issue201

sabrina.dyUID: 133082

请多多指教！
11. The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas---not to prepare them for a specific job.
Nowadays, as the rapid development of our society, education has become one of the focus people concerns, but what is the purpose of education, people may wonder, to provide students with a value system, or to prepare them for a specific job. Actually, the two are not mutual excluded. The former assures a well-being and orderly society; while the later maintains a productive one.
To be a real person, the most conspicuous characters that are different from animals and machines --we call human nature--are his/her value system, standard, ideas, which education should pay much attention to. Overemphasizing on teaching professional skills and knowledge while neglecting the cultivation of human nature is just a kind of training, not real education, and people only with professional skills but no merit, thinking, or passion is merely a working machine. It seems to be much easier for the specialists to work in educational field with the purpose to manufacture hundreds of thousands insensible machines.
In an animate, colorful, and orderly society, the education should develop the personality of the individual, fill the empty mind with thinking, and shape a certain value standard in one's heart. A scholar named Bronghuam once said: education makes a people easy to lead, but difficult to drive, easy to govern, but impossible to enslave. Only dead fish swims with stream, and only numb person follows others without ideas. In addition, without a value system, our society is bound to be chaos. A value system offers a right direction to use our knowledge and skills we have learned from schools, as well as which behavior is worthy and moral. For example, to a computer master-hand, he can use the knowledge of computer to both invent an applied software and make a virus program to destroy other’s computers, in this case, it is the right value system that lead him to use his expertise to benefit others instead of disturbance.
However, to make living and to be economically independent, people need professional skills. Thousands of years, in order to survive, people need foods to avoid starvation and safe place to sleep, but all these demands will not be satisfied automatically, so they began to struggle with nature, make tools, and learn to prey. Today, to live a life, people also need to grasp at least skills of one profession.
Moreover, people's labor makes our society rush ahead, and whether you are a doctor, teacher, driver, cleaner, researcher, manager, or actor, your working, more or less, create wealth for society. Therefore, it is the education's duty to provide a great many persons with certain ability to satisfy the demand of society's construction and development.
In sum, students are the future of a country, while education is the hope of a society, and in a promising society, education has a double purpose to serve---to cultivate students' mind and to prepare them for the job market.

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透明妮吧UID: 120551

11. The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas---not to prepare them for a specific job.


Nowadays, as the rapid development of our society, education has become one of the focus people concerns(concern), but what is the purpose of education, people may wonder, to provide students with a value system, or to prepare them for a specific job. Actually, the two are not mutual excluded. The former assures a well-being and orderly society; while the later maintains a productive one.
提出两个to。分别不同的阐述 你的观点是两者都不反对各有好处？

To be a real person, the most conspicuous characters that are different from animals and machines --we call human nature--are his/her value system, standard, and ideas, which education should pay much attention to. //Overemphasizing on teaching professional skills and knowledge while neglecting the cultivation of human nature is just a kind of training, not real education, and people only with professional skills but no merit, thinking, or passion is merely a working machine. It seems to be much easier for the specialists to work in educational field with the purpose to manufacture hundreds of thousands insensible machines.

不可过分的强调professional skills.没有前提的突然来个overemphasizing有点唐突，最后是把第三段however, to make living and to be…..提上来,内容不要太散。

In an animate, colorful, and orderly society, the education should develop the personality of the individual, fill the empty mind with thinking, and shape a certain value standard in one's heart. A scholar named Bronghuam once said: education makes a people easy to lead, but difficult to drive, easy to govern, but impossible to enslave. Only dead fish swims with stream, and only numb person follows others without ideas. In addition, without a value system, our society is bound to be chaos. A value system offers a right direction to use our knowledge and skills we have learned from schools, as well as which behavior is worthy and moral. For example, to a computer master-hand, he can use the knowledge of computer to both invent an applied software and make a virus program to destroy other’s computers, in this case, it is the right value system that lead him to use his expertise to benefit others instead of disturbance.

Value system 的重要性。

However, to make living and to be economically independent, people need professional skills. Thousands of years, in order to survive, people need foods to avoid starvation and safe place to sleep, but all these demands will not be satisfied automatically, so they began to struggle with nature, make tools, and learn to prey. Today, to live a life, people also need to grasp at least skills of one profession.

Moreover, people's labor makes our society rush ahead, and whether you are a doctor, teacher, driver, cleaner, researcher, manager, or actor, your working, more or less, create wealth for society. Therefore, it is the education's duty to provide a great many persons with certain ability to satisfy the demand of society's construction and development.

In sum, students are the future of a country, while education is the hope of a society, and in a promising society, education has a double purpose to serve---to cultivate students' mind and to prepare them for the job market

整篇文章结构比较散，我觉得应该把同一内容放在一起讲，比如第二段，现说need professional skill 然后讲不可overemphasis. 后来来个联结词说 value system 也不可缺少。。。。 G的作文是逻辑性写作，所以一定要注意内容之间的逻辑关系。

（ps: 以上纯属个人拙见。不妥之处请包涵）

caichongbaobaoUID: 136935

1Nowadays, as the rapid development of our society, 这个开头不太好好像有语法问题，而且有人说nowadays属于文章中应该少用的词语
2However, to make living and to be economically independent, people need professional skills.“英语强调动作，汉语强调状态，英语把行为者和动作放在句首，汉语常把状语放在重要的地方”虽然我可能也会这样写，但是根据书上说得，这句话好像就是有些chinese english 了
别的没有细看，刚好看见上面的两个句子，如果不妥，包涵：）

sabrina.dyUID: 133082

多谢楼上二位的指点，的确言之有理，我马上修改你们所提到的不妥之处。Thanks a lot!
但是我还有个问题想请教透明妮吧：
引用：“你的观点是两者都不反对各有好处？ ”
难道The former assures a well-being and orderly society; while the later maintains a productive one. 这样说不能说明我是觉得它们是各有好处的吗？

透明妮吧UID: 120551

恩,可以说明. 我只是确定一下.

sabrina.dyUID: 133082

我也只是确定一下，thanks。