欢迎拍文作文修改小组6月25日作业 ISSUE 11+ARGU 209

crazyjooUID: 2805124

issue11&argument109----1010G欢迎拍文作文修改小组6月25日作业

issue207 ---------------- "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems." ---------------- argu ---------------------- The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Maple City newspaper. "Twenty years ago Pine City established strict laws designed to limit the number of new buildings that could be constructed in the city. Since that time the average housing prices in Pine City have increased considerably. Chestnut City, which is about the same size as Pine City, has over the past twenty years experienced an increase in average housing prices similar to Pine City, but Chestnut City never established any laws that limit new building construction. So it is clear that laws limiting new construction have no effect on average housing prices. So if Maple City were to establish strict laws that limit new building construction, these laws will have no effect on average housing prices."

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 688         

                                                                    The global university---a amazing start.

    The speaker claims that it's necessary for every nation to help support the establishment of a global university which is designed to cultivate students to be the solvers of the world’s most persistent social problems. I can't agree more with this recommendation, though it might be a bit fanciful, indeed it is a potential effective way to solve those problems.The follwing discussion will better illustrate my point of view.
    Most society problems are either derived from deficiency of understanding of others or selfish motivates among people.Social problems such as war, energy crisis and environmental pollution seems to get worse while the progress of industrialization and economic development are skyrocketing, which result in the forming of larger gap between developing country and developed country, the rich people and the poor ones and so forth. It’s the increasing polarized of the society and the huge gap between people that reinforce those social problems. Nations vie to make their own interest maximized and people vie to make his or her economic situation optimized ,however,they have little interest in acknowledging the possible undesirable consequence brought by their undue behavior. For example, many developed countries’ company settle their new factories in or even move their old factories to the developing countries either for the effective but low paid workers or for the little commitment they should make to the environmental pollution brought by themselves. All the thing these businessman care about is the profit and thus the ruin of the forest is none of their business at all.They don't know there lies great value of biological diversity in the forest thus they keep cutting down trees without any regret.The Amazon rain forest, once the biggest rain forest in the world, filled with various species of animals, is facing the threat of diminish because of the excess exploitation of the foreign wood industry cooperates, which may risk being accused by environmental activist in their motherland for doing the same thing they do in Amazon , for instance, simply cutting down a tree.
    Fortunately, those problems we mention above are exactly the main subjects that the global university will use every advantage to solve.Ant that's why i fundamentally support the speaker's claim.Students of the global university are tend to look at a society problem in a different perspective, and may be, a boarder one than the adults who are now the chargers of the world. The global university should of course abhor any selfish agenda or motive of a institution or a nation as well as a war between two countries whose leaders are not even willing to strive for possible agreement for the citizenry’s sake. Thus, students of this university are endowed with an international perspective, that is, considering any social problem in the respect of the interest of all human being rather than a specific nation or organization. All these society problems would vanish in no doubt while more and more graduates from the global university become the elite of the society. How could a wood industry company deplete the Amazon rain forest while the CEO of this cooperate regard those plants as lovely as his or her own backyard garden? How could a war escalate while the presidents of two countries, with opposing economic and politic interest, are willing to throw away the weapon in hand and sit down to talk,which,though may be just a tentative attempt to understand the other’s legitimate concern of national security, and stability of economic and so forth. How could racial discrimination still exists while more and more people, with the international spirit, graduate from the global university.Besides,all nations, perhaps more precisely, every individual will be the beneficiary of the global university. More and more reciprocal pacts between nations will be made since nations discard their trade barrier ,which was used for their own good at one time .More and more scientific research projects will make great progress since scientists around the world incline to  declassify his or her once confidential research statistics once stored for privy academic competition.
    In sum up ,a global university established by all nations is badly in need. Not only because it will solve those society problems, but also it will serves the interest of all human beings, that is to say, updating the quality of every individual’s daily life. The only thing we should do is to advocate this amazing idea and make all the politic leaders learn the tremendous merit of this plan.

