ISSUE11

短发mmUID: 2840480

1010G欢迎拍文作文修改小组6月25日作业
TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."


Should a global university be established ?


Should all nations help support the development of a global university which designed to engage its undergraduates in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems? Although I acknowledge fundamentally that it is necessary to help support this kind of university, while noticing the limitation and equity of this kind of university. Then to better show my point, let me explain it in details below.

To begin with, students in a global university supported by all nations with different thoughts and different cultures, when they meet each other, the question is how to communicate, then they are needed to learn more different civilizations, cultures, behaviors and so forth. This deed can let them delve in other nations and know them further that in some extent can weaken the conflicts also include social problems which based on misunderstanding. Moreover students in those universities may be the nation’s leader after their gradation, that is to say, they are educated and likely use their power to reduce the social problems.

But as a global university, only to devote itself to solve the social problem is not enough. The university as a educational service should teach students not only the skill to solve the problem but also the virtues to be a citizen. As we all know, the problems between nations are not just social ones, there are wars, political problems, and so forth, which depend on person’ s morality which can taught in the university through relevant courses rather than understanding other countries’ cultures or religions. A famous writer once said: Personality is to man what perfume is to a flower. So, the course of ethos is equally important, especially in the global university where many elites from different countries and some global leaders are educated.

Last but not the least, we can not ignore the equity of the global university’ allocation of the education. Consider that if a nation is richer, it can use money to let the university’ s education tends to direction that they want, which is unfair to another nations. Thus, it is also a question for nations to keep fairness in allocation of the education when they offer the supports.

In the final analysis, every coin has two sides, it is unreasonable to demand one assertion is perfect in every realm, and on balance, it must be determined on a case-by-case basis. In summary, we can draw a conclusion thatit is necessary for all nations to create a global university which designed to engage students in the process of solving not only the world's most persistent social problems since we revised the dross and inherited the merits.

字数442

yogurt4UID: 198389

题目呢？

短发mmUID: 2840480

对不起对不起，复制的时候忘记把题目Copy上去了，现在补：The discussion of estabilishing a global university

yogurt4UID: 198389

对不起对不起，复制的时候忘记把题目Copy上去了，现在补：The discussion of estabilishing a global university
短发mm 发表于 2010-6-25 10:47

这个没关系，以后注意就是了。题目不是这样的，你这个是题目的缩写。。要完整的题目。
你可以编辑你自己一楼的帖子。

crazyjooUID: 2805124

3# 短发mm

那个主帖子里的完整题目怎么变成 issue 207了

yogurt4UID: 198389

3# 短发mm  

那个主帖子里的完整题目怎么变成 issue 207了
crazyjoo 发表于 2010-6-25 10:56

你们是哪个队的啊？给个主贴link咱去观摩观摩。。。

短发mmUID: 2840480

6# yogurt4


题目的贴https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1114098-1-1.html

我们组的贴是：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1108395&extra=&page=1

yogurt4UID: 198389

哦 是你们队啊，你们队的组长不错，最近很勤快。
就是人太cool了，我回了他N个帖子他都没理过我，悲剧ing

短发mmUID: 2840480

8# yogurt4

确实很酷,是个急性子,我上次询问了下她制定的规则的问题后来被BS了,勒令当天12点前不许发言.很酷的MM不过也很好啦很认真地,对AW很热情.

yogurt4UID: 198389

8# yogurt4  

确实很酷,是个急性子,我上次询问了下她制定的规则的问题后来被BS了,勒令当天12点前不许发言.很酷的MM不过也很好啦很认真地,对AW很热情.
短发mm 发表于 2010-6-25 22:43

哈哈哈 ，真的吗？这姑娘真不错，你们组队员超级多打理起来很辛苦。。。ms现在每天都有作业啊。
对了你要提醒一下你们组的队员，写完作文除了完成互改的任务以外，贴作文的人一定要跟改作文多多互动，这样同样是写一篇文章复习效果是加倍的。。可能你们互改的对象已经在QQ群里讨论过题目了，我只是想确定你们真的有讨论，光看坛子里的帖子你们小组是作业做得多，讨论太少了。

加油加油～！

短发mmUID: 2840480

1# 短发mm
实在按耐不住,我来自拍下,后面准备拍别人的了:
Should all nations help support the development of a global university which designed to engage its undergraduates in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems?(感觉这里变化得不算太彻底,不知道要不要简练简练再简练,据说开头放大篇幅是很不明智的,但是纯属功底有限,没有题目的字数我估计字数要不达标了.) Although I acknowledge fundamentally that it is necessary to help support this kind of university, while noticing the limitation and equity of this kind of university. (关于while引导的句子后面的时态问题,这个我有点不确定阿)Then to better show my point, let me explain it in details below.

