julianlod 写作贴 大家请指教~

longxue26UID: 2687755

批改完毕!

cedarluUID: 2668668

你好，今天晚上我有点事，实在没来得及给你评改，明晚20点前我一定把对你的评改贴好。

JulianlodUID: 2688193

819 作业
2008.12.5 NA
Do you agree or disagree: Playing sports give you more lessons about the life.
As is often the case, it is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused that how sports influence human being’s life, that is to say, what effects playing sports has brought about. Quite a few citizens hold the standpoint that sports is just a form of entertainment, and gives us a healthy body and energetic life condition. As for me, however, I am in favor of the opinion that playing sports gives us more lessons about the life, considering those numerous bonuses it brings us.

As a threshold matter, playing sports always accompanies with lots of competitions, and hardly can we find one form of sports that could not develop into a competition. That must stems from the nature of human beings, competitive. Undeniably, playing sports not only cultivates our sense of competition, but also our spirits of cooperation, which both of them must be of the most valuable characteristics in modern society, especially some team games. For example, no matter in a basketball team or a football team, if every member gets the ball and rarely passes it to his or her teammates and does not try his or her best to beat the competitors, this team must doom to be failure. When these spirits applied in other areas, they will be vital to one’s success, such as Bill Gates and Paul Allen.

What is also worth to mention is that we could obtain the friendship and hope from sports. In NBA, the final games between Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers must be legends in history of this association, and we must mention two players, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. They doom to be rivals all their lives, but when they both retire from their professional career, they wrote a book about their careers cooperatively. As we read this book, we can always feel this great friendship between lines. Turning to the hope playing sports gives, Paralympic Games is a good example. It gives the disabled person, who always was considered to be forgotten ones in our society, hopes for life.

To some extent, it is indisputable that playing sports exerts lots of positive effects on our life. Nevertheless, we can not deny the negative influence it leads to, a good case in point is that some people may falsely consider the only objective of sport is the winning of the game, rather than the spirit of sports, friendship, cooperative, hardworking and so forth. A few disadvantages though it leads to, they can not match the considerable benefits playing sports brings about.

To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that playing sports gives us more lessons about the life.

cedarluUID: 2668668

2008.5.16 NA! k1 c, C; j: |" z$ H
independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects

In recent years, as accumulating number of innovative techniques have been applied in the communication and mass media industries, it is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion had been aroused that whether telephone or television has more effects on human beings. Quite a few citizens hold the standpoint that television is technically more advanced and interesting because of its combination of dynamic images and sounds, therefore, television influence more on our daily life. As for me, in weighing up both the prospective benefits and potential drawbacks, I side on the opposite.
第一段精简一下会不会更好呢？
Admittedly, the emergence of television exerts numerous positive effects on our patterns of entertainment and life. From the news broadcasting in the television, we can know what is happening in the outside world even without stepping out our living room with television in it. Moreover, watching television with family members after supper is a good way to relax after one day’s hard work. Nowadays, digital technique has also been involved in the television realm, thereby, we can not only watch the TV programs that broadcasting company arranged, but also interact with television and request a program from TV station.

Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the significant impact that the invention of telephone brings about. As a threshold matter, at the period before the telephone was invented, the only way of people communication was sending letters to each other, which could have a long period of time between the writer send the mail and the receiver respond it. Thereby, it must be a time-consuming method of communication, not to mention the frequently(occasionally?近代的邮政也许还不至于渎职到这个程度) lost letters. After the beginning(换成commencement也许更正式一些) of telephone widely applied in every aspect of modern society, it dramatically promotes the progression of certain areas, such as military communication, business transaction, international banking settlement and so forth.

As the technology was booming at the end of 20th century, an accumulating number of new techniques have been used in the production of telecommunication facilities. For example, recently, the Apple Inc. has presented its fourth generation of mobile phone, iPhone 4, which not only involve the multimedia technology of Apple Inc.’s patents, but also incorporated the GPS system and function of accessing the Wi-Fi network. Undeniably, modern cell phone and telephone are more and more sophisticated and have great influence on pattern of people’s life.
看来作者很关注电子产品的最新潮流
In sum, considerable positive effects though the television leads to, they cannot match the benefits that telephone brings about. Given those reasons which were discussion above, I firmly commit to the notion that telephone has exerted more effects than television on human beings.

