argument51-拍文修改小组 6.28

jessie_1017UID: 2704525

Argument 51. The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

In this medical newsletter the speaker concluded that all patients who have severe muscle strain will heal soon if take antibiotics as a part of their treatment. However, before accepting this conclusion, the reasoning in this newsletter should be questioned in following aspects.

To begin with, the result of the first group of patients who took antibiotics through their treatment shows an increasing recuperation rate than expected is not the necessary representation of the all patients who have muscle strain, even the doctors point out the ones who got serious strain may heal quickly. It is quite possible that ordinary patients without taking antibiotics could enjoy a shorter recuperation time as well as the ones with antibiotics. It might be true that all patients suffering muscle strain do not follow their trends for that matter.

The mere fact that the average of recuperation time of first group who are with antibiotics is 40 percent quicker than the group who are without is scant evidence .Common sense tells me that even though Dr. Newland (N) and Dr. Alton (A) have much in common, A is far more involved with D in many aspects such as individual treatment and method of healing patients, different experiences from thousands of cases and also the dissimilar situations that patients are in. Therefore, the result of Dr. A’s study and Dr. N’s study are insufficient to lead to this conclusion.

Thirdly, it is always lack of evidence that people who injured in muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as a part of their treatment due to there are so many methods can be taken to heal, such as take fully rest or take other medicine (maybe Chinese herb or medical technology) instead of antibiotics which may bring side effects. The conclusion is totally absolutely and ignored other better ways.

To draw the final analysis with the above statements, it is clear that author’s consequence about the effectiveness of antibiotics on treating muscle strain is not well supported. To bolster it, the author should provide more scientific evidence to validate this conclusion in order to persuade more people to convince.

短发mmUID: 2840480

In this medical newsletter the speaker concluded that all patients who have severe muscle strain will heal soon if take antibiotics as a part of their treatment. However, before accepting this conclusion, the reasoning in this newsletter should be questioned in following aspects.(个人感觉开头很长,以前酸奶特别对于ISSUE写作里面顺带提到ARGUMENT的开头,说超过3段就要杀了,你这个开头很费时吧,没有必要把重点放开头上面)
To begin with, the result of the first group of patients who took antibiotics through their treatment shows an increasing recuperation rate than expected is not the necessary representation of the all patients who have muscle strain, even the doctors point out the ones who got serious strain may heal quickly. It is quite possible that ordinary patients without taking antibiotics could enjoy a shorter recuperation time as well as the ones with antibiotics. It might be true that all patients suffering muscle strain do not follow their trends for that matter.
The mere fact that the average of recuperation time of first group who are with antibiotics is 40 percent quicker than the group who are without is(?are 和 is 哪个是谓语?好像be with 不是这么用的吧?比如I am with you=I love you) scant (?)evidence .Common sense tells me that even though Dr. Newland (N) and Dr. Alton (A) have much in common, A is far more involved with D in many aspects such as individual treatment and method of healing patients, different experiences from thousands of cases and also the dissimilar situations that patients are in. (你这句话就有逻辑错误,你凭什么这么说?我可以Argue你这是你的一面之词)Therefore, the result of Dr. A’s study and Dr. N’s study are insufficient to lead to this conclusion.
Thirdly, it is always lack(lack是动词啊你前面加个is干吗?) of evidence that people who injured in muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as a part of their treatment due to there are so many methods can be taken to heal, such as take fully rest or take other medicine (maybe Chinese herb or medical technology) instead of antibiotics which may bring side effects. (你有么有发现你这句话爆长,advise本来就是个建议,你最多叫人家谨慎,你说缺少证据很牵强啊)The conclusion is totally absolutely and ignored other better ways.
To draw the final analysis with the above statements, it is clear that author’s consequence about the effectiveness of antibiotics on treating muscle strain is not well supported. To bolster it, the author should provide more scientific evidence to validate this conclusion in order to persuade more people to convince.(末段不改,看过官方ISSUE没有强调首尾的重要性,重点放在如何去指出逻辑错误,建议只是锦上添花.个人意见,见谅)

fchenyanUID: 2804020

argument51-拍文修改小组 6.28--byjessie_1017
Argument 51. The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

In this medical newsletter the speaker concluded that all patients who have severe(这个severe有根据吗？我在题目中没看到这个意思的影子) muscle strain will heal soon if take antibiotics as a part of their treatment. However, before accepting this conclusion, the reasoning in this newsletter should be questioned in following aspects.（开篇两句话，一句总结一句引出下文，简练，很好）

To begin with, the result of the first group of patients who took antibiotics through their treatment shows an increasing recuperation rate（这个地方，题目说的是quicker） than expected is not the necessary representation of the all patients who have muscle strain, even the doctors point out the ones who got serious strain may heal quickly. It is quite possible that ordinary patients without taking antibiotics could enjoy a shorter recuperation time as well as the ones with antibiotics. It might be true that all patients suffering muscle strain do not follow their trends for that matter.

The mere fact that the average of recuperation time of first group who are with antibiotics is 40 percent quicker than the group who are without is scant evidence .Common sense tells me that even though Dr. Newland (N) and Dr. Alton (A) have much in common, A is far more involved with D in many aspects such as individual treatment and method of healing patients, different experiences from thousands of cases and also the dissimilar situations that patients are in. Therefore, the result of Dr. A’s study and Dr. N’s study are insufficient to lead to this conclusion.

（这段感觉和题目有点远，建议你论述reason的弱点在于没有说明两位医生的治疗方案有没有其他不同的地方，毕竟argu就是要找出timid的逻辑漏洞吗，而且这样你也有理由说题目缺乏证据了）Thirdly, it is always lack of evidence that people who injured in muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as a part of their treatment due to there are so many methods can be taken to heal, such as take fully rest or take other medicine (maybe Chinese herb or medical technology) instead of antibiotics which may bring side effects. The conclusion is totally absolutely and ignored other better ways.

To draw the final analysis with the above statements, it is clear that author’s consequence about the effectiveness of antibiotics on treating muscle strain is not well supported（这个是必然的，但是如果在你前面的文章中有明显的体现就更加好了，btw我也喜欢用这种模式）. To bolster it, the author should provide more scientific evidence（evidences） to validate this conclusion in order to persuade more people to convince.