Issue 50 菜鸟作文 恳请大家猛拍 万分感谢！

papalovemamaUID: 2799986

50 In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level,all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

I concede the speaker's assertion that,to some extent,the professors' professional working experience which is relevant to their courses will be helpful to enhance the quality of instruction at the college and university level.Nevertheless,the speaker unjustifiably claim that all the faculty should be required to gain professional working experience outside the academic world.In my observation,professional working experience is indispensable to some subjects.However,on the contrary,it is useless to some other subjects and might impede the development of education in these subjects.Furthermore,there are many other efficient ways to improve the qulity of instruction.

First of all,in such subjects as mechanical engineering and economics,professors' professional working experience can not only enhance the quality of instruction but also be great helpful to students' career in the future.From the professional working,professors can impart the knowledge which does not contain in the text books to students.If your major is mechanical engineering,just imagine that when you are in front of a complex machine,probably you do not know how to deal with it according to the knowledge you have learned from text books.Meanwhile,the professor's practical experience that you have learned can help you to operate the machine smoothly.Obviously,this kind of knowledge and experience could be very useful for students' relevant career in the future.In the economic field,if a professor worked in a company before,he or she has probably known that what kind of talent the boss want and which kinds of abilities of student should be trained for the job.

However,professional working experience is useless for some subjects,especially for humanities just as history,literature and other theoretical fields.These subjects' main aim is to cultivate your idea to suit the changeable society.If the professor works outside the academic world,in some sense,their thought would be confined and this
certainly count against to improve the quality of instruction.Consider the example of Karl Marx,it took him fourty two years to accomplish "Das Kapital".It is impossible for him to think and write without a tranquil environment and sufficient time.Many Nobel Prize winners spend almost their entire lifetime doing research in the laboratory.This example serves well to illustrate that it is futile for professors to work outside the academic world in theoretical courses field.

In addition,professors' professional working experience is not the only factor which influences the quality of education.There are many other ways to enhance the quality of instruction at the college and university level.The colleges and universities could offer more scholarships to encouage students to compete in a healthy environment.Thus,the students will definitely have a powerful motivation for study,and make remarkable progress.Moreover,the professors should offer more opportunities for students to get involved in research projects.It will not only broaden student's horizon of the field relevant to the course,but also hlepful to cultivate their abilities of creativity and practice.

To sum up,I am inclined to support the idea that the faculty of some practical subjects should be required to working in professions relevant to the courses they teach,and it is greatly helpful to enhance the quality of instuction in such courses.However,for other theoretical subjects,the faculty should place great emphasis on the academic field rather than gain professional working experience.Besides,we should not ignore the significance of other efficient ways to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

这个题目的文章我也写过。
你你第一段的开头很好，没什么太大的缺陷。
中国人一般用subjects表示专业，但我觉得这个词不太专业。
第二段的论证和举得例子都还不错，很有代表性。
你举拉马克思的例子论证professional working experience is useless for some subjects，especially for humanities just as history,literature and other theoretical fields.的时候理由太牵强，不充分。比如，据我所知，马克思为了写资本论曾花了大量的时间深入到工人中去，充分了解工人的工作方式和生存环境。我建议你，如果举例的话，举哲学和神学会比较好，西方人也更容易接受。但谈神学的话要有相当的文化功底，否则适得其反。
倒数第二段显得是为了凑字数？
最后一段faculty should place great emphasis on the academic field rather than gain professional working experience，WHY ?你在前面没有具体说明，在总结的时候就不要加。Besides,we should not ignore the significance of other efficient ways to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.
最后一句结尾的太仓促了。
总体还行，4分应该问题不大。但北美的味道太重，只是形似而神不似。ISSUE关键是你的思维而不是语言的套路

papalovemamaUID: 2799986

看了你的评论，收益良多，我会好好总结，十分感谢你!: ) 2# zhangjunzj

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

我以前写过的一篇相同的题目，希望楼主也看看，给点意见。虽然我现在看起来觉得写得很烂，但毕竟是自己写得不好做太多的评价，当局着迷。

The speaker asserts that in order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world. In my view, I fundamentally agree with the speaker on the respect that working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course might be beneficial to the teaching, for students can learn well what they learnt could be used in their future career. However, at the meantime, not all of the faculty should work in professions relevant to the course in the working world, such as some very theoretical subjects.
     From some very practical and useful way, I do quite agree with the speaker's statement, for most college or university students would go on working and apply what they have learnt in college into practical use and make contributions to the whole society with their professional knowledge and skills. In this respect, it is necessary for faculty which relevant to some practical majors and courses such as business, law, and medicine to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach, for example, they could spend their time in companies, office of law and hospitals to learn to apply their professional knowledge and skills into practical use, by this way ,  the could master their professional knowledge better though such practical learning, besides , their could also find  the differences between what they are taught in books and the true application of specific knowledge in practical works. Consider, for example, a medical school students are required to stay in hospital as interns before they could be  a real doctor, that's because medicine is a practical and professional work which requires not only medical knowledge but also the experiences of practical working with patients, only by this way, could a medical school students learns well and gradually mastered such a skill  as a doctor and able to treat patient at the expense of practical and clinic experiences as interns.
      Nevertheless, when it comes to some very theoretical fields of studies, and as math, theoretical physics and even philosophy, spending time working outside the academic world would have no any sound benefits. For example, philosophy is regarded as one of the most difficult subjects to study and learn, for it is relevant to something internal, such as ideology, spirit, emotions and the way we recognize and world and ourselves, those elements that philosophy concerns are all very abstract ones for we could not touch or feel those directly and the only way we could understand and recognize those feelings is through our perspectives and self value. In the respect, unlike other practical faculty as business and medicine, it is difficult and even impossible to find such workings fields relevant to the courses in professions ,because the study of human thoughts and metaphysics requires little working experience but more our critical thinking and creative criticism.
     In sum, I fundamentally with the speaker's statement for most subjects are in close relevance with our practical working fields, thus, for most faculty who teach such subjects are necessarily required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions in order to improve their students abilities to apply their books' knowledge into practical skills and help them accumulate more working experience which might be very beneficial for their future careers. Nevertheless, some other theoretical subjects still remain to be very difficult in relation with any practical working fields. In the final analysis, in order to improve the quality of instruction at the college level , faculty who are in close relevance with practical use should required to spend time working outside the academic worlds in professions, only by this way , could students better apply what they have learnt to their future careers and make more contributions to our society .

