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echoismeUID: 2845061

偶的战场，一定要征服writing!

欢迎朋友们多指出错误，狠拍砖，猛敲打:)

echoismeUID: 2845061

1.   7.20作文
Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Do you agree or disagree?

I disagree with the statement that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.  

Adimittely,  almost all millionare in the world are businessmen. As we all know, doing business is really the most efficient way to earn a lot of money. Businessmen have the ability to make profits to a large extend. For instance, Bill Gates, the former richest person in the world, earns numerous money by his software company mircosoft in only several years; Warren Buffett, also is one of the most richest person in the world, is famous for his wealth legend and super performance in the stock market, which makes huge money for him. They are all representatives of successul businessmen through the world. So, there is no doubt that, many people devote themselves to business world every year.

However, business is just a kind of job like many other careers, and we should not negative its desire for money.  And money is essensial to our everyday life. Although different jobs have different work contents, they are all aiming at making money to live.For example, teachers teach students, doctors treat patients, and businessmen make money. So it is really very common phenomenon in our various socity. With more money, we can live a better life; while without money, we can not live any more. Therefore, there is no doubt that businessmen have a desire for money.
   
What's more,  businessmen are not only motivated by desire of money. They still have many other motivations such as responsibility of the world. Nowadays, we can see many rich people donate their money to the charity and help people in need. Moreover, an increasing number of funds are found to help the society in all realms, including building school in rural areas, constructing roads in mountains and so forth. One prominent example is Bill Gates, as mentioned above, who donates most of his fortune to found the charity funds and helps African people treating AIDS. I am really moved by his behaviors and spirits.

In sum, we can conclude that businessmen are not only motivated by the desire of money, but also have a strong responsibility to the society.

echoismeUID: 2845061

不好意思，新手上路，不能传附件，分到一个小组的同学如果需要word的话，我给你单独转过去哈~~

伊儿柠檬UID: 2761139

Adimittely,  almost all millionares in the world are businessmen. As we all know, doing business is really the most efficient way to earn a lot of money. Businessmen have the ability to make profits to a large extend. For instance, Bill Gates, the former richest person in the world, earns numerous money by his software company mircosoft in only several years; Warren Buffett, also（who） is one of the most richest person in the world, is famous for his wealth legend and super performance in the stock market, which makes huge money for him. They are all representatives of successul businessmen through the world. So, there is no doubt that, many people devote themselves to business world every year.
7 i8 u! y  T  M" M2 \
However, business is just a kind of job like many other careers, （这句话有问题，工作也生涯不可同日而语）and we should not negative （deny）its desire for money.  And money is essensial to our everyday life. Although different jobs have different work contents, they are all aiming at making money to live.For example, teachers teach students, doctors treat patients, and businessmen make money. So it is really very common phenomenon in our various socity. With more money, we can live a better life; while without money, we can not live any more. Therefore, there is no doubt that businessmen have a desire for money.
$ y$ i7 c) E" r$ J1 F1 v
What's more,  businessmen are not only motivated by desire of money. They still have many other motivations such as responsibility of the world. Nowadays, we can see many rich people donate their money to the charity and help people in need. Moreover, an increasing number of funds are found to help the society in all realms, including building school in rural areas, constructing roads in mountains and so forth. One prominent example is Bill Gates, as mentioned above, who donates most of his fortune to found the charity funds and helps African people treating AIDS. I am really moved by his behaviors and spirits.
" h/ h$ x# `5 m) V. {6 z  T1 v) [
In sum, we can conclude that businessmen are not only motivated by the desire of money, but also have a strong responsibility to the society.
我觉得你的文章既然是反驳的话，你的观点太少了，只在倒数第二段里体现了出来，而其余的却全部都是铺垫。没有鲜明的体现出到底是支持还是反对

lu_squareUID: 2678460

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Do you agree or disagree?. s2 S: Z% P2 K" M8 L' j* W5 n

! @& q) ^2 E0 ~) {( ?8 X+ w8 nI disagree with the statement that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.    }  _0 r/ |, e% W, M. Y

. Q/ S( {* D+ M" H, ?0 SAdimittely,  almost all millionares in the world are businessmen. As we all know, doing business is really the most efficient way to earn a lot of money. Businessmen have the ability to make profits to a large extend. For instance, Bill Gates, the former richest person in the world, earns numerous money by his software company mircosoft in only several years; Warren Buffett, also is one of the most richest person in the world, is famous for his wealth legend and super performance in the stock market, which makes huge money for him. They are all representatives of successul businessmen through the world. So, there is no doubt that, many people devote themselves to business world every year.(这个结论。。好苍白吖。几乎所有的富豪都是商人≠每年都有人投身商业）
P6 a4 n  |& l1 s5 i( r" Y, y! B5 P5 u/ S8 j
However, business is just a her careers,nd we should not negative its desire for money.  And money is essensial to our everyday life. Although different jobs have different work contents, they are all aiming at making money to live.For example, teachers teach students, doctors treat patients, and businessmen make money. So it is really very common phenomenon in our various socity. With more money, we can live a better life; while without money, we can not live any more. Therefore, there is no doubt that businessmen have a desire for money.  A, k' C0 b2 P( [2 `%


's more,  businessmen are not only motivated by desire of money. They still have many other motivations such as responsibility of the world. Nowadays, we can see many rich people donate their money to the charity and help people in need. Moreover, an increasing number of funds are found to help the society in all realms, including building school in rural areas, constructing roads in mountains and so forth. One prominent example is Bill Gates, as mentioned above, who donates most of his fortune to found the charity funds and helps African people treating AIDS. I am really moved by his behaviors and spirits.
+ A1 F8 m! Q: e$ t9 ?0 Q+ R/ y; {/ k- B, t  v. Q
In sum, we can conclude that businessmen are not only motivated by the desire of money, but also have a strong responsibility to the society.

