【10G10Hawk】小组8月9日任务——Argument238

谦行天下UID: 2797557

开了两个帖子

Argument238

The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
'At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills.'

互改顺序：

2-1-9（后改前）
15-13（互改）
11-6（互改）

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 508
TIME: 00:29:23
DATE: 2010/8/9 22:27:52


The president recommends that Mira Vista College(MVC) must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to step up the number of graduation seniors getting job offers. To justify his recommendation, he cites the differences between Green Mountain College(GMC) and his university. It seems that GMC has a higher percent of last year's graduation seniors getting job offers from prospective employers and it has more business courses and more job counselors. While in my careful examination about the evidence, I could pick out a pile of flaws as I would discuss below.

First see from the statistic of MVC, we have to notice that this sample isn't enough convincing in the light of the survey was not answered by all the graduated students. Since the result is carried out by the seniors who informed the placement office not by the whole seniors of MVC, we could not make a conclusion that the number of MVC's graduates is lower. What's more, it doesn't matter that half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study while the goal of the president is just to ensure more students find employment.

Second see from the statistic of GMC which we know that it has 90 percent of last year's graduation seniors had job offers, however, the president fails to consider the reasons of this consequence are the more business courses and more job counselors. There are many factors may make a difference in this case. For instance, the phenomenon of studying in GMC is better that students always come together to discuss problems about their courses which means that GMC's students do better in majors. And seniors in GMC may also have better skill of dealing with others like their work partners which means that they are easier to be got along with well. What's more, GMC may provide a host of chances for their still-in-school students to have a job in summer vacation thus they would do better in a interviewing after they graduate. Therefore, it may not make a sense if MVC just offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors.

What's more, there is no other research about how the seniors going on in their further works. What we know is just the moment they leave the university but we would not know the situations of their further lives. Maybe there are many GMC's graduating seniors fired after a months of working. And maybe there are many MVC's graduating seniors find better jobs after months of working. So the presidents are hasty to conclude that the situation of GMC's graduates is better than MVC's.

In sum, this argument is lacking of a deal of evidences or researches. The president should make a further survey with more details about the situation of the graduates and thus make a comparison between these two colleges. In this case, he could come up with a better way of improving the conditions of finding jobs of MVC's graduating seniors.

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

改【13】
In this memorandum, the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) suggest that  MVC should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire  additional job counselors so that the graduates can find employment. To support his suggestion, the president cites that last year 90 percent of the graduates had job offers from prospective employers in Green Mountain College (GMC) while the number of MVC was only 70%. Also, the president points out that GMC has more business courses and more job counselors than MVC. However, this argument suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing.
To begin with, the author assumes that job placement of MVC graduates are inferior to that of GMC graduates(这个不是作者认为的，作者只认为学生缺少面试技巧等，MVC graduates are inferior to that of GMC graduates恰恰是你可以列举的其中一个factor). Yet this might not be the case. Since we are not informed the percentage of the graduates who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment,（这句话绕口了一点，会产生点歧义，最好修改一下） it is impossible to know the overall job placement of the GMC graduates. If the percentage is quite low, it is entirely possible that the job placement of the MVC graduates is higher.
Next, even if the job placement rate is low in MVC, the author unfairly assumes that the disparity of job placement rate is due to the fact that GMC has more business class and more job counselors while MVC does not. There are many other possible explanations for this disparity. Perhaps, the GMC students mainly majored in law and engineering, and those majors are quite easy to find jobs. On the contrary, MVC students might major in history, literature which relatively hard to find suitable jobs. Or perhaps GMC students' generally have better working skills(这个factor本身就是题目所认定的). Without considering and ruling other possible explanations for the difference between the job placement rate of the two colleges, the president cannot convince me the business course and job counselors do help students find employment in GMC.
Furthermore, granted that business courses and job counselors do work in GMC, the president fails to consider the possible difference between the graduates of both colleges which might help to bring about a different result for MVC graduates if MVC take the similar methods as GMC did. It is entirely possible that the MVC graduates have more business knowledge than the counterparts of MVC, and there is no need to offer more business classes. Or perhaps, the MVC graduates have far more internships and part-time job experiences and they already know how to prepare for their resumes and interviewing.(以上都应该是作为上一段你在阐述There are many other possible explanations for this disparity所用到的factors才对) Unless the president provide more evidence that those procedures would benefit the graduates, his recommendation is unwarranted.
Finally yet importantly, the president's claim that computer technology courses should also be carried out to help the graduates find employment is unwarranted. Common sense and experience has informed me （改成us）that employers want to know the general quality of the job-seekers at first rather than their computer knowledge. 这段感觉出现的很奇怪，其实也应该是作为一个There are many other possible explanations for this disparity的factor才是
To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the president must show that the job employment status is indeed not satisfying and the distinction of job employment rate between the two colleges are caused by the business courses and job counselors' assistance. Also more evidence should be provide to show that computer technology does help the employment.