To begin with, students in a global university supported by all nations with different thoughts and different cultures(这句话是否放到students后面更好,你们怎么看?), when they meet each other, the question is how to communicate, then they are needed to learn(突然感觉用know比较恰当,不知道大家怎么看?) more different civilizations, cultures, behaviors and so forth. This deed can let them delve in other nations and know them further that in some extent, can weaken the conflicts also(删去) include(去e加ing) social problems which based on misunderstanding (on differing from culture, belief and so on). Moreover students in those universities may be the nation’s leader after their gradation, that is to say, they are educated and likely use their power to reduce the social problems.(看了组长的文章后,我很有冲动觉得这里有必要加个小总结,So, it is necessary to build a global ones.)

But, (加个标点结构就比较清晰)as a global university, only to devote itself to solve the social problem is not enough. The university as a educational service should teach students not only the skill to solve the problem but also the virtues to be a citizen. As we all know, the problems between nations are not just social ones, there are wars, political problems, and so forth, which depend on person’ s morality which can（删去） taught in the university through（by） relevant courses rather than understanding other countries’ cultures or religions. A famous writer once said: Personality is to man what perfume is to a flower. So, the course of ethos is equally important, especially in the global university where many elites from different countries and some global leaders are educated.（哈哈，有总结）

Last but not the least, we can not ignore the equity of the global university’ allocation of the education. Consider that if a nation is richer, it can use money to let the university’ s education tends to （加个the） direction that（我老搞不清何时用what，何时用which，最后都用that 了） they want, which is unfair to another nations. Thus, it is also a question for nations to keep fairness in allocation of the education when they offer the supports.

In the final analysis, every coin has two sides, it is unreasonable to demand one assertion is perfect in every realm（aspect更好）, and on balance, it must be determined on a case-by-case basis. In summary, we can draw a conclusion that it is necessary for all nations to create a global university which designed to engage students in the process of solving not only the world's most persistent social problems since we revised the dross and inherited the merits.

自己改自己的好快啊，不过写文章一定要回头看也花不了多久，但是可以看出很多不足的地方。语言功底感觉还是有待提高啊

crazyjooUID: 2805124

Should all nations help support the development of a global university which designed to engage its undergraduates in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems?(感觉这里提出问题后回答一下较好，自问自答）Although I acknowledge fundamentally that it is necessary to help support this kind of university, while noticing the limitation and equity of this kind of university. (although后的转折在哪里呢?)Then to better show my point, let me explain it in details below.

To begin with, students in a global university supported by all nations with different thoughts and different cultures(这句话是否放到students后面更好,你们怎么看?), when they meet each other, the question is how to communicate, then they are needed to learn(感觉突然和the question is..那句比起来很突兀，这里应该是递进关系，可以用the question is how to communicate ,and what's more,to learn more different..) more different civilizations, cultures, behaviors and so forth. This deed can let them delve in other nations and know them further that(去掉that?) in some extent, can weaken the conflicts also(删去) include(去e加ing) social problems which (are)based on misunderstanding (on differing from culture, belief and so on). Moreover students in those universities may be the nation’s leader after their gradation, that is to say, they are educated and likely(to) use their power to reduce the social problems.(觉得此段缺乏一个总结，而且这个总结作为topic sentence放在开头比较好)

But, (加个标点结构就比较清晰)（觉得用However更加好，有承上启下之感）as a global university, only to devote itself to solve (devote sth to doing sth/sth )the social problem is not enough. The university as a educational service should teach students not only the skill to solve the problem but also the virtues to be a citizen. As we all know, the problems between nations are not just social ones, there are wars, political problems, and so forth, which depend on person’ s morality which can（删去） taught in the university through（by） relevant courses rather than understanding other countries’ cultures or religions.(这句话我知道你要表达什么，不过从which depend那里开始就怪怪的，他们的关系用depend表达貌似不大好） A famous writer once said: Personality is to man what perfume is to a flower. So, the course of ethos is equally important, especially in the global university where many elites from different countries and some global leaders are educated.

