dailiangzhen 独立作文贴

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

15# butterfly1987 好的。近来时间你多来论坛逛逛，回复回复。很快就可以发Word了

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9月14日交
& p: ]  Y0 J+ L0 W0 M+ G2Q2 M& K4 H2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: havingjobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with highsalary but being easy to lost.
欢迎大家狠狠地批！！:lol
9月14日交.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-9-13 17:41:12 上传

下载次数: 5

littleecho33UID: 2876349

9月14日交
2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.
It is very difficult to choose. (?????)So boring, but after some time considering, I will choose the second-jobs with high salary but being easy to lost. In my opinion, this kind of jobs（are） in very modernistic realm, for example, IT, Finance, Computer, Bank and so on.
The first factor I choosing these kinds of jobs, that the jobs is（are） very profitable. Compared with the jobs with low paying salary the second kind of job is so high. However, this kind of the jobs is easy to lost, but the salary of each month is high. So the sum of salary is approximately equality. In some man’s opinion, this kind of jobs is insecurity, but if we thought in other way, we can find the sum of money is almost same.
The second reason I choose these kinds of jobs(on the other hand), doing these jobs can practices my own ability. For the salary of the job is high, so should match the high ability to finish it. In China has sentences(as a Chinese proverb goes): “high salary, tiptop ability.” Or “ under the high salary, come forth the valour”. So the salary is high, the job is difficult, if I can finish it, that can demonstrate I have the high ability to slove(solve) the difficult problem. Doing these kinds of jobs can practice my own ability and let me experience under the difficult surrounding, to slove the problem.
The last but not the least, first kinds of jobs are so boring. These jobs with low paying but being high secure. If （a）man in this kind of working surrounding, will let him or her to like an old man. Because these jobs is so boring and less interesting compared with the second kinds of jobs.
Above all, I agree to choose the jobs with high salary but being easy to lost. Because I think these kinds of jobs are profitable, practiced of my own ability, and the most important is very interesting.
简单句太多 ，文法也有一定问题。建议再多练.结尾也没有。

jiroushirenUID: 2890685

It is very difficult to choose. So boring, but after some time considering（直接说出你的观点）, I will choose the second-jobs with high salary but being easy to lost. In my opinion, this kind of jobs in very modernistic realm, for example, IT, Finance, Computer, Bank and so on（列举的几个行业领域存在从属关系，例如，IT 和COMPUTER ，要分清老外是怎么给行业划分的）.
The first factor I choosing these kinds of jobs, that the jobs is very（very的使用太口语化） profitable. Compared with the jobs with low paying salary the second kind of job（应该加上salary） is so high. However, this kind of the jobs is easy to lost, but the salary of each month is high. So the sum of salary is approximately equality. In some man’s（others’） opinion, this kind of jobs(指代歧义) is insecurity, but if we thought in other way, we can find the sum of money is almost same.
The second reason I choose these kinds of jobs, doing these jobs can practices（原型） my own ability. For the salary of the job is high, so should（FOR 和 SO 都是表示结果的，不能一起用，而且这句话没有主语） match the high ability to finish it（指代不明）. In China has sentences: “high salary, tiptop ability.” Or “ under the high salary, come forth the valour”（不要使用一些中国人认为众所周知的谚语，评价你的作文是老外，在没有文化背景下，很容易对你所使用的例子不理解）. So the salary is high, the job is difficult, if I can finish it, that can demonstrate I have the high ability to slove the difficult problem. Doing these kinds of jobs can practice my own ability and let me experience under the difficult surrounding, to slove the problem.
The last but not the least, first kinds of jobs are so boring. These jobs with low paying but being high secure. If man in this kind of working surrounding, will let him or her to（BE） like an old man. Because these jobs is so boring and less interesting compared with the second kinds of jobs.
Above all, I agree to choose the jobs with high salary but being easy to lost. Because I think these kinds of jobs are profitable, practiced of my own ability, and the most important is very interesting（与前面不并列，且表达错误）
总评；  优点 思路比较清晰，如果用中文写，会写的更好
不足 有明显的语法错误，代词重复使用，论点有，论据不足，很多的表达过于口语化，过于中国化。
建议，多看看优秀文章，建议使用模板。

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9月16日交
# ^3 K6 R+ L2 c7 z( P! ~（09.01.23 NA） Do youagree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try severaldifficult jobs before they take a long term career.

