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In my opinion, I feel("think" is better) that_young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career. Because_different jobs bring young people different experiences which develop their various_abilities. Besides, a person who makes a proper self-evaluate and find out a clearcareer goal due to(due to后面不能加句子) he or she has some different work experience.
To being with, I believe that young people_should try some different jobs before they take a long term work is thatdifferent jobs bring young people different experiences which develop their various_abilities. For instance, I took a part time wok in_the International_Youth Hostel when I was junior in university. I met and chat with a lot offoreign backpacks(backpacks means the bag). It is not only I improved my English since I talked with somenative speakers of English, but also I became more confidence to talk with foreigners.(主语最好用I,否则句子为病句) It was very an impressive and favorable experience, I have learned a lot for(from) it. I think it is essential of a young people who are looking for and(and should be eliminated or do some modification on the sentence)_taking a steady career.
Furthermore, I agree (with) the statement is(is 改为逗号) because a person who makes a proper self-evaluate and find out a clear career goal due to(due to后不能加句子) he or she has some different work experiences. Such as, nowadays, the competition is very serious(=serious competition) among graduating students at(at should be eliminate) every year. Most students require high salary and good position when they are looking for an occupation, even they don’t have any achievements in university and work experience. Obviously, it is ridiculous for a company of Top 500 Global corporations to hire an immature and non-work experience employee. As we know, a convictive reference from the former employer and an achievement at the last job must attract recruiters. Additional, if he or she quits the last job because his or her limited profession knowledge, he or she should recognize the shortage and find out the way to improve it. That’s the reason is(is改为that) more and more young people return to school and get a higher degree after they try(have tried) several different jobs. Therefore, some work experiences is good for the young people's development.
In conclusion, there are many reasons for why young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career. Some invaluable work experiences are essential for a young people's life.
文章的原因能很好的支持结论，例子能很好地为原因服务，表示阁下有一定的思想和逻辑思维能力。结尾稍微有点短，给我感觉虎头蛇尾。如果能在些细小方面做些修改和进步，相信你一定能在托福考试中获得满意的成绩:) that's all 期待回评 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1143190-1-1.html | 
发表于 2010-8-25 06:01:54
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