Stefana开贴改Issue

StefanaUID: 2143510

个人改作文习惯：
橙色：论述建议 红色：表述建议 绿色：语法错误，自己改 蓝色：写得好 紫色：有争议

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

According to the statement, the author claims that the study of history pays too much attention to individuals because those most important events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few but by groups of people. It has some merit from a normal standpoint（没有见过这样的搭配，google了也没查到，是否过去chinese-english?）, however, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s extreme position because it overlooks the significance of the famous few.
这个开头过于模式化了。说不上好坏。唯一觉得可以说的是，在表达自己观点的时候，其实可以说多一点。不然你70个字的开头，有信息的话不到20个字，难免让人觉得头重脚轻了点。

To begin with, the speaker’s assertion that majorities of(the majority of + 名词.是固定搭配,不要复数) people play an important role in those significant events and trends in history is quite compelling, as they constitute the body of society and (我觉得缺逗号，虽然句法没问题，但是这样and前后总觉得不并列，还是觉得把and当连接词好)without their supports the famous few cannot propel the development of history（推动历史发展，这个是不是太chinese-englishe了..我觉得需要说propel the development of society throughout history，这样...不过我不确定是否有直接说propel the development of history这样的说法，如果LZ是在某本原文书上看到的自然没错，嗯） at all, on two respects. For one thing, many major discoveries and great miracles in history are the collective efforts of masses, such as the Great wall in China, the Pyramid of Egypt, the Taj Mahal of India and so forth, which are totally built by hundreds of (thousand，建议去掉) labors and wrights rather than few famous people. For another, any social revolutionary transformations in history would not achieve little success （双否定了，这里变成肯定的意思了，似乎你是想表达否定的？建议去掉little，或者变成a little）just depending on a few of great leaders but not the masses. Considering that the Sino-Japanese War in China, the independence of China is(was) obtained relying on numerous common people，unnamed heroes, who surely be remembered in history.
从论述上看，这段中规中矩到没什么问题。TS较明确，例子也没什么问题，虽然比较大众。唯一觉得的就是，LZ你在第一段表述对这个观点的态度是-的，但采取这样采取这样先+后-，我觉得不如先-后+为佳。

However, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s allegation because it seems to overlook the indispensable contributions of the great elites. （这句话让我想起了argue，虽然没什么问题，但总觉得好套路啊..）Undoubtedly, the roles of the famous few are vital in being catalysis to motivate and accelerate the progress of society. In the realm of economics, for example, without New deal enacted by F.D.Roosevelt, how can American economics recovery from the depression and World War II so quickly? In the realm of politics, without bright decisions made by Lincoln, how can America lead Union during the Civil War and emancipate slaves in the South so successfully? In the realm of technology, without the improvement of stream engine researched by James Watt, How can the Industrial Revolution occur in Britain during the late in 18th century and early in 19th century so developmentally?
排例不错，挺赞，有气势。不过从逻辑上看，这段基本没有逻辑可言。就是结论+例子。少了一些分析，可以在例子举完之后还能有一些总结性的陈述句，表述观点。

Finally, perhaps most importantly, empirical experience indicates that the study of history should emphasize on vital famous figures, while researching the contributions of the masses in history, for two reasons. On one hand, those pronounced figures have more representative and valuable of historical researching, as they are usually important milestones during certain periods in history. For instance, by researching Napoleon, people can easily and clearly acquaint the social situation and significant events in France as well as the whole Europe during that era. (我觉得这个例子不说明individuals are usually important milestones during certain periods，因为你觉得例子不是个人，仍然还是一个群体。)On the other hand, it is more easily for posterities to researching famous person than groups of people, since the recordation about them are more abundant than anyone else. It is understandably that historians are by encouraged amounts of materials to place much emphasize on the famous. （这个观点不合适，从A的思路看，基本是这样的：我赞同A的做法，因为A一直是怎么做的，而A做的事情的结果决定了这个事情只能这么做，所以我赞同A的做法。而这样的逻辑是非常没有说服力的，所以这个观点我认为还有待斟酌。）
这段态度取中，我觉得你整个文章的态度不够明确，至少从首段看来是负，后来三个论述段没个论述段一个独立的观点，不够清晰。若主要态度是折中的，建议首段说明，然后三段综合说明其好处。

