dukenunee的作文本

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

作文本作文本

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

0830 每日作文

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Some people think making sure that others (influential people or potential employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you succeed, if you do not do this, you won’t have a successful life.

Considering how to have a successful life, I believe making sure others know about your strengths and accomplishments is a good method.

Foremost, the strengths and accomplishments known by others will have positive effect on the person. For one thing, the strengths and accomplishments are the most persuasive evidence to show what he did in the past. Then people are able to give a prediction of what he can do in the future. Consequently, offer him an appropriate position that fits his achievements. Without this essential evidence, it will be difficult to judge one's ability. For another, having been acknowledged by other people, people will be forced to work harder. Because being the one having approached great achievement, he is responsible to achieve more.

Secondly, a successful life is a result after fierce competition. And only by letting other people know about your strengths and accomplishments can you be the outstanding persons eventually. In China, lots of people are in struggling in the job market, but only the outstanding person can find a job and live a better life. It is hard to imagine, how they are selected if they did not let others know about their strengths and accomplishments.

Thirdly, making sure that others know about your strengths and accomplishments, your word and opinion will weights more in the group. Suppose a person without any accomplishments, his suggestion will always be ignored by the group. However, the same suggestion from a person who have won the Nobel Prize may be seriously considered. Therefore, if you do not want to be the one be neglected and with control your own life, you should let others know your strengths.

To sum up, making sure others know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you achieve a successful life easier.

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

8月31日 9月小组 独立作文

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.


Whether children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language? My answer is yes, for the reason that learning art and music at an early age may have several positive effects on them.

Foremost, art and music skills need long time practice, earlier the children step into the realm, easier they can achieve more. There are lots of examples can be given, Beethoven, Mozart and many other artists are begin to study art when they are still kids. Mozart can even write his songs before 10 years old. On the contrary, elder people will not only find it difficult to learn new things but also lack of time to practice, for they have to earn a living or pay more attention to their school works or careers. Thus, there is no denying that study art and music may contribute to an easier success to the children.

Secondly, study art in addition to math other classes may increase the learning efficient of the children. To my personal experience, every time when I am tired of doing math exercise, I will play my piano for a while. Then I will be energetic again. Lots of scientists like Einstein are both great scientists but also artists. On the other hand, compared to playing computer games, play an instrument or draw a painting is more meaningful to the children as a way to relax.

However, although there are lots of advantages of studying art and music, the importance of it should not be overstated. Suppose a child is not interested in music at all, there will not be benefit but counterproductive effects. What is more, the importance of the subject like math, science, history and language should not be ignored. They can teach the children about the fundamental rules and critical skills while art and music cannot.

To sum up, children should be encouraged to study art and music but the final decision should be made by themselves but not the school or the teacher. Only by considering their own choice and interests, can they benefit more from the activities.
请求：任何您读着不顺，不爽的句子麻烦标出，万分感谢！

shadowranUID: 2864083

Considering how to have a successful life, I believe making sure others know about your (尽量不用第二人称)strengths and accomplishments （这句话是making sure 是一个好方法，你应该表达的是knowing是一个好方法。。我也不是很确定，你再想想）is a good method.

O; |1 L  q+ w3 z
Foremost, the strengths and accomplishments known by others will （删？）have positive effect on the person. For one thing, the strengths and accomplishments are the most persuasive evidences to(that can) show what he did in the past. Then people are able to give a prediction of what he can do in the future. Consequently, offer him an appropriate position that fits his achievements. Without this essential evidence, it will be difficult to judge one's ability. For another, having been(being) acknowledged by other people, people will be forced to (被强迫，是贬义的，be encouraged to是不是好点)work harder. Because being the one having approached（with） great achievement, he is responsible（deserved） to achieve more.+ i- e4 e$ |, e

Secondly, a successful life is a result after（comes after） fierce competition. And only by letting other people know about your strengths and accomplishments can you be the outstanding person eventually. In China, lots of people are in struggling in the job market, but only the outstanding person can find a job and live a better life. It is hard to imagine, how they are（could be） selected if they did not let others know about their strengths and accomplishments.
3 l9 [( H8 U$ s

Thirdly, making sure that others know about your strengths and accomplishments, your words and opinions will weights more in the group. Suppose a person without any accomplishments, his suggestion will always be ignored by the group. However, the same suggestion from a person who have won the Nobel Prize may be seriously considered. Therefore, if you do not want to be the one be(删) neglected and with (want to) control your own life, you should let others know your strengths.

To sum up, making sure others know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you to achieve a successful life easier(easily).

我写作能力也不强，所只能尽量帮你改一下，大体的方向对了，应该再多看一些精彩的句子i，现在的句型有些单一，不太精彩（我的也是。。。），但是写得比我简练这点很好
还有就是尽量不要用第二人称you
开头和结尾尽量在谢长一些
先这么多，以后有机会在互改

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

4# shadowran
谢谢！我继续努力！

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

7# muyitong


你的作业在哪？是广告那篇？

lengningjiUID: 2774905

Considering how to have a successful life, I believe making sure others know about your strengths and accomplishments is a good method.

