john 的 作文本

johnmclainUID：2676153

It is important forother people to know about our strengths and accomplishments. Yet I can notagree with too much trial to make sure about this acknowledgement.

If someone wants to besuccessful, he would need the opportunity to prove his ability. When theleaders are making decisions, they would choose those they trust. A workermight be pretty good at a specific job and have the ability for a higherposition. How could he get promotion if the manager even can’t recognize himfrom a great number of stuff? A company might be producing high qualityproducts and tentative services. How could a buyer turn to the company if henever heard anything about it and have to choose from thousands of potentialproducers? A football player might be talented. How could the coach pick him upout of the pages of a name list? So we have little chance getting the job tomake a difference, unless we make our strengths heard.

However, the leadersare choosing us because we have the corresponding quality for the job. If ourabilities or qualities fails to satisfy the need, even if the decision-makersknows us, they would prefer a person who seems to meet the demand to a personthat definitely can not get the job done. Those who have little gifts yet stillmaking the most of themselves, suffer disgust from every co-workers as well asthe managers. So the more primary work for an ambitious person is to improvehimself instead of showing off all the time. Moreover, since first impressionis the most impressive one, it seems that we should have some favorable strengthbefore shows.

It should be concededthat some people did make a difference by working for themselves. However, mostof workers are making a living at a plant or company that is managed by otherpeople. On the other hand, without the trusts from his cooperation partners,those company owners would never be successful.

Iagree with the statement with reservations that improving ourselves should bethe fundamental work before trying to show off ourselves. And since thecomplexity of our society, an able man will be useful sooner or later.

aki0607UID：2597503

johnmclain(youyou)
晕，我不能传附件，这个标红也没显示。囧，楼主先看吧，如果需要，我再发个邮件给你。

It is important for other people to know about our strengths and accomplishments. Yet I can not agree with too much trial to make sure about this acknowledgement., e  c! Z5 Y& H, g
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If someone wants to be successful, he would need the opportunity to prove his ability. When the leaders are making decisions, they would choose those they trust. A worker might be pretty good at a specific job and have the ability for a higher position. How could he get promotion if the manager even can’t recognize him from a great number of stuff? A company might be producing high quality products and tentative services. How could a buyer turn to the company if he never heard anything about it and have to choose from thousands of potential producers? A football player might be talented. How could the coach pick him up out of the pages of a name list? (论证运用得好，学习了)So we have little chance getting the job to make a difference, unless we make our strengths heard.1 d# N  _8 d3 U  R; p. L7 d
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However, the leaders are choosing us because we have the corresponding quality for the job. If our abilities or qualities fails to satisfy the need, even if the decision-makers knows us, they would prefer a person who seems to meet the demand, to a person that definitely can not get the job done well. Those who have little gifts yet still making the most of themselves, suffer disgust from every co-workers as well as the managers. So the more primary work for an ambitious person is to improve himself instead of showing off all the time. Moreover, since first impression is the most impressive one, it seems that we should have some favorable strengths before shows. / B# R. P, X9 a4 U
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It should be conceded that some people did make a difference（我咋就没想起来这种用法呢） by working for themselves. However, most of workers are making a living at a plant or company that is managed by other people. On the other hand, without the trusts from his cooperation partners, those company owners would never be successful.
8 r$ a0 e$ h3 X4 t# e
I agree with the statement with reservations that improving ourselves should be the fundamental work before trying to show off ourselves. And since the complexity of our society, an able man will be useful sooner or later.

总体来说，这篇文章感觉没有套用模板的感觉，句式、词汇的运用比较灵活赋予变化。想问楼主是在规定时间内做完的吗？如果是的话，这篇逻辑、结构、用词都挺不错的咧。。。加油吧。。

johnmclainUID：2676153

2# aki0607
谢谢
因为刚开始写托福作文，我没限时间
感觉自己还是单词量太少了，用词捉襟见肘啊。。。

johnmclainUID：2676153

8月17日 IBT 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.

I agree with the statement that parents should make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them with reservations that parents have to take actions when necessary.

