argument240

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

题目：ARGUMENT240 - The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
字数：357
用时：00:30:00
日期：2010-8-8 上午 11:38:54

【a原文】The argument seems cogent and logic at first glance. Based on the current growing enrollment trend, and the increase of average rent in the town, supposing an attractive new dormitory will attract students to enroll at Buckingham, the arguer suggest Buckingham College (BC) build a new dormitory. However, scrunity reveals some flaws of the argument.

First, it is unconvinced that the current trends will remain over the next fifty years. There are a lot of factors affecting the the enrollment of a college. Such as the promising future of the majorities. Perhaps, at present
student are attracted to BC because of the hopeful perspective of the I.T. However, as the financial crisis affect the populiarity of I.T., the trends will change. On the other hand, the number of
students of a college mostly depends on the quality and quantity of the teachers. If the teachers of BC are not able to teach more students ,even if
the enrollment is continuously increasing, it is impossible to take^ marticulate them all.

In addition, the increacing of
average rent don't means difficulty to afford off-campus housing. First, the average rent is not representative for the whole. Perhaps the rent near BC, is much lower than average in order or attract the students. Even if the whole rent in the town rise in recent years, perhaps the income of students rise in the same degree or even more, which enable them
to afford
the rent. Without more details of the condition of rent in the town and relevant elemets, it is hasty to conclude.

What's more, there is no strong relevance between an attractive new dormitory and the enroll. The real things attractive to students of a college rely on the reputation of the college. Without the academic accomplishment of students and teachers, and better performance of students than others, the dormitory means nothing to a student, especially prospective student. What's worse, the new dormitory may result in higher tuition and fee of dormitory, which impede the interest of students, especially the poor but prospective.

In sum, the arugment shoud be improved by providing more proof about the trends of the


【a修改】The argument seems cogent and logic at first glance. Based on the current growing enrollment trend, and the increase of average rent in the town, supposing an attractive new dormitory will attract students to enroll at Buckingham, the arguer suggest Buckingham College (BC) build a new dormitory. However, scrutiny reveals some flaws of the argument.

First, it is unconvinced that the current trends will remain over the next fifty years. There are a lot of factors affecting the enrollment of a college, such as the promising future of the majorities. Perhaps, at present student are attracted to BC because of the hopeful perspective of the I.T. However, as the financial crisis affect the popularity of I.T., the trends will change. On the other hand, the number of students of a college mostly depends on the quality and quantity of the teachers. If the teachers of BC are not able to teach more students, even if the enrollment is continuously increasing, it is impossible to recruit them all.

In addition, the increase of average rent doesn't mean difficulty to afford off-campus housing. First, the average rent is not representative for the whole. Perhaps the rent near BC, is much lower than average in order or attract the students. Even if the whole rent in the town rise in recent years, perhaps the income of students rise in the same degree or even more, which enable them to afford the rent. Without more details of the condition of rent in the town and relevant elements, it is hasty to conclude.

What's more, there is no strong relevance between an attractive new dormitory and the enrollment. The real things attractive to students of a college rely on the reputation of the college. Without the academic accomplishment of students and teachers, and better performance of students than others, the dormitory means nothing to a student, especially prospective student. What's worse, the new dormitory may result in higher tuition and fee of dormitory, which impede the interest of students, especially the poor but prospective.

In sum, the argument would be improved by providing more proof about the continuous trends of the enrollment and the relation of increasing rent and enrollment. It would be further bettered by considering more elements to attract the prospective students.

错误
1外推错误：enrollment增长 趋势不一定等保持
2推理不严密: average rent 增长 不一定导致 租房困难
3宿舍不一定对prospective学生有吸引力


每个详细说。。结合常理！
听说 argument分数都很低。。要 重视   

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

谢谢。。求P

tracywlzUID: 2522388

求拍文不是像你这样一次性把所有的文章发上来就会有人改的，你可以加组，或者自己组建小组。或者先帮别人改。
具体方法，AW版置顶帖处有解答。希望以后不要大量发这种无意义的帖子了。谢谢。

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

麻烦了 3# tracywlz