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 538          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010/8/9 22:27:31

In this memorandum, the president of Mira Vista College(MVC) attempt to help MVC's graduates find employment through offering more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors, and this conclusion is established on the comparison between MVC and Green Mountain College(GMC) which seems to have higher employment. His suggestion is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. After the following analysis, we will find the fallacies in this memorandum.

To begin with, under the condition not giving the number of all the graduates in MVC, it is obviously not reasonable for the president to get the data. The president cited that at MVC last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs, and considered this percentile is far lower than GMC. However, the students in this survey are only the ones who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment, and perhaps there have been considerable number of graduates in the other 30 percent had found jobs during their last year at school in advance or had planned to go to graduate school and not to work now. Thus, they do not inform the placement office that they would be seeking employment, and it is unreasonable for the author to demonstrate the final suggestion.

Secondly, even assuming the data is comparable to the one in GMC, there could be a lot of other factors that leads to the high employment in GMC. The author seems to consider that the high percent of last year's graduating seniors is directly caused by the business courses and job counselors in GMC. Perhaps, the labor needs around GMC is fruitful or the overall qualities of the graduates in GMC remain better than MVC, which probably results in the higher percentile. Hence, the president failed to build a causal relationship between the 90% of ones in GMC and the courses and the job counselors.

Thirdly, even though the data and the inference below is reasonable, the analogy between GMC and MVC is not logical. In author's opinion, it seems that as long as there is more business courses and more job counselors like GMC does, the employment rate of his college will increase. However, he ignores that there could be a lot of difference between GMC and MVC, and the analogy under such condition will not be persuasive. For example, the educational hardware facility at MVC may be quite more lagging than GMC, thus even with the help of the course of business and computer technology, the teaching effect may varies. Or consider, for instance, that the courses at GMC are all connected with business and computer technology, so these additional courses could double the effect of the student's competitive capability. As a result of that, the whole analogy and the suggestion based on the survey data are both full of fallacies.

In summary, it is too hasty for the president to decide the method that the college could increase the employment rate. There are far more details and facts about GMC and MVC to be investigate. Only through careful comparison and analysis could both the teachers and students agree to increase the ability by some method.

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

改Adam

改
comments
good


WORDS: 452
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-8-9 16:43:14

The notion than 【that】 Mira Vista College(MVC) should offer more courses in business and computer technology in order to help their graduates find employment seems to be sound and convincing. After all, higher percentages of graduates from Green Mountain College (GMC) find jobs than 【the one of】the graduates from MVC. However, close scrutiny of the evidences cited by the arguer reveals that none of them can lend to credible support to the recommendation.

First of all, the percentage of MVC and GMC cannot prove that more graduates from GMC find employment than the graduates from GMC. The author only cited percentage number of the respondents without giving the accurate number and accurate situation of the whole graduates. Chances are the percentage of graduating seniors from GMC who had job offers from prospective employers is very small, or most of the prospective employer finally decide to employee other people, or most of the other senior from MVC who did not inform the placement office had find employment, or both the percentage of respondents from MVC and GMC are very small.一下子举了很多可能性，很有说服力 Thus, it is possible that the actual percentage of the seniors who had already find jobs is higher in MVC than GMC.

Even if the percentage cited by the arguer can present the whole percentage of graduates from MVC and GMC, the inside difference between these two colleges are overlooked by the arguer. [If GMC is a college focus on business while MVC is a college focus on art and music, GMC will definitely have more business courser than MVC. But this difference will not be the main reason leads to the difference between the percentages of the graduates who have find employment. Instead, the society needs more business man than the artist is the main reason of this phenomenon. ]【这一段很绕，你先说了一个区别，然后又说这个不是主要原因，接着又介绍了你认为的主要原因。其实你要说的是这个区别和社会需要更多的商业人才，这两点共同导致了百分比的区别，那么你中间就不要用but转折，直接and】On the other hand, if GMC is the best colleges in this nation while MVC is the bottom, then no matter how many courses in business and computer technology have been offered, this phenomenon will not be changed. Unless the arguer can provide more details of these two colleges, the recommendation will be undermined.

Even if these two colleges are same, which is of course an unwarranted assumption, this phenomenon may also be caused by the difference environment of these two colleges. If the reputation, location and total number of graduate of these two colleges is different, the recommendation may be helpless. The economic environments around these two colleges are not mentioned in this argument. So it is highly possible that GMC locates in a developing country that needs a lot of new work force and MVC locates in a developed country where work force is redundant. If so, the recommendation will not help. Without ruling out all the other possibilities, the arguer cannot claim the recommendation will be useful.

After pointing out so many flaws in this argument, now we can say the evidences cited by the author cannot be relied on. The recommendation may be perfect, but the author must provide more convincing and professional evidence before claiming so. For example, the arguer can do more research about the total graduates of MVC and GMC, the number of graduates who had found employment in MVC and GMC and other difference between GMC and MVC.
就像你自己说的，没有关注在调查的严密性是比较重大的失误，关于两个学校的错误类比提的太多了

austen06UID: 2841836

In this memorandum, the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) suggest that  MVC should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire  additional job counselors so that the graduates can find employment. To  support his suggestion, the president cites that last year 90 percent of the  graduates had job offers from prospective employers in Green Mountain  College (GMC) while the number of MVC was only 70%. Also, the president  points out that GMC has more business courses and more job counselors than  MVC. However, this argument suffers from several logical flaws which  render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author assumes that job placement of MVC graduates are inferior to that of GMC graduates. Yet this might not be the case. Since we are not informed the percentage of the graduates who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment, it is impossible to know the overall job placement of the GMC graduates. If the percentage is quite low, it is entirely possible that the job placement of the MVC graduates is higher.

Next, even if the job placement rate is low in MVC, the author unfairly assumes that the disparity of job placement rate is due to the fact that GMC has more business class and more job counselors while MVC does not. There are many other possible explanations for this disparity. Perhaps, the GMC students mainly majored in law and engineering, and those majors are quite easy to find jobs. On the contrary, MVC students might majored in history, literature which are relatively hard to find suitable jobs. Or perhaps GMC students' generally have better working skills. Without considering and ruling other possible explanations for the difference between the job placement rate of the two colleges, the president cannot convince me the business course and job counselors do help students find employment in GMC.

Furthermore, granted that business courses and job counselors do work in GMC, the president fails to consider the possible difference between the graduates of both colleges which migh help to bring about a different result for MVC graduates if MVC take the similar methods as GMC did. It is entirely possible that the MVC graduates have more business knowledge than the counterparts of MVC, and there is no need to offer more business classes. Or perhaps, the MVC graduates have far more internships and part-time job experiences and they already know how to prepare for their resumes and interviewing. Unless the president provide more evidence that those procedures would benefit the graduates, his recommendation is unwarranted.

Finally yet importantly, the president's claim that computer technology courses should also be carried out to help the graduates find employment is unwarranted. Common sense and experience has informed me that employers want to know the general quality of the job-seekers at first rather than their computer knowledges.

To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the president must show that the job employment status is indeed not satisfying and the distinction of job employment rate between the two colleges are caused by the business courses and job counselors' assistance. Also more evidence should be provide to show that computer technology does help the employment.

austen06UID: 2841836

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 406
TIME: 00:30:42
DATE: 2010-8-9 15:34:38

Based on the evidence that Green Mountain College(MG), who supplies students with more business courses and more job counselors, 90% of its graduates had job offers last year, while only 70% of students graduated from Mira Vista College(题目中不是这么说的，而且是个可以攻击的地方）(MVC) got offer and only 50% of them found jobs related to their field of study, the president of MVC recommends the college to increase courses in business and computer technology, in order to help their student find employment. It seems convincing for the president to come to the conclusion at first glance, while it suffers from some unpersuasive aspects.

First of all, the president fails to provide any evidence about the students who does not satisfy with（be satisfied with) the current courses, or there is any need for students to increase thess two courses. It is possibly they are quite contended with the current courses, and their abilities have effectively improved. The main reason why the ratio of getting offer from employers lower than GMC dues to(be due to,而且due to后面还不能接从句) they has much more student than GMC, or the GMC's is a not very good, many of its graduates who got the jobs from small companies, while MVC is a prestigious college, and its student have applied to many prominent companies, although they get less offer, but their salaries and position of job are much better. （如果不能用一个长句表达完，应该拆成短句）

Granted the high offer receiving ratio is ascribed to open business courses and job counselors.（granted...只是一个从句，却不见你的主句） The president fails to provide more information about whether GMC took some other measures（what？）. It is entirely possible that GMC have signed some protocols with many companies and cultivates students with them, or their students have participated in much more social practice than MVC's students. Therefore the president should show some witnesses about the abilities about their students and the experience of them.

Finally, we still do not know how many of the 90% student graduated from GMC will ultimately work for the companies who provided them offers, and how many job they have gotten is related to their field of study. Perhaps, 50% of them will not go to work, as result of the job is not very well, and 20% of the jobs they offered in the major field. Thus, it is unnecessary for MVC to change their current course at all.（没说change，只是add）

In sum, to make me be convinced, （wordiness, to convince me)the president should provide the evidences that presented above(简要复述）. And much more investment should be carried out, before any decisions are made. For instance, the satisfaction of students graduated from these two colleges to their jobs that have offered, and the abilities of the students in each college, as well as what are the characters of these two colleges.

