【10G10Hawk】8月2日任务——Argument14

finalleUID: 2812504

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PsMaggieUID: 2861847

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 609          TIME: 00:52:33          DATE: 2010/8/2 22:17:08

In this argument, the speaker recommends that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. To justify this statement, he provides two evidences, one is that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets in a survey, the other one is that the gardening magazine has sold out at the Village News in three months locally. It seems reasonable in a first glance, however, after careful examining i would propose several mistakes that the author has made.

First in the case of national survey’s result’s coming out, although a masses were unpleasant with the vegetables available in super markets as a result, but there is no evidence to show that this research is believable. The respondents may not give a true answer in this survey in a willing of pursuing the markets to serve better. They also have different opinion of fresh vegetables while somebody may think them fresh but other may think the same vegetables not enough fresh. What's more, there are so many supermarkets in a whole country, and the survey showed that not all the markets were dissatisfied by the consumers. So we have no idea that in which cities do those poor markets locate. After all, given that the result of this research is convincing, the argument depends on a dubious assumption that the national levels of satisfaction with store-bought groceries could reflects the level of a certain area. Furthermore, granted that the survey is true in the situation of this local city, it doesn't mean that there is no way but to provide citizens a variety of vegetable seeds for them to eat vegetables. Civilians can buy vegetables from personal, from countryside and the like, and the supermarkets may also rise the quality of the vegetables in sale.

Second in the case of the gardening magazine selling out in local, the author is far more arbitrary to define that people would like to plant vegetables by themselves from this sale record. First of all, a gardening magazine includes not only something about vegetables but also plenty of things about fruits, flowers and so on. The person who pays attention to this magazine is not so sure to pay attention in the part of vegetables. Secondly, like to watch magazine isn't equal to like to grow their own vegetables. Readers may just want to know the lives of farmers, or just want to see the beautiful pictures, or even just want something to read. What's more, we do not know the content and circulation of the magazine, thus the fact that the magazine has sold out three months in a row does not necessarily indicate that people in this area are interested in planting vegetables themselves. Even if that people bought Great Gardens to learn to grow vegetables by themselves, this sale record was happened in only three months which may probably be in a harvest season. So it may not make sense for Green Thumb Gardening Center to offer vegetable seeds in spring which is not a harvest season.

Otherwise, there still has many other flaws in this argument. Such as, the arguer fails to provide any information about what fraction of consumers buy their vegetables from supermarkets, and he also fails to convince us that the gardening magazine Great Gardens is indeed popular among residents and the like.

To sum, the editor’s argument cannot be taken seriously as it stands. To strengthen it, the editor must show the local survey of whether people want to plant vegetables by themselves and also get a research of citizens that whether they desire to buy seeds in a center.

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第一次自改


In this argument, the speaker recommends that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. To justify this statement, he provides two evidences, one is that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets in a survey, the other one is that the gardening magazine has sold out at the Village News in three months locally. It seems reasonable in a first glance, however, after careful examining i would propose several mistakes that the author has made.

First in the case of national survey’s result’s coming out, although a masses was unpleasant with the vegetables available in super markets as a result, but there is no evidence to show that this research is believable. The respondents may not give a true answer in this survey in a willing of pursuing the markets to serve better. They also have different opinion of fresh vegetables while somebody may think them fresh but other may think the same vegetables not enough fresh. What's more, there are so many supermarkets in a whole country, and the survey showed that not all the markets were dissatisfied by the consumers. So we have no idea that in which cities do those poor markets locate. After all, given that the result of this research is convincing, the author have overlooked the fact that the consumers who do not satisfy the supermarkets' vegetables does not mean they will be likely to plant vegetables by themselves. In other words, it doesn't mean that there is no way but to provide citizens a variety of vegetable seeds for them to eat vegetables. Civilians can buy vegetables from personal, from countryside and the like, and the supermarkets may also rise the quality of the vegetables in sale.