文章的EXPRESSION很牛，很sophisticated。结构上：起、承、转、合都很完美。其他的yuki都说过了，我就不赘述了。注：“weighing up”等划蓝线的地方是我觉得用词非常好的地方。

giserUID: 2844945

8月19日作业修改

JulianlodUID: 2688193

8.21 作业
(09.01.17 NA)Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits
In recent years, a tremendous number of advertisements for everything spring out everywhere, including on television, the Internet, magazines, and newspaper even some movies and series. Obviously, among these advertisements, lots of food advertisements exert great effects on our eating habits. Quite a few citizens hold the standpoint that it is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. As for me, although advertising is one cause of unhealthy eating habits, it is not the most significant one.

Admittedly, food advertisement plays a critical role in our unhealthy eating habits, especially for those who have a high-pressure and fast-paced job. Due to the fast pace of their work, these people often need a way to buy and eat food quickly. As most fast food providers advertise that their food is fast, convenient and healthy, using inviting pictures of food to draw the customers’ attention, fast food should be the first choice for those people. However, the fast food, such as fried chicken breast and French fries, is notorious as “junk food”, because it contains carcinogen that cause cancer. As a result, I am in favor of the opinion that these commercial advertisements lead to some people’s unhealthy eating habits.

Nevertheless, advertising is only one factor of unhealthy eating habits superficially; the most significant factor stems from our society. Modern citizens always live in high pressure conditions, because they need make money for living and do a lot of work. In this sense, even if there were no advertising, people would still find food that could be quickly brought and eaten, and this food would almost be fast food and junk food. Consequently, the most important factor in unhealthy eating habits is the fast pace of our society.

Moreover, another reason that should not be overlooked is that the advancement of technology also has some negative influence, such as the invention of microwave oven and preservative. After the emergence of microwave oven, numerous people just heated some instant food for meal, rather than cook nutritious meal, because some people have the nature of sloth. As is known to all, most instant foods contain a lot of preservative and additive, which must be detrimental to our health.

To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I commit to the notion that although people’s eating habits are affected by advertisement, it is not the most important one.

JulianlodUID: 2688193

8.23 作业 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.

As is often the case, it is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion had been aroused that whether the government should invest in improving schools or other realms in order to achieve successful development of the country. Obviously, paying attention to the development of some practical industries, such as manufacture, finance and technology, will profoundly promote the progress of a country in short term. As for me, however, I believe that the most significant factor in the successful and sustainable development of a country in a long term is improving school.

Admittedly, promoting the development of some certain area could stimulate the progress of economy and people’s living standard, increasing the GDP of a country. Advanced technology when applied in the manufacture, industry and agriculture, the productive force and efficiency have been boomed dramatically. The government builds the highways and communal facilities, such as hospitals, parks, in order to improve the citizens’ living standard. Governing the banking and financial market could multiply the people’s wealth and present a prosperous society. Consequently, these areas’ boom could quickly promote the development of a country.

Nevertheless, any realm undeniably needs the professional practitioner to take part in. Therefore, it must be rely on the education. Improving the education plays a fundamental role in the development of each realm. As the leader of the world economy and technology, for example, The United States, the investment of education occupied the nearly 7 percent of the GDP, compared to some other developing countries’ 2.5 percent approximately. Most of the scientific technology outcomes come from the universities. Education, especial the high-level, provides amounts of graduates who have professional knowledge in any area, thus promote the development of every aspect of society.

Moreover, even in some natural science, improving schools also contributes greatly in human being’s existence and evolution of whole society. If the government invest more in these areas and provides more scholarship, an accumulating number of students will choose some natural science as their major. Such as the environmental science, owing to protection of the environment and deal with the pollution must be one of the most serious problem of any country, is vital to keeping a sustainable development of economy and environment. In this sense, the sustainable development in long term could be called successful.

