【Flyer杀G作文组】6.22-ARGUMENT51-By jingjing017

jingjing017UID: 2734491

The editorial recommends that patient who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment, To support this recommendation the editorial cites a survey among some people, According the two group of people who were treated in different circumstance, on the basis of this evidence the author infers that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain, moreover, conclude that these patients need take antibiotics treatment, However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.
To begin with, the author provides no evidence that the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of people who are diagnosed with muscle stain. During the survey, the threshold problem is we can not figure that whether the sampler is random or not, moreover, these two group were treated by two different professor, which might decline the reliance of the sample. at same time the author fails to provide the absolute number of the patients whose recuperation time was quicker than the control group. it is entirely possible there is more children or females between the two groups, in short without better evidence that the survey is statistically reliable the author cannot rely on it to draw any firm conclusions about the treatment.
Even if the survey can represent all patients and can make a right conclusion, that the antibiotics makes the treatment become quicker. the argument lacks of fact to inform us whether the antibiotics has the side-effect or not. Thus without the suffice facts that antibiotic did not make harmful impact on health, the editorial remains unconvincing.
Even assuming that antibiotics did not have the harmful impact, the arguer fails to establish the causal relation ship between the secondary infections and the muscle strained patients. in other words, there no evidence proved that the patients who diagnosed muscle strain more likely access to secondary infections.
To sum up, this arguer fails to substantiate its claim that antibiotic treatment is the vital part of the secondary infection patient’s therapy, to make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more information and evidence to make the argument more thorough and logically acceptable.

红绡UID: 2839171

1# jingjing017

Argument 修改——by潇
  The editorial recommends that patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment, To support this recommendation the editorial cites a survey among some people, Accordingly the two groups(复数) of people who were treated in different circumstance, on the basis of this evidence the author infers that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain, moreover, conclude that these patients need take antibiotics treatment, However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

The two groups of people were treated in different circumstance, on the basis of which the author infers that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain.


  To begin with, the author provides no evidence that the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of people who are diagnosed with muscle stain(strain). During the survey, the threshold(应该用形容词，建议用initial) problem is we cannot figure that whether the sampler(取样器？建议改成：sampling 取样) is random or not, moreover, these two groups were treated by two different professors, which might decline the reliance(reliability) of the sample. At the same time the author fails to provide the absolute number of the patients whose recuperation time（建议：recovery time） was quicker(时间应该是长短：shorter) than the control group. it is entirely possible there is more children or females between the two groups, in short without better evidence that the survey is statistically reliable the author cannot rely on it to draw any firm conclusions about the treatment.


  Even if the survey can represent all patients and can make a right conclusion, that the antibiotics makes the treatment become quicker (the antibiotics could speed healing rate). the argument lacks of fact to inform us whether the antibiotics has the (不用特指)side-effect or not. Thus without the suffice(sufficient/enough) facts proving that antibiotics did not make harmful impact on health, the editorial remains unconvincing.

  Even assuming that antibiotics did not have the(不用特指) harmful impact, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the secondary infections and the muscle strained patients. in other words, there is no evidence proving that the patients who are diagnosed as muscle strain access more likelyto secondary infections (are susceptible to secondary infections more easily).

  To sum up, this arguer fails to substantiate his claim that antibiotics treatment is the(a) vital part of the secondary infection patient’s therapy(therapy for secondary infection). To make the argument more convincible, the arguer would have to provide more information and evidence to make the argument more thorough and logically acceptable (enhance interpretation of the argument to be more acceptable on logic).

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editorial/argument等用词重复；
文章框架符合标准，要注意下句子内部逻辑性。