argue23 my debut 求PP

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

题目：ARGUMENT23 - A recent sales study indicated that consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent over the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurants that specialize in seafood. Moreover, the majority of families in Bay City are two-income families, and a nationwide study has shown that such families eat significantly fewer home-cooked meals than they did a decade ago but at the same time express more concern about eating healthily. Therefore, a new Bay City restaurant specializing in seafood will be quite popular and profitable.
字数：329
用时：00:30:00
日期：2010-7-29 下午 09:53:49


The arguer's assertion seems cogent at the first glance. However, scruting reveal some flaws.

First of all,the author cited a recent sales study,which indicated that the consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent over the past five years.Let alone whether the study is reliable or not, the data of the past don't guarantee that the consumption will remain rising in the future.Perhaps the eating of seafood is just a fashion in recent years, which will soon be replaced by other fashions quickly.

Second, even if the consumption of seafood will continue for a long time,the fact that there are no currently operating city restaurants that specialize in seafood,actually prove the seafood restaurant is not a profitable investment in Bay City.Or the
city may have been full of such restaurants.

Thirdly,arguer may
rebuff with the nationwide study,which show that majority of families in Bay City eat significantly fewer home-cooked meals and pay more attention to eating healthily.There is an obvious flaw in the rebuff, that the nationwide study doesn't necessarily apply to the Bay City.Perhaps the majority of families prefer to eating at home exactly for the sake of heatlh.Because they never know what happened to the food before they are offered in restaurants.And the phenomenon accout for the lack of seafood restaurants in Bay city.

Finally ,even if the seafood restaurants have a promising future and the local family are willing to have dinner in restaurants,a new Bay City restaurant specializing in seafood may be popular but not necessarily profitable.Because as the common sense goes"seafood are expersive " ,that is ,the cost of buying ,keeping seafood may cost a lot,and the salary paid to the cook specialized in seafood may cost an amount ,as well.It is hard to pledge that a new such restaurant will be quite profitable without the caculation of the cost the income.

In sum,before make the decision the author should do more research in Bay City for the specific problems below.



  『修改』The arguer's assertion seems cogent at the first glance. However, scrutinizing reveals some flaws.

First of all, the author cited a recent sales study, which indicated that the consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent over the past five years. Let alone whether the study is reliable or not, the data of the past don't guarantee that the consumption will remain rising in the future. Perhaps the eating of seafood is just a fashion in recent years, which will soon be replaced by other fashions quickly.（）

Second, even if the high consumption of seafood will continue for a long time, the fact that there are no currently operating city restaurants that specialize in seafood, actually prove the seafood restaurant is not a profitable investment in Bay City. Or the city may have been full of such restaurants.

Thirdly, arguer may
rebut with the nationwide study, which show that majority of families in Bay City eat significantly fewer home-cooked meals and pay more attention to eating healthily. There is an obvious flaw in the rebuttal, that the nationwide study doesn't necessarily apply to the Bay City. Perhaps the majority of families prefer to eating at home exactly for the sake of health. Because they never know what happened to the food before they are offered in restaurants. And the phenomenon accounts for the lack of seafood restaurants in Bay city reasonably.

Finally, even if the seafood restaurants have a promising future and the local family are willing to have dinner in restaurants, a new Bay City restaurant specializing in seafood may be popular but not necessarily profitable. Because as the common sense goes "seafood are expensive " ,that is ,the cost of buying ,keeping seafood may cost a lot, and the salary paid to the cook specialized in seafood may cost an amount ,as well. It is hard to pledge that a new such restaurant will be quite profitable without the calculation of the cost the income.

In sum, before making the decision ,the author should do more research in Bay City for the specific problems above.


相比issue ，argue写的非常顺手，中间几乎没有停过。但是好像还是有 不少问题 待高手指出。
总结：小错误留时间 检查！！！

疑问：?怎么检验文章是否Fully developed？

谢谢！

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

重新改写的
开头
Based on the fact of past ,that the consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants increased, and there’re no restaurant specialized in seafood, supposing that majority of families will eat out often , and then assert  a new Bay City restaurant specializing in seafood will be quite popular and profitable, the author  seemly gives an valid suggestion. However,there’re four flaws in the reasoning ,which I will discuss each of these facets in turn.
结尾
In conclusion, the argument, while it seems cogent at first glance, has several problems above. The argument could be improved by providing evidence that the sustainable development of seafood restaurant market in Bay Cite and by proving that local families are willing to eat in restaurants as the nationwide study shows. What’s more important, to convince the investor that the investment is profitable, the argument should make a list of both potential costs, so-called budget, and predicting gross.

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

求PP啊

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

谢谢 求PP

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

谢谢。。求P