欢迎拍文修改小组16日ARGUment

迷失的鱼UID: 2850922

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 528
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/7/16 15:56:35

In the argument, the author argues that they should take some actions to help Mira Vista(MV)'s graduates find employment. To support his claim, the author makes a comparison of Green Mountain College(GMC). However, closer scrutiny show how little does the evidence bolster his claim.

First of all, the author just hastily generalizes that the sole reason lead to 90 percent of job getting is that the school has more business courses and more job counselors. However, no information offered to explain the relationship. It is also possible that the seniors this year is an aberration that for most year it has fewer percentage of job getting than MV, and it is because the students in GMC study harder than those in MV rather than school's policies that makes higher percentage. Moreover, without original statstics, we can also regard that more business and job counselors in fact decrease the percentage where the early number is higher than 90. Not ruling out these possibilities, the author unfortunately renders his conclusion groundless.

Secondly, even admitting that the implement makes a positive influence, the author commits a fallacy of assuming all the situations are the same in MV and GMC. Common sense tells us that it is not likely lead to the same result. For example, the counselors in MV are skillful and they are already enough to solve all the questions raised by the seniors, or the students in MV have less interest in business than those in GMC in which case more business courses will do the opposite as students are less concentrative. Falling to take these differences into consideration, the author cannot make his conclusion based on the condition that the schools are necessarily all the same.

Thirdly, the author does not judge the employment logically when he regard the percentage of employment as the unique standard to judge the students. However, without more information offered, we cannot figure out that the situation now is that GMC is better than MVC. It is possible that the students in MVC have higher expectation about their job and it is not because they cannot find a job but because they does not satisfied with the offer or the circumstance and on the opposite the students in GMC have lower expectation. In addition, half of students employed in their major cannot represent whether they are successful in employment, because employment in some strange field in fact shows that they can also do well and the owner admit their potential power, in which case argue that the students in MV are better enlightened in school than those in GMC. Not excluding the situation, the author cannot make a hast conclusion that GMC needs change to ameliorate their employment.

Sum up, the author makes conclusion that change should be taken based on the comparison with a nearby school, but makes several logical fallacies. To better support his claim, the author should analysis the differences between and offer more information to establish a casual relationship between those implement and the outcome. To better evaluate the result, the author should work more concise on how to measure the employment and which one is actually more successful.

alickenUID: 2845947

红色是错误，蓝色是建议

In the argument, the author argues that they should take some actions to help Mira Vista(MV)'s graduates find employment. To support his claim, the author makes a comparison of(with) Green Mountain College(GMC). However, closer scrutiny show how little does the evidence bolster his claim.(这句有语病，scrutiny做主语讲不通，how引导的从句也应是陈述语序)

First of all, the author just hastily generalizes that the sole reason(读到这里，我以为作者接下来会列举其他原因来反驳，但是后面却是对这个原因本身的反驳) lead to 90 percent of job getting is that the school(GMC) has more business courses and more job counselors. However, no information offered to explain the relationship.(不应该用however, 也没说明是什么relationship，改为: But no information is offered to explain the causal relationship between these measures and the high employment status) It is also possible that the seniors this year is an aberration that for most year it has fewer percentage of job getting than MV, and it is because the students in GMC study harder than those in MV rather than school's policies that makes higher percentage. Moreover, without original statstics(statistics), we can also regard(第一次看到这种表达) that more business and job counselors in fact decrease the percentage where the early number is higher than 90.(这叫诡辩，除非作者能在后面详述原因，不然这个点肯定不行) Not(Without) ruling out these possibilities, the author unfortunately(不幸？) renders his conclusion groundless.

Secondly, even admitting that the implement makes a positive influence, the author commits a fallacy of assuming all the situations are the same in MV and GMC. Common sense tells us that it is not likely lead to the same result. For example, the counselors in MV are skillful and they are already enough to solve all the questions raised by the seniors, or the students in MV have less interest in business than those in GMC (逗号) in which case more business courses will do the opposite as students are less concentrative. Falling to take these differences into consideration, the author cannot make his conclusion (which) based on the condition(precondition) that the schools are necessarily all the same.

Thirdly, the author does not judge the employment logically when he regard(regards) the percentage of employment as the unique standard to judge the(去掉) students. However, without more information offered, we cannot figure out that the situation now is that GMC is better than MVC. It is possible that the students in MVC have higher expectation(expectations) about their job and it is not because they cannot find a job but because they does not satisfied with the offer or the circumstance(句号) and on the opposite the students in GMC have lower expectation.(删掉，还有on the opposite的表达应该也不对) In addition, half of students employed in their major cannot represent whether they are successful in employment, because employment in some strange field in fact shows that they can also do well and the owner(superiors) admit their potential power, in which case argue that the students in MV are better enlightened in school than those in GMC. (这句思维有点跳跃) Not(Without) excluding the situation, the author cannot make a hast(hasty) conclusion that GMC needs change to ameliorate their(去掉) employment(employment status).

Sum up, the author makes conclusion that change should be taken based on the comparison with a nearby school, but (he/she) makes several logical fallacies. To better support his claim, the author should analysis the differences between (the two colleges) and offer more information to establish a casual relationship between those implement(不清楚implement作名词有没有“措施”的意思) and the outcome. To better evaluate the result, the author should work more concise(concisely) on how to measure the employment and (to know) which one is actually more successful.


总得来说，作者反驳了3个点：

(1) GMC的措施不能导致就业率高这个结果
(2) GMC 与 MVC 的情况不是完全相同
(3) 文中的数据不能说明MVC学生找的工作不好
应该说攻击点还是不错，但是论证就显得不是很有说服力

共同进步