Second in the case of the gardening magazine selling out in local, the author is far more arbitrary to define that people would like to plant vegetables by themselves from this sale record. First of all, a gardening magazine includes not only something about vegetables but also plenty of things about fruits, flowers and so on. The person who pays attention to this magazine is not so sure to pay attention in the part of vegetables. Secondly, like to watch magazine isn't equal to like to grow their own vegetables. Readers may just want to know the lives of farmers, or just want to see the beautiful pictures, or even just want something to read. What's more, we do not know the content and circulation of the magazine, thus the fact that the magazine has sold out three months in a row does not necessarily indicate that people in this area are interested in planting vegetables themselves. Even if that people bought Great Gardens to learn to grow vegetables by themselves, this sale record was happened in only three months which may probably be in a harvest season. So it may not make sense for Green Thumb Gardening Center to offer vegetable seeds in spring which is not a harvest season.

Otherwise, there still are many other flaws in this argument. Such as, the author also fails to convince us that the gardening magazine Great Gardens is indeed popular among residents and the like. Chances are that few readers subscribe to this magazine thus the circulation of this magazine can’t be numerous. In this case there is no weird to heard that Great Gardens had all sold out.

To sum, the editor’s argument cannot be taken seriously as it stands. To strengthen it, the editor must show the local survey of whether people want to plant vegetables by themselves and also get a research of citizens that whether they desire to buy seeds in a center.

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第二次自改：
In this argument, the speaker recommends that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. To justify this statement, he provides two evidences, one is that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets in a survey, the other one is that the gardening magazine has sold out at the Village News in three months locally. It seems reasonable in a first glance, however, after careful examining i would propose several mistakes that the author has made.

First in the case of national survey’s result’s coming out, although a masses was unpleasant with the vegetables available in super markets as a result, but there is no evidence to show that this research is believable. The respondents may not give a true answer in this survey in a willing of pursuing the markets to serve better. They also have different opinion of fresh vegetables while somebody may think them fresh but other may think the same vegetables not enough fresh. What's more, there are so many supermarkets in a whole country, and the survey showed that not all the markets were dissatisfied by the consumers. So we have no idea that in which cities do those poor markets locate. After all, given that the result of this research is convincing, the author have overlooked the fact that the consumers who do not satisfy the supermarkets' vegetables does not mean they will be likely to plant vegetables by themselves. In other words, it doesn't mean that there is no way but to provide citizens a variety of vegetable seeds for them to eat vegetables. Civilians can buy vegetables from personal, from countryside and the like, and the supermarkets may also rise the quality of the vegetables in sale.

Second in the case of the gardening magazine selling out in local, the author is far more arbitrary to define that people would like to plant vegetables by themselves from this sale record. First of all, a gardening magazine includes not only something about vegetables but also plenty of things about fruits, flowers and so on. The person who pays attention to this magazine is not so sure to pay attention in the part of vegetables. Secondly, like to watch magazine isn't equal to like to grow their own vegetables. Readers may just want to know the lives of farmers, or just want to see the beautiful pictures, or even just want something to read. What's more, we do not know the content and circulation of the magazine, thus the fact that the magazine has sold out three months in a row does not necessarily indicate that people in this area are interested in planting vegetables themselves. Even if that people bought Great Gardens to learn to grow vegetables by themselves, this sale record was happened in only three months which may probably be in a harvest season. So it may not make sense for Green Thumb Gardening Center to offer vegetable seeds in spring which is not a harvest season.

Otherwise, there are still many other flaws in this argument. Such as, the author also fails to convince us that the gardening magazine Great Gardens is indeed popular among residents and the like. Chances are that few readers subscribe to this magazine thus the circulation of this magazine can’t be numerous. In this case there is no weird to heard that Great Gardens had all sold out.

To sum, the editor’s argument cannot be taken seriously as it stands. To strengthen it, the editor must show the local survey of whether people want to plant vegetables by themselves and also get a research of citizens that whether they desire to buy seeds in a center.

