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[i习作temp] Issue36 我写的第一篇Issue 跪求猛拍~谢谢大家 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-7-22 21:13:33 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 艾羽暄 于 2010-7-22 21:15 编辑

Who can decide the greatness of individuals?


The first test of a truly man is what he does. In some cases, greatness can be recognized by the contemporaries. In other areas, however, it may take a long time, sometimes even longer than one's lifetime, for greatness to be tested and confirmed.



There is no denying the fact that the greatness of some individuals is identified only by those who live after them. Looking back to history, we find many great men whose excellence is recognized only after their death and whose contributions to the society are judged by people who live after them. In the realm of science, it is usually difficult and sometimes even impossible to identify greatness without the benefit of historical perspective. After all, theory must be tested in practice. In this way, any scientific theory of today might be disproved tomorrow, or might survive years of rigorous scientific scrutiny and server as a springboard for later advances. A case in point is Alfred Wegener, a German scientist and geophysicist most notable for his theory of continental drift, was at first laughed at by his contemporaries for his "foolish" idea about floating continents. Though having mostly circumstantial evidence, Wegener was unable to demonstrate a mechanism for continental drift, which meant that his hypothesis was not accepted until the 1950s, when numerous discoveries provided mass evidence of continental drift; and his greatness was finally recognized 20 years after his death. This clearly illustrate the point that some discoveries and achievements made by individuals in science and other areas may not be well judged and understood by their contemporaries--perhaps only by those who follow them.



While the greatness of individuals can be evaluated objectively by people who live beyond their time and their society, these evaluations unfortunately lag behind the time and contribute almost nothing to the development of the society at that time, thus may be lack of significance to some extent.



In some cases, however, greatness can be recognizable in no time. When it comes to contemporary writers and singers, we do not require a rear-view mirror to recognize the popularity of a book or a song--it can be well assessed at face value by the writer's or singer's contemporaries. To demonstrate this point clearly, here's a case in point. The famous song MY HEART WILL GO ON by Celine Dion, which has really taken the public's fancy, has a legendary recording experience. When recording the song and Celine Dion just sang the song from the beginning to the end for the first time, everyone in the recording studio was completely amazed and deeply moved by the holy and melancholy strain of the song as well as the most beautiful and charming sound they'd ever heard--some of them were even moved to tears. It is said that MY HEART WILL GO ON is the only "one-time recording song" that has ever been made in the world. And as with the recording studio, the whole world was fascinated by the heavenly harmony of the song. Celine Dion's success fully demonstrates that some greatness can be identified immediately, for there's nothing to be later tested or confirmed.



In final analysis, while some great achievements of individuals, as with scientific discoveries, are to be testified and identified by later generations, there are other successful individuals whose attainments are widely recognized as great during their own time. What's more, it's the achievements of individuals, rather than the evaluations from others, that make the society to develop and flourish. And that is what greatness is all about.


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沙发
发表于 2010-7-22 22:30:31 |只看该作者
以后字放大些。
第一段:有明确观点,很好,但语言比较稚嫩。
第二段:不错,有理有据,论据充分,但有我熟悉的句子啊。
第三段是怎么回事,开个头就没了?要么写,要么不写
第四段:又看到了我熟悉的句子,看来你喜欢这句,我也喜欢,不知考官是不是也喜欢。你的例子说明你是个很感性的人,但考试就是考试。歌手绝对很少有伟大的,除了MJ等少数之外,何况MJ也死了。最好用些什么对人类贡献大的人,如NOBEL将得主,曼德拉之类的。
最后结尾还行。

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板凳
发表于 2010-7-22 23:27:30 |只看该作者
2# zhangjunzj
多谢指点~
第一篇感觉没什么说的,旁边放着范文,看哪句喜欢就直接抄来了……惭愧惭愧
第三段不知道接下来该怎么说,又觉得不能不说……
第四段的例子是不是太罗嗦了呀,以后还能用它吗
这是我第一次写这么长的文章,请问语言方面要改进吗
再次多谢指导~

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地板
发表于 2010-7-22 23:40:39 |只看该作者
第四段不是太罗嗦,是不具有说服力啊~
great people是伟人,歌手是伟人吗?还是用些传统的,比如说曼德拉等公认的,歌手伟不伟很难说啊。
要是肯定的,没人敢说他的语言很好了。语言的话短期很难改,时间长的话可以模仿,背下来,我就背了好多,你写的就是我背过的,但背过后要转换成自己的风格,不能原搬照抄。时间不够的话就集中精力在论点和论据上,怎么开头,怎么结尾。

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RE: Issue36 我写的第一篇Issue 跪求猛拍~谢谢大家 [修改]

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Issue36 我写的第一篇Issue 跪求猛拍~谢谢大家
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1126879-1-1.html
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