谦行天下UID: 2797557

In this argument, the author figures out that more percentage of graduate students are employed at Green Mountain College than Mira Vista College, which result from more business courses and more job counselors. Despite that the comparison is incomplete and the cause and effect relationship of more course and counselors is groundless, the author concludes that Mira Vista College could offering more courses in business and hiring more job counselors to help Mira Vista's graduates find employment.

Firstly, the comparison between Green Mountain and Mira Vista is incomplete and hence we can hardly evaluate the employment results of these two colleges. Firstly, the author fails to provide the percentage of seniors who had job offers at Mira Visa which is the only data about Green Mountain. What we know from this argument is that at Mira Visa 70 percent of seniors informed the placement office their possibilities of finding full-time jobs. It is the number of informed the office while the author tell nothing about those other 30 percent students. Within the partial scale of 70 percentages, it is in their mayor field of study that 35 percent of graduates were employed. Thus, the author has not verified the data of graduates who had job offers at Mire Vista to compare with Green Mountain College. It is possible that more than 90 percentage of seniors got offers at Mire Vista. In addition, there are the data of last year which can't persuade us to believe they represent the general situation of two colleges.

At the second place, the author fails to establish a causal relationship between the fact that Green Mountain College have more business courses and more job counselors than Mira Vista College and the fact that
Green Mountain College has more graduate students who found jobs than Mira Vista does. Chances are these incidence just coincidences that they have no relationship with each other. Some other reasons may contribute to better career development. Maybe the Green Mountain College enjoys higher reputation than Mira Vista. Or Green Mountain College requires students to do internship in prospective companies which helps its students obtain a success career.

Lastly, the author fails to provide any direct evidence regarding the factors that hinder Mira Vista's graduates finding jobs. Two colleges have different courses, mayors, education goals and so on. Perhaps at Mira Vista the amount business courses are appropriate to its students and the number of counselors is also enough. It may not be other problems except business courses and job counselors, like the quality of students, the reputation of the school, or the education quality. Without analyze direct causes of less job finding, it is hasty to allege that adding business courses and hiring more career counselors can help students with finding jobs.

To substantiate the author's assertion, equal data of graduate students who get employed ought to be provided. More years of data, the more convincing the comparison is. Moreover, the factors affect employment need to be analyzed in both schools respectively.

=============第一次自改文==========
In this argument, the author figures out that more percentage of graduate students is employed at Green Mountain College than Mira Vista College, which result from more business courses and more job counselors. Despite that the comparison is incomplete and the cause and effect relationship between more course and counselors is groundless, the author concludes that Mira Vista College could offering more courses in business and hiring more job counselors to help Mira Vista's graduates find employment.

Firstly, the comparison between Green Mountain and Mira Vista is incomplete and hence we can hardly evaluate the employment results of these two colleges. Firstly, the author fails to provide the percentage of seniors who had job offers at Mira Visa which is the only data about Green Mountain. What we know from this argument is that at Mira Visa 70 percent of seniors informed the placement office their possibilities of finding full-time jobs. It is the number of students who informed the office while the author tell nothing about those other 30 percent students. Within the partial scale of 70 percentages, it is in their mayor field of study that 35 percent of graduates were employed. Thus, the author has not verified the data of graduates who had job offers at Mire Vista to compare with Green Mountain College. It is possible that more than 90 percentage of seniors got offers at Mire Vista. In addition, there are the data of last year which can't persuade us to believe they represent the general situation of two colleges.

At the second place, the author fails to establish a causal relationship between the fact that Green Mountain College have more business courses and more job counselors than Mira Vista College and the fact that Green Mountain College has more graduate students who found jobs than Mira Vista does. Chances are that these incidents maybe just coincidences. Some other reasons may contribute to better career development. Maybe the Green Mountain College enjoys higher reputation than Mira Vista. Or Green Mountain College requires students to do internship in prospective companies which helps its students obtain a success career.

Lastly, the author fails to provide any direct evidence regarding the factors that hinder Mira Vista's graduates finding jobs. Two colleges have different courses, mayors, education goals and so on. Perhaps at Mira Vista the amount business courses are appropriate to its students and the number of counselors is also enough. It may not be other problems except business courses and job counselors, like the quality of students, the reputation of the school, or the education quality. Without analyze direct causes of less job finding, it is hasty to allege that adding business courses and hiring more career counselors can help students with finding jobs.

To substantiate the author's assertion, equal data of graduate students who get employed ought to be provided. More years of data, the more convincing the comparison is. Moreover, the factors affect employment need to be analyzed in both schools respectively.

