首先,感谢您的建议。你对我建议是态度,不要过于绝对是吗?如果不看我提纲那些对应的内容,是否这种一一对应痕迹过于明显呢?看过您的文章,提点小小的建议,不专业,莫怪。
第一段结尾表明态度的句子用了 it seems that 过于模糊,更加明确,同意还是不同意。并对下文做个合理的铺垫。比如 表明态度句子,+as dicussed below
论证部分,作者没有对just and unjust这一标准予以辩驳,默认了这一准则的正确性。但个人认为,应该对题目中的indiviual 做出respond 在于个人由于所处领域的不同,对法律的公正性的看法也不同。
最后缺少一个 brief and clear conclusion.
个人观点仅供参考
稍微说几点:
“Nevertheless, it is not an easy affair. ” 中it指代不明。是vary some laws(这是上一段的了)还是什么?
“ It is always a hard job to disseminate justice and injustice. ”中disseminate应为discriminate between.
“ If such opinion is wide enough” 没有说清楚,是widely agreed或commonly viewed.
"Such legal way, instead of disobeying the laws directly and simply, seems to be the best way to amend unjust laws." 这个句子不对,不如改成Such legal way, instead of disobeying the laws directly and simply, seems to be the best way to mitigate the controversy of unjust laws."