To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.

我晕 遇到教育，国家，政治方面的话题太不好掌握了 好不容易憋出来 可能写的大话比较多

JulianlodUID: 2688193

综合 TPO6
The reading passage claims that the communal online encyclopedias have several significant drawbacks and make them less valuable than traditional ones. However, this assertion is strongly challenged by the lecture which provides drastically different points.

The speaker begins by pointing out that no matter online or offline encyclopedias cannot avoid errors. If one wants to find the reference without any mistakes, he will never get it. Moreover, the mistakes in online encyclopedias could easily be corrected quickly, but the traditional ones could remain decades. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that the online ones always have inaccurate facts and the traditional ones do not, as demonstrated in the reading materials.

Then the lecturer goes on to maintain that hackers’ modification of information in the online encyclopedias have been prevented by a lot of measures. One is that the crucial parts of information are put into the format that can only be read but up-to-date. Another strategy is some special editors are monitoring the content of the online ones to eliminate the false information. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading passage.

Finally, the lecturer also opposes to the writer’s view by maintaining that the traditional encyclopedias have limited space, so they have to identify them which information is important and which is not. However, this method cannot reflect the interest of people in a wide range. Also, the online ones conclude the academic articles and could reflect the views and interest of most people, which could be the strongest advantage of the online ones.

In sum, all the three evidence of the lecture illustrate that the speaker disagree with the points mentioned in the article.

第一遍实在是没记多少东西 听了俩遍 哎

FannieHsuUID: 2861996

我也只改了独立，但是我的综合很烂额，要不要互相改一下呢？希望能给点意见~~

JulianlodUID: 2688193

8.24 独立作文小组作业 BY julian
Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?

In recent years, among numerous hot spots in the world of our young generation, job hunting is one of the most heated ones undeniably, and there is much controversy about the necessity of practicing different kinds of job, for most adolescents, before they take a career in a long term. The speaker asserts that it is essential for young people to take several different kinds of job before they take one of them as career. As for me, in weighing up both the prospective benefits and potential drawbacks, I strongly agree with this allegation.

As a threshold problem, some practical work require their practitioner to have various experience, even some human resource managers prefer the candidates who have ever taken different kinds of job. For example, in the software realm, if one’s major is computer science, the common sense is that he should directly find a job in a software company and to be a programmer. This idea is somewhat convincing, however, we fail to take into account that, in contemporary software market, there is serious competition in seizing some major clients from various kinds of business and industry. So the one who has the real world work experience in different kinds of job must be competitive in hunting jobs of some celebrated company and have a promising career.

In addition, taking various kinds of job is really conducive for someone to acquire different kinds of knowledge and cultivate some essential qualities. It can be given as a concrete example that to be a salesperson can learn how to communicate with clients and even empathy with them. To be a human resource manager tells person how to evaluate employers and arrange them efficiently. Management work makes one know how to lead a group of members to achieve success and avoid failure. These valuable real world knowledge and essential qualities will make one to be a successful leader and administrator.

To some extent, it is indisputable that taking different kinds of job has every benefit. Nevertheless, we seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that taking many kinds of job may distract our focus and consume energy, a good case in point is that if we change our jobs frequently, hardly can we get the promoting opportunity which often be given to the employer who have devoted in the position of the company for many years. Considerable drawbacks though taking different kinds of job leads to, they cannot match the benefits that it brings about.

