7.27 小野 作文

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

水平有限，个人意见，莫怪莫怪

sophie-zyUID: 2894667

不好意思，我的级别不够，不能上传附件，所以只能粘在这了。水平有限，只是个人意见，我们可以多交流！谢谢~

In a modern society, many students may face the dilemma question whether they should take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities. Some claim that students should focus their time and energy on their studying to improve their [url=]transcripts[/url][zy1] . However, others believe students may gain much good experience when they take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities. As far as I concerned, I give my vote to the latter opinion as the following reasons:
To begin with, taking part-time jobs is a good opportunity for students to integrate theory and practice, in particular, when they are studying in universities. [url=]As we known[/url][zy2] , many universities only pay more attention on passing knowledge of theory to their student, students have few opportunities to carry out the knowledge that they have studied. It is a proper chance for students to find some part-time jobs to compensate such demerits. On the one hand, if students spend some time on taking part-time jobs, students may know why certain theory knowledge could be expressed in such way, how people find proper condition to meet such theory knowledge; on the other hand, students may use theory knowledge to guide them to take part-time jobs. [url=]Therefore, taking part-time jobs is a very valuable opportunity to apply theory knowledge to solve practical questions.[/url]
[zy3]
Secondly, students may accumulate[url=] much [/url][zy4] valuable job experience when they take part-time jobs in universities. All students must look for jobs in market after they graduate. If some students have [url=]much[/url][zy5] work experience before they [url=]look for[/url][zy6] job, they will have much more opportunities to choose companies. What's more, it is very helpful for students who have some work experience to undertake their career in the future because [url=]they may quickly work as a skill worker[/url][zy7] in corporations. Such work experiences are from that fact they take some part-time jobs when they are studying universities. Therefore, taking part-time jobs [url=]are [/url][zy8] very good choice for students to accumulate work experience.


Finally, many students have [url=]much[/url][zy9] time to take part-time jobs although they are studying in universities. Many students don't take part-time jobs, but they play video games to kill their spare time. Such phenomenon is very common in universities. Students use their time to take some part-time jobs rather than playing video games, which are best ways to arrange their spare time. Therefore, we should support students to take part-time jobs when they are studying in universities.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely come to draw the conclusion that there are many advantages for students to take part-time jobs when they are studying in universities. Taking part-time jobs is a good opportunity for students to gain valuable work experience to prepare for their future careers. What's more, students could integrate theory knowledge with practice to check out they have studied knowledge. [url=]Therefore[/url][zy10] , students should take part-time jobs when they study in universities.



条理清楚，小的建议是我们都需要丰富用词和句法~我的英语不太好，意见仅供参考~一起加油~




[zy1]or credits?



[zy2] As we all know/as is known to all/ as is well-known



[zy3]我的想法是：Taking part-time jobs is a good combination of theory and practice.仅供参考哈~



[zy4]Numerous



[zy5]Large amount of



[zy6]Hunt for



[zy7]可不可以说：they may involve in their work as a experienced worker quickly in corporations.



[zy8]Is a .我的想法是：
Taking part-time jobs will make them more competitive in the job market.仅供参考哈~



[zy9]Spare



[zy10]Hence

cairen1986UID: 2599310

9.4-cairen1986作业 谢谢批改啊

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

改好了，熟人啊。

cairen1986UID: 2599310

9.7日作业

primrose0519UID: 2887617

[url=http://bbs.gter.ne我没有办法上传，只好回这里了，忘见谅9月7日交
/ D( O$ t4 v, F4 }2009.8.7 NA  是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices.

In a modern society, many parents may face the dilemma whether they should help determin[url=]ed[/url][S1] the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices. Different people could hold different views because they face different situations about their children. Most of people think parents should help determined the future of their children because their children are very little and know little about their future. [url=]The[/url][S2] few may claim children have right to [url=]look for[/url][S3] their future. As far as [url=]I[/url][S4] concerned, I give my vote to the former view as the following reasons:

To begin with, children should get [url=]guide[/url][S5] about their future from their parents [url=]so that[/url][S6] parents help determined their future. As we[url=] known[/url][S7] , many children are naive and know little about our society, and let alone to know about their future. It is undeniable that they don't [url=]any[/url][S8] ideas about what they will do, which job they may like to undertake, how to do [url=]job[/url][S9] in the future. Facing these situations, parents are more careful for their children and they often can not help to think about their children's future to guide them to make good choices about their future. From the aspect [url=]to see[/url][S10] , children need their parents to help determin[url=]ed[/url][S11] their future.

Secondly, parents should have responsibility to help determined their children's future[url=] because their children are only their own children[/url][S12] , if they could not help their children to determined the future, there is no one that is willing to help their children. When children face the problem[url=] to choose[/url][S13] their future, parents should undertake their own responsibility to give more [url=]detail advises[/url][S14] and provide complete[url=]ly[/url][S15] analysis for children. Therefore, it is very important for children to get their parents' advises to make their own choices about their future. Parents also have much responsibility to conduct their children to determine their future.

However, we should not deny the fact that there are many advantages for children to allow them to make their own choices about their future. For example, children may have much [url=]autonomous [/url][S16] right to decide their own future when they are allowed to make their own choices about the future. And children may be more confidence about their decision. Allowing children to make their own choices is a good way to foster their independent capacities, which may make children have more life experience.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely come to the conclusion that parents should help determined the future of their children in life. On the one hand, parents should undertake the responsibility to help their children to choose their future in order to make their children live better in future; on the other hand, children should get the [url=]helps [/url][S17] that are from their parents because they have little experience about their life and have much difficult to determine their future. Therefore, there are many advantages for children[url=] to let parents help their children determine their future.[/url]
[S18] 文章的逻辑还是不错的，只是词语和句式运用方面有些单调和赘述，建议多做些词语和句式的同意变换联系，关键词和短语最好在文中指用一次，变换同义词和句型。论证的时候可以把里子讲的详细写，把短句尽量长句话，继续加油，仅个人意见，仅供参考

[S1]删之



[S2]删之



[S3]换成decide or seek



[S4]I am



[S5]Guidance



[S6]这里的因果关系有点牵强



[S7]Know



[S8]Have any



[S9]Hunt jobs?



[S10]删之



[S11]删



[S12]实在要表达这个意思的话，改成because they focus all on their children，这个论点太没说服力了



[S13]Of making choices on



[S14]Detailed advice



[S15]删



[S16]这个词不当



[S17]Help



[S18]To get help and guidance form parents
原来的表达太累赘了



t/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=1774339610&ptid=1129664]50#[/url] cairen1986

cairen1986UID: 2599310

9.9-cairen1986 作业

cairen1986UID: 2599310

9.11-作文作业

allthetimeUID: 2898309

53# cairen1986

文章很好，我从来没写过类似两种同样重要的文章（凡是问Do you agree我都明确地选择其中一个来回答），所以文章的结构是很值得学习的。细节也很注意了，所以也没发现动词形式名词单复数的问题。

抹茶芝士UID: 2733738

ding

cairen1986UID: 2599310

10.2-cairen1986 作文

思遥UID: 2865808

怎么打开是空的？？

naturekdUID: 2702801

谢谢批改，楼主的附件才10k，里面什么都没有。

cairen1986UID: 2599310

10.5 xiaoye 作文作业

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

修改来了~~ 10.5 xiaoye 作文作用 (1).doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-10-6 18:16:27 上传

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