argument 156 第一次求拍~谢谢各位了

七星之城UID: 2784227

TOPIC: ARGUMENT156 - The following is taken from an advertisement placed in a weekly business magazine by the Dickens Academy.

"We distributed a survey to senior management at International Mega-Publishing, Inc. The result of the survey clearly indicates that many employees were well prepared in business knowledge and computer skills, but lacked interpersonal skills to interact gracefully with customers. International Mega-Publishing decided to improve customer satisfaction by sending their newly hired employees to our one-day seminars. Since taking advantage of our program, International Mega-Publishing has seen a sharp increase in sales, an indication that the number of their disgruntled customers has declined significantly. Your company should hire Dickens and let us turn every employee into an ambassador for your company."
WORDS: 463
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/8/3 13:20:30


Providing the result of the dubious declination of disgruntled customers after the training in interpersonal skills of Mega-Publishing (MP) newly hired employees, the author advanced a suggestion that other company should also hire Dickens in order to improve their employees. However, the survey and the analyst of the sharp increase in sales as well as the consequent suggestion are not detailed enough and rely on some unreasonable ratiocination, which amounts to poor suggestion given by the author.

In the first place, since the sample size of the survey mentioned above is unknown, the people investigated may not be representative of the entire group of people who require interpersonal skills, thus whether the survey accurately reflects the truth is questionable. Besides, since the standard assessing the gracefulness of one's interpersonal skills varies from one person to another, it is quite likely that one person who is regarded as devoid of such skills will be regarded as a person having such skills by some other customers. Therefore, without a more detailed data of the survey, the result of it is unreliable.

Even assuming that the survey precisely reflects the truth, the consequent sharp increase in sales does not necessarily indicate that the training on interpersonal skills is quite effective. The author overlooks other reasons that may account for the sharp increase. For example, perhaps the simultaneously unique technical innovation attracts and has consequently captured customers, which could possibly give rise to sharp increase in sales. Or perhaps there is a wealthy and important client who purchased a big deal of MP's products at that time. Without considering all the relevant circumstances involving the increase in sales, it is hasty and indiscreet to draw a conclusion that the training accounts for the increase. Furthermore, since it is unpersuasive to recognize the increase in sales as the result of the training, there is no evidence that disgruntled customers has decreased significantly.

Finally, even admitting that the training could account for the sharp increase in sales, it is unreasonable to give a suggestion that every employee in other company is required to be trained in interpersonal skills. Regarding the fact that there are only a part of employees who need to communicate with their customers necessitate the skills, the suggestion amounts to poor advice.

In sum, failing to provide crucial information to controvert to the suspectable points discussed above, the argument requires considerable modification so as to become more substantiated. To strengthen the argument the author must tender more detailed data of the survey, and to better substantiate the conclusion, some additional information about the real reason for the sharp increase in sales at that time is indispensible. And to make the suggestion more convincing, the advice that every employee should be trained is required to be amended.

1）survey在sample size和gracefulness的判断标准上的问题。
2）导致sharp increase的其他原因。declination的问题。
3）suggestion中所有都需要培训不合理。

大家拍的同时帮忙看一下绿色的词ratiocination用得是否合理，还有这个整个文章的结构、第一段的写法有没有问题？谢谢~~

七星之城UID: 2784227

修改了一下，并顶上。