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

改【15】

In this argument, the memo's（没明白，备忘录？） proposition of they should expand the variety of vegetable seeds in order to increase their profits sounds plausible at first glance, but the evidences that have been involved neither cover sufficient witness to support the conclusion, nor substantiate the recommendation is convincing and compelling.
The premise of the memo is that a national survey has showed that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. However, the author have overlooked the fact that the consumers who do not satisfy the supermarkets' vegetables does not mean they will be likely to plant vegetables by themselves. Perhaps, they just want to express their discontent, and they cannot get the land to plant vegetables at all. In addition, the survey is nationwide, so it can not indicate that the dwellers in suburban town affronts with the same situation, it may be the inhabitants in this town satisfy the supermarkets' vegetable very much. It is, as a result, not rational for the author to achieve the conclusion.
Furthermore, it is mentioned in the memo that the local's gardening magazine Great Gardens is very popular, while he/she has failed to provide more careful information about the magazine. Is it about how to grow vegetables or others? It is likely that the magazine mainly teach readers how to grow trees or how to transfigure their garden. Even if it is about how to grow vegetables, we still cannot get the conclusion that the readers will put it into practice.

为什么Even if it is about how to grow vegetables, we still cannot get the conclusion that the readers will put it into practice？你没有说明啊，没有展开解释，而是就放了这么一句话在这里。
Again, the author fails to provide us the cost of growing vegetables by the inhabitants. Perhaps, the price of land is very expensive and the cost of growing seeds is very high as well. Then the dwellers will give up growing their own vegetables, and if they expand the variety of vegetable seeds in their store they maybe(may) can't get much profits because of（去掉） the cost is very high and not too many people to buy their seeds, especially the author have not provided what kinds of seeds is most popular.
In sum, before any decisions have made, the author should well reason more compelling and persuasive alternatives presented above. And the cost of expanding the variety of vegetable seeds should be provided as well. (and连接得莫名其妙的)Meanwhile the author should give the definite statistics of how many people are willing to grow their own vegetables? 这句从句子语法结构来看完全不是问句Why they want to do this? And how about the prospect of market if they expanding the variety of vegetable seeds?怎么在文章结尾以几个问号结束？你应该是阐述总结，说明问题出在哪里了，而不是反而在结束了还反问ETS问题。。。

整篇看下来，论证非常薄弱，给人感觉写得很敷衍，没什么内容的感觉，所以也很难说出什么问题。最好是重写一遍，你愿意的话，QQ详谈。

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改【11】
In this argument ,the arguer suggest that in order to get more profits, Green Thunb Gardens could expand the variety of vegetable seeds they store for gardeners this coming spring, and it could be a effective solution, maybe as a member of it. However, I can not agree with his prediction simply, for what he provided to support his conclusion is not sufficient enough, as I see.

The most important question lying in this argument is the author's ignoring of whether people are fond of in growing vegetables by themselves. Although a lot of people are not sated with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarket, there is no evidence ruling out the possibility that they could buy fresh vegetables through other ways, for example, they can ask farmers to send vegetables and fruits to their neighbour directly and establish a long-going cooperation.（再多举几个factors） After all, the people living in today's world are always busy, even they can not get fresh vegetables ,they have no time to grow on their own.

What' more, what is ture in a nation-wide survey doesn't mean it is also ture
for the native. Perhaps the town where Green Thumb Gardening located in is an agricultural town, so that it is much easier for people here to get fresh and high quality vegetables. Let along there are also some problems lying in the survey. For example, no evidence was provided about the procedure so that I have much reason to doubt whether the sample is chosen randomly. 没说明白为什么样本是任意选择的，就光说个没提供任何关于程序的说明是不够的。If only people who always buy vegetables in the afternoon, it is common the result would be like in the survey, but isn’t representative enough.


In addition , the arguer cited the example , concerning the best-selling of a gardening magazine called Great Gardens in the town also says nothing to convince us of his or her conclusion. It is possible that people who buy the magazine are not using it for growing vegetables ,but only for a enjoyment of reading ; （再多说几个factors）It is equally possible the total number of the magazine is so low ,for instance, only one or two ,只有一两本是不可能的，印刷一次都是几百本的印，不要举这种不可能的数字that it is common for it to be sold up ,knowing as the best-seller.