Last but not the least, we can not ignore the equity of the global university’ allocation of the education. Consider that if a nation is richer, it can use money to let the university’ s education tends to （加个the） direction that（我老搞不清何时用what，何时用which，最后都用that 了，回答：这里应该用what） they want, which is unfair to another nations. Thus, it is also a question for nations to keep fairness in allocation of the education when they offer the supports.

In the final analysis, every coin has two sides, it is unreasonable to demand one assertion is perfect in every realm（aspect更好）, and on balance, it must be determined on a case-by-case basis.（感觉这里都是套话，缺乏对上文具体内容的加入！） In summary, we can draw a conclusion that it is necessary for all nations to create a global university which designed to engage students in the process of solving not only the world's most persistent social problems since we revised the dross and inherited the merits.


第一次写，算ok的。总体叙述思路比较清晰，只是缺乏统领思路的主题句。还有一些思想的表达比较中国化，需要更多input,更多积累。
一起加油!  

短发mmUID: 2840480

12# crazyjoo

Should all nations help support the development of a global university which designed to engage its undergraduates in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems?(感觉这里提出问题后回答一下较好，自问自答-后面的Although引导的让步语气已经在做回答了阿.如果再回答那个人感觉开头会很晦涩）Although I acknowledge fundamentally that it is necessary to help support this kind of university, while noticing the limitation and equity of this kind of university. (although后的转折在哪里呢?-一开始我是想用while作转折部分你这么说我意识到好像效果不好,那我改为the topic fails to notice the limitation and equity of the function of it.)Then to better show my point, let me explain it in details below.

To begin with, it is good for all nations to build a global university. For example, students with different thoughts and different cultures in a global university supported by all nations, if they meet each other, then the question is how to communicate, and what's more, to learn more different civilizations, cultures, behaviors and so forth. This deed can let them delve in other nations and know them further, and in some extent, can weaken the conflicts including social problems which are based on misunderstanding on differing from culture, belief and so on. Moreover students in those universities may be the nation’s leader after their gradation, that is to say, they are educated and likely to use their power to reduce the social problems.(觉得此段缺乏一个总结，而且这个总结作为topic sentence放在开头比较好-我改了下结构,加了个简单的总起句,毕竟我这段是在讲建立一个global university 的好处.)

However, as a global university, only to devote itself to solving the social problem is not enough. The university as a educational service should teach students not only the skill to solve the problem but also the virtues to be a citizen. As we all know, the problems between nations are not just social ones, there are wars, political problems, and so forth, which depend on person’ s morality taught in the university by relevant courses rather than understanding other countries’ cultures or religions.(这句话我知道你要表达什么，不过从which depend那里开始就怪怪的，他们的关系用depend表达貌似不大好-这句我也不知道怎么改） A famous writer once said: Personality is to man what perfume is to a flower. So, the course of ethos is equally important, especially in the global university where many elites from different countries and some global leaders are educated.

Last but not the least, we can not ignore the equity of the global university’ allocation of the education. Consider that if a nation is richer, it can use money to let the university’ s education tends to the direction that（我老搞不清何时用what，何时用which，最后都用that 了，回答：这里应该用what） they want, which is unfair to another nations. Thus, it is also a question for nations to keep fairness in allocation of the education when they offer the supports.

In the final analysis, every coin has two sides, it is unreasonable to demand one assertion is perfect in every aspect, and on balance, it must be determined on a case-by-case basis .（感觉这里都是套话，缺乏对上文具体内容的加入！-这个是我自己总结的模板凑字数的,我怕时间来不及到时候考试的时候就写这2句话一句套话一句总结句.后面的in summary便是我的总结,如果要改这个模板的话,你的建议可以怎么加入内容部分?） In summary, we can draw a conclusion that it is necessary for all nations to create a global university which designed to engage students in the process of solving not only the world's most persistent social problems since we revised the dross and inherited the merits.


我又修改了遍,关于你说的中国化表达方式这个我也很头痛.还是文章看太少了,时间又不够,为难啊.

yogurt4UID: 198389

中式英文这个一下改不过来的，没有语病＋读者阅读不产生歧义，这两点要保证。剩下的，进步一点是一点，不强求。

短发mmUID: 2840480

14# yogurt4
恩,谢谢阿,宝贵意见宝贵意见.