我自己的排版可能有点问题，导致你的文本部分缺失。抱歉。
先说思路吧，你的中间2段其实是在强调钱的重要，尤其是第二段，有点偏题。（my personal feeling) 中间第三段就完全跟你的agree相矛盾了，看看你的第一段，就是agree,没有提及disagree,你应该在第一段说清楚你既agree也disagree to some extent, 这样第三段才能够成立。否则像现在这样首尾不呼应。
行文流畅。
Finally, take care&have a nice day

echoismeUID: 2845061

5# lu_square

我的态度是disagree，正文第一段先让步，承认钱的重要性，因此商人挣钱是很正常的现象；第二段开始转折，写商人不仅仅为了钱，还有别的desire~~

我表述如此不清楚吗？~~~~(>_<)~~~~

echoismeUID: 2845061

7.22（08.10.25NA）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

Do you often clean your bedroom and arrange your room neatly? If your answer is yes,
then I will congratuate you! As far as I am concerned, students who keep their rooms
neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. Those
students who do well their rooms can enjoy a more regular and healthy life and have a
strong ability of organization.

First of all, keeping neat and well-organized rooms is a good habit for students, because
they can enjoy a regualr and healthy life, which will bring a lot of benefit to them. Just as an old saying goes that "a good habit benefits a life". As we all know, a healthy body is the foundation of good work and study for us. With tidying rooms frequently and neatly, we can get a better environment to live, defend ourselves from virus and bacterium, and have a nice mood. That just ensures us a healthy body. Only with a healthy body, can we work hard to pursue success, live longer and enjoy our life better.

What's more, the behavior of keeping rooms neat and organized indicates a student has
a strong sense of self-desipline, responsibility and organization. These are very
important personalities to an individual. For example, if a student keeps the habit of
tidying his or her room cleanlily every week for years, we can see his or her strong
willpower and self-desipline ability; if he or she can organize his or her room comfortable
or attracting, we can see his or her ability of organization;if a student does room while
his or her coevals does not, we can see his or her responsiblity. These will benefit a
student a lot in his or her future life. Thus, I consider these students are more likey to
succeed.

However, not all successful person keep their rooms neat and organized when they are
students. There are always some exception, people spending most of their time on their study and work, regardless of details of everyday life. For instance, Thomas Edison, a great inventor who invented the bulb, is a good example of this. When he concentrated on doing experiments, he ate and slept in the labratary for months and he did not care about whether his room was neat or he dressed well. He had no time and also was not interested in this. But we can't deny his great achievements in scientific feild. Perhaps this is another way of small great man's lives.

In sum, the aspects influence the success of the students are diversity. I agree with the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not, since they can have a healthier life, a stronger sense of organization. I also admit that the students can succeed with other talents, without considering keeping neat rooms.

sosodiuUID: 2731702

Do you often clean your bedroom and arrange your room neatly? If your answer is yes,
then I will congratulate you! As far as I am concerned, students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. Those
students who do well their rooms can enjoy a more regular and healthy life and have a strong ability of organization.
First of all, keeping neat and well-organized rooms is a good habit for students, because
they can enjoy a regular and healthy life, which will bring a lot of benefit to them. Just as an old saying goes that "a good habit benefits a life". As we all know, a healthy body is the foundation of good work and study for us. With tidying rooms frequently and neatly, we can get a better environment to live, defend ourselves from virus and bacterium, and have a nice mood. That just ensures us a healthy body. Only with a healthy body, can we work hard to pursue success, live longer and enjoy our life better.
What's more, the behavior of keeping rooms neat and organized indicates a student has
a strong sense of self-desipline(discipline), responsibility and organization. These are very
important personalities to an individual. For example, if a student keeps the habit of tidying his or her room cleanlily every week for years, we can see his or her strong
willpower and self-desipline ability; if he or she can organize his or her room comfortable
or attracting, we can see his or her ability of organization; if a student does room while
his or her coevals does not, we can see his or her responsibility. These will benefit a student a lot in his or her future life. Thus, I consider these students are more likely to
succeed.

However, not all successful person keep their rooms neat and organized when they are
students. There are always some exception, people spending most of their time on their study and work, regardless of details of everyday life. For instance, Thomas Edison, a great inventor who invented the bulb, is a good example of this. When he concentrated on doing experiments, he ate and slept in the laboratory for months and he did not care about whether his room was neat or he dressed well. He had no time and also was not interested in this. But we can't deny his great achievements in scientific field. Perhaps this is another way of small great man's lives.

In sum, the aspects (that) influence the success of the students are diversity. I agree with the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not, since they can have a healthier life, a stronger sense of organization. I also admit that the students can succeed with other talents, without considering keeping neat rooms.

A good essay as I see. 有一点小小建议，就是看见文章中使用tidy这个动词，而后用了neatly and cleanly， 但这两个词去形容 tidying rooms 这个动作并不是很准确。 可以斟酌一下。
还有文章的最后一句，我感觉用你原来的段落大意比较好，就是房间整洁并不能决定一个人是否成功，感觉这句话你的表达有点偏了这个段落意思。拙见！ 加油

sosodiuUID: 2731702

阿 有一些单词拼错我在word 里改了用颜色标出 复制后怎么没了```