To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that it is essential for young people to take several different kinds of job before they take one of them as career.

serena-blueUID: 2811284

同学，非常感谢你帮我的修改，特别是独立作文，简直是一针见血，我常常犯这个毛病！
不过今天我有点忙，可能来不及帮你改正了。我明天中午十二点以前一定会帮我改好23号的两篇，真是很抱歉！

JulianlodUID: 2688193

26# serena-blue
呵呵 没关系的 不着急

JulianlodUID: 2688193

24# FannieHsu

恩 综合就不改了 我也把握不好综合怎么写

那个我独立的第二段是想表达别的一些方面的改进或者投资同业可以带来国家的发展 以此衬托SCHOOL是最重要的

JulianlodUID: 2688193

8.24 作业 Do you agree or disagree: The best way to learn about a foreign country is reading newspapers and magazines from that country
As is often the case, whether the best way to learn about a foreign country is reading newspapers and magazines form that country is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. Quite a few citizens hold the standpoint that by reading newspapers and magazines of foreign country contributes to learning about that country dramatically. In weighing both the prospective benefits and potential risks, I side on the opposite and reckon that it is not the best way to be familiar with a foreign country.
The first and foremost reason lies in virtually for my perspective is that an increasingly number of sorts of media could be of greater convenience and effectiveness than newspapers and magazines. Such media as movie, television, and the Internet make us easily to obtain information about the country’s culture, conventions, latest news, domestic history, and even the daily life of the natives. Especially, the Internet is the most significant way of those, because only by accessing to the websites of a foreign country, we can easily come to understand the every aspect of that country. As for me, however, I am in favor of through studying abroad to learn about a foreign country has totally different culture and convention from mine. In this sense, magazines and news paper obviously is not the best way.
What is also worth noticing is that through this way to realize an alien country may be awkward in serving as a key. Owing to those magazine or newspapers from that country could be written and published by some particular cooperation and associations that could have their individual perspectives toward some heated events, it probably will exert some negative impact on our minds even some misleading. For example, provided that an American magazine contains a lot of news of Milan fashion week, it could make the readers to suspect Americans pursue the same fashion.
To some extent, it is disputable that reading newspapers and magazines has every drawback, however, we seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that it has some advantages, a good case in point is that we can read magazines and newspapers in a bus stops or a cafe and almost everywhere we can. In addition, newspapers and magazines from a foreign country have a lot of valuable information pervade every aspect of the natives’ daily life. Considerable though the benefits that reading newspapers and magazine leads to are, they can hardly support that it is the best way to learn about a foreign country.
To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that the best way to learn about a foreign country is not reading newspapers and magazines from that country.

makeithappenUID: 2585223

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.

As is often the case, it is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion had been aroused that whether the government should invest in improving schools or other realms in order to achieve successful development of the country.这句话有些绕 Obviously, paying attention to the development of some practical industries, such as manufacture, finance and technology, will profoundly promote the progress of a country in short term. As for me, however, I believe that the most significant factor in the successful and sustainable development of a country in a long term is improving school.

Admittedly, promoting the development of some certain area could stimulate the progress of economy and people’s living standard, increasing the GDP of a country. Advanced technology when applied in the manufacture, industry and agriculture, the productive force and efficiency have been boomed dramatically. The government builds the highways and communal facilities, such as hospitals, parks, in order to improve the citizens’ living standard. Governing the banking and financial market could multiply the people’s wealth and present a prosperous society. Consequently, these areas’ boom could quickly promote the development of a country.

Nevertheless, any realm undeniably needs the professional practitioner to take part in. Therefore, it must be rely on the education. Improving the education plays a fundamental role in the development of each realm. As the leader of the world economy and technology, for example, The United States, the investment of education occupied the nearly 7 percent of the GDP, compared to some other developing countries’ 2.5 percent approximately. Most of the scientific technology outcomes come from the universities. Education, especial the high-level, provides amounts of graduates who have professional knowledge in any area, thus promote the development of every aspect of society.number is good!

Moreover, even in some natural science, improving schools also contributes greatly in human being’s existence and evolution of whole society. If the government invest more in these areas and provides more scholarship, an accumulating number of students will choose some natural science as their major. Such as the environmental science, owing to protection of the environment and deal with the pollution must be one of the most serious problem of any country, is vital to keeping a sustainable development of economy and environment. In this sense, the sustainable development in long term could be called successful.

To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.
例子丰富，词汇多，感觉蛮好的