Issue7, 帮忙看下有没有4分的希望？？

happyyidiUID: 2872443

文章刚写完就发了。。一个字都没改。。各位大虾帮忙看下。。
TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 575
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/8/4 11:48:14

In this statement, the author asserts that the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life thath it has become a more important form of documentation than written records. As far as I'm concerned, I fundamentally agree with the author's opinion, because compare to the written records, the video camera do has more advantages, but it doesn't mean we can neglect the role of written record, at least, nowadays, it is still very useful.
To begin with, the video camera have many merits which provides a new way of recording in the 21 century. Some incidents in our daily life use this tool to records the important moment which brings more unforgettable memories. The wedding ceremony is one of the best examples. As we all know, the wedding is regard as the one of the most important progresses in a person's life. So everybody want to memory all the things about this momentous time. Using the video camera, people won't lose any details anymore. It help people record the sound, the pictures, which is very accurate and vivid record. However, if we use the written way to record the wedding, it is not approiate and impossible to record every details. For a witten record, only most important thing wil be included. And the written records only have words, no sound, no pictures, it seems a little bit boring and may not vividly present the situation of the wedding. In other aspects, people also need this video camera. "Discovery" the program which is about the nature and animals use this tool to record the phenomenon in the natural world. For instance, when studying how the sharks eat small fishes in the sea, the researchers will use the video camera to record the behavior of sharks which is a more vivid and better ways to find out the answers. While it is hard for people to observe this pehnomenon by usting the written records.
From those examples, we could realize the more important roles the video cameras are taking in the contemporary life.
Although we should admit that the video cameras provides more advanced technology which make the records more easier , more convenient and more accurate, the written records still have its own reason fore existing. First of all, the price of video camera are very expensive, and it is impossible to have a video camera for every people who need records. On the countary, the cost of using written records is much lower. And for something, we needn't record the every detail of it and it is enough for people use the records of written. For example, the important political conferences which are held in Shanghai every year always need to record by video camera, because every word said in the conference is very important. While, the meeting in the schools, which are not as important as other international conference needn't record accurately. So the written records are still useful in many aspects.
From what has been discussed above, a conclusion can be drawn that the video camera can vividly display the what has been recorded
which is more
accurate
than the way of written records, while we still have to admit the roles of written records. However, I believe someday in the future the video camera may replace the written records for it is more convenient than other ways of records.

德芬郡奶油UID: 2843869

4分是肯定没戏的。

AdobereaderUID: 2864798

important 用的多了点 换成signifcent crical momentous erthshaking 是说不是跟好些。
"Discovery" 应该属于纪录片 documentary跟好些
important role 换成 significance 得了
规定时间里能写成这样就不错了，佩服。小小的建议，就是适当的润色一下， 改改语言不要太多重复就跟好了。

shawn.huangUID: 2716388

能码出这么多字也算不错了，但是感觉通篇文章结构不是很清晰，意思也比较重复，LZ自己认为呢？

happyyidiUID: 2872443

3# Adobereader
谢谢Adobereader的建议~~我也觉得自己写的时候会用很多重复的词。。自己词汇量还不够。。所以写的时候脑子里就只能蹦出这些词~~还要多多修改~~

happyyidiUID: 2872443

4# shawn.huang
嗯~~有道理。。写得时候光顾着拼命打字了。。结构没有很注意~~要修改啊。。谢谢shawn.huang的点评~~