The ability to decide on one’s own is an indispensible ability for a modern person, because in a complex world full of crossings, one can’t always find a universally validity guidance and have to think on one’s own behalf. So the parents have the responsibility to teach the child to make its own choice. And the best way of giving such a lesson is to offer adequate space to think and decide with proper guidance. It is proved by scientific research that children raised under careful attention are more likely to retreat and call for help before a trial when facing difficulties than those who grow up with enough independent space. And the latter shows some commendable spirits such as self-confidence and toughness. And people are describing those under extreme protection of their parents as flowers in the green room, which could not inclement weather.

However, an attempt to understand leaving enough independent space as leave the child alone might be presumptuous. When children are very young, they have little experience to make decisions on their own. Even when they are in their teens, they still could make mistakes, due to the disability to control impulses and think cogently, and a lack of moral concerns. I am not meaning that we should stop our children making mistakes. What I meant was that we should prevent our children with proper guidance from stepping the wrong ways such as suicide, crime or smoking. That is to say, parents and the older should offer helpful suggestions when the child is making a hard or dangerous decision. Moreover, even though some famous people were miscreants, for example Winston Churchill, when they are young, the parents should take actions before the child is too late, if the child has made a disappointing decision.

From what has been stated above, I think the best way to raise a child might be keeping a proper distance, instead of two extreme ways of too attentive and leaving children alone.

joy1025UID：2760517

同学你好像弄错作文题了。

joy1025UID：2760517

楼主加油

johnmclainUID：2676153

8月19日作文作业
Do you agree or disagree: Playing sports give you more lessons about the life.

Based on the benefits brought in, I agree with the statement that playing sports give more lessons about the life.

Initially, when playing sports, the strong and the adroit have advantages over the weak and the awkward. That might be the first lesson sports teach. Life, just like a sport, is filled with competition. In order to be distinguished, one has to be stronger and defter, which demands diligent practice.

Secondly, strategies also have significant impact on a game. Taking the correct strategy is pointing out the correct direction to win. For example, in soccer matches, when playing against a mighty component, a team would adapt conservative formations at the beginning and aggressive one after the component gets tired; this strategy often works, if the stronger team could not goal before they are exhausted. Likewise, life is filled with choices of methods, too. Making a sensible decision sometimes is more important than being at the best position. By reasonable arrangement of time and resource to what they are good at or where they should work more on, those now are at a disadvantage could always find a way out. A diligent student who has comparatively poor abilities in math could finally get a better score than those who are talent yet failed to work hard. More simply, if Bill Gate chose to be an athlete, that would be a loss in IT field.

Thirdly, a team of stars who plays separately are often beaten by eleven small potatoes that together form a solid team. Since the fact that team work plays an important role in sports, just like our daily lives, participating sports help people learn the necessity to cooperate with others as well as how to become a effective member in a group, which would benefit the practitioners when they dealing with social affairs.

Moreover, the precious spirit of respecting competitors in sports is a moral lesson, which has frequently been ignored otherwise. Sports advocates competition along with friendship. Competition nowadays is so severe that sometimes we forgot that our opponents could also be our friends. It might be much too narrow minded to view a competitor as an enemy, because rivals still could exchange experiences and feelings about the competition, which could benefit both sides.

Finally, playing sports help cultivate several commendable characters such as perseverance, acting and thinking promptly as well as boldness. We can find shadows of such characters from most of the acts through which people made a difference.

Modern education has emphasized much on academic accomplishments, yet omitted the above aspects. So playing sports is giving us complementary lessons which are necessary for a successful life.

AnnneUID：2819919

Based on the benefits brought in, I agree with the statement that playing sports give more lessons about the life.

Initially, when playing sports, the strong(strength)and the adroit have advantages over the weak and the awkward.(这句话读起来不是很通，愚见是the advantages of strength and the adroit we gained from sports do good to overcome the weakness and awakward) That might be the first lesson sports teach(us). Life, just like a sport, is filled with competition. In order to be distinguished, one has to be stronger and defter, which demands diligent practice.