Without ruling the
possibilities
above, there is no reason for me to accept the arguer's advice.（这是在干吗？）

Granted people are likely to buy seeds to grow vegetables themselves, can we definitely get more profits buy taking the measure as the author' proposal . （是个问句）He says nothing about the increase cost for the company to expand the variety of the seeds .If so many people only prefer a certain kind seed , and others can't be sold out ; Or if the seeds don't fit to grow in the area here, consequently, also no one want to buy them. And then, where will the profits come?

To sum up, what the author maintains is not persuasive due to the above flaws and other possible factors. To make it generally accenpted , I advise the arguer to do some research of the native conditions , knowing clearly about what is really needed by their potention consumers ,so there would be a more structive
strategy.

agnes2010UID: 2794922

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 457          TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2010-8-2 22:41:27

The arguer asserts that Green Thumb Gardening Center can make profits by increasing the variety of vegetable seeds for gardeners. He/She drew this conclusion by two facts---a national survey aimed at people's affection to vegetables and the local selling condition of a gardening magazine. Though the evidence seems to be perfect, a careful investigation into this argument will show how groudless the conclusion is.

First of all, neither of the two evidences can serve well as a support to the first assertion that consumers gain more and more interest in growing vegetables themselves.  The first survey indicated the consumers' dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets. Just because the consumers are not satisfied with the selling vegetables, it does not mean that they prefer to grow vegetables themselves. Perhaps they only want to arouse the attention of local authorities through the complaint. In addition, through the second facts that Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand in three consecutive months, the arguer comes to the same assertion as the first survey. Yet, there might be several other possibilities: perhaps the local people are interested reading that book because its reasonable price and various contents, or perhaps Great Gardens launches a compaign such as a ,which appealed a lot of local people. Without ruling out all the possibilities, the arguer can not make any assertion.

What's more, since Green Thumb Gardening Center is a small business serving a suburban town, a national survey on a large scale can not be representitive to show the demand of the local people. For example, maybe the citizens living in the center of the city are the main part who are unsatisfied with the vegetables while people who lives in the countryside prefers to eat the local selling vegetables, thus making the results of the national survey hard to attest the affection of the countryside people on the vegetables. The arguer failed to give the powerful evidence to show his assertion is right.

Last but not least, even if the logical problems mentioned are all solved, there still lies a big problem in the conclusion. The arguer asserts that expanding the diversify of vegetable seeds is good for increasing the shop's profits. However, the arguer failed to consider that if local people prefer to grow vegetables themselves, what are they mainly interested in or which is in great need, the sort of vegetables or the device for gardening themselves? If they are interested in the latter one, it is advisable for the shop to provide more devices for gardening and practical gardening skills for people. In order to get the accurate information on the consumers' demands, the arguer should launch a local survey first.

In sum, to substantiate the arguer's assertion that expanding the sort of vegetable seeds can increase profits, the arguer should give abundant information of the affection of local people, and a local survey is preferred.

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【自改一】

The arguer asserts that Green Thumb Gardening Center can make profits by increasing the variety of vegetable seeds for gardeners. He/She drew this conclusion by two facts---a national survey aimed at people's affection to vegetables and the local selling condition of a gardening magazine. Though the evidence seems to be perfect, a careful investigation into this argument will show how groundless the conclusion is.

First of all, neither of the two evidences can serve well as a support to the first assertion that consumers gain more and more interest in growing vegetables themselves.  The first survey indicated the consumers' dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets. Just because the consumers are not satisfied with the selling vegetables, it does not mean that they prefer to grow vegetables themselves. Perhaps they only want to arouse the attention of local authorities through the complaint. In addition, through the second facts that Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand in three consecutive months, the arguer comes to the same assertion as the first survey. Yet, there might be several other possibilities: perhaps the local people are interested reading that book because its reasonable price and various contents, or perhaps Great Gardens launches a campaign such as a ,which appealed a lot of local people.Without ruling out all the possibilities, the arguer cannot make any assertion.

