definitely necessary for children at an early age. For which not only benefit children at now but also after they grow up, at the same time, the parents will have less financial burden with a child know the hard of earning money.

虽然我不牛，但是我看的出你这文章问题很大很大，希望楼主不介意我这么直白。
后面我没改了，你的语法问题挺大的，标点符号乱点，这是很严重的扣分点，文章发展不够深入，其实就一个点在那边绕来绕去。感觉你用的phrases 有点想当然，就是chinlish加上平时看美剧看多了的口语（别拍我，我个人意见而已）。看看scientific American的文章吧，帮助会很大的！

250427293UID: 2582347

谢谢，没事哒，有批评才有进步，我是块一年没写了，很生疏了，要加油，看了你的文章写的不错 4# 简小跳