Secondly, strategies also have significant impact on a game. Taking the correct strategy is pointing out the correct direction to win. For example, in soccer matches, when playing against a mighty component, a team would adapt conservative formations at the beginning and aggressive(这是形容词） one after the component gets tired; this strategy often works, if the stronger team could not goal before they are exhausted. Likewise, life is filled with choices of methods, too. Making a sensible decision sometimes is more important than being at the best position. By reasonable arrangement of time and resource to what they are good at or where they should work more on, those now are at a disadvantage（愚见are struggling or facing challenges) could always find a way(avenue or approach seems be better) out. A diligent student who has comparatively poor abilities in maths could finally get a better score than those who are talent yet failed to work hard. More simply, if Bill Gate chose to be an athlete, that would be a loss in IT field.(此论据似乎也论点不付，起码不够浅显易懂）
Thirdly, a team of stars who plays separately are often beaten by eleven small potatoes（居然想到这个词，被你幽了一默，哈哈） that together form a solid team. Since the fact that team work plays an important role in sports, just like our daily lives, participating sports help people learn the necessity to cooperate with others as well as how to become a effective member in a group, which would benefit the practitioners when they dealing with social affairs.

Moreover, the precious spirit of respecting competitors in sports is a moral lesson, which has frequently been ignored otherwise. Sports advocates competition along with friendship. Competition nowadays is so severe that sometimes we forgot that our opponents could also be our friends. It might be much too narrow minded to view a competitor as an enemy, because rivals still could exchange experiences and feelings about the competition, which could benefit both sides.

Finally, playing sports help cultivate several commendable characters such as perseverance, acting and thinking promptly as well as boldness. We can find shadows of such characters from most of the acts through which people made a difference.
Modern education has emphasized much on academic accomplishments, yet omitted the above aspects. So playing sports is giving us complementary lessons which are necessary for a successful life.

3-4分
开头很直白，不过不够有力，缺少亮点。结尾提到了教育问题，开辟了一个新的话题，体现不了结尾总结的作用~~结尾可以从上文提到的体育精神做一个简单的概括
论点很多，但是论据显得少了一点，思路有点乱
个人建议，有则改之，无则加勉！大家一起加油~~

missmumuxiUID：2710337

8月19日作文作业8 W* l/ G  ]4 M# d9 \- Z' e0 [
Do you agree or disagree: Playing sports give youmore lessons about the life.

Based on the benefits brought in, I agree with thestatement that playing sports give more lessons about the life.
7 B: |! M,:a  
个人认为再长点比较好 作个引子在用这句接着就好了6 W
Initially,when playing sports, the strong and the adroit have advantages over the weakand the awkward. That might be the first lesson sports teach us.Life, just like a sport, is（
应该去掉，此句有两个谓语吖）filled with competition. In order to bedistinguished, one has to be stronger and defter, which demands diligent practice. Z* ~5 D$ L' K3 ~! ^. G
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Secondly, strategies also have significant impacton a game. Taking the correct strategy is pointing out（leads to） the correct direction to win. For example, insoccer matches, when playing against a mighty component, a team would adaptconservative formations at the beginning and aggressive one after the componentgets tired; this strategy often works, if the stronger team could not goalbefore they are exhausted. Likewise, life is filled with choices of methods,too. Making a sensible decision sometimes is more important than being at thebest position. By reasonable arrangement of time and resource to what they aregood at or where they should work more on, those now are at a disadvantagecould always find a way out. A diligent student who has comparatively poorabilities in math could finally get a better score than those who are talentyet failed to work hard. More simply, if Bill Gate chose to be an athlete, thatwould be a loss in IT field.2 l9 e8 ]. {/ F$ u) S+ Z

