issue104

screwUID: 135321

这是我的第一篇issue练习，其中有参考了些别人的，写的时候再加入自己的观点，我的程度不好，让大家见笑了…谢谢指导

Issue06: (孙远书的题号)
“ It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideals it favors and discredit the ideals it fears”

The auger states that the primary way a culture maintains the ideals it favors while discarding those it fears is through formal education. In general, I agree the view that the early stage of formal education such as grad-school or even high school is an important role for conserving or discrediting the various values of a culture. However, the auger ignores other means, as significant as the formal education, by which a culture retains what it wants.

The early stage of formal education deeply influences the idiosyncrasy of people. In my observation and experience, the young students’ minds are so purity just likes an unsullied paper. The pedagogues and textbooks in schools always clearly indicate the doctrines of mainstream culture about “right and wrong, good and bad”. Meanwhile, young students are taught not to suspect what they received and they should keep them in mind through the reiterative rote process. This method of education not only directly but forcefully and compellingly constructs the main values and bias of the society in the young people’s mind, which will have strongly influence during their whole lifetime.   

However, it would be reasonable that the pure memorization education is suitable for the young people who don’t have the enough knowledge background and ability of critical thinking, but it would be absurd, even parlous, when we apply this method on higher or advanced education such as universities. The higher education should afford students the ability for examining the entire culture including the mainstream and minors. Students, furthermore, could deliberately observe -not merely be indoctrinated- the different viewpoints opposite the mainstream culture with their critical analysis. Admittedly, in Taiwan, the policy of education is profoundly influenced by the strategy of government, which even determines what should be taught or not. It would be dangerous for the society, even for the culture itself, that the students only receive the deals afforded by authorities and hence, these defined as the main value, or so-called “ should-be-right ” in the culture but not skeptically query them about “ Are-they-really-right? “ or not to make a thorough explore the truth of them. The only way, in fact, to solve this problem is that schools should cultivate more students, who have the intensive skepticism for authorities and critical thinking for culture prejudices, and then they can discern the facts, which is applicable to the society or not.   

Otherwise, the auger obviously neglects two significant reasons by which a culture tries to perpetuate the ideals it keeps. First, it is the power of the religion. In most cultures, religions provide enormous taboos and regulations about the concepts of moral and value. Once people who violate these severe rules “will be” seriously suffered for their crimes, even though the punishments are mostly abstract such as Go Hell. Therefore, it is an effective device to guide the people what is extensively accepted in the society. Second operative tool is the system of laws, which much precisely definite what is “right and wrong”. Moreover, the punishments of perpetration such as execution are much more substantive than religious ones, which really effectively to deter and quell the people whose ideals may imperil the safety of society.

The early-stage of formal education surely takes part of that a culture tries to retain the ideals it maintains while quashing others as the auger said. However, it is inadequate when it comes to the higher education such as colleges and universities, where their aim is to avoid stiffing the students’ brains. Not only education, on the other hand, but also many effective ways such as religion and laws allow the mainstream culture to protect its choices.

paisleyUID: 64183

呵呵，欢迎台湾的兄弟.
The auger states that the primary way a culture maintains the ideals it favors while discarding those it fears is through formal education. In general, I agree(应补with) the view（这里没有从句关系，最好用表示因果关系的词，比如此处加in，in that表示“因为”） that the early stage of formal education such as grad-school or even high school is an important role for conserving or discrediting the various values of a culture. However, the auger （拼写错误）ignores other means, （应加which are）as significant as the formal education, by which a culture retains what it wants.

The early stage of formal education deeply influences the idiosyncrasy （这个词有“特殊偏好”的意思，用地不是很恰当）of people. In my observation and experience, the young students’ minds are so purity （应是pure）（前面用so，后面就得用that，这里应加that they）just likes（主语是复数，这里应是like） an （paper不可数，应加piece of，或者去掉an）unsullied paper. The pedagogues and textbooks in schools always clearly indicate the doctrines of mainstream culture about “right and wrong, good and bad”. Meanwhile, young students are taught not to suspect what they received（没必要用过去式） and they should keep them in mind through the reiterative rote process. This method of education not only directly but forcefully and compellingly constructs the main values and bias of the society in the young people’s mind, which will have strongly influence during their whole lifetime.