谦行天下UID: 2797557

改2， Rose
Wrong
Not Understand
In this memorandum, the president of Mira Vista College(MVC) attempt to help MVC's graduates find employment through offering more courses in business and computer technology and hire【hiring】 additional job counselors, and this conclusion is established on the comparison between MVC and Green Mountain College(GMC) which seems to have higher employment【是不是要加一个rate之类的？】. His suggestion is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. After the following analysis, we will find the fallacies in this memorandum.

To begin with, under the condition not giving the number of all the graduates in MVC, it is obviously not reasonable for the president to get the data【which data？】. The president cited that at MVC last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs, and considered this percentile is far lower than GMC. However, the students in this survey are only the ones who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment, and perhaps there have been considerable number of graduates in the other 30 percent had found jobs during their last year at school in advance or had planned to go to graduate school and not to work now.【很好！论述很到位】 Thus, they do not inform the placement office that they would be seeking employment, and it is unreasonable for the author to demonstrate the final suggestion.

Secondly, even assuming the data is comparable to the one in GMC, there could be a lot of other factors that leads to the high employment in GMC. The author seems to consider that the high percent of last year's graduating seniors is directly caused by the business courses and job counselors in GMC. Perhaps, the labor needs around GMC is fruitful or the overall qualities of the graduates in GMC remain better than MVC, which probably results in the higher percentile. Hence, the president failed to build a causal relationship between the 90% of ones in GMC and the courses and the job counselors.

Thirdly, even though the data and the inference below【你是想说above么】 is reasonable, the analogy between GMC and MVC is not logical. In author's opinion, it seems that as long as there is more business courses and more job counselors like GMC does, the employment rate of his college will increase. However, he ignores that there could be a lot of difference between GMC and MVC, and the analogy under such condition will not be persuasive. For example, the educational hardware facility at MVC may be quite more lagging than GMC, thus even with the help of the course of business and computer technology, the teaching effect may varies. Or consider, for instance【有了consider就可以不要这个了，冗余】, that the courses at GMC【是不是应该说MVC呀】 are all connected with business and computer technology, so these additional courses could double the effect of the student's competitive capability. As a result of that, the whole analogy and the suggestion based on the survey data are both full of fallacies.

In summary, it is too hasty for the president to decide the method that the college could increase the employment rate. There are far more details and facts about GMC and MVC to be investigate. Only through careful comparison and analysis could both the teachers and students agree to increase the ability by some method.有点vague

学习了Rose流利的语言~~我喜欢~~

hwslqcUID: 2861597

没看题就开始计时，果然压力很大。另外，写完发现写的偏了。。。。居然举了两个other factors。。。。而对调查的关注不够。现在想想应该按照“调查的respondent是否可以代表所有人”和“comparison是否完整”来分两端写。懒得改了。。。。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resum¨¦s and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 452
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-8-9 16:43:14

The notion than Mira Vista College(MVC) should offer more courses in business and computer technology in order to help their graduates find employment seems to be sound and convincing. After all, higher percentages of graduates from Green Mountain College (GMC) find jobs than the graduates from MVC. However, close scrutiny of the evidences cited by the arguer reveals that none of them can lend to credible support to the recommendation.

First of all, the percentage of MVC and GMC cannot prove that more graduates from GMC find employment than the graduates from GMC. The author only cited percentage number of the respondents without giving the accurate number and accurate situation of the whole graduates. Chances are the percentage of graduating seniors from GMC who had job offers from prospective employers is very small, or most of the prospective employer finally decide to employee other people, or most of the other senior from MVC who did not inform the placement office had find employment, or both the percentage of respondents from MVC and GMC are very small. Thus, it is possible that the actual percentage of the seniors who had already find jobs is higher in MVC than GMC.

Even if the percentage cited by the arguer can present the whole percentage of graduates from MVC and GMC, the inside difference between these two colleges are overlooked by the arguer. If GMC is a college focus on business while MVC is a college focus on art and music, GMC will definitely have more business courser than MVC. But this difference will not be the main reason leads to the difference between the percentages of the graduates who have find employment. Instead, the society needs more business man than the artist is the main reason of this phenomenon. On the other hand, if GMC is the best colleges in this nation while MVC is the bottom, then no matter how many courses in business and computer technology have been offered, this phenomenon will not be changed. Unless the arguer can provide more details of these two colleges, the recommendation will be undermined.

Even if these two colleges are same, which is of course an unwarranted assumption, this phenomenon may also be caused by the difference environment of these two colleges. If the reputation, location and total number of graduate of these two colleges is different, the recommendation may be helpless. The economic environments around these two colleges are not mentioned in this argument. So it is highly possible that GMC locates in a developing country that needs a lot of new work force and MVC locates in a developed country where work force is redundant. If so, the recommendation will not help. Without ruling out all the other possibilities, the arguer cannot claim the recommendation will be useful.