这段条理有些不清
个人觉得不需写那么多例子
一个例子叙述清楚为什么符合您的论点即可。
Thirdly, a team of stars who plays separately areoften beaten by eleven small potatoes that together form a solid team. Sincethe fact that team work plays an important role in sports, just like our dailylives, participating sports help people learn the necessity to cooperate withothers as well as how to become a effective member in a group, which wouldbenefit the practitioners when they dealing with social affairs.. K& v7 F-k9 E' h! w" S
+ Y, P! ?  W: T. {9 g. Z3 y; z第一句第一句应该是中心句吖，举俗语后是否应该解释一下呢。
Moreover, the precious spirit of respectingcompetitors in sports is a moral lesson, which has frequently been ignoredotherwise. Sports advocates competition along with friendship. Competitionnowadays is so severe that sometimes we forgot that our opponents could also beour friends. It might be much too narrow minded to view a competitor as anenemy, because rivals still could exchange experiences and feelings about thecompetition, which could benefit both sides.
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Finally, playing sports helpscultivate several commendable characters such as perseverance, acting andthinking promptly as well as boldness. We can find shadows of such charactersfrom most of the acts through which people made a difference.2 N/ B1 S* X3 k" N$ A# o0 I
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Modern education has emphasized much on academicaccomplishments, yet omitted the above aspects. So playing sports is giving uscomplementary lessons which are necessary for a successful life.

johnmclainUID：2676153

8月28日作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

Life is not merely about working, it also contains other aspects. I agree with the statement that a job with more vacation but a low salary is better.

While working is important, because all of our food and facilities come from work, yet it does not mean that we should always be engaged in routine jobs. There are so many interesting and meaningful things other than work. For example, tourism, exploration to the mountains, caves, diving, and helping those who need care.

Tourism could broad our horizons. Through touring we know what kind of life others are living and what other parts of the world look like. With a fine understanding of other places and people, tourism could help build a comprehensive understanding and mitigate narrow horizons. After months of work with anxiety, a tour to another beautiful and quiet place could also ease tension. Thereby help mold a salubrious life style.

At first sight, explorations might be formidable to some people. However, in daily lives everybody is running into a variety of explorations. When a child is learning to ride a bike, a high school student is learning to drive a car, an adult is contacting with a potential customer, they are exploring new field of lives. Other trials such as riding a bike to a remote city might be more exciting ones. Though peaceful livings are sweet, a life needs some piquancy if it were to be tastier. By leading us into the unknown lands overcoming all kind of difficulties, explorations make us bolder, more confident as well as stronger.

Other kinds of extra time could be spending on help those who need our assistance. For instance, single old people often feel lonely. They want to talk to their children who might be in another country. By talking with the old people or taking care of them for a few hours, the young could be more experienced from the talks and the old feel warmer with other people’s care.

From what has been argued above, we need more free time to make lives more colorful and meaningful. Thereby I’d prefer a job with less pay but enough vacations.

雲靉玥UID：2888572

话说改完了~



本人水平有限，挑不出什么错…感觉写的很好，有些东西都是我没想到的呢，拓宽了一下思路！


但感觉段与段之间的衔接几乎没有，有点让人摸不着头绪，大概就是这样了恩！加油咯~




2010-08-28


Life is not merely about working, it also contains other aspects. I agree with the statement that a job with more vacation but a low salary is better.

While working is important, because all of our food and facilities come from work, yet it does not mean that we should always be engaged in routine jobs. There are so many interesting and meaningful things other than work. For example, tourism, exploration to the mountains, caves, diving,(建议删掉，不然读不懂）and helping those who need care.



Tourism could broad our horizons. Through touring(加个逗号或者挪到句子末尾) we know what kind of life others are living and what other parts of the world look like. With a fine understanding of other places and people, tourism could help build a comprehensive understanding and mitigate narrow horizons. After months of work with anxiety, a tour to another beautiful and quiet place could also ease tension. Thereby help mold a salubrious life style.

At first sight, explorations might be formidable to some people. In daily lives, however,（个人比较喜欢这么写） everybody is running into a variety of explorations. When a child is learning to ride a bike, a high school student is learning to drive a car, an adult is contacting with a potential customer, they are exploring new field of lives. Other trials such as riding a bike to a remote city might be more exciting ones. Though peaceful livings are sweet, a life needs some piquancy if it were to be tastier. By leading us into the unknown lands overcoming all kind of difficulties, explorations make us bolder, more confident as well as stronger.（这段完全没有提到工作和假期，算不算有点跑题？）


Other kinds of extra time could be spending on help those who need our assistance. For instance, single old people who often feel lonely（举的是需要帮助的人的例子）. They want to talk to their children who might be in another country. By talking with the old people or taking care of them for a few hours, the young could be more experienced from the talks and the old feel warmer with other people’s care.