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

现在才发现我文章里太多语法错误，这些就不用管了

jack1987UID: 2409808

zhangjunzj，恕我直言，你这篇文章写跑了吧，issue的对象是falcuty而不是students
语言结构什么的都蛮好的，以后要注意审题

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

jack1987,谢了，居然跑偏了,低级错误啊

papalovemamaUID: 2799986

4# zhangjunzj
The speaker asserts that in order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world.(简单复制题目不太好吧，至少有点改变，换换同义词或改变下句式。) In my view, I fundamentally agree with the speaker on the respect that working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course might be beneficial to the teaching, for students can learn well what they learnt（这里最好加from the faculty.不然读者会误认为学生去工作。）could be used in their future career. However, at the meantime, not all of the faculty should work in professions relevant to the course in the working world, such as some very theoretical subjects.

From some very practical and useful way, I do quite agree with the speaker's statement, for most college or university students would go on working and apply what they have learnt in college into practical use and make contributions to the whole society with their professional knowledge and skills. In this respect, it is necessary for faculty which relevant to some practical majors and courses such as business, law, and medicine to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach, for example, they could spend their time in companies, office of law and hospitals to learn to apply their professional knowledge and skills into practical use, by this way ,  the could master their professional knowledge better though such practical learning, besides , their could also find  the differences between what they are taught in books and the true application of specific knowledge in practical works. Consider, for example, a medical school students are required to stay in hospital as interns before they could be  a real doctor, that's because medicine is a practical and professional work which requires not only medical knowledge but also the experiences of practical working with patients, only by this way, could a medical school students learns well and gradually mastered such a skill  as a doctor and able to treat patient at the expense of practical and clinic experiences as interns.（这一段叙述的去工作的主体变成了学生，题目意思应该是老师的工作经验能提高他们的教学质量。）


Nevertheless, when it comes to some very theoretical fields of studies, and as math, theoretical physics and even philosophy, spending time working outside the academic world would have no any sound benefits. For example, philosophy is regarded as one of the most difficult subjects to study and learn, for it is relevant to something internal, such as ideology, spirit, emotions and the way we recognize and world and ourselves, those elements that philosophy concerns are all very abstract ones for we could not touch or feel those directly and the only way we could understand and recognize those feelings is through our perspectives and self value.（这句子比较长，有点深奥，建议分成几句，重新组织一下结构。） In the respect, unlike other practical faculty as business and medicine, it is difficult and even impossible to find such workings fields relevant to the courses in professions ,because the study of human thoughts and metaphysics requires little working experience but more our critical thinking and creative criticism.

In sum, I fundamentally with the speaker's statement for most subjects are in close relevance with our practical working fields, thus, for most faculty who teach such subjects are necessarily required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions in order to improve their students abilities to apply their books' knowledge into practical skills and help them accumulate more working experience which might be very beneficial for their future careers. （还是句子太长了。建议分句。）Nevertheless, some other theoretical subjects still remain to be very difficult in relation with any practical working fields. In the final analysis, in order to improve the quality of instruction at the college level , faculty who are in close relevance with practical use should required to spend time working outside the academic worlds in professions, only by this way , could students better apply what they have learnt to their future careers and make more contributions to our society .

总体而言，论证主体段的第一段好像把对象搞混淆了。让读者感觉是students去工作而不是faculty。有的句子太长了，逗号太多，容易使读者困惑，建议一句话中逗号不要太多，多分几个句子，这样也能使句子的意思一目了然。最后建议论证主体段缩小长度，有些只是意思重复，建议再多加一段，可以以there are other ways to improve the quality of instruction为话题，这样能使论证内容更严密，结构更饱满。
以上纯属个人意见，由于本人尚才疏学浅，仅供参考。.

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

感谢，我会改进的，我的所有作文都是严格卡时间写的，因此会有很多问题，思考的时间也不多。
谢谢papalovemama 的精细的点评，别人的建议总会使自己进步很多，再次感谢。

papalovemamaUID: 2799986

9# zhangjunzj
呵呵，不谢，大家互帮互助，共同进步！

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

以后你的文章我有时间的话会特别关注的