【Flyer杀G作文组】07月22日Argument169-By 潇

红绡UID: 2839171

题目：ARGUMENT169 - The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."
日期：2010-7-24 0:47:41

As the arguer concludes that Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty to enhance the degree of satisfaction which the professors reflect to the university. A similar example of Bronston College has been provided and then the arguer claims the proposal naturally. I have to say that careful analysis of the argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

Firstly, there is a false analogy between Bronston College(B) and Pierce University(P). The conclusion is established on the premise of the analogy which default that P has the same circumstance as B, although there is no explanation about details of the two. We cannot believe that they have the comparability based on the same conditions. Thus, the author has to provide details about the two universities.

Secondly, as the arguer writes, B is located in a small town which is favored by professors and their spouses. However, it is obvious that the arguer ignores this point and regards another facet as the primary reason or even the only reason referenced on P's situation. No more materials confirm that if small town would be a attractive for the professors and their spouses. If the author wish to support that there is no relationship between professor’s reference and small town, the authoritative explanation must be offered.

Thirdly, the author suggests that P should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member regardless if they would accept the jobs as ideal ones. Obviously, the statement is out of practical reasoning which claims that the investment for the positions of professors’ spouses is worthy relative to the payback. If the new professors’ spouses have their own ideal jobs or have received good salaries, there is no reason for them to give up original jobs and turn to the worse employment provided by P. What is more, the argument mentions nothing about why he or she is so confident to assure the investment spent valuably. Thus, I cannot be in favor of this facet.

In sum, the arguer has failed in to support his or her conclusion relied on above reasons. In order to persuasive me, the argument must offer details about the two universities, and rule out other factors which may wave professors’ decision. Additionally, the explanation why the investment for professors’ spouses is spent valuably should be put forward to perfect the reasoning.

DriverEntryUID: 143979

reflect to the university-->改成ON 似乎好些.
其实which the professors reflect to the university 这句可以拿掉,罗缩....

继续看.

DriverEntryUID: 143979

although there is no explanation-->ALTHOUGH 换成HOWEVER好些. 否则那句太长,头尾都是重点.

"However, it is obvious that the arguer ignores this point and regards another facet as the primary reason or even the only reason referenced on P's situation."这句说的不够清楚. 可以直接说,人们也许是更喜欢B那个小城镇而去B那个学校.

town would be A attractive  那个A是怎么回事?

"If the new professors’ spouses have their own ideal jobs or have received good salaries, there is no reason for them to give up original jobs and turn to the worse employment provided by P."
这句说的太绝对, 人家也许会来,也许不来.

总的来说一般吧, 句子看上去不是很丰富. 有的话说的太绝对,还是用一些PERHAPS, MAYBE 之类的比较好. 第3点反驳的不是很完全. 总体上感觉有些地方说的还不够透.

加油.

PS; 很久没看ARGU 了.....

红绡UID: 2839171

3# DriverEntry

谢谢拍文~继续改正