In sum, I concede that general masses play an irreplaceable role in the most significant events and trends in history. Nonetheless the speaker overlooks the importance and criticality of the notables in history. In my view, if the human society is like a boat in the river of history, then the masses are staff and the famous few is the captain. The boat cannot navigate to anywhere without staff，however, without the captain the boat will lose the orientation. Obviously, the caption is the key role in the navigating process, which should be paid more attention to.
保持习惯，末端不看。

梦想在路上 发表于 2010-6-4 23:26

As usual，送上一句话，希望再接再厉:
Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable.——Shakespeare


以上。
Stefana
2010.6.7

irvine666UID: 2575525

14# lxin333

改完了
issue56.doc (36 KB, 下载次数: 14)

2010-6-8 16:50:26 上传

下载次数: 14

yigexnnUID: 2692933

完整的写的第一篇。谢谢。:)


40.
The statement has indicated the priority ofthe issues that scholars and researchers should be concerned about and this isalso what I insist on.

I strongly approve that scholars andresearchers should take their individual interests into account rather than contributionto the larger society. The reason lies in the human nature, the character ofscientific researches and the distribution of responsibility.

Few would argue that every individual willdo their best for what they like. It is also true when coming to scientificresearches. It's part of the human nature. Researches and study serve tosatisfy the curiosity arousing from daily life and this is the impulse thatpushes us to go forward in the long history. *Newton has discovered the law ofgravity from simply wondering why the apple fell down. Lots of inventions werecreated like this. Therefore, we shouldn't go beyond the direction of our hearts.

Besides, following the interest andcuriosity would probably bring us some unexpected benefits. After all, researchesin frontier science always have ambiguous results which mean we cannotaccurately choose a topic and design a perfect plan for a research, hoping forthe payback. Actually, the most effective and creative solution to the presentpressing problems, with huge possibility, are found in the frontier fields. Inother word, following your interest does not necessarily contradictwith contribution to the large society.

What's more, from my knowledge, theresponsibility of scholars and researchers are to pursue what they like andexamine how the things work. Some may say that they hold research at theexpense of all kinds of resources and if they don't bear in mind the well-beingof larger society, the resources are likely to be wasted and can be betterallocated elsewhere. It's true. Does the responsibility to allocate the socialresources fall on the shoulder of scholars? I don’t think so, for two reasons.And it is the government or the academic organizations that should take thisresponsibility rather than individual. First, individuals cannot getcomprehensive understanding of all the fields. They cannot value thecomparative importance of their work. Although, in a particular case, theyhappened to know the work conducted by other scholars, they still cannot give anobjective judge. I guess most of researchers would consider their work as very helpfulto build a better world and ask for more funds.

However, the speaker will be a little bitmisleading if we believe the well-being of larger society should never becomeone of our concerns when conducting researches. Although it is not inevitablethat focus on individual interest will result in poorer social contribution, itis more conducive to a deviation from the current social problems. As what Ihave mentioned above, in today's world, the resources are quite limited andneed a good allocation. Researches should also involve with the practicality toavoid the poor effectiveness of researches. Regulations and supervision systemare quite necessary. We need scientific process to evaluate a proposal, giveappropriate sponsorship and check the result in the end. No one would like tosee the scene that the researches go beyond control.

In sum, individual interest outweighs thecontribution to the larger society when referring to individual researchers.But simultaneously, the well-being of the larger society won’t never disappearfrom our consideration.

梦想在路上UID: 2812986

17# Stefana

O(∩_∩)O谢谢 热心肠的清心寡欲学术女版主！

顶顶顶，顶起来！！！

lxin333UID: 2650844

昨天居然没人！！！issue103   ~ 只从两个观点入手，感觉没有延伸。。
望指正~

toywangUID: 2700880

很久没上坛子了，看到stefana的铺子，决定明天来强