欢迎拍 issue 130

crazyjooUID: 2805124

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 665
TIME: 01:05:13
DATE: 2000-7-21 23:55:54



I strongly agree with the speaker's claim because children are the future of our society and the process of socialization serves to play a decisive role in the evolution of society. In addition, undue utility of some social organizations and the negative influence of social mass media are impeding effective process socialization.


As a threshold problem, the speaker fails to give socialization a clear definition. Over history and nations, socialization has characterized as a process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. In the respect of children, a truly effective and positive socialization provides them necessary skills for participating in the activities involved in the society they lives and endows them with correct value system, sense of mission, responsibility, mercy and so forth, that is to say, it prepare eligible citizens for the future society.


Unfortunately, many social organizations such as schools fail to prompt crucial process because they do not give their students a correct attitude to academics. One example aptly illustrates this point involved the winners of disciplines Olympic Games in China. A gold medal in such competition will not only bring great honor and rewarding to the winner's tutor but also will advance the champion to undergraduate study directly without any college or university entrance exam, which is a grueling task for most Chinese high school students. Paradoxically, those elites refuse to choose the discipline which bring them applaud and effortless matriculation as major. And most of these winners say that they have little interest in those disciplines. Rather, they tend to choose lucrative disciplines.
Despite their utilitarian, this phenomenon arouses huge suspicions. What factors change their attitude toward the disciplines? Is it possible that they had already lost their interest before they became the champions? The answer to this paradox lies in their high schools where teachers are chasing for the titles such as "the teacher who cultivate the most winners of disciplines Olympic Games" and are reluctant to discuss with students about a academic topic which is not involved in the tournament.
As a result, it is this sort of ignorance of cultivation of interest and correct academic attitude that those once elites would be easily cast in the sea of academics without clear direction. In this light, the undue pragmatism of school education only serves to impede the process of socialization.


Besides social organizations, many adults' behavior and mass media also bring negative influence to children's socialization. Common sense informs us that children tend to imitate their parents' behavior. For example, if the kid saw his/her mother expressing discriminatory language to an African American, the children will soon regard this behavior as acceptable and it is very likely that they would blurt similar language to black people. Besides, violence, drugs and sex, all of which are advocated by the mass media.
In fact, we can watch these things everywhere, no matter it be posters, movies, TV programs and even songs. It would be horrible that if our children are to be socialized by violent movies and bad language songs considering children's strong desire to imitate. Children are like pure white papers which will be painted with beautiful lines and hue through correct and effective process of socialization. Otherwise, the white paper would teem with heinous colors and nasty images. Therefore, we adults, as children's paragon, should do right things and try to keep children far away from the dirty aspects of mass media. However, the impact of mass media is so powerful that we can hardly prevent our children from being influenced by it more or less.
In this respect, all adults including the staffs of mass media should take full responsibility to our children's socialization, to be more specific, to the destiny of society.


To sum up, the process of children's socialization indeed determines the future of society.
We adults should underscore this process and should be circumspect to our undue behaviors for the very reason that our behaviors will affect the children's behavior, and finally determine the destiny of society.

odiehereUID: 2502172

看得出作者是经过了严谨的gre作文训练的。语言挺不错的，只是可能要注意在某些细节不要出错。另外长句可能偏多，如果能长短结合大概读起来会更舒服和流畅吧？
两个例子还是挺不错的，我喜欢第一个。不过可能要适当添加合理论证才能跟题目的socialization更加贴近吧~
要多向你学习~

I strongly agree with the speaker's claim because children are the future of our society and the process of socialization serves to play a decisive role in the evolution of society. In addition, undue utility (utilization?) of some social organizations and the negative influence of social mass media are impeding effective process of socialization.


As a threshold problem, the speaker fails to give socialization a clear definition. Over history and nations, socialization has characterized as a process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. (Over the history and across nations, socialization has been characterized as a process of acquiring social norms, customes and ideologies.) In the respect of children, a truly effective and positive socialization provides them necessary skills for participating in the activities involved in the society they lives and endows them with correct value system, sense of mission, responsibility, mercy and so forth, that is to say, it prepares eligible citizens for the future society.


Unfortunately, many social organizations, such as schools, fail to prompt crucial process because they do not give their students a correct attitude to academics(because they have not help the studtents to form a correct attitude toward their study). One example aptly illustrates this point involved the winners of disciplines Olympic Games in China. A gold medal in such competition will not only bring great honor and rewarding to the winner's tutor but also will advance the champion to undergraduate study directly without any college or university entrance exam, which is a grueling task for most Chinese high school students. Paradoxically, those elites refuse to choose the discipline which bring them applaud and effortless matriculation as major. And most of these winners say that they have little interest in those disciplines. Rather, they tend to choose lucrative disciplines.
Despite their utilitarian, this phenomenon arouses huge suspicions. What factors change their attitude toward the disciplines? Is it possible that they had already lost their interest before they became the champions? The answer to this paradox lies in their high schools where teachers are chasing for the titles such as "the teacher who cultivate the most winners of disciplines Olympic Games" and are reluctant to discuss with students about a academic topic which is not involved in the tournament.
As a result, it is this sort of ignorance of cultivation of interest and correct academic attitude that those once elites would be easily cast in the sea of academics without clear direction. In this light, the undue pragmatism of school education only serves to impede the process of socialization.
(我觉得可以加几句让这个实例更加契合题意，使得论证更有说服力。例如The aim of the tutors, and the schools on a broader range, is not to cultivate students integrately and holistically, but to cultivate them only for the honor of the school. Accordingly, the objective of the students in participating in the academic Olympic competitions, is not to follow their interest or to prepare themselves for contributing to the betterment of the society...云云)