Foremost, the strengths and accomplishments known by others will have positive effect on the person (用people会不会好一点？). For one thing, the strengths and accomplishments are the most persuasive evidence to show what he did in the past. Then people are able to give a prediction of what he can do in the future. Consequently, offer him an appropriate position that fits his achievements （以动词为开头的句子似乎是祈使句吧，这句话感觉没有主语。。。） . Without this essential evidence, it will be difficult to judge one's ability. For another, having been acknowledged by other people, people will be forced to work harder. Because being the one having approached great achievement, he is responsible to achieve more.

Secondly, a successful life is a result after fierce competition. And only by letting other people know about your strengths and accomplishments can you be the outstanding persons eventually. In China, lots of people are in（去掉这个in也不影响表达吧） struggling in the job market, but only the outstanding person can find a job and live a better life. It is hard to imagine, how they are selected if they did not let others know about their strengths and accomplishments.

Thirdly, making sure that others know about your strengths and accomplishments, your word and opinion will weights more in the group. Suppose a person without any accomplishments, his suggestion will always be ignored by the group. However, the same suggestion from a person who have won the Nobel Prize may be seriously considered. Therefore, if you do not want to be the one be neglected and with control your own life, you should let others know your strengths.


To sum up, making sure others know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you achieve a successful life easier.

我觉得您的开头和结尾过于简单了。您这篇文章299字，偏少，刚刚达到ETS的要求。如果可以丰富一下开头和结尾的内容我觉得更好。个人意见，仅供参考~

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

9# lengningji
谢谢！

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

831_独立

longxue26UID: 2687755

11# dukenunee 改好了

dreamdptUID: 2872879

8月31日独立
Should parents allow children to make their own choices? I agree. Rather than determine the children’s future, parents should be the ones giving guidance and suggestions. In this way, children can be more confident and responsible also at the favorable position in the society.

Foremost, making decisions on their own makes the children to be more confident when facing difficulties. There are abundant of(去掉) examples can be given; one is Bill Gate’s famous story. He dropped out of school to run his own company.
With the confidence（determination） to choose the different way, he created the software empire. Successful experience in making choice will make a confident person. By making right decisions and making achievements, children can be(obtain) confidence not only in making decisions but also in solving problems and facing challenges.

Secondly, to be the one responsible for the result of their decisions, children must make decisions carefully. There is no denying the fact that people will make wrong decisions(It is inevitable for people to make wrong decisions). But on the other side, failures often teach people more. Those wrong decisions and following failures will certainly impress children deeply. Consequently, they will think twice next time. By facing the failures one after another, children will be mature.

Making choice on their own may have merits, but not without its problems. To solve the problem, listening to the advices(去掉) from parents is a good method. With the guidance from the parents, children may make wiser decisions, for the reason that parents are with（have） more experience in making decisions(decision making) and sometime know their children better. It(As) is known to all, persons involved in the problems often fail to see the problem as clearly than the by standers(as clearly as the bystanders). Therefore, making own choice will(with) the help of parents is a better solution.

To sum up, as children may benefit from making choice on their own, children should be encouraged to do so. Parents should also give useful guidance which helps their children performs better.

我是第一次改，不当之处可以讨论。
个人感觉可以再多积累些同义表达，尽量避免重复。

cqx83UID: 2671579

Whether children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language? My answer is yes, for the reason that learning art and music at an early age may have several positive effects on them.

Foremost, art and music skills need long time practice(好像没有这么说的,太chinglish了), the earlier the children step into the realm, the easier they can achieve more. There are lots of examples can be given, Beethoven, Mozart and many other artists are begin/began to study art when they are/were still kids. Mozart can even write his songs before 10 years old. On the contrary, elder people will not only find it difficult to learn new things but also lack of time (语法上不对，没有动词，改为have few time好一些) to practice, for they have to earn a living or pay more attention to their school works or careers. Thus, there is no denying that study art and music may contribute to an easier success to the children.

Secondly, study/studying art in addition to math and other classes may increase the learning efficient/efficiency of the children. To(不确定是不是用to) my personal experience, every time when I am tired of doing math exercise, I will play my piano for a while. Then I will be energetic again. Lots of scientists like Einstein are both great scientists but also (both …and…) artists. On the other hand, compared to playing computer games, play/playing an instrument or draw/drawing a painting is more meaningful to the children as a way to relax.

However, although there are lots of advantages of studying art and music, the importance of it should not be overstated. Suppose/if a child is not interested in music at all, there will not be benefit but counterproductive effects. What is more, the importance of the subject like math, science, history and language should not be ignored. They can teach (学科不能教给人知识，too chinglish) the children about the fundamental rules and critical skills while art and music cannot.

To sum up, children should be encouraged to study art and music, but the final decision should be made by themselves but(删了) not the school or the teacher. Only by considering their own choice and interests, can they benefit more from the activities.


整体来说语法错误有点多，chinglish的表达也有点多，另外第三条理由好像不太成立，题目并不是说不学数学等课程了，而是说应不应该在此基础上增加学习art and music.

第一次给人改，有改的不好的地方请见谅，加油~~

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

9.1 独立