Issue 69求拍~

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老是写不完，好郁闷啊……感觉就是思维和指法同时跟不上。希望大家在指点的时候能够多给出一些建议，谢谢啦~ TOPIC: ISSUE69 - "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development" WORDS: 481 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2010-8-5 14:37:47 I concede insofar the author's broad assertion that some of the scientific research and development should not be restricted too much by the government; after all, science is an aspect of freedom. Nevertheless, for most condition, the fund of research is always controlled by the government, which results in unavoidable restriction to research. Furthermore, some of the research may bring controversial result which will lead the human world to unanticipated future; appropriate control to scientists is needed. (第一句concede貌似不能这样用。nevertheless后面最好简洁地表达自己的立场。那些话可以放在正文） Admittedly, based on the origin of science, it is essential for scientific research to be free and unrestricted. Science is the inquiry of human to the unknown world. With the development of hundreds of years after the Renaissance, science has become a mutual way of exploring the world with strict method, systematic theory construction, and groups of scientists who contribute their whole life to it. The result of scientific research has been contributed into almost every detail of development of a society. If basic research of science was restricted by the government too much, the civilization of human beings would not have been developed like nowadays. （如果中间更多地穿插科学不喜欢限制的内容会使这段比较平滑地到达最后一句） The government officers are always not scientists, thus it is easy to understand why some of them have done so much to prevent the development of science.（这一句。。有点牵强吧） Let us get down to the period of the Renaissance, when Copernicus created his theory that the sun is the center of the world instead of the earth. The government during that era opposed Copernicus's theory badly, which actually delayed the development of astronomic science. Consequently, for nowadays, only if we prevent the mistake of Catholicism to Copernicus, science will have the earth to progress healthily. （实质上是利益冲突了。换个角度表达或许更好，从修改这段主题句开始） On the other hand, however, for most condition, the investment to scientific research is always made by the government. Some of the investment was made by enterprise, yet such investment usually have a common goal that the result of the research should be used in business and bring profit for the companies immediately. It is the government's fund that is relatively used in free science study. Even so, it is always unavoidably for the government to restrict such research by some policies. Furthermore, some of the research should have been restrict by the government, for the results may be controversial, even uncontrollable. For instance, if the research of clone human was promoted without any limitation, many kinds of social problems like ethics, moral, law, etc. would have been appeared, and the human world would have become in a chaos. Therefore, it is essential for the government to limit the development of some of the research. In conclusion, for most senses, the process of scientific research and development should not be restricted by the government, since it is unwise for the tragedy of Copernicus and some other scientists to occur nowadays. However, because the investment power is always controlled by the government, the restriction is always unavoidable. Furthermore, it is essential for some of the research to be restricted, for they may lead to unanticipated results even disasters to the world. 感觉第二段和之后段落的叙述思路比较凌乱，就是说 第二段 admittedly了限制不好>>>限制因为资金问题无可避免>>>克隆要限制。大概是主题句没表达好，没达到承上启下作用 导致段落间比较孤单，还好有第一段的提纲式开头，不然会更加凌乱 好的结构+思路+主题句决定你的高分 短时间语言很难很大突破 希望能以后多多注意 共同进步！ ^^