issue 190, 我的第一次习作

870416UID: 2527804

TOPIC: ISSUE190 - "As long as people in a society arehungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use ofpublic resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, evencruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

The speaker contends that the support for arts using public resources is irrational in the society where it isexistence that poverty, unemployment or lack of the basic skills. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that the money that squander inexorbitant arts are unnecessary. However, the speaker overlooks that unreservedly necessary existence of those arts that serve an educational role in introducing and guiding low-rank people to survive, strive and success.

In the highly developed society, they arenot scarce that the so-called “arts” that use taxpayers’ money to erect luxurious and splendid statues or other artworks. The architecture of these artworks would seem to receive a multitude of glorification from artists and critics. In fact, it would bring about a huge deficit for the government andsquander the money that should relieve and help people who struggle for live. So, we should be circumspect about the investment for arts that, althoughsumptuous and gorgeous, cannot create certain active and practical influence.

Although some glorious and luxurious artsneed be prevented, other arts need be confirmed and advocated, which manifest akind of active impacts, such as how people crave to research knowledge ofunknown and how people to live better. It is conceivable that, for example,poverty permeated in the arts of pursuing creation, knowledge and assiduousnesswill be affected by them to strive for changing and eliminating their present situationof poverty; the lack of survival skills can acquire sustainable experience throughexpression of arts to shake off dilemma; unemployment can unearth buriedtreasure from the bibliography of celebrities to recuperate and extend his careers.

In the other hand, since the existence of human beings, poverty, unemployment, lack of survival skills constantly exist,so it is presumptuous to deny all arts, which accompanied with the development of human. And also, technology, knowledge, books, all of which stem and refinefrom life can, to some extent, be called as arts. Without arts, tools would not be created for substituting hands; without arts, words would not be generatedfor recording precipitate of life; even, without arts, world would not beconverted by human beings to an earth-village; and without arts, our high levelof civilization would pass out of existence.

Someone might say that it can’t imagine how difficult it must be for person who is starving and can certainly understand that point of view as well. I concede that the people who are haunted by the pressure of survival overlook and aside certain arts and pursuit regularly.However, at the meantime, religions and ethics emerge for relieving andrescuing those people. With these, people would rather believe the God or the Allah or the Buddha exists. They tend to acknowledge that the disasters are coherent actuality, and therefore, need atone for their original sin or experience these tragedies rendering them can yet reach the destination as heaven. At this time,the arts of religions and ethics accomplish their missions for people.

In the final analysis, the public arts arenot glorious, luxurious,and blatant, as the speaker might have us believe. Public resourcesallocated to arts to produce an atmosphere with active, practical and flourishing can, from the other side, encourage, incentivize and spur people who live inlow level to be climbers of life.

sugarzhiUID: 2324295

The speaker contends that the support for arts using public resources is irrational in the【少用定冠词 改用a 或复数。其实我也有这毛病】 society where （it is existence that）【exists】 poverty, unemployment or lack of the【定冠词】 basic skills. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that the money that squander inexorbitant arts are unnecessary. However, the speaker overlooks that unreservedly necessary existence of those arts that serve an educational role in introducing and guiding low-rank people to survive, strive and success【sss 好好啊】.

In the highly developed society, they （arenot scarce）【？】 that the so-called “arts” that use taxpayers’ money to erect luxurious and splendid statues or other artworks. The architecture of these artworks would seem to receive a multitude of glorification from artists and critics. In fact, it would bring about a huge deficit for the government andsquander the money that should relieve and help people who struggle for live. So, we should be circumspect about the investment for arts that, althoughsumptuous and gorgeous, cannot create certain active and practical influence.

Although some glorious and luxurious artsneed be prevented, other arts need be confirmed and advocated, which manifest akind of active impacts, such as how people crave to research knowledge ofunknown and how people to live better. It is conceivable that, for example,poverty permeated in the arts of pursuing creation, knowledge and assiduousnesswill be affected by them to strive for changing and eliminating their present situationof poverty; the lack of survival skills can acquire sustainable experience throughexpression of arts to shake off dilemma; unemployment can unearth buriedtreasure from the bibliography of celebrities to recuperate and extend his careers.

In【on】 the other hand, since the existence of human beings, poverty, unemployment, lack of survival skills constantly exist,so it is presumptuous to deny all arts, which accompanied with the development of human. And also, technology, knowledge, books, all of which stem and refinefrom life can, to some extent, be called as arts. Without arts, tools would not be created for substituting hands; without arts, words would not be generatedfor recording precipitate of life; even, without arts, world would not beconverted by human beings to an earth-village; and without arts, our high levelof civilization would pass out of existence.

Someone might say that it（ can’t） 【is hard to】imagine how difficult it must be for person who is starving and can certainly understand that point of view as well. I concede that the people who are haunted by the pressure of survival overlook and aside certain arts and pursuit regularly.However, （at the meantime,）【貌似没这种说法】 religions and ethics emerge for relieving andrescuing those people. With these, people would rather believe the God or the Allah or the Buddha exists. They tend to acknowledge that the disasters are coherent actuality, and therefore, need atone for their original sin or experience these tragedies rendering them can yet reach the destination as heaven. At this time,the arts of religions and ethics accomplish their missions for people.
In the final analysis, the public arts arenot glorious, luxurious,and blatant, as the speaker might have us believe. Public resourcesallocated to arts to produce an atmosphere with active, practical and flourishing can, from the other side, encourage, incentivize and spur people who live inlow level to be climbers of life.

