狠拍砖！！Issue43【六人行小组7.30】by Echo

echo23loveUID: 2802443

今天的题是以前没有涉及过的领域，所以写的时候有点力不从心，批作文的同学请狠拍！虚心接受指正~


TOPIC: ISSUE43 - "To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."
WORDS: 534
TIME: 01:25:00
DATE: 2010/7/30 20:50:24

Should the effective leader maintain the highest ethical and moral standards?
That is a complex question, depending on what condition they met. The public official including the leaders in the business realm and the leaders in the political realm. I concede that in both realm that the leaders should have the highest ethnical and moral standards.

First of all, when it comes to the leaders who are in the political realm,
the fundamental rule for them is to maintain the highest ethical and moral standards to remain their great self-image to public. Even a collapse they did might cause the criticism to the moral level. For example, according to a recent report that the Italian premier have a photo taken with the Russian president in front of the priceless painting 'The Last Supper' , in fact, it is not allowed for the visitors to take photos in front of it to protect the painting. The commentator assesses that although it may not damage the drawing, this action makes the civilian think that the public official can do everything they like, and their moral standard is low. To avoiding unnecessary questioning, most great politicians are strict to themselves and have their own principal. For example, the renown Chinese premier Zhou Enlai have greatest ethical and moral standards, he was known for his tireless and dedicated work ethic, and his unusual charm and poise in the public. His behavior represents his nation, so he choose to show his proper manner to the public.

Secondly, when it comes to business realm, most managers have the same worry as in political realm. The leader in a company should build his or her own authority by showing the employer his high moral level. The Greatest entrepreneur help run his company with his wisdom and highest ethnical and moral standards. Konosuke Matsushits was a Japanese industrialist,
the founder of Panasonic. He is a humanitarian that insisted not to lay off any employees even during the economic crisis. He win
respect from the consumer and the employee by his charm of character. Panasonic’s product sells well due to the good quality and also his high moral and ethic standard.

Finally, we should have the common sense that the leaders in every aspects are just same as us in daily life. We should not forced them to act like moralist, they can make some collapse which did not harm the society as us, and we should not arise their moral and ethic standard for their identity. We can focus more on the progress the leaders bring to our society, and sometimes ignore their small error. For example, when Bill Clinton is the
president of American. When his sex scandal occur, the majority of the civilians choose to stand by his side for his contribution to the country. This kind of idea is objective and let the leader talents had a fair field.

To sum up, the leaders will win more support in a higher moral and ethic standard. The good ethic and moral level can give a good example to the public. The public should pay less attention to their personal lives, this will give them more chance to improve their leadership.

Eileen312UID: 2648750

TOPIC: ISSUE43 - "To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."
WORDS: 534
TIME: 01:25:00
DATE: 2010/7/30 20:50:24

Should the effective leader maintain the highest ethical and moral standards?
That is a complex question, depending on what condition they met[meet,另外这句有chinglish的感觉，后面改为depending on the spectacular situation]. The public official including the leaders in the business realm and the leaders in the political realm[这句不够简洁,public official includes leaders in both business and political realm.]I concede that in both realm that the leaders should have the highest ethnical and moral standards[这句还是chinglish, I concede that leaders should maintain the highest ethnical and moral standards].[开头段限定好情况，下面的论述容易展开，但是英语语言错误太多]

First of all, when it comes to the leaders who are in the political realm,the fundamental rule for them is to maintain the highest ethical and moral standards to remain their great self-image to public. Even a collapse[collapse可以这样用吗？是什么意思呢？] they did[时态] might cause the criticism to the moral level. For example, according to a recent report that the Italian premier have[has/had] a photo taken with the Russian president in front of the priceless painting 'The Last Supper' ,[句号] in fact, it is not allowed for the visitors to take photos in front of it to protect the painting. The commentator assesses that although it may not damage the drawing, this action makes the civilian think that the public official can do everything they like[everything they like，很明显的故意夸张。论证要有说服力就要尽量客观], and their moral standard is low. To avoiding unnecessary questioning, most great politicians are strict to[with] themselves and have their own principal. For example, the renown Chinese premier Zhou Enlai have greatest ethical and moral standards, he was known for his tireless and dedicated work ethic, and his unusual charm and poise in the public. His behavior represents his nation, so he choose to show his proper manner to the public.[ZHOU这里如果能说出一个具体的例子就好了]

Secondly, when it comes to business realm, most managers have the same worry as in political realm[换个角度说就好了，不然你就是把LEADER 分为商政两种，道德的作用都是维护公共形象，说理不够透彻全面]. The leader in a company should build his or her own authority by showing the employer his high moral level. The Greatest entrepreneur help run his company with his wisdom and highest ethnical and moral standards[这一句是地道的汉语]. Konosuke Matsushits was a Japanese industrialist, the founder of Panasonic. He is a humanitarian that insisted not to lay off any employees even during the economic crisis. He win[wun] respect from the consumer and the employee by his charm of character[~~charm of character~~,是想要表达人格魅力吧，charisma好了]. Panasonic’s product sells well due to the good quality and also his high moral and ethic standard.[很好的例子，但是总觉得对其分析不够到位，以致说服力很弱]

Finally, we should have the common sense that the leaders in every aspects[aspect] are just [the]same as us in daily life. We should not forced[force] them to act like moralist, they can make some collapse which did[would] not harm the society as us, and we should not arise their moral and ethic standard for [because of] their identity. We can focus more on the progress the leaders bring to our society, and sometimes ignore their small error. For example, when Bill Clinton is[was] the president of American. When his sex scandal occur [occured], the majority of the civilians choose to stand by his side for his contribution to the country. This kind of idea is objective and let the leader[learders’] talents had a fair field.

To sum up, the leaders will win more support in a higher moral and ethic standard. The good ethic and moral level can give a good example to the public. The public should pay less attention to their personal lives[personal lives???!!!], this will give them more chance to improve their leadership.

[句式、用词太单一；
虽然字数够了，论点去很明显没有展开；
EFFECTIVE呢？整篇文章没有涉及到啊！
第二段和第三段的论证重复了]