After pointing out so many flaws in this argument, now we can say the evidences cited by the author cannot be relied on. The recommendation may be perfect, but the author must provide more convincing and professional evidence before claiming so. For example, the arguer can do more research about the total graduates of MVC and GMC, the number of graduates who had found employment in MVC and GMC and other difference between GMC and MVC.

hwslqcUID: 2861597

In this argument, the author figures out that more percentage of graduate students are【is】 employed at Green Mountain College than Mira Vista College, which result from more business courses and more job counselors. Despite that the comparison is incomplete and the cause and effect relationship of【between】 more course and counselors is groundless, the author concludes that Mira Vista College could offering more courses in business and hiring more job counselors to help Mira Vista's graduates find employment.【nice】

Firstly, the comparison between Green Mountain and Mira Vista is incomplete and hence we can hardly evaluate the employment results of these two colleges. Firstly, the author fails to provide the percentage of seniors who had job offers at Mira Visa which is the only data about Green Mountain. What we know from this argument is that at Mira Visa 70 percent of seniors informed the placement office their possibilities of finding full-time jobs. It is the number of 【students who】informed the office while the author tell nothing about those other 30 percent students. Within the partial scale of 70 percentages, it is in their mayor field of study that 35 percent of graduates were employed. Thus, the author has not verified the data of graduates who had job offers at Mire Vista to compare with Green Mountain College. It is possible that more than 90 percentage of seniors got offers at Mire Vista. In addition, there are the data of last year which can't persuade us to believe they represent the general situation of two colleges.【nice】

At the second place, the author fails to establish a causal relationship between the fact that Green Mountain College have more business courses and more job counselors than Mira Vista College and the fact that Green Mountain College has more graduate students who found jobs than Mira Vista does. Chances are these incidence【incidents】 just coincidences【chances are 后半句句话没有谓语啊】 that they have no relationship with each other. Some other reasons may contribute to better career development. Maybe the Green Mountain College enjoys higher reputation than Mira Vista. Or Green Mountain College requires students to do internship in prospective companies which helps its students obtain a success career. 【good】

Lastly, the author fails to provide any direct evidence regarding the factors that hinder Mira Vista's graduates finding jobs. Two colleges have different courses, mayors, education goals and so on. Perhaps at Mira Vista the amount business courses are appropriate to its students and the number of counselors is also enough. It may not be other problems except business courses and job counselors, like the quality of students, the reputation of the school, or the education quality. Without analyze direct causes of less job finding, it is hasty to allege that adding business courses and hiring more career counselors can help students with finding jobs.【so so】
【第三个分论点感觉比较杂乱，没有和上文联系上，像是一个分割的段落。建议再挖掘一下题目的错误。再找一个分段点进行论述。】
To substantiate the author's assertion, equal data of graduate students who get employed ought to be provided. More years of data, the more convincing the comparison is【不是个完整的句子吧】. Moreover, the factors affect employment need to be analyzed in both schools respectively.

sharonyeUID: 2862009

题目：ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
字数：537
用时：00:52:12
日期：2010-8-9
下午 03:00:01

In this argument, the author suggest Mira Vista College(MVC) should offer more courses in bussiness and computer technology, as well as hire some counselors in order to help students to find jobs easily after their graduation. The conclusion is based on a survey which shows the percentage of students who get full-time jobs in the nearby Green Mountain College is 90 percent, while that in MVC is only 70 percent. And in GMC, they offered more business and computer thecnology courses than in MVC. However, the argument suffered from several flaws, making it unconvincing as it stands.

In the first place, there is no evidence suggest students in MVC is much harder than that in GMC in finding jobs. The status in the argument only shows the percentage, but no one know exactly of the totle number of students who have got offers. Providing there are 2000 graduates in MVC, but only 200 in GMC, we can not accept the recommondation that GMC's measure is useful for students and MVC should take the same measure. Another possibility is graduates in MVC all have get the so called offers, but for variety of reasons, such as they change their plans and prepare to go abroad for futher education, or they are not sated with their potential jobs etc., they give up the chance. In this case, there is no need for MVC to provide mor courses or hire consulors.

Granted students in MVC is really not so easy as those in GMC in getting jobs, does offering more courses make a difference? Perhaps GMC is much more famous than MVC and enrolling the best students all over the world, while MVC is just a small college, it is a common phenomenon students in GMC enjoy better
job opportunities. Or GMC is a college mainly teach bussiness and computer thecnology, which is needed in the area, however, MVC impart students most engineer knowedge, making its graduates not easy to find jobs dirrectely after graduating. Even offer more business and computer technology
course, potential companies are still likely to employ GMC's graduates.

