argument6（作文处女作，求PP）

kellychinUID: 2869772

ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."


The argument concludes that C Note, a jazz club in Monroe would be a greatly profitable enterprise that banks should place investment on it. To support the conclusion, the author cited the following fact:(1) C Note would owns the whole local market for its nearest competitor is 65 miles away;(2) jass has a high popularity among local people;(3) a national wide study shows that typical jazz fans spends close to 1000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the conclusion.

First, the distance between C Note and  its nearest competitor do not necessarily indicate that C Note would have the local market all to itself. It is entirely possible that local residents would be attracted by other jazz club for their more compelling peformance, more comfortable circumstances, or lower costs. Without ruling out these possibilitis that other jazz clubs would share the local market, the author can not convice me merely on the basis that C Note is the only jazz club in Monroe. After all, with the help of modern transportation, 65 miles or more are acutually short for people.

Secondly, the popularity of jazz noted in the article accomplishes little toward bolstering the conclusion. After all, the success of an enterprice lies more than vast number of potential customers.Moreover, given that people in Monroe have more access to jazz music, for instance Monroe's jazz festival and radio program "Jazz Nightly", it is as likely that they would not pay for the C Note for they have enjoy enough jazz by other cheaper means. If so, the fact would further undermine the attractiveness of C Note.

Finally, as for the survey mentioned in the argument, the average spends of nationwide typical jazz fan do not necessarily reflect those of residents in Monroe. Perhaps the income of local people is below the average standard  of the whole nation, or perhaps residents here prefer to spend their money elsewhere than a jazz club. Meanwhile, the author provide no clear evidence on the number of jazz fans in Monroe.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and unconvincing as it stands. To bloster the conclusion the author must provide enough evidence-perhaps by a survey among local people- that C Note enjoys the majority of the local market and people in Monroe are willing to spend their incomes on it.
(2010-7-15 18:01:00)

kellychinUID: 2869772

402字，不知道这样的长度是不是够，求P啊，谢谢！

huchengbinUID: 2817854

我来评下吧呵呵~

首先你得端正下态度， 字数存在的意义是为了传达有效的信息。开头抄题目充字数，这点万万要改掉。记住开头要尽量简洁。最好2句 3句搞定，一个长句两个短句即可。

中间段一定要展开~字数基本就体现在中间段这里~不要想着指出错误举一个反例就拉倒~~~
能想到的反例尽量写上，破题关键在此。

你自己先想想怎么把你文章内容整充实吧。

建议先看看ARGMENT的官方范文。

kellychinUID: 2869772

根据建议自己改了一遍，中间三段扩充了一下，但是不知道该怎么缩减这个开头，我想照三段式来写，就写成这个样子了…… SOS啊

The argument concludes that C Note, a jazz club in Monroe would be a greatly profitable enterprise that banks should place investment on it. To support the conclusion, the author cited the following fact:(1) C Note would owns the whole local market for its nearest competitor is 65 miles away;(2) jass has a high popularity among local people;(3) a nationwide study shows that typical jazz fans spends a lot of money on jazz entertainment per year. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the conclusion.

To begin with, the distance between C Note and  its nearest competitor do not necessarily indicate that C Note would have the local market all to itself. Given the fact that modern means of transportation are wildspread in today's world, it is entirely possible that other jazz clubs would share the local market, or even conquered the majority of it. With lower cost, better performance or even more comfortable circumstances, they can easily win over the residents' heart. Admittedly, the geographical location is a comparative advantage of C Note, but the author can not assumes futher that other competitors would fail in marketing simply on the basis of this. Lacking of evidence make this argument totally unconvincing to me.  

Secondly, even if the popularity of jazz in Monroe is relatively higher, the author can not extent it to the conclusion that C Note would earn a tremendously profit . After all it can only prove that Monroe has a vast market of jazz music and jazz enterprise is more likely to succeed there. Whether the C Note will catch the opportunity depends on many other factors such as advertising, situation of its competitors and so on. Besides, as is mentioned in the argument, local people have many other accesses to jazz music just like local jazz festivals and radio program "Jazz Nightly", perhaps they would feel that they have enjoyed sufficient jazz music by other cheaper and even more convinient means that they will not pay for the service C Note offers. Meanwhile, considering  there is only one jazz club in Monroe, the popularity of jazz music there are highly doubtable.

Finally, the survey the author cited accomplished nothing toward bolstering the conclusion for the survey scope is nationwide. Aside that there is no clear number of jazz fans in Monroe noted in the argument, it is as likely that the income of residents in Monroe are far lower than the average level of the whole nation, or the jazz fans there prefer to spend less money on jazz entertainment per year. If so, the conclusion would amount to especially poor advice.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and unconvincing as it stands and therefore, few banks would show interests in this investment . To verify the conclusion the author must provide enough evidence-perhaps by a survey among local people and an investigation to C Note's marketing strategy- that C Note enjoys the majority of the local market and people in Monroe are willing to spend their incomes on it.

huchengbinUID: 2817854

呵呵。上次说的是字数的问题。现在我来说说逻辑了。

既然是你写的第一篇。我希望你能养成一个分析题目逻辑的习惯。这道题我看来逻辑过程是这样的。

首先它有四个论据。

一：over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer
二：several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe
三：and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,
四：Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment

这四个论据是用来证明什么的呢？就是推出
论据一二三推结论1：Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe
论据四推结论2：It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
另外最开始的还有个论据五：Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away（为什么放最后面，因为个人觉得这个攻击写在后面比较好。。个人感觉）
推结论3：the C Note, would have the local market all to itself

结论1,2,3一起又推出最终结论A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise

这样我们就轻松的挑出我们要攻击的地方了。
单纯质疑论据瑕疵这是最小的错误，比如你可以质疑这100,000 人哪来的，占比例多不多，那个电台JAZZ Nigh是不是因为放JAZZ才流行的，还有国家调查的可信度
然后就是比较重要的质疑它的逻辑推理了
首先一二三就一定能推出结论1吗？
四一定能推出2吗？五一定能推出3吗？
最后结论1,2,3又一定能推出总结论吗？

再看看你的文章：你写了第二段， 五一定能推出3吗？
第三段，结论1是否能推出总结论。
第四段，国家调查的推广这是论据瑕疵。

自己思考下你错过了多少逻辑的攻击点。