However, it would be reasonable that the pure memorization education is suitable for the young people who don’t have the（the没必要，可去掉） enough knowledge background and ability of critical thinking, but it would be absurd, even parlous, when we apply this method on（apply后面跟的是to，不是on） higher or advanced education such as universities. The higher education should afford students （少了with）the ability（这种能力应该是培养出来的，不是“afford”出来的） for examining the entire culture including the mainstream and minors. Students, furthermore, could deliberately（这个词有点贬义啊） observe -not merely be indoctrinated- the different viewpoints opposite the mainstream culture with their critical analysis. Admittedly, in Taiwan, the policy of education is profoundly influenced by the strategy of government, which even determines what should be taught or not. It would be dangerous for the society, even for the culture itself, that the students only receive the deals afforded by authorities and hence, these defined as the main value, or so-called “ should-be-right ” in the culture but not skeptically query them about “ Are-they-really-right? “ or not to make a thorough explore（应是exploration） the truth of them. The only way, in fact, to solve this problem is that schools should cultivate more students, who have the intensive skepticism for authorities and critical thinking for culture prejudices, and then they can discern the facts, which is applicable to the society or not.
（你这段有点跑题。文章要讨论的是：一个社会是否是通过正式教育来。。。因此你只要同意说是通过正式教育，或者批驳，不是通过正式教育。。但是你这后半段开始讲应该培养学生独立思考和质疑的精神，而不是灌输一堆意识形态。这已经偏离主题了。稍微带几句可以，说得太多就不好了）

Otherwise（应用however）, the auger（拼写错误） obviously neglects two significant reasons by which a culture tries to perpetuate the ideals it keeps. First, it is the power of the religion. In most cultures, religions provide（少s） enormous taboos and regulations about the concepts of moral and value. Once people who violate these severe rules “will be” seriously suffered（suffer是主动的形式表示被动的意思，不需要用被动式） for their crimes, even though the punishments are mostly abstract such as Go Hell. Therefore, it is an effective device to guide the people what is extensively accepted in the society. Second operative tool is the system of laws, which much precisely definite what is “right and wrong”. Moreover, the punishments of perpetration such as execution are much more substantive than religious ones, which really effectively to deter and quell the people whose ideals may imperil the safety of society.

The early-stage of formal education surely takes part of that a culture tries to retain the ideals it maintains while quashing others as the auger said（say没必要用过去时态，另外这句话的结构有点混乱）. However, it is inadequate when it comes to the higher education such as colleges and universities, where their aim is to avoid stiffing the students’ brains. Not only education, on the other hand, but also many effective ways such as religion and laws allow the mainstream culture to protect its choices.

你的思维有深度，结构也很清楚。但是对语言的把握还不到位，所以论述起来，感觉中文的味道比较重。建议多看些英文杂文，包括我们精华区里的每日一评，学习他们对词汇的娴熟运用。

我个人的看法是，法律依然是一种formal education。这里不要把education理解得太狭窄。这些都是正式的制度安排。你说的宗教，倒是可以算非formal的。其他非正式的，比如民谣、乡间的习俗、父母对孩子的早期启蒙，甚至媒体的导向，都是非正式的。他们显然也对社会价值的传递或破坏起到作用。
另外，建议你少用GRE程度的单词。因为我们除了只知道他们的意思以外，并不熟悉它们的用法和微妙的词义，反而容易把文章意思弄糟糕。而且太多难词容易有矫揉造作的嫌疑。

screwUID: 135321

谢谢paisley姊姊的评改及建议，我赶快下去改改…
今天看到那個auger差點昏倒，auger : arguer= 頭腦混亂，意識不清…sigh
第三段，我本是想要表达事实上学生的思维及批判能力也是可以影响整个文化轨道的，明显的写的不好，表达不清，所以看起来有些跑题了…
现在写的练习都严重超过了时间，觉得自己的程度真的很不足，好沮丧啊….