yogurt4UID: 198389

倒数第二段的第二个句子太长了以致于我都没看懂。
二三段可以整成一段来写，A global university should be established to solve the problems involving nations.  后面跟着解释什么样的问题需要多国合作，全球性大学的必要性呼之欲出。。。
字太小，不带题目，语法错误很多，内容上头重脚轻。

crazyjooUID: 2805124

恩 谢谢排！ 我改改  语法问题如何解决呢。。

yogurt4UID: 198389

恩 谢谢排！ 我改改  语法问题如何解决呢。。
crazyjoo 发表于 2010-6-25 11:49

倒啊。。。你写的时候注意么

yogurt4UID: 198389

Persistent social problem such as war, energy crisis and environmental seem to get worse 。。
第二段第一句吧  problem了那后面肯定就要seems嘛，我说的就是这种小问题。你句子写的太长，是容易有语法问题。

crazyjooUID: 2805124

5# yogurt4

我语法不大好 -。- 这种小问题望前辈多多指教！在错误中成长！

yogurt4UID: 198389

简单说就是第三人称单数，时态，主谓宾齐全这种中学就学习到的东西。其他更低级的都是拼写错误。
对自己严格要求就是了，坚持一段时间习作就会有很大的改善。

clover213UID: 2807466

作为第一篇还是很不错啦~ 写完了可以复制到word里面检查基本的拼写错误和语法错误~

crazyjooUID: 2805124

被人说这个issue是2分的了 。。。说不够critical和plausible...求指教

xiaohuimi291UID: 2760978

1.语法错的太多，改了两段。
    The speaker claims that it's necessary for every nation to help support the establishment of a global university which is designed to cultivate students to be the solvers of the world’s most persistent social problems. I can't agree more with this recommendation, though it might be a bit fanciful, which is a potential effective way to solve those problems.The follwing discussion will better illustrate my point of view.
    Most society problems are  derived from either deficiency of understanding of others or selfish motivations among people.Social problems such as war, energy crisis and environment pollution seem to get worse while the progress of industrialization and economic development are skyrocketing, which result in the forming of larger gap between developing country and developed country, the rich people and the poor ones and so forth. It’s the increasing polarized of the society and the huge gap between people that reinforce those social problems. Nations vie to make their own interest maximized and people vie to make his or her economic situation optimized ,however,they have little interest in acknowledging the possible undesirable consequence brought by their undue behavior. For example, many developed countries’ company settle their new factories in or even move their old factories to the developing countries either for the effective but low paid workers or for the little commitment they should make to the environment pollution brought by themselves. The only thing these businessmen care about is the profit and thus the ruin of the forest is none of their business at all.They don't know there lies great value of biological diversity in the forest thus they keep cutting down trees without any regret.The Amazon rain forest, once the biggest rain forest in the world, filled with various species of animals, is facing the threat of diminishment because of the excess exploitation of the foreign wood industry cooperations, which may risk being accused by environmental activist in their motherland for doing the same thing they do in Amazon , for instance, simply cutting down a tree.
2.举例挺好的，不晓得把层次分开点是不是会更好~   
3.排比挺有气势呢，加油！



argu:
呵呵，我们用了同一个模板。好像长度不够~

yogurt4UID: 198389

被人说这个issue是2分的了 。。。说不够critical和plausible...求指教
crazyjoo 发表于 2010-6-26 15:52

哈哈哈  那人说的好。第一篇就能写到4分，复习复习那大家都直奔6分去了

crazyjooUID: 2805124

10# xiaohuimi291
恩。谢谢修改！！ 语法问题我总是犯啊，以后会多多注意。

还有你们写作文的时候是英文思维思考对么？ 我总是中文思想translate到英文，所以很写作速度很慢。主要是我中文想的东西英文不会表达（比如说，想到这2个事物的侧重点不同。。然后就不会用英语说了。。），总是想到近似的表达才写下句子，而且又不一定对。。这个问题怎么解决？看来要多多积累英文表达思想和养成英文思维习惯

crazyjooUID: 2805124

11# yogurt4

恩。。恳请拨开语法错误的迷雾，指点下思想层次！ 他说的就是思想！不够plausible和critical..和2分作文一样 不过没有具体说。。
求指教。。

yogurt4UID: 198389

请高人具体说说

yogurt4UID: 198389

另外特别批评一下，语法都不能保证正确的句子，还谈什么思想？靠别人猜么？
语法的迷雾，求助语法书。