Besides social organizations, many adults' behavior and mass media also bring negative influence to children's socialization. Common sense informs us that children tend to imitate their parents' behavior. For example, if the kid saw his/her mother expressing discriminatory language to an African American, the children will soon regard this behavior as acceptable and it is very likely that they would blurt similar language to black people. Besides, violence, drugs and sex, all of which are advocated by the mass media (太绝对了吧 能不能改成：are frequetly seen in the media).
In fact, we can watch these things everywhere, no matter it (they) be posters, movies, TV programs and even songs. It would be horrible that if our children are to be socialized by violent movies and bad language songs considering children's strong desire to imitate. Children are like pure white papers which will be painted with beautiful lines and hue through correct and effective process of socialization. Otherwise, the white paper would teem with heinous colors and nasty images. Therefore, we adults, as children's paragon, should do right things and try to keep children far away from the dirty aspects of mass media. However, the impact of mass media is so powerful that we can hardly prevent our children from being influenced by it more or less.
In this respect, all adults including the staffs of mass media should take full responsibility to our children's socialization, to be more specific, to the destiny of society.(take responsibility for something)


To sum up, the process of children's socialization indeed determines the future of society. (因为本文的论证并未强调这一论点，我不确定是否要在结尾重申之)
We adults should underscore this process and should be circumspect to our undue behaviors for the very reason that our behaviors will affect the children's behavior, and finally determine the destiny of society.

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 665
TIME: 01:05:13
DATE: 2000-7-21 23:55:54

首先，看过一遍，感觉作者写的很不错，我第一次写这个题的时候，完全先呆掉了，都不知道用什么例子来支撑。也不知道说什么好。写一句删一句，最后干脆放下重新来。
要向你学习：）

I strongly（要是我可能不会用这个词，感觉有点激动，不知道是不是我感觉不对，咱们可以讨论下） agree with the speaker's claim because children are the future of our society and the process of socialization serves to play a decisive role in the evolution of society. In addition, undue utility of some social organizations and the negative influence of social mass media are impeding effective process socialization.
（“undue utility”这个词是什么意思？后面一句话我没太看明白，能不能解释下？）

As a threshold problem, the speaker fails to give socialization a clear definition. （前面这句看着有点像Argument）Over history and nations, socialization has characterized as a process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. In the respect of children, a truly effective and positive socialization provides them necessary skills for participating in the activities involved in the society they lives and endows them with correct value system, sense of mission, responsibility, mercy and so forth, that is to say, it prepare eligible citizens for the future society.（呼呼，一口气看完这一句还真是不容易，建议你变短点，说的简略点）

Unfortunately, many social organizations such as schools fail to prompt crucial process because they do not give their students a correct attitude to academics. One example aptly（我喜欢这个词） illustrates this point involved the winners of disciplines Olympic Games in China. A gold medal in such competition will not only bring great honor and rewarding to the winner's tutor but also will advance the champion to undergraduate study directly without any college or university entrance exam, which is a grueling task for most Chinese high school students. Paradoxically, those elites refuse to choose the discipline which bring them applaud and effortless matriculation as major. And most of these winners say that they have little interest in those disciplines. Rather, they tend to choose lucrative disciplines.
（这段写的不错~）

Despite their utilitarian, this phenomenon arouses huge suspicions. What factors change their attitude toward the disciplines? Is it possible that they had already lost their interest before they became the champions? The answer to this paradox lies in（赞） their high schools where teachers are chasing for the titles such as "the teacher who cultivate the most winners of disciplines Olympic Games" and are reluctant to discuss with students about a academic topic which is not involved in the tournament.

As a result, it is this sort of ignorance of cultivation of interest and correct academic attitude that those once elites would be easily cast in the sea of academics without clear direction（赞）. In this light, the undue pragmatism of school education only serves to impede the process of socialization.

Besides social organizations, many adults' behavior and mass media also bring negative influence to children's socialization. Common sense informs us that children tend to imitate their parents' behavior. For example, if the kid saw his/her mother expressing discriminatory language to an African American, the children will soon regard this behavior as acceptable and it is very likely that they would blurt similar language to black people. Besides, violence, drugs and sex, all of which are advocated by the mass media.

In fact, we can watch these things everywhere, no matter it be posters, movies, TV programs and even songs. It would be horrible that if our children are to be socialized by violent movies and bad language songs considering children's strong desire to imitate. Children are like pure white papers which will be painted with beautiful lines and hue through correct and effective process of socialization. （赞）Otherwise, the white paper would teem with heinous colors and nasty images. Therefore, we adults, as children's paragon, should do right things and try to keep children far away from the dirty aspects of mass media. However, the impact of mass media is so powerful that we can hardly prevent our children from being influenced by it more or less.

In this respect, all adults including the staffs of mass media should take full responsibility to our children's socialization, to be more specific, to the destiny of society.
段落分的有点多了

To sum up, the process of children's socialization indeed determines the future of society.
We adults should underscore this process and should be circumspect to our undue behaviors for the very reason that our behaviors will affect the children's behavior, and finally determine the destiny of society.
（最后一段好像就是所谓的升华了，在这一块我一直都不知道该怎么做，慢慢理解中）
如果是我写的话，也许会有更多的实在点的例子如果能有更多的实例（能追根溯源的那种），也许更具有说服力。
因为我本身的逻辑很不怎么样，所以只能比较浅的改了改。
多多+U