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[a习作temp] argument51 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-7-9 21:47:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
The newsletter concludes that all the patients suffering form muscle strain should take antibiotics in order to prevent secondary infections which may keep the patients' from recovery.To support the conclusion, the author draws a comparison between two groups of patients with severe muscle strain that take different medicine as their different treatment, and
the result shows that the group of patients taking antibiotics have recovered faster. Close examination of the study in details, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the conclusion.


First, the newsletter shows nothing about the size of the groups, the patients’ age and physical quality, or other factors that may affect the healing in the study. Lacking information about the number of the patients, whether the patients constitute a sufficiently large sample so as to be representative is still in doubt.
Besides, the recovery time of each patient is different, when it comes to the different age and physical quality of the patients, or other factors
rather than taking antibiotics
influencing the recuperation. Without giving the detail information like these, the study is less convincing.


In addition, it is possible that the difference of the two doctors other than taking antibiotics causes the different recuperation time. Dr. Newland, specializing the sports medicine, may do much better at treating the severe muscle strain than Dr. Alton, a general
physician, does. For example, Dr. Newland might have some special methods during their treatment plan, such as physical treatment, requiring patients more exercises, which could help patients’ recovery, while Dr. Alton’s patients just take some common
cures. Thus, the average of recovery time of Dr. Newland's patients is less than the Dr. Alton's group of patients. This possibility further weaken the study.


Furthermore, the author fails to state information about the antibiotics. When the antibiotics are prescribed, whether the antibiotics bring about side effects and how the side effects impact the patients are still unknown. Therefore, regarding the unknown results when patients taking the antibiotics, the safety of antibiotics in the treatment, which can reduce the recuperation time, would doubt again.


Finally, even if the antibiotics really work in the cure of the severe muscle strain, all patients diagnosed with muscle strain advised to take it is still doubtful. If the price of the antibiotics is very expensive, and the patient just suffers from a slight muscle strain, will taking antibiotics still be worth? Unless the author clearly explain this question, the claim that all patients diagnosed with muscle strain should be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment is unconvincing.

In sum, to persuade me that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment, the study should be improved. More information about the two different groups, such as the age, the physical quality, the health condition of the patients, the detail treatment and their doctors should be considered. Only when the antibiotics is the only factors that influence the result, can the argument be more credible.
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沙发
发表于 2010-7-9 23:20:28 |只看该作者
绿色部分错了,要改为:
Due to the lack of information

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板凳
发表于 2010-7-10 01:27:09 |只看该作者
1# yuling-10G
The newsletter concludes that all the patients suffering form muscle strain should take antibiotics in order to prevent secondary infections which may keep the patients' from recovery.To support the conclusion, the author draws a comparison between two groups of patients with severe muscle strain that take different medicine as their different treatment and the result shows that the group of patients taking antibiotics have recovered faster. Close examination of the study in details, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the conclusion.

First, the newsletter shows nothing about the size of the groups, the patients’ age and physical quality, or other factors that may affect the healing in the study. Lacking information about the number of the patients, whether the patients constitute a sufficiently large sample so as to be representative is still in doubt.
Besides, the recovery time of each patient is different, when it comes to the different age and physical quality of the patients, or other factors
rather than taking antibiotics i
nfluencing the recuperation.(when 引导的定语从句?你的意思应该用as 会不会好一点?)Without giving the detail information like these, the study is less convincing.

In addition, it is possible that the difference of the two doctors other than(你想说的是rather than吧?)taking antibiotics causes the different recuperation time. Dr. Newland, specializing(specialized in)the sports medicine, may do much better at treating the severe muscle strain than Dr. Alton, a general
physician, does. For example, Dr. Newland might have some special methods during their treatment plan, such as physical treatment, requiring patients more exercises, which could help patients’ recovery, while Dr. Alton’s patients just take some common
cures. Thus, the average of recovery time of Dr. Newland's patients is less than the Dr. Alton's group of patients. This possibility further weaken the study(weaken the study 还是weaken the hypothesis?)



Furthermore, the author fails to state information about the antibiotics. When the antibiotics are prescribed, whether the antibiotics bring about side effects and how the side effects impact the patients are still unknown. Therefore, regarding the unknown results when patients taking the antibiotics, the safety of antibiotics in the treatment, which can reduce the recuperation time, would doubt(be doubted) again.



Finally, even if the antibiotics really works in the cure of the severe muscle strain, all patients diagnosed with muscle strain advised to take it is still doubtful. (whether all patients diagnosed with muscle stain should be advised to take it is still doubtful这样改不知道对不对)
If the price of the antibiotics is very expensive, and the patient just suffers from a slight muscle strain, will taking antibiotics still be worthy? Unless the author clearly explain this question, the claim that all patients diagnosed with muscle strain should be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment is unconvincing.

In sum, to persuade me that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment, the study should be improved. More information about the two different groups, such as the age, the physical quality, the health condition of the patients, the detail treatment and their doctors should be considered. Only when the antibiotics is the only factors that influence the result, can the argument be more credible.


半夜睡觉前改改你的第一篇文章,哈~有问题可以再讨论
觉得在对照组的不同方面可以展开说一点,虽然我们的讨论方向不太一样……

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地板
发表于 2010-7-10 22:59:00 |只看该作者
感觉4、5段可以合并,都是讨论抗生素的
第二段说了很多其他可能,但是没有一个详细的说是怎么影响的
我一直认为,指出的错误可以少,但是都要把重点错误详细、深入的分析一下,或者举一个详细的例子
可以研究一下范文,他们说的例子都是有细节的
只是我的观点,可以适当考虑

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RE: argument51 [修改]

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