julianlod 写作贴 大家请指教~

JulianlodUID: 2688193

60# 雲靉玥
呵呵 刚看到你是高二的 写成这样已经很不错了 坚持简单准确的表达挺好的

JulianlodUID: 2688193

9.2 作文特训组 综合TPO15
The reading passage raises the issue that the cane toads multiplied dramatically and threaten other native animals, and several measures have been suggested to stop the spread of the toad. However, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides adequate evidences and argues that these measures will not only be unsuccessful, but also damage the environment seriously.

The professor begins by pointing out that the national fence will not be effective, because these fences cannot prevent some young toads and eggs owing to that the toads live in the rivers and streams and the water will flow the young toads and eggs to anywhere. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that national fence could prevent the toad from moving into those parts of Australia, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then the professor goes on to maintain that capturing and destroying the toad by volunteers will be dangerous to the native frogs in Australia, because these untrained volunteers cannot exactly identify the cane toads with some native frogs, especially some young frogs and toads. According to the reading passage, however, volunteers can easily catch the toads. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the article.

Finally, the lecturer also opposes to the writer’s expectation by emphasizing that the virus will be fatal to the original habitat in the Central and South America, arguing that because these virus can be transmitted to the toads’ native habitat, by some researchers and pet collector, and the toad is important in this area’s ecological system. Thereby, this measure will be the devastation of ecological system in their original habitats.

In sum, all the three evidences of the lecture illustrate that the speaker disagrees with the point maintained in the reading passage.

estopUID: 2864494

9-2 综合 改

JulianlodUID: 2688193

9.7 独立写作
People should read newspaper to truly understand any world event, television do not contain enough information

As is often the case, with an accumulating number of innovative technologies have been applied in mass media, the diversity of media have greatly increased during the past century. Such as newspaper, radio, television and the Internet, all of them have tremendously impact on our pattern of obtaining information. In recent years, particular two kinds of media, newspaper and television, is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion had been aroused, and quite a few citizens argue that television is more convenient, vivid, novelty and concurrent than newspaper, which is laggard and old styled, as well as not ecological. As for me, however, I side on the opposite.

Admittedly, any world event will be reported by television, and we could get known that easily and quickly through watching various kinds of TV programs. For instance, some news express program report many significant events that happed just a moment ago, such as some international diplomatic events, sports report, tragic accidents and so forth. People could get information quickly even simultaneously. Nevertheless, owing to some limitations of television, it cannot contain enough information. Any television can only broadcast at most 24 hours every day, and it must contain various kinds programs and diverse realm in order to fulfill different kinds of audience, as well as advertisements that are essential for the television to be profitable. As a result, television cannot present any detail of world event.

On the contrary, newspaper, as a traditional kind of mass media which have evolved over several centuries, has informed us more detail about world events also make us truly understand. It may be general or special interest. Those can include political events, crime, business, sports and opinions, and any reader could choose any event they interested in and profoundly learn about it. In addition, it does not have time and location limitation. For example, one just is on his way to home by bus or subway, and he can read today’s newspaper to learn about the problem about oil leakage in Mexico Gulf and more details about the process. Newspaper also uses photographs to illustrate stories; uses editorial cartoonists, usually to illustrate writing that is opinion, rather than news; and also often include comic strips and other entertainment to make it vivid.

Lastly, as the development of digital technology, newspapers are transferring to some other platforms, such as mobile phones and E-mails. These kinds of newspaper not only improve the drawback of not in time, also very environmental friendly. To some extent, we even cannot overlook the fact that it is the television that could inform us the event and spark our interest to get more detail about it by reading newspaper, but that information is not enough.

To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I firmly agree with the notion that people should read newspaper to truly understand any world event and television do not contain enough information.

JulianlodUID: 2688193

9.7 综合
The reading passage states that having a team attack a project brings about several advantages. However, this assertion is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides adequate evidences and points out that some members surprisingly have opposite attitude.

As a threshold matter, the professor claim that a group of people cannot quickly deal with the assignment, because they cannot reach the consensus after a lot of meeting to achieve agreement of all group members. This fact disagrees with the standpoint that a group can work more quickly in response to the task.

In addition, the article presented that the individual team member has a much better chance to shine, to get his or her contributions and ideas. But the lecture goes against to it and maintains that if the influential man says that a idea does not work, the idea is quickly drop instead of being further developed.

Finally, the lecture also opposes to the writer’s expectation that team work can come up with highly creative solutions and more likely to make risky decision than individual. The speaker argues that if some influential people believe the plan is creative, even though some members warn them that may be not effective, they may ignore their warnings. The result is that the failure of the project will blame on all the group members.

evaeva0330UID: 2773544

批好了 写的很好哦~可是我连接发不了诶~直接贴了哈~

The reading passage states that having a team attack a project brings about several advantages. However, this assertion is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides adequate evidences and points out that some members surprisingly have opposite attitude.

As a threshold matter, the professor claim that a group of people cannot quickly deal with the assignment, because they cannot reach the consensus after a lot of meeting to achieve agreement of all group members. This fact disagrees with the standpoint that a group can work more quickly in response to the task.

In addition, the article presented that the individual team member has a much better chance to shine, to get his or her contributions and ideas. (这句最后加的这个目的状语不太对~个人感觉用when he/she undertake their own ideas contributing to the project.这样会比较好吧~)But the lecture goes against to it and maintains that if the influential man says that a idea does not work, the idea is quickly drop (这里好像不太对~drop也是个动词呢……)instead of being further developed.

Finally, the lecture also opposes to the writer’s expectation that team work can come up with highly creative solutions and more likely to make risky decision than individual. The speaker argues that if some influential people believe the plan is creative, even though some members warn them that may be not effective, they may ignore their warnings.
(这句话的顺序不是太好~适当修改一下哈^^)The result is that the failure of the project will blame on all the group members.

总结：
1.写的很行文流水 简洁明了~但是会注意句子的不同说法~很好哦~红色标注的都是引领句~就是传说中可以做模板的句子 hoho~可以膜拜学习一下^^
2.一个问题：为什么你不写结尾？ 还是说这道题本身就不用写结尾 第一次写integrated writing还不是很懂道上的规矩 望指教&……
3.一个小建议~你的句子大都采用陈述句式 ~可以适当变换句式让你的文章增色不少哦^^

evaeva0330UID: 2773544

诶……突然发现我可以贴连接了
补上9.7综合的批改
julianlod综合 9.7.doc (14 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-9-8 14:05:48 上传

下载次数: 3

evaeva0330UID: 2773544

9.7独立批改

julianlod9.7独立.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-9-8 17:12:45 上传

下载次数: 2

lengningjiUID: 2774905

9.7独立 已改

julianlod 0907 indep edit by lengningji.doc (32.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-9-8 21:18:56 上传

下载次数: 2

JulianlodUID: 2688193

68# evaeva0330


......同学我可不是高二 我都大四毕业了。。。。