What's more, since Green Thumb Gardening Center is a small business serving a suburban town, a national survey on a large scale cannot be representative to show the demand of the local people. For example, maybe the citizens living in the center of the city are the main part who are unsatisfied with the vegetables while people who lives in the countryside prefers to eat the local selling vegetables, thus making the results of the national survey hard to attest the affection of the countryside people on the vegetables. Or perhaps those who dislike the vegetables in supermarkets are favor of that in small stores, which will also mislead the national survey.The arguer failed to give the powerful background information of the national survey, and without attesting the represenititive of the survey, the arguer can not show his assertion to be right.

Last but not least, even if the logical problems mentioned are all solved, there still lies a big problem in the conclusion. The arguer asserts that expanding the diversity of vegetable seeds is good for increasing the shop's profits. However, the arguer failed to consider that if local people prefer to grow vegetables themselves, what are they mainly interested in or which is in great need, the sort of vegetables or the device for gardening themselves? If they are interested in the latter one, it is advisable for the shop to provide more devices for gardening and practical gardening skills for people. In order to get the accurate information on the consumers' demands, the arguer should launch a local survey first

In sum, to substantiate the arguer's assertion that expanding the sort of vegetable seeds can increase profits, the arguer should give abundant information of the affection of local people, and a local survey is preferred.

来不及啦 先改那么多啦~

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自改二

The arguer asserts that Green Thumb Gardening Center can make profits by increasing the variety of vegetable seeds for gardeners. He/She drew this conclusion from two facts---a national survey aimed at people's affection to vegetables at supermarket and the local selling condition of a gardening magazine. Though the evidence seems to be perfect, a careful investigation into this argument will show how groundless the conclusion is.

First of all, neither of the two evidences can serve well as a support to the first assertion that consumers gain more and more interest in growing vegetables themselves.  The first survey indicated the consumers' dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets. Just because the consumers are not satisfied with the selling vegetables, it does not mean that they prefer to grow vegetables themselves. Perhaps they only want to arouse the attention of local authorities through the complaint. In addition, through the second facts that Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand in three consecutive months, the arguer comes to the same assertion as the first survey. Yet, there might be several other possibilities: perhaps the local people are interested reading that book because its reasonable price and various contents, or perhaps Great Gardens launches a campaign such as a ,which appealed a lot of local people. Without ruling out all the possibilities, the arguer cannot make any assertion.

What's more, since Green Thumb Gardening Center is a small business serving a suburban town, a national survey on a large scale cannot be representative to show the demand of the local people. For example, maybe the citizens living in the center of the city are the main part who are unsatisfied with the vegetables while people who lives in the countryside prefers to eat the local selling vegetables, thus making the results of the national survey hard to attest the affection of the countryside people on the vegetables. Or perhaps those who dislike the vegetables in supermarkets are favor of that in small stores, which will all make the national survey unreliable. The arguer failed to give the convincing background information of the national survey, and without attesting the representatives of the survey, the arguer can not show his assertion to be right.

Last but not least, even if the logical problems mentioned are all solved, there still lies a big problem in the conclusion. The arguer asserts that expanding the diversity of vegetable seeds is good for increasing the shop's profits. However, the arguer failed to consider that if local people only prefer to grow one or two sorts of vegetables which have already been on the shelves of their shop, there is no need for the shopkeeper to expand the diversity of the vegetable seeds. As a result, it is essential for the shopkeeper to outline the consumers condition before making any conclusion, and in order to get the accurate information on the consumers' demands, it is advisable for the arguer to launch a local survey first.