Last but not least, as for hiring counselors, it can no doubt do some help with students' resumes and interviewing skills, after all, counselors are more experianced, and may give graduates some useful advice. However, as far as I am concerned, it is unnecessary. Internet is an unbelievable powerful tool that can also help students with skills of interview and resume without paying anything. What is more, whether to be hired is not based on how wonderful your interview is, but mainly in related with your real capacity.

To conclude, the suggestion by the arguer is not persuasive as it stands, to make it generally acceptable, he/she should provide more information of the condition, such as the number of graduates, the types of subject offered by the two colleges etc..To better evaluate the argument, the situation of the area around and what a counselors can provide to a student would also included in his/her argument.
   

sharonyeUID: 2862009

In this argument, the author asserts that in order to help Mira Vista's(MV) graduates find employment, we (用we合适么)must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire counselors to help students. To espouse these conclusions, the author assumes that last year Green Mountain(GM) has 90% percent of graduate had job offer from employers which has more business course and more job counselors than MV（最好把MV的70%也说上，要不然你就只比较了他们的课程，却没有说效果，虽然我觉得就这样写老外也应该看得懂）. From my perspective, none of these assertions or assumptions is well supported by cogent premises and reasonable demonstration.(好几个单词都不认识，学习啦)
Fundamentally, the main fallacy is that there are 70% graduates informed the placement office they had found full-time jobs not means only 70% graduates had jobs. Perhaps the other graduates were busy on their works which have no time to inform the placement office. For example, once the students had job offers he/she was sent to another place to be trained, they even had no connection with their family, let alone the placement office.
Even assuming that there are only 70% graduates have jobs as well. It still has another fallacy that weakens in this argument that there is no evidence to show the reason of they cannot find employment is because lacking of the computer technology and business knowledge or their resumes and interviewing skills. It is quite possible that last year the employment which needs most industry design's graduates was suffered from a depression, and industry design is the major which has most graduates in the MV. This is possibility can make the author's assumption that the courses and skills is the reason of graduates cannot find a employment groundless.
Moreover, we cannot make a conclusion that all of the graduates in the GM were employed in their major field of study. So only 50% percent students were employed in the major field of study is not a shame thing（shame， 为甚用这个词）. Maybe there was a fashion of study abroad and the graduate who has a good English skill was to be a English teacher. As we known, teacher is a good job and teaching the students about how to prepare the GRE or TOEFL test is profitable.（写这段话想说明什么呢，argu只说GM有更多的business and computer technology courses, 也没说是他们的专业呀？）
In a nutshell, I have analyzed so many flaws in the argument. In my opinion, the argument should reason more convincingly. So if I were the author I would account the evidence such as the reason of graduates was rejected is lack of knowledge about business and computer technology or they hadn't a effective resume. To make the argument more cogent while the survey about all the students no matter they was informed the placement office or not also needs to be supported.
（我觉得这篇文章写的是不错的，前面的论证很清晰，就是最后论证那我不太理解，有点遗憾）

czlilacUID: 2842584

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 406
TIME: 00:30:42
DATE: 2010-8-9 15:34:38

Based on the evidence that Green Mountain College(MG), who supplies students with more business courses and more job counselors, 90% of its graduates had job offers last year, while only 70% of students graduated from Mira Vista College(MVC) got offer and only 50% of them found jobs related to their
field of study, the president of MVC recommends the college to increase courses in business and computer technology, in order to help their student find employment. It seems convincing for the president to come to the conclusion at first glance, while it suffers from some unpersuasive aspects.

First of all, the president fails to provide any evidence about the students who does not satisfy with the current courses, or there is any need for students to increase thess two courses. It is possibly they are quite contended with the current courses, and their abilities have effectively improved. The main reason why the ratio of getting offer from employers lower than GMC dues to they has much more student than GMC, or the GMC's is a not very good, many of its graduates who got the jobs from small companies, while MVC is a prestigious college, and its student have applied to many prominent companies, although they get less offer, but their salaries and position of job are much better.

Granted the high offer receiving ratio is ascribed to open business courses and job counselors. The president fails to provide more information about whether GMC took some other measures. It is entirely possible that GMC have signed some protocols with many companies and cultivates students with them, or their students have participated in much more social practice than MVC's students. Therefore the president should show some witnesses about the abilities about their students and the experience of them.

Finally, we still do not know how many of the 90% student graduated from GMC will ultimately work for the companies who provided them offers, and how many job they have gotten is related to their field of study. Perhaps, 50% of them will not go to work, as result of the job is not very well, and 20% of the jobs they offered in the major field. Thus, it is unnecessary for MVC to change their current course at all.

In sum, to make me be convinced, the president should provide the evidences that presented above. And much more investment should be carried out, before any decisions are made. For instance, the satisfaction of students graduated from these two colleges to their jobs that have offered, and the abilities of the students in each college, as well as what are the characters of these two colleges.

--------------------------------------------------------------------1改-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Based on the evidence that Green Mountain College(MG), who supplies students with more business courses and more job counselors, 90% of its graduates had job offers last year, while only 70% of students graduated from Mira Vista College(MVC) would serve as their positions three month later after graduation, and only 50% of them found jobs related to their field of study, the president of MVC recommends the college to increase courses in business and computer technology, in order to help their student find employment. It seems convincing for the president to come to the conclusion at first glance, while it suffers from some unpersuasive aspects.

First of all, the president fails to provide any evidence about the students who are dissatisfies with the current courses, or there is any need for students to increase these two courses. It is possibly they are quite contended with the current courses, and their abilities have effectively improved. The main reason why the ratio of getting offer from employers lower than GMC is ascribed to they has much more student than GMC, or the GMC's is not very good, many of its graduates who got the jobs from small companies, while MVC is a prestigious college, and its student have applied to many prominent companies. Chance is that the students graduated from MVC get fewer offers, but their salaries and position of jobs are much better.

Granted the high offer receiving ratio is ascribed to openning business courses and job counselors, the president fails to provide more information about whether GMC took some other measures. It is entirely possible that GMC have signed some protocols with many companies and cultivates students with them, or their students have participated in much more social practice than MVC's students. Therefore the president should show some witnesses about the abilities about their students and the experience of them.

Finally, we still do not know how many of the 90% student graduated from GMC will ultimately work for the companies who provided them offers, and how many jobs they have got are related to their field of study. Perhaps, 50% of them will not go to work, as result of the job is not very well, and 20% of the jobs they offered in the major field. Thus, it is unnecessary for MVC to add these two course at all.

In sum, to convince me, the president should provide the evidences that presented. And much more investments should be carried out, before any decisions are made. For instance, the satisfaction of students graduated from these two colleges to their jobs that have offered, and the abilities of the students in each college, as well as what are the characters of these two colleges.

czlilacUID: 2842584

In this memorandum, the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) suggest that  MVC should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire  additional job counselors so that the graduates can find employment. To support his suggestion, the president cites that last year 90 percent of the graduates had job offers from prospective employers in Green Mountain College (GMC) while the number of MVC was only 70%. Also, the president points out that GMC has more business courses and more job counselors than MVC. However, this argument suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author assumes that job placement of MVC graduates are inferior to that of GMC graduates. Yet this might not be the case. Since we are not informed the percentage of the graduates who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment, it is impossible to know the overall job placement of the GMC graduates. If the percentage is quite low, it is entirely possible that the job placement of the MVC graduates is higher.
可能MVC的录用人数可能多GMC多

Next, even if the job placement rate is low in MVC, the author unfairly assumes that the disparity of job placement rate is due to the fact that GMC has more business class and more job counselors while MVC does not. There are many other possible explanations for this disparity. Perhaps, the GMC students mainly majored in law and engineering, and those majors are quite easy to find jobs. On the contrary, MVC students might majored(major) in history, literature which are relatively hard to find suitable jobs. Or perhaps GMC students' generally have better working skills. Without considering and ruling other possible explanations for the difference between the job placement rate of the two colleges, the president cannot convince me the business course and job counselors do help students find employment in GMC.
可能是由于专业造成，论述很流畅

Furthermore, granted that business courses and job counselors do work in GMC, the president fails to consider the possible difference between the graduates of both colleges which might help to bring about a different result for MVC graduates if MVC take the similar methods as GMC did. It is entirely possible that the MVC graduates have more business knowledge than the counterparts of MVC(GMC吧), and there is no need to offer more business classes. Or perhaps, the MVC graduates have far more internships and part-time job experiences and they already know how to prepare for their resumes and interviewing(interview为也作名词的). Unless the president provide(provides) more evidence that those procedures would benefit the graduates, his recommendation is unwarranted.
学生自身原因：part-job experience, know-how

Finally yet importantly, the president's claim that computer technology courses should also be carried out to help the graduates find employment is unwarranted. Common sense and experience has informed me that employers want to know the general quality of the job-seekers at first rather than their computer knowledges(knowledge).
Computer knowledge不影响offer

To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the president must show that the job employment status is indeed not satisfying and the distinction of job employment rate between the two colleges are caused by the business courses and job counselors' assistance. Also more evidence should be provide(d) to show that computer technology does help the employment.

论述得很好，很全面，而且语言也用得很精练，学习中