chxh2020UID: 2587109

（09.01.23 NA） Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several difficult jobs before they take a long term career.
I agree with this statement, young people should try several different job before they take a long term career. This is benefitable（自己造词哇？）
to the young people, and will （be） helpful for their future working-life. Because the young people try several difficult jobs before they take a long term career, it can build their steady, precise, disciplined, industrious (一系列的adj, why no noun?)and so on. There are many reason (take care of 单数复数 ) why （缺主语） agree （缺介词）the statement, young people should try several difficult jobs before they （缺动词）a long term career.
The first reason is that: it will build up young people’s personality. For example, steady, disciplined, industrious and precise(一系列的adj, why no noun?) and so on.
（是否应该为 The first reason is it will build up young people’s personality, for instance, steady, disciplined, industrious, precise characteristics, and so on? ） For (可否删掉？)if young people in a very difficult situation, and the environment is bad, however, they can finish the task in the deadline. And this the capable in (take care of the grammar) management the difficult things. These things can helpful to (?) the young people in the coming life. It can help they bulid their steady, disciplined, and industrious (一系列的adj, why no noun?) and so on. If they can finish the difficult things in a bad environment, it is be sure, they can do the same or more difficult things in the common situation.
The second factor is that, it will raised the young people’s confident. Because the confident is so important in the social, therefore if a person work without confient, the work will not
(应为虚拟语气) finish very well. In the other word, the confident is the key to finished things well. And the question is that, where is the confident coming from. This question is so difficult to answer, but in the common sense, we know the confident came from the difficult situation （联系词使用不当，意思表达不清）. If the young people deal with the thing very well in the difficult situation, the result is that confident. The this person can do same things in the same situation , do well in the good situation. So the second factor is that, it will build one’s personality of confident.
Last but not the least: It can help the people raised capable of dealing with pratical things. For these people can finish the things in a difficult situation, so their capable can be practiced. Because the people in the difficult situation can finish the task in a deadline, so their capable can be practiced in many thing. And in the future career, they can do the thing also very well. So raised
the capable of dealing with things in difficult situation.
Above all, I agree with the statement of young people should try difficult jobs before they take a long term career.
1、  1、今天的作业是Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.莫非老早前就已经写过了？
2、  2、仁兄写作时注意用词达意，名词形容词别混用，语法要加强，文章中错误百出，需要加强练习。建议仁兄目前先不要追求速度，先讲质量再谈其他。
3、  3、仁兄文中重复性东西太多，词汇量偏少。
4、  4、以上均为个人意见，供参考。吾辈均需加油！

芒果yayaUID: 2759930

咦 你搞错题目了

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

22# 芒果yaya 哎，我无奈的。看我此次好了。

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

21# chxh2020 谢谢，你的建议对我很有帮助！

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9月18日交

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
如有大神可以忍住不吐就欣赏一下吧
欢迎你们来拍:lol

chxh2020UID: 2587109

仅个人意见。

ss33UID: 2624516

（09.02.27NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

I am agree with the following statement. In my opinon, a job should(omit) with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. It’s a right choice of the modern time for to young men.

The first factor, it is benefit for the company. However in our common sense, with this situation, the work’s labor’ efficent(productivity) is so low. But we can consider it from another factor(a positive perspective), the company may pay the worker’ low salary. It is good to the financial situation of a compnay. Because the most output of company is salary of the worker(connect into one sentence), if the salary is low, the output of company is reducing also. The company’s finanical’s situation is healthy too. So the first factor is that the company’s financial situation will be healthy.

The second reason is that, it will raised the emergy of manufactual of the workers. In the same salary line, we can see if the worker have the more time to vacation, it will raise the emergy of working the company. Because, the worker have more vacation time in the work time than other people, when after the vacation, the workers labor’s efficent (efficiency)will high(higher) than having not the vacation than other company’s workers. so second factor is that it will raise the emergy of manufactual of the worker and can levy the labor’ efficent.

The thrid factor is that, it will let the master(CEO) of the company the more free time to deal with the business thing.
Because in almost company, the master of the company have a heavily(heavy) labor(labor burden). He or she should not only master(masters) the inner company’s situation things, but also should master the outer things of the company. So if the company have(has) more time of vacation, that’s will(两个谓语）reduce the burden of the master of the company. And it also will let the master have more emergy into the major things in the company.

So above the analysis, the conduction can support my opinon: I agree with the following statement of a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

1。例子太少

2。很多低级的语法错误，印象不好的

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9.22
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art andmusic in addition to math, science, history and language.
你们的意见对我很重要，球拍！:lol

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9月24日交

09.04.03NA   Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is toincrease teachers' salaries.

球拍:lol

littleecho33UID: 2876349

个人做出如下调整：
As is known to all, the teacher’s salaries is(are) lower than many officer(s) working in the government in majority of countries. It is injustic giving the low salaries than to the officer. If a country wants to improve the qulity of the education in this country, should increase the teachers’ salaries. Thus, I agree with the statement of the author.
The first reason of this opinion.(是一个句子吗？) As we know, the education is the key factor of a country’s development. If the education of the quality is low, this country having less potential of develping of the construction of the moder age. The education will give the civilians more intellectual and skill to construct this country, and if the teachers’ salaries is low, in the result, the quality of education will also low. So the education is so important to a country, we should first increased the salaries of teachers.（论据不足，绕过来绕过去都是一个意思）
The second reasons of this opinion is that（语法有问题）. If the teachers’ salaries increased. The teachers will put（devote） the more energy in(to) education realm(the word is good). But if the teachers’ salaries is low, in a situation(in a sense 从某种意思上说), the teacher will take some part-time job.
For example, when after school, some students will stay in classroom, in the normal time, the teacher will also stay in the classroom, and answer the question of these students. However if the teacher’s salaries is low, and these teachers also took the part-time job. After school , the teacher will leave classroom as soon as possible, the the students will sick in the subject. So increase the salaries of teachers is so important.
The last but not the least reason is that, if the teacher’s salaries increased, the teacher will have enough money in travelling [in the summer and the winter]. Based(according to ) the scientist research, if the a man have a enough free time after a heavenly work, it's so benefit to man, and the man will take more energy in his own job. So if the teachers’ salaries increased, the teacher also will have enough money in the travling. It’s helpful to the teachers and the results the student will gain the benefit also.
So above all, I think this statement is right. The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries.
语法有问题呢
要改进~