dailiangzhen 独立作文贴

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

独立作文贴

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

狠狠地批吧
本帖最后由 dailiangzhen 于 2010-8-31 16:08 编辑


Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required tostudy art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.
In these yearsmore and more school children should be required to study art and music inaddition to math,science,history and language. Many people said this beendestorying the children’s futher. They thought this will frustrated the developmentof the child. The children should have more and more time to touch the nature,play games, develp their own nature. However I think children should be requredto study at their free time.
Because the firstfactor is that, learn some other knowledge will enlarge their knowledge. Forexample, some children learn the foreign language for communication with otherpeople online or in the English park.
The second factoris that, this is will not waste time in free. For, we know, the children havemuch time in their summary holiday. In this holiday many student will wastetheir free in talking about with others, sleeping later in the bed, watching TVat the chair and so on…
The third factoris the most the important in my opion. In the free time study at other thingswill been letting them more studing. Because many things will frustrate studentlearning. For example, playing TV games, watch TV Series, sleeping at the bedlater in the morning…. When the student have the habit to study will enrichtheir knowledge, and let them more like study on the class. So the interestingis very important in study area.
But we also shouldknow, let the children have a free time is needed. When their finished theirhomework, we should let them playing. However the time must limited.
So I think thechildren should be required to study art and music in addition to math,science, history and language. This is will be benefit for their development.

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

括号内是修改意见
+ l3 P0 S) n. v9 @% D5 u) `7 D, P/ D0 f8 E
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required tostudy art and music in addition to math,science, history and language
5 _$ F& B( d$ _
* l8 `- M; a6 R. f% f( `% EIn these years,more and more school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math,science,history and language. Many people said this been destorying (the trendency is destorying)the children’s futher. They( It is)  thought this will frustrated the developmentof the child. The children should have more and more(词组重复了，建议换个句型，我想到的是： Although to discover nature is also a compulsory for children) time to touch(discover) the nature,play games, develp their own nature. However I think children should be requredto study at their free time.1 F$ K% g' l# U
5 c- J/ U' ?" [8 c
Because the firstfactor is that, learn some other knowledge will enlarge their knowledge.（knownledge扩展knownledge ，逻辑上不通吧，再想想 ） Forexