求拍砖

czj521UID: 2869962

51"Education will be truly effectiveonly when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs andinterests of each student."
提纲：1. 个性化教育确实挖掘学生潜力
        2. 但由于教育资源有限，个性化教学可行性不够
      3. 就      3. 就算教学资源足够，传统的教学有助于让学生掌握基础知识，是必不可少的。过分强调给兴化教育会导致基础知识掌握不牢，从而导致无法学习更深层次的课程。


I agree insofar with the author'sstatement. In my point of view, while the schools should try their best tooffer more choices and autonomy to meet the individual needs and interest ofevery student, conventional general education is still necessary.


Admittedly, an educational system inaccordance with the students' aptitude can help them to fully develop theirdistinct potential and talent. Just as John Comenius, the pioneer of moderneducation, once pointed out in the book The Great Didactic that, "somestudents are smart, some are slow, some are docile, some are stubborn, somelike to gain knowledge and some prefer to learning skills", teachingmethod should be carried out according to the particular circumstance ofindividual. Students will be actively engaged in study when learning whatinterest them, or what seem to be apparent help to their future careers. Incontrast, if a student is forced to learn something that cannot contribute tohis career and he is not interested in, whether he can learn well is open todoubt. Knowing well about this, most universities in the world provideelectives so that each student can pursue his own career that he is interestedin. Since there always be a large amount of electives and some of them are notrelated, it is neither necessary nor possible for a student to choose allelectives. In my department, for example, there are 42 electives we can choosefrom. It could hardly imagine how we can complete our school work if all theelectives are required courses. As far as I am concerned, this pedagogy hasbeen demonstrated effective for it has fostered many outstanding people like BillGates, Chen Ning Yang, Tsung-Dao Lee and so on. In addition, in ancient China, theeducation principle of teaching students according to their aptitude had beenmentioned by Confucius in the Spring and Autumn Period. Among his 3000students, there were 72 students became elites who had made significantcontribution to the society and most of others became successful and benefitedsociety as well. Consequently, we can see specially designed education iseffective.


Nevertheless, although I take for granted that the specifically designed education is more effective to some extent, Ihave to say it is not available for all individual students to be offered aunique education designed to meet their interests and needs. Compared to the large population of students, the education sources seem limited or even scant. Actually, as a result of the rapidly growing population, many people receive noor inferior education with today's methods of learning. Just consider the factthat even in highly developed countries, schools cannot handle theever-increasing number of students in their present mode, we can know how poor the feasibility of the specially designed education is.


Moreover, even assuming that educationalresources are abundant, traditional general education is indispensable. As thepurpose of the education, in my opinion, is to cultivate all-around students,there are some basic knowledge like that is needed to be learned by everystudent. Though this knowledge seems boring and useless, it is really vital andis the base of further learning. Too much emphasis on specially designededucation may lead to students' ignorance of this basic knowledge. Without mastering the basic knowledge, thestudents will find it hard to learn some further courses even if he isinterested in them. Similarly, complete liberty in designing education for eachstudent may contribute to the phenomenon that since many students don't knowwhat courses they are interested in and what courses is necessary for them,they may just choose some easy and interesting subjects instead of some difficult but important ones. This can hinder the development of the society, forit demands various graduates with different skills.


In sum, as proper liberty in designingeducation for every student can be effective, we should try our best to lend more choices and autonomy to meet the individual needs and interest of each student while considering the feasibility of the specially designed education. Meanwhile, we should be aware of the vital importance of traditional general education and the fact that too much emphasis on the specially designededucation may cause negative effects.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

I agree insofar with the author'sstatement. In my point of view, while the schools should try their best tooffer more choices and autonomy to meet the individual needs and interest ofevery student, conventional general education is still necessary.


Admittedly, an educational system inaccordance with the students' aptitude can help them to fully develop theirdistinct potential and talent. Just as John Comenius, the pioneer of moderneducation, once pointed out in the book The Great Didactic that, "somestudents are smart, some are slow, some are docile, some are stubborn, somelike to gain knowledge and some prefer to learning skills", teachingmethod should be carried out according to the particular circumstance ofindividual. [题目好像说的是teaching content吧。根据学生的兴趣教学，和根据学生的个性教学是两回事。感觉这里是为了引用而引用，没有直接针对题目。] Students will be actively engaged in study when learning whatinterest them, or what seem to be apparent help to their future careers. Incontrast, if a student is forced to learn something that cannot contribute tohis career and he is not interested in, whether he can learn well is open todoubt. Knowing well about this, most universities in the world provideelectives so that each student can pursue his own career that he is interestedin. Since there always be a large amount of electives and some of them are notrelated, it is neither necessary nor possible for a student to choose allelectives. In my department, for example, there are 42 electives we can choosefrom. It could hardly imagine how we can complete our school work if all theelectives are required courses. As far as I am concerned, this pedagogy hasbeen demonstrated effective for it has fostered many outstanding people like BillGates, Chen Ning Yang, Tsung-Dao Lee and so on. In addition, in ancient China, theeducation principle of teaching students according to their aptitude had beenmentioned by Confucius in the Spring and Autumn Period. Among his 3000students, there were 72 students became elites who had made significantcontribution to the society and most of others became successful and benefitedsociety as well[我觉得这个例子很诡异，孔子有针对它的学生设计教育内容么？比如？]. Consequently, we can see specially designed education iseffective.


Nevertheless, although I take for granted that the specifically designed education is more effective to some extent, Ihave to say it is not available for all individual students to be offered aunique education designed to meet their interests and needs[这个句子后半句是个语法完全混乱的句子]. Compared to the large population of students, the education sources seem limited or even scant. Actually, as a result of the rapidly growing population, many people receive noor inferior education with today's methods of learning. Just consider the factthat even in highly developed countries, schools cannot handle theever-increasing number of students in their present mode, we can know how poor the feasibility of the specially designed education is. [这段话跟题目的联系是什么。题目说的是有效性，你现在说得是教育资源有限。比如有人说这个世界上最好的女人是xx，你同意吗？你先说我觉得xx很不错，然后说但是像XX这种女人不好找。表明上看上去这句话没什么问题，但是后半句并没有回应问题。没人问你好不好找，只问你她好不好。这个题目只是说个性教育最有效。你要讨论的就是它是不是真的最有效。如果你觉得不可行＝没效，然后说它怎么不可行，这个逻辑是对的。如果只谈它不可行，这个逻辑就很散。没人问你可行性。]


Moreover, even assuming that educationalresources are abundant, traditional general education is indispensable. As thepurpose of the education, in my opinion, is to cultivate all-around students,there are some basic knowledge like that[that?什么] is needed to be learned by everystudent. Though this[出现代词，前面要有指代的具体对象，你这句话前面就是like that，like that前面就没了，说了半天也不知道你说的知识到底是啥。如果你说这就是basic knowlegde，那basic knowledge又是什么？] knowledge seems boring and useless, it is really vital andis the base of further learning. Too much emphasis on specially designededucation may lead to students' ignorance of this basic knowledge. Without mastering the basic knowledge, thestudents will find it hard to learn some further courses even if he isinterested in them. Similarly, complete liberty in designing education may contribute to the phenomenon that since many students don't knowwhat courses they are interested in and what courses is [主谓一致]necessary for them,they may just choose some easy and interesting subjects instead of some difficult but important ones. This can hinder the development of the society, forit demands various graduates with different skills[这句话仍然是个病句，首先，两个完整句没连词。其次，this不是万能膏药，只有明确的逻辑关系的时候用this才不会让人confuse。This前面那个长达4行的句子，就连GRE阅读的句子都没这么长。而且你现在已经开始偷换概念了。题目上说的是为学生的兴趣爱好设计课程，而不是offer一堆课程让学生自己选，爱学什么学什么。这两个概念还是有区别的，虽然选修课是给学生一定的选择的自由，但是本质都是学校直接给一群人提供的，并没有针对个人设计，比如，你们学校的选修课，也没征求过你的意见吧，没问过你对什么选修课比较感兴趣吧。 之所以会出现这个结果，就是你自己写着写着就忘了题目到底在说啥，而顺着你选修课的思路去写了。虽然你这个point的源头跟题目有关
简单来说教育的目的之一就在于保证学生学习到 该学的知识，无论他们爱不爱。如果不能保证，教育就无效。所以就不能只是去满足他们的兴趣。这样的思路就很顺，你这段开头顺，写到一半的时候就开始偏。最后用选修课举例子的时候就彻底偏了。
]


In sum, as proper liberty in designing education for every student can be effective, we should try our best to lend more choices and autonomy to meet the individual needs and interest of each student while considering the feasibility of the specially designed education. Meanwhile, we should be aware of the vital importance of traditional general education and the fact that too much emphasis on the specially design ededucation may cause negative effects.
[光看结尾，点还是比较清晰的。但是中间的论证比较乱。另外我没怎么改用词和语法的错误，但是你这方面还是很有问题的。拿最后一段来说，每句（每个用逗号分割的句子，都有语法错误。第一个分句缩短为主谓状语就是liberty can be effective，明显病句。第2个分句，lend xx to （这个短语，to后面不应该是动词吧。 然后interest of each student，题目上是interests吧，抄总要抄对吧。最后一个分句，too much emphasis on 这个前面是不是缺一个putting之类的词。Cause一般是不能跟effects搭配的，一般都是xx have profound effects on xx, 要不就是cause 直接跟事情的结果，cause和effect搭配，就跟because xx，so xx一样多余。我的语法不好，但是要我改你这篇文章的语法，你基本上是全红。所以我不改了。建议多查字典]

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

另外你发习作的题目不符合格式要求。。本来是不给改的。。现在改了。。下次题目不符合版规要求不改。。

czj521UID: 2869962

3# lingli_xiaoai 谢谢前辈指点，自己改的时候太不认真了……下次一定改好后再给前辈批阅