ARGUMENT 169欢迎拍文小组7月12日作业

dsndiziUID: 2792853

Merely based on the unsounded assumptions and dubious evidences, the arguer draws a conclusion that providing professionals' spouse with jobs will help attracting more gifted teachers and improve the morale of their school's entire staff. Although the assertion seems unconvincing and appealing at the first glance, while it is in fact ill-received after close scrutiny if its assumptions and evidences. From my point of view, there are at least three flaws.

First and foremost, the relative comparison between Bronston College and Pierce University has no meaning at all. first of all the
studies cited by the Bronston University is questionable, as there is no evidence to support that
it is the truth that male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their individual spouse employed in the same area, the survey fails to inform us whether the samples are prevalent and credible. Given that the investment is turns out credible to support the forgoing result in Bronston University, the situations there can not reflect the circumstance in Pierce University as well, because we do not know if the two locations have the same culture background which may have a directly correlative with employment that influent the happiness of spouse, actually it is equally probably that it is the wonderful scenery or life style there attracts more teachers. Factors such as these have no doubt can convert the proposition of the argument.

What’ more, the article's author simply think that money will be well spent, while there is no strong or obvious evidence can confirm that the money spent on the project would not inhibit some other useful work items , since the arguer also said that even they can not be sure that the job would be accepted as an ideal one, which means if spouses are not content with the occupation, money will be waste, from this angel , that money may a wrong investment. On the other hand, the arguer fails to tell us how much money it will costs, and if it is a certain large amounts of money which can be used by improving some school facilities or raising the salaries of faculties, if so there is no certainty that the original faculties wouldn't be angry.

Finally and perhaps the most importantly, the arguer fails to rule out some alternative explanations that there are also some other methods which can be an impetus to motivate more teachers, such as better health insurance, perspective chance of promotion, high salary and so on. Meanwhile without these factors simply help professor's spouse find a job in town, they may be eventually live.

In conclusion, the argument, which seems to be logical at fist , fails to substantiate his claim that providing professors' spouse jobs may render a positive result that attracting more great teachers and improve the morale of entire staffs, because the evidence cited in his analysis does not lend strong and credible support to what the author indicates. In order to improve the argument the arguer should provide more evidence to verify the correlative is indeed a casual relationship:)

yaniiUID: 2807225

Merely based on the unsounded assumptions and dubious evidences, the arguer draws a conclusion that providing professionals' spouse with jobs will help attracting more gifted teachers and improve the morale of their school's entire staff. Although the assertion seems unconvincing（是想说convincing吧） and appealing at the first glance, while it is in fact ill-received after close scrutiny if its assumptions and evidences.（不太明白）（注意连词的使用，although while选其一）
From my point of view, there are at least three flaws.

First and foremost, the relative comparison between Bronston College and Pierce University has no meaning at all. first of all the
studies cited by the Bronston University is questionable, as there is no evidence to support that it is the truth that male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their individual spouse employed in the same area,（What’s more） the survey fails to inform us whether the samples are prevalent and credible.Given that the investment is turns out credible to support the forgoing result in Bronston University,(想说即使studies可信，也不一定适合Pierce 是吗，前半句的表达有点问题Even one accepts the studies results in Bronston) the situations there can not(好像有些绝对may not )reflect the circumstance in Pierce University as well, because we do not know if the two locations have the same culture background which may have a directly correlative with employment that influent the happiness of spouse,（断一下句吧，前一句已经很长了） actually it is equally probably （probable）that it is the wonderful scenery or life style there attracts more teachers. Factors such as these have no doubt can convert（undermine） the proposition of the argument.
What’ more, the article's author simply think that money will be well spent（做什么会well spent呢，最好点一下）, while there is no strong or obvious evidence can confirm that the money spent on the project would not inhibit some other useful work items , since the arguer also said that even they can not be sure that the job would be accepted as an ideal one, which means if spouses are not content with the occupation, money will be waste,（没有waste呀，因为根本就没花出去，可以说如果spouses不满意，他们可能就不会来了） from this angel , that money may a wrong investment. On the other hand, the arguer fails to tell us how much money it will costs, and if it is a certain large amounts of money which can be used by improving some school facilities or raising the salaries of faculties, if so there is no certainty that the original faculties wouldn't be angry.
Finally and perhaps the most importantly, the arguer fails to rule out some alternative explanations（methods or measures，不是解释某种事情已经发生的其他可能性，而是用什么其他方法也能达到。。）
that there are also some other methods which can be an impetus to motivate more teachers,（Nice） such as better health insurance, perspective chance of promotion, high salary and so on. Meanwhile without these factors simply help professor's spouse find a job in town, they may be eventually live（leave）.
In conclusion, the argument, which seems to be logical at fist, fails to substantiate his claim that providing professors' spouse jobs may render a positive result that attracting more great teachers and improve the morale of entire staffs,（可以简略说一下，原文结论不成立，至于是什么结论就不需要重述了） because the evidence cited in his analysis does not lend strong and credible support to what the author indicates. In order to improve the argument the arguer should provide more evidence to verify the correlative is indeed a casual relationship
思路很清晰，攻击点找的也很到位，只是有些地方句子太长，(不知道是不是打错了标点)可以适当短句。
继续努力哦！

dsndiziUID: 2792853

2# yanii
恩恩 谢谢~我的长句确实是个问题正在努力简短ing~