In sum, to substantiate the arguer's assertion that expanding the sort of vegetable seeds can increase profits, the arguer should give abundant information of the affection of local people, and a local survey is preferred.

agnes2010UID: 2794922

改[09]hwslqc

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 561
TIME: 00:35:00
DATE: 2010-8-2 14:01:19

green- 语法错误
blue-好词好句
red-不理解的地方
purple-建议

The notion that Green Thumb Gardening Center (GTGC) can increase their profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds seems sound and convincing at first glancing. After all, the national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in super markets and the gardening magazine Great Gardens(GG) has sole out at the Village News stand three months in a row. However, close scrutiny of each of the evidence reveals that none of them can lend credible support to the conclusion.【感觉第一段的描述基本照抄了原文，建议做适当改写】

First of all, the national survey can not be the convincing evidence to prove the local people are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables here. As the arguer does not provide any information about the national survey, the credible【credibility】 of the survey is doubtable. If the number of respondents to the survey is too small, it will mislead the conclusion. And even if the national survey is convincing, the difference between the whole nation and local environment is overlooked by the arguer. The national survey can not represent the people in this town【应该是survey代表小镇居民的情况吧】, which means maybe the local people are greatly satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermarket here. And it is highly possible that the average national consumer have to buy vegetables in supermarket, but the people in this town can buy vegetables from small markets or the farmers directly, which has nothing to do with survey's result. Without ruling all the possibilities I mentioned above, the mid-conclusion that the local people are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetable is undermined.【可能性分析的到位】

And it is presumptuous to judge the most people in this suburban town would like to grow their own vegetables from the GG’s sold out in Village News(VN) stand.【判断吗？感觉judge用在这里不是很合适，没见过这样的用法呢，draw a conclusion from更好吧，建议】 As we do not know the number of GG sold in VN stand, chances are that the number is so small that it can be all purchased by a small group of people, which mean it can not represent the most people's opinion. After that, the arguer does not tell us the substance of GG. If GG mainly tells people how to make their gardens more beautiful or how to grow flowers in the garden, it will guarantee people want to grow vegetables.

Even if the two assumptions I mentioned above is proved, which is of course an unwarranted assumption, whether GTGC can increase their profits by expanding of the variety of vegetable seeds is still doubtable. The profit is based on both the cost and the income. If the people here only want to grow one or two kinds of vegetables, the expanding of the variety of vegetable seeds will just cause the opposite result. Even if the cost is small and the demand of variety of vegetable seeds is increasing, the arguer also overlooked the competitors. If the consumer in this town prefer to buy seeds from GCGT's competitors, the profits of GCGT will also be influenced.

After pointing out so many flaws in this argument, now we can clearly say that the evidences provided by the arguer can not be relied on. Maybe the conclusion is right. Before claiming such conclusion, the arguer need to provide more persuasive, practical and professional data, for instance, the opinion of the local people, the economic environment, the cost of the seeds, the competitors' information and so on.
【佩服hws,那么短的时间写的那么好...值得学习！ 感觉文章真的很棒，考虑的很全面，可能性分析的也到位。文章一气呵成，真的看不出有什么问题...】

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改[06]

green- 语法错误
blue-好词好句
red-不理解的地方
purple-建议

In this argument, the author asserts that Green Thumb Gardening Center (GTGC) can increase profits by expanding the seeds because of the consumers are becoming interesting in growing their own vegetables. To espouse these conclusions, the author assumes that a nation survey shows the consumers are dissatisfied with the vegetables. Furthermore, the author concludes that the magazine about vegetable has sold out three months in a row as the evidence. From my perspective, none of these assertions or assumption is well supported by cogent premises and reasonable demonstration.【感觉第一段的描述基本照抄了原文，建议做适当改写，否则意义不大呢】

Fundamentally, the main mistake is that there is no relationship between the consumers becoming interested in growing their own vegetables and enjoying the gardening magazine. First, they just have some curiosity about how the vegetables growing and the knowledge about the vegetables probably. Such as when we have diabetes, we should eat more pumpkin. If we have phlegm in the throat, fat melon is a good choice. Second, the number of the magazines is not supported. Maybe there is not a active demand of the magazine, the retailers always glad to sell out all the magazines of present month.  The remnant one is a problem for the retailers. 【没有证据显示买杂志意味着对种蔬菜有兴趣】

Even assuming the consumers enjoying to growing their own vegetables by themselves as well, it still has another fallacy that weakens in this argument that there is no evidence to support that the consumers have the land that is ripe to growing the vegetables. As we known, farmer is the expert in growing vegetables. On the contrary, the people who live in urban is lack of the knowledge about vegetables. But there is almost not have a suitable condition for people to growing vegetables, their interest is just the knowledge.【这里不太理解，题目总结的是郊区的居民对种蔬菜感兴趣，这里好像把市区和郊区搞混了吧...】

