8月10号考作文，今儿处女作，求思路批改！

manna1989UID: 2778092

磨磨唧唧写了两三个小时，第一篇issues真的好困难……
终于写出来了，对自己的文笔还算满意吧，就是感觉结构和思路不是很严谨，但是自己说不上来，大家多多指导~~~
issues240   Although it is easy to respond positively to the work of another person or group, it is far more worthwhile to give negative feedback

    It's an undeniable human nature that people prefer heart-warming acknowledgement rather than critical remarks,which seems pouring down relentlessly like a cup of cold water.Correspondingly,meticulous consideration is taken when people try to offer a diverse perspective,in order to shun unnecessary conflicts and avoid deterioration to a mutually satisfying relationship.As a consequence, the atmosphere that people express their consistency spontanuously while withhold their contradiction deliberately begins to pervade thoroughout the society.At the same time ,the potential benefits and progresses brought about by negetive feedback unconsciously slipped by.
     
      Admittedly,the halo encircling positive response can't be deprived of . In education system Encouraging has been perpetually ocupying an unsubstituentable position,particularlly in early education of juvernile,due to the unparalleled motivation produced when people get positive acknowledgement. In realm of business management,the capability to discover the longs of employees and exert inspiration serve as an desicive measurement of a excellent administer.When it comes to arts and literature, marvelous works got know by general public as the positive assessments accumulated.But giving positive feedback is by no means a easy and efforts-saving thing to do. Only when praise is precisely to the point,can the complimented feels being understood ,instead of receiving perfuncory applause.

    On the other hand ,a high-quanlity responde doesn't solely constitutes of positive acknowledgement,negative feedback play an role of remarkable significance.For the respondant,giving critical advice assist developing critical thinking ,which is an avenue to a judicious and sagacious judgement for themselves.Also,A qualified and responsible friend or leader has the obligation to render conducive suggestion and rectification instead of ingratiating hypocritically, betraying the trust and sincerity of the presenter,who anticipates a genuine response.


     As the proverb goes,good medicine always taste bitter.Analog to the bittersweet medicine, negative feedback is a potent therapy to compensate the deficiency and rectify the fallacy existing in the method . Suspicions and queries exert a stimulation, compeling the presenter or worker to intensively reexamine his method or perspective,thus to demonstrate a more convincing and profound one. Inputation and refutation give explosure to the flaws in the statement,followed by suggestion and guidence leading to a more cogent method. For instance,the historical development of science and technology is filled with contradiction and skeptism,which dramatically give an impetus to innovation and refinement.   
      
       At last but by no means the least,emphasis has to be laid on the importance of returning a negative feedback artisticly and receiving a contradiction with a sanguine and open-minded attitude.Only by accomplishing this, can the value of negative feedback listed above be maximized. Censoring and lamenting is inconsiderate while hostile attitude is foolish .

      To sum up,in a harmony-seeking society,negetative feedback is associated in the pubic mind with a potential bomb to the conflict-avoiding relationship they tried to estabilish. But we shall undergo a progressive loss of genuineness, sincerity and the opportunity of self-improvement,if the significant worth of contradiction suffers neglection.

manna1989UID: 2778092

自己顶一个~~求思路批改~我逻辑混乱呀

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

desicive
respondant
等个别几个单词拼错了，自己找~文笔应该还行~
1、positive response‘s halo can't be deprived of
2、negative feedback is also a part of high quality response, which plays an role of remarkable importance.
3. negative feedback is a potent therapy to compensate the deficiency and rectify the fallacy existing in the method(however what is the method? I didn't see it--I added)
4. emphasis should be placed on both critic(should be artisticly ) and reciever(should be sanguine and open-minded)
以上对点是在你文章中找出的支持你第一段最后一句话的分论点。

每个分论点均列举了一些论据支持论点

总论点应该是第一段最后一句指出的the potential benefits and progresses brought about by negetive feedback，文章是要强调negetive feedback的吧。

最后一段总结全文。重复观点如果不注重the siginificance of contradiction（暗指negative feedback）那么人们会失去更多

既然说是要谈谈结构、思路、逻辑，我不是大牛，我只是根据我看完后的感受谈谈

文章有些“散”。其实散没有关系，形散神不散就好。只是作者的文章读下来各个论点与主论点的关系，各个分论点的联系并不是很紧密，这样文章读下来不自然。

每一段的论述（论证的逻辑）。我做不了太多的分析，不过，确实有些乱。看看篇幅，第一段其实和后面分论点的段落都差不多，有的分论点写得还更少。主要的问题是，我不知道你举某个例证的必要性。或许某个例证本身具有说服力，但是和你文章论点的关系呢？我读下来的感觉是可有可无。

最后的总结我原本以为该是个升华，该把文章串一串。不过这项工作没有做使得我对文章的理解就更散了。

总的来说，这应该是经典的结构：经典的第二段admitted让步，还有每段的开头都是新东方书上推荐的短语。语言 的话确实表达同一个意思换了很多种说法。但是作为文章来说，正如作者自己指出的，结构和逻辑不让人印象深刻。

补充一点，关于结构和逻辑论坛上有很多人讨论的。比如第二段admitted让步，这个让步的必要性就值得怀疑了。你可以搜搜关于如何做有用 让步使文章更精彩的。

作者好像写到最后一段比一段短了？如果这是45min的考试我还可以理解，但是你花了2、3 个小时写成这样就……

过几天考试我觉得楼主也不用急。其实你自己把自己的文章用中文翻译过来看看也就知道问题所在，漏洞该怎么克服的。你的中文作文绝对能写到比这篇好。

个人看法，希望有用

yeyujeUID: 2865851

很强的单词功底啊！好多GRE词汇，特别是副词用的很好好呀！！

manna1989UID: 2778092

3# nuaasky 真的很感谢很感谢！你说的我的缺点我觉得真的很正确，今天看了篇讲逻辑的帖子，也觉得自己“某个例证的必要性。或许某个例证本身具有说服力，但是和你文章论点的关系呢？我读下来的感觉是可有可无。”
经过思考，我觉得还有一些几点要修改：
1.第二段关于postive responce的让步应该更好的为negative 服务，删剪写他的必要性的篇幅，采用“恶略影响法”写只用postive的恶果
2.第三段中社会和个人层次调换，先讲社会历史上宽泛的影响，再将个人----提意见的和接受意见的

但是我觉得第二点改变还是有些差强人意，能不能帮我提供一个更有逻辑性的顺序，谢谢@！！！！

manna1989UID: 2778092

3# nuaasky


还有段落上的问题，我的段落是不是太多了？？如果要把删剪或是合并段落，基于上面的改变，合并哪些段落好呢？

比如，我最后补充的，批评和表扬的途径很重要，能不能放到最后一段？会不会显得很乱？

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

6# manna1989 帮你顶下，让大牛帮你看看吧~我个人呢水平有限~