Javen 8.24作文

javenUID: 2108322

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

Nowadays, with our country’s economy rapidly developing, the competition of our society becomes harsh and intense. To get used to our changing society, I think that young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career. From trying several different jobs, we can practice our various abilities that are helpful to our future career. Besides, we can make a proper self-evaluate from these experiences to find a right goal for our future and have a better realization about our drawbacks.
Firstly, as far as I concerned, communication skills and getting along with others well are very important for our future career. If young people try several different jobs before they take a long term career, they can develop these two abilities from theses jobs. For example, when I am freshman, I find a part time job to tutor a high school student English. I need to explain English grammar to him everyday during the class, so I need to organize my English knowledge and language to make him have a better understanding about what I have taught. What is more, I need to get along with him and his parents very well. It will be easier for me to teach him well if I can deal with the relationship between me and him and his friends well. From this part time job, my communication skills are effectively improved and I know how to deal with the different relationships with different people well.
Secondly, from trying several different jobs, we can have a deeper understanding about ourselves. There are a lot of undergraduate students do not know what they want to do and what suits to them in the future. They just know to learn knowledge from the book every day. From these jobs, they can know themselves better to make a right goal for their future and do not need to waste too much time on something inappropriate to them.
Thirdly, we can know our drawbacks from trying several different jobs before taking a long term career. From my tutoring experience, I know some shortcomings in my communication skills and Basic English grammar. After I know that, I start to get rid of some my bad speaking habits and study my Basic English grammar again. Although it is difficult for me to totally cut off my shortcomings, it really helpful for me to know these disadvantages and pay more attentions to them.
In conclusion, young people should try several different jobs before they take a log term career to know themselves better, make themselves more perfect, and make a right target. It is a great experience for their future career.

daisy1031UID: 2811588

不好意思，无法粘贴附件。直接把改的结果发这里了。
Nowadays, with our country’s economy rapidly developing, the competition of our society becomes harsh and intense. To get used to our changing society, I think that young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career. From trying several different jobs, we can practice our various abilities that are helpful to our future career. Besides, we can make a proper self-evaluate from these experiences to find a right goal for our future and have a better realization about our drawbacks.

Firstly, as far as I concerned, communication skills and getting along with others well are very important for our future career. If young people try several different jobs before they take a long term career, they can develop these two abilities from theses （these） jobs. For example, when I am freshman, I find a part time job to tutor a high school student English. I need to explain English grammar to him everyday during the class, so I need to (换have to 或者 must ，前面有用到need to) organize my English knowledge and language（expression） to make him have a better understanding about what I have taught. What is more, I need to(你又用了一次need to) get along with him and his parents very well. It will be easier for me to teach him well if I can deal with the relationship between me and him and his friends well. From this part time job, not only my communication skills are effectively improved, but also I know how to deal with the different relationships with different people well.
Secondly, from trying several different jobs, we can have a deeper understanding about ourselves. There are a lot of undergraduate students do not know what they want to do and what suits to them in the future. They just (only) know to learn knowledge from the book every day. From these jobs, they can know themselves better to make a right goal for their future and do not need to(你再次使用了need to,建议直接写成“ don’t”) waste too much time on something inappropriate to them.
Thirdly, we can know our drawbacks from trying several different jobs before taking a long term career. From my tutoring experience, I know some shortcomings in my communication skills and Basic (basic) English grammar. After I know that (After it), I start to get rid of some my bad speaking habits and study my Basic (basic) English grammar again. Although it is difficult for me to totally cut off my shortcomings, it (is) really helpful for me to know these disadvantages and pay more attentions to them.

In conclusion, young people should try several different jobs before they take a log (long) term career to know themselves better, make themselves more perfect, and make a right target. It is a great experience for their future career.


建议：
1.        总的来说，是篇脉络清晰的文章。文章过度自然，举例有说服力。
2.        感觉词汇量不大，总是使用重复的表达方式，建议多扩展作文同义词。
3.        文中没有使用难句，可能会少一些亮点。但是我个人觉得如果没有难句来吸引评分者的眼球，至少简单句上的语法要准确。请反复检查。
个人薄见，希望有所帮助。谢谢！

daisy1031UID: 2811588

请回改 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1144359-1-1.html

jackywei1987UID: 2881849

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.8 {4 r$ V8 i! l) \# X Nowadays, with our country’s economy rapidly developing, the competition of our society becomes harsh and intense. To get used to our changing society, I think that young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career. From trying several different jobs, we can practice our various abilities that are helpful to our future career. Besides, we can(we can可以删去） make a proper self-evaluate from these experiences to find a right goal for our future and have a better realization about our drawbacks.  D2 m, E7 G9 P6 b1 e& s0 H 开头段没有落入一般的模板，非常值得我学习:) Firstly, as far as I concerned, communication skills and（and换成as) getting along with others well are very important for our future career. If young people try several different jobs before they take a long term career, they can develop these two abilities from theses jobs.[ For example, when I am freshman, I find a part time job to tutor a high school student English. I need to explain English grammar to him everyday during the class, so I need to organize my English knowledge and language to make him have a better understanding about what I have taught. What is more, I need to get along with him and his parents very well. ]It will be easier for me to teach him well if I can deal with the relationship between me and him and his friends well. From this part time job, my communication skills are effectively improved and I know how to deal with the different relationships with different people well.- a5 I5 【】部分主语多为I 如I am, I find, I need, I need,I need。如果能多变换些主语或者句式，肯定会使文章更精彩! Secondly, from trying several different jobs, we can have a deeper understanding about ourselves. There are a lot of undergraduate students do not know what they want to do and what suits to them in the future. They just know to learn knowledge from the book every day. From these jobs（the experiences they gain from these jobs/from doing these jobs), they can know themselves better to make a right goal for their future and do not need to waste too much time on something inappropriate to them. Thirdly, we can know our drawbacks from trying several different jobs before taking a long term career. From my tutoring experience, I know some shortcomings in my communication skills and Basic English grammar. After I know that, I start to get rid of some my bad speaking habits and study my Basic English grammar again. Although it is difficult for me to totally cut off my shortcomings, it really helpful for me to know these disadvantages and pay more attentions to them. In conclusion, young people should try several different jobs before they take a log term career to know themselves better, make themselves more perfect, and make a right target. It is a great experience for their future career. 从文章能看出作者有较大的词汇量，同义词替换做得很好，如果能在句式上有更多变化，相信作者肯定能取得优异成绩 敬请回评https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1143190-1-1.html:)