paisleyUID: 64183

没有问题的。大多数人都跟你一样，一开始必然要超时，而且大大超时。注意自己控制就好。比如一开始规定70分钟内必须写完，然后逐渐缩减，直到45分钟。

你可以多看看我们精华区里的好文章，学习一下他们是怎么遣词造句的

screwUID: 135321

经过paisley姊姊的指正，我修改后再放上来的，一起把syllabus也放上来，谢谢paisley….^_^

Syllabus:

1.        首段说明自己的观点（有程度的赞同speaker的说法），并提出两个arguer忽略的因素：宗教及法律。
2.        第二段说明early stage of formal education 对于文化发展之重要性，以教科书为例。
3.        第三段对speaker的assertion提出质疑（有程度的赞同的原因），在higher education中，若仍完全以背诵式的教学方式对学生、社会及整个文化产生的负面影响，以台湾的教育为例。
4.        第四段提出并说明文化欲维持其轨道的其它两个方式：宗教及法律（其中religion 属于较抽象性的吓阻，laws则较为实际）。
5.        结论（将各段重点重述）。



Issue06:
“ It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideals it favors and discredit the ideals it fears”


The arguer states that the primary way a culture maintains the ideals it favors while discarding those it fears is through formal education. In general, I agree with the view in that the early stage of formal education such as grad-school or even high school is an important role for conserving or discrediting the various values of a culture. However, the arguer ignores other means, which are as significant as the formal education, by which a culture retains what it wants.

The early stage of formal education deeply influences the moral character of people. In my observation and experience, the young students' minds are so pure that just like unsullied paper. The pedagogues and textbooks in schools always clearly indicate the doctrines of mainstream culture about “right and wrong, good and bad”. Meanwhile, young students are taught not to suspect what they receive and they should keep them in mind through the reiterative rote process. This method of education not only directly but forcefully and compellingly constructs the main values and bias of the society in the young people’s mind, which will have strongly influence during their whole lifetime.   

However, it would be reasonable that the pure memorization education is suitable for the young people who don’t have enough knowledge background and ability of critical thinking, but it would be absurd, even parlous, when we apply this method to higher or advanced education such as universities. The higher education should equip students the ability for examining the entire culture including the mainstream and minors. Students, furthermore, could discreetly observe -not merely be indoctrinated- the different viewpoints opposite the mainstream culture with their critical analysis. Admittedly, in Taiwan, the policy of education is profoundly influenced by the strategy of government, which even determines what should be taught or not. It would be dangerous for the society, even for the culture itself, that the students only receive the deals afforded by authorities and hence, these defined as the main value, or so-called “ should-be-right ” in the culture but not skeptically query them about “ Are-they-really-right? “ or not to make a thorough exploration the truth of them. The only way, in fact, to solve this problem is that schools should cultivate more students, who have the intensive skepticism for authorities and critical thinking for culture prejudices, and then they can discern the facts, which is applicable to the society or not.   

On the other hand, the arguer obviously neglects two significant reasons by which a culture tries to perpetuate the ideals it keeps. First, it is the power of the religion. In most cultures, religion provides enormous taboos and regulations about the concepts of moral and value. Once people who violate these severe rules “will” seriously suffer for their crimes, even though the punishments are mostly abstract such as Go Hell. Therefore, it is an effective device to guide the people what is extensively accepted in the society. Second operative tool is the system of laws, which much precisely definite what is “right and wrong”. Moreover, the punishments of perpetration such as execution are much more substantive than religious ones, which really effectively to deter and quell the people whose ideals may imperil the safety of society.

The early stage of formal education surely takes part of that a culture maintains its own track as the arguer say. However, it is inadequate when it comes to the higher education such as colleges and universities, where their aim is to avoid stiffing the students’ brains. Not only education, on the other hand, but also many effective ways such as religion and laws allow the mainstream culture to protect its choices.

paisleyUID: 64183

这样挺好的了：）