From what has been argued above, we need more free time to make lives more colorful and meaningful. Thereby I’d(不可以缩写) prefer a job with less pay but enough vacations.

johnmclainUID：2676153

11# 雲靉玥 Thank U very much !

johnmclainUID：2676153

Aug 31
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (age five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.  

In my opinion, younger children should be given enough spare time. It might be officious to require them to learn art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

From my experience of life, younger children are forced to learn by their parents. They have to take personal or vacation classes, which left little time for them to do what they want. An addition of lessons on art and music would further press their “own time”. Spare time is important for a younger child at an age of five to ten. They may spend time on playing games, chatting with friends and focus on the subjects that really interest them.

As have been proved by scientific research, playing games could help develop a child’s muscle and nervous system. The former determines the healthy condition of a child and the later would affect intellectual ability. And children with less sports or games would have average inferior performances in both health and intellectual quality.

Nowadays, people need a fine ability of exchanging ideas to become more cooperative. Not only are those who have little friends and who communicate with others improperly not welcomed, but also they may even face with psychology problems. Many criminals break laws because they thought they should revenge the society because they are isolated. For instance, the criminal who killed seven children in Fujian, China could not help himself out from loneness and attributed his failure to his neighbors.

Moreover, it is precious to find something that really interests oneself. As a famous saying goes, interest is the best teacher. A good interest could fulfill a person’s inner life. Einstein played the violin for inspiration when he was tired. My favorite is football. It teaches much and has accompanied me through the days of happy as well as sorrow.

From what has been argued above, spare time is necessary if we consider the lives of the young child instead of merely scores from school. So I think adding more lessons by force might not be a wise idea.

superchaosUID：2863434

Aug 31  W, f: h7 X, A) v" L/ z
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (age five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.  7 F/ O7 v4 l. v( u; C# D) ?

In my opinion, younger children should be given enough spare time. It might be officious (感觉不太合适这词儿..)to require them to learn art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

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From my experience of life, younger children are forced to learn by their parents. They have to take personal or vacation classes, which left little time for them to do what they want. An addition of lessons on art and music would further press their “own time”. Spare time is important for a younger child at an age of five to ten. They may spend time on playing games, chatting with friends and focus on the subjects that really interest/attract them.

As have been proved by scientific research, playing games could help develop a child’s muscle and nervous system. The former determines the healthy condition of a child and the later would affect intellectual ability. And children with less sports or games would have average inferior performances in both health and intellectual quality.(跑题了.........你讲这个干嘛?别告诉我是讲除了art & music 课程之外的activity的好处..没这么论述的...)

t$ \6 J
(上下文链接不顺畅……)Nowadays, people need a fine ability of exchanging ideas to become more cooperative. (该句可以考虑从状语前置..fine用的也不好..)Not only are those who have little friends and who communicate with others improperly not welcomed, but also they may even face with psychology problems. Many criminals break laws because they thought they should revenge the society because they are isolated. For instance, the criminal who killed seven children in Fujian, China could not help himself out from loneness and attributed his failure to his neighbors.(你想讲什么...??)

Moreover, it is precious to find something that really interests oneself. As a famous saying goes, interest is the best teacher. A good interest could fulfill a person’s inner life. (A good interest could help people fulfill their inner life) Einstein played the violin for inspiration when he was tired. My favorite is football. It teaches much and has accompanied me through the days of happy as well as sorrow.

From what has been argued above, spare time is necessary if we consider the lives of the young child instead of merely scores from school. So I think adding more lessons by force might not be a wise idea.

楼主...你这文章跑题很严重啊,你的观点是什么??就说课余时间很重要??跟题目要求的完全没关系啊..当然你可以说学这些课程不能保障学生们的课余时间...但是绝不是你这么阐述的..希望以后能注意一下扣题！句式方面也希望能加强！~加油！！

frlenderUID：2629962

楼主下回word吧，感觉更好些