目标4个7---------麻烦高手帮我改改作文并给予指点

hrfUID: 2151859

In many countries, workers over 60 can still be found in workplace. However, some people think it may cause some social problems and they should get retired. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is common to find that employees who over 60 years old are still performing actively in many workplaces among the countries. Due to this, an issue is raised stating that workers should get retired whey they are 60 year-old, otherwise, it will cause a lot of social problems in health, employment and development of society etc.

Employees who over 60 and still in the workplace are easy to cause health problems due to they under the same pressures comparing to young people, but in worse condition, not only physically but also mentally. As a result of this, companies and governments need to allocate enough funds to protect such employees which might prevents the development of companies and even the whole society. In addition, it damages the interest of new employees if too many staff are over 60 in the companies. It is true that many graduates are unable to find an appropriate position, hence it rises the graduates’ unemployment rate. As result of this, there is a possibility to discourage young people to pursue a higher education. Last but not least, it is not in the best interest for the development of companies and society if people over 60 still working. Their traditional ideas and conservative behaviours will slow the pace of the development of the whole society.

However, there are still some positions suit such people, for example, the receptionist of libraries. There is no physical requirement and do not have much pressure, but environment friendly. Furthermore, the older people got more work and life experience who are more capable to deal with some problems that juniors might not know such as financial crisis. A rich experience would allow senior people to avoid it.

In conclusion, we have to look two sides of the issue of whether old people should get retired when they reach their 60. They do cause some social problems, but there are still some jobs that more suit them than young people and they do helpful in some extent.

bqianaUID: 193168

6-6.5

sally0218UID: 2858441

6分左右，有一些语法错误，读下来比较平淡~连贯性还可以~
另外，在讨论60岁老人适合的工作时举的例子不是最好~

eweUID: 2891191

不好意思，回错帖子，　所以内容删除了。。。

eweUID: 2891191

不好意思，回错帖子了｜｜｜｜