Moreover, the author uses a mere fact to generalize wide situation. The national survey cannot reflect the real condition in the town. So assumption about our consumers were dissatisfied with the vegetables is groundless. In my opinion, there is a possible thing that all the fresh vegetable is grown in our town, the quality of vegetables is falling because the long-distance transport. 【建议这一段把可行性再分析的深入一些~~~会显得更为充实】

In a nutshell, I have analyzed so many flaws in the argument. In my opinion, the argument should reason more convincingly. So if I were the author I would account the evidence such as the number of the magazines in the Great Gardens to make the argument more cogent while the condition of our town for growing vegetables also needs to be supported.

【除了对第二个攻击段有疑问外，我觉得另两段攻击段都很不错，思路清楚，建议多充实一下，多分析一些可能性应该会更好吧！】

agnes2010UID: 2794922

2

czlilacUID: 2842584

18# PsMaggie

谢谢你的建议

sharonyeUID: 2862009

In this argument, the author provides some evidence to support the opinion that consumers have increasing interests to growing vegetables, which includes a survey that proves people’s dissatisfied attitude towards fresh vegetables in supermarket and a phenomenon that a gardening magazine has sold out at a stand. Then the author reckons that Green Thumb Gardening Center (GTGC) could increase their profits by expanding the stock vegetable seeds. This argument is well-presented, but it suffers from several logical flaws.

First of all, it is open to doubt the two evidences provided by the author can substantiate the growing interests for planting vegetables.（这样写看着是特别清晰的，但以前没见过这种模式，不知道ETS喜欢么）

One is the national survey of people's attitude towards supermarket vegetables. The national survey might not verifiable in the suburban town where GTGC locate in. Since the national survey may include people from both urban and suburban, the result would not accord with the situation in the suburban town. Suburban may close to the production factory of fresh vegetables which ensures their accessibility towards high quality of fresh vegetables. People's negative attitude towards fresh vegetable may be widely spread in urban, but not in suburban. Hence, the survey provides little support to people's dissatisfied attitudes in the suburban town.

The other evidence is that a gardening magazine has high
circulation. The author does not compare the circulation of the magazine with previous days. If three months ago, the selling of the Great Garden was the same amount
with these months, the author's statement of people's growing interests in the magazine is untenable.
Even assuming that people is showing increasing interests in the magazine, it can not prove that people are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. The author fails to give us information about the magazine Great Gardens. Great Gardens (用it吧，避免重复)may mainly talk about horticulture of followers which function as decorations other than planting vegetables to eat. Therefore, high amount of selling out Great Gardens lends little support to people's increasing interests in growing their own vegetables.

Secondly, even people have growing interests in planting vegetable, the GTGC may not increase their profits as the author suggests. The author suggests
increasing the variety of vegetable seeds on no conditions. As different vegetables grow in different seasons, it is not wise to stock large amount of seeds which germinated in seasons other than spring. Also, some
vegetables may not be able to grow in this town because of geographic differences. Thus, it is not wise to give an absolute advise as the author does.

In conclusion, the author's suggestion for increasing the stock of vegetable seeds is doubtful. To substantiate his/her suggestion, the details of the national survey, the up growing selling of Green Gardens and the content of this magazine needs to be provided. The author need reconsider the range of vegetable seeds when he/she is drawing the conclusion.
（怎么办，看了四十几分钟，我都尽力了，找不出什么问题，觉得论证的思路，逻辑都很清晰，语言也很舒服，虽然简单，但有一种小桥流水的感觉，要是不足，可能就是攻击的地方太大众，有点创新会锦上添花的）
（这种文章就是传说中我这准四级水平都看得懂的，真的很欣赏，每次改你们的作文都是对我的冲击那，还好我心理素质好，嘻嘻）
（现在终于搞清了模式，又要说对不起，坚决不再犯）