你的用词很值得学习 段落间的逻辑也比较清晰
后面改的比较少 不是没有问题 而是因为问题主要集中在一些语法问题上，建议你在自己读读

恩 水平有限 多交流。。。 1# 870416

870416UID: 2527804

不知道怎么我复制黏贴到坛子里就很多单词空格没了。。。我已经改了一些，但还是出现了

谢谢你的批改，可以多多交流。
1. 你指出的两个定冠词我有不同说法.
in the【少用定冠词 改用a 或复数。其实我也有这毛病】 society where （it is existence that）【exists】 poverty, unemployment or lack of the【定冠词】 basic skills.
第一个因为后面society 有个where，所以是特指了，所以the是需要的
第二个，呵呵，这个题目就是个the。
  没关系，我觉得我看别人文章也是skepticism ：）

（it is existence that）【exists】
开始是想尾重，调前面来的。现在了确实很怪，
我原来用的是 where XXX exsits 的
你提醒了我，确实要注意动词的使用~~~也提醒了看到这个的人
By the way, 应该是 the society which exists XXX

on the other hand, from the outset,
我的介词来时用错。。。不只有啥窍门

qiongpingUID: 2766031

TOPIC: ISSUE190 - "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use ofpublic resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, evencruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

The speaker contends that the support for arts using public resources is irrational in the society where it existence that(蓝色部分需要一个谓语，而existence是名词，不能当谓语。三个词直接缩减为exists较好) poverty, unemployment or lack of the basic skills. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that the money that squander（改为squandered，money是被动的） in exorbitant arts are unnecessary. However, the speaker overlooks that unreservedly necessary existence of those arts that serve as an educational role in introducing and guiding low-rank people to survive, strive and success.

In the highly developed society, they（there） are not scarce that the so-called “arts” that use taxpayers’ money to erect luxurious and splendid statues or other artworks. The architecture of these artworks would seem to receive a multitude of glorification from artists and critics. In fact, it would bring about a huge deficit for the government and squander the money that should relieve（一般不直接搭配人）and help people who struggle for live. So, we should be circumspect about the investment for arts that, although sumptuous and gorgeous, cannot create certain active and practical influence.

Although some glorious and luxurious arts need （should?）be prevented, other arts need(同前) be confirmed and advocated, which manifest akind of active impacts, such as how people crave to research knowledge ofunknown and how people to live better. It is conceivable that, for example,poverty permeated in the arts of pursuing creation, knowledge and assiduousnesswill be affected by them to strive for changing and eliminating their present situationof poverty; the lack of survival skills can acquire sustainable experience throughexpression of arts to shake off dilemma; unemployment can unearth buriedtreasure from the bibliography of celebrities to recuperate and extend his careers.

In the other hand, since（这里的意思是“因为”还是“自从”？如果是前者的话，整句话的逻辑感似乎不太好） the existence of human beings, poverty, unemployment, lack of survival skills constantly exist,so it is presumptuous to deny all arts, which accompanied with the development of human. And also, technology, knowledge, books, all of which stem and refine from life can, to some extent, be called as arts. Without arts, tools would not be created for substituting hands; without arts, words would not be generated for recording precipitate of life; even, without arts, world would not be converted by human beings to an earth-village; and without arts, our high levelof civilization would pass out of existence.（排比得挺好）

Someone might say that it（he or her） can’t imagine how difficult it must be（？） for person who is starving and can certainly understand that point of view as well. I concede that the（多余了）people who are haunted by the pressure of survival overlook and aside certain arts and pursuit regularly.However, at the meantime, religions and ethics emerge for relieving andrescuing those people. With these, people would rather believe the God or the Allah or the Buddha exists. They tend to acknowledge that the disasters are coherent actuality, and therefore, need atone for their original sin or experience these tragedies rendering them can yet reach the destination as heaven. At this time,the arts of religions and ethics accomplish their missions for people.

In the final analysis, the public arts are not glorious, luxurious,and blatant, as the speaker might have us believe. Public resources allocated to arts to produce an atmosphere with active, practical and flourishing can, from the other side, encourage, incentivize and spur people who live inlow level to be climbers of life.

qiongpingUID: 2766031

分层论述的确条理好，值得借鉴~
你的结尾我觉得挺好

870416UID: 2527804

谢谢你的修改
relieve：
provide aid or assistance for (people in need, a disaster area, etc) 给（需要帮助者﹑ 灾区等）提供帮助或救援: relieve famine in Africa 救济非洲的饥荒灾区 * The bypass relieves traffic jams in our city centre. 这条旁道缓解了我们城市中心的交通阻塞情况.


on the other hand, since（这里的意思是“因为”还是“自从”？如果是前者的话，整句话的逻辑感似乎不太好） the existence of human beings, poverty, unemployment, lack of survival skills constantly exist
这里是从人类存在以来，应该用完成时。。。谢谢提醒
since the existence of human beings, poverty, unemployment, and lack of survival skills has constantly existed.


写出来太耗时间了，而且我总是想不到词或者不记得拼写。。。艰巨任务啊。共勉之~~~~

870416UID: 2527804

Someone might say that it（he or her） can’t imagine how difficult it must be（？） for person who is starving and can certainly understand that point of view as well.

这句话其实是老外写的~~他给我思路所以我又加了一段。it must be for... 这样你应该能看清楚了把。同理：it is for you.