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本帖最后由 iambigstar 于 2010-7-9 22:56 编辑
1# candygege
Everyone hope to have or to be an effective leader, who works well, is good at interpersonal relationships and produces the results excellent(这个从句的意思有点绕). Such saints, unfortunately, only exist on screen. Most of the leaders are common persons as you and me. However, lots of people would like to put leaders as a model in every facets (facet), like working hard, good at communication, even the highest standards of ethic and morality(这个地方如果用同一形式,感觉会比较smooth). In my opinion, ethic and morals is one of the necessary characters for being a effective leader, but not the only one and the standards for them should also be equal to normal person(结构有点乱).
Doubtlessly, ethic and morality plays an important part in being a leader. It is an ability to distinguish right and wrong, which help you to make correct and wise decisions that directing the group. (这个地方最好能多写几个it is an ability that ..., 感觉不会那么空)
In the business realm, the most effective leaders are those who maximize profits while fulfilling the public or professional moral or ethical obligation to customers, to employees and to society. Moreover, the prevailing view in Western corporate culture is that by maximizing profits a business leader fulfills his or her moral or ethical obligation, for example, by providing safe products and by implementing pollution control measures.(这句话感觉写得很绕, 从句的结构最好调一下.) Mostly, leaders' work is inspring his/her team to be united and active, which on the basis of credit. And no one would trust a person without any ethic and morals. (这个地方感觉只是一些陈述, 缺少让人信服的例子)
Furthermore, in the political realm, an official without high ethical and moral standards is doomed to fail to lead the public effectively. In the worse case, he spells disaster for public and nation. Definitions of successful political leadership and of ethical or moral leadership are tied up in the means a leader uses to wield his or her power and to obtain that power in the first place. Take the Watergate Scandal as an example, excellent political capacity helped Nixon win the president once again, but the Watergate made him resign at 1974, two years after the scandal happened. Actually, this scandal did not reflect his flaws on politic, but decreased his power and credit to most populace, taking him to much time to deal with this case, leaving no time for other things. People felt be cheated and then became angry. Therefore, the lower ethic and morals is one of the real reason for his resignation.(感觉这段说的是scandal会影响leader的effectiveness, 而不是morality本身对于leader是否出色的论证)
However, ethic and morals is very complicated, and it is not the only available factor to evaluate whether the leader is effective or not. As we have mentioned above, an effective leader should work well, be good at interpersonal relationships and produces the results that are intended. The way you treat your teamworkers maybe different from the one for your families. Cliton, the American ex-president,(比较多的是用 the ex-president of United States) is gifted at politics.(clinton也是被丑闻缠身, lie, sex scandal, 这个例子不是很合适吧, 而且对比Nixon的例子, 感觉有点怪) His economic policy impresses(应该是"影响"吧) people all the world. At the same time, his family was a mass. It is a persuasive example to explain the issue that we should assume objectively one's work and abilities, distinguish the individual business and the social or group business. It is also the one I state at first that, leaders are common person as you and me, not saints. Unsurprisingly, more or less they have shortcomings like we do, maybe avarice, maybe laziness, maybe complaining. But these do not prevent them from being outstanding leaders. That means, we should not set double-standards to leaders and us. (这段没能写出第一段TS里指出的其他的character)
In conclusion, a public official, to be an effective leader, must maintain high ethical and morally to the group and public. (这与第一段的TS感觉有点自相矛盾)
整体上来看, 感觉写得有些仓促, 语言的展开不是很smooth, 从句有点凑的感觉
对于一个论点的论证感觉会有发散, 没有集中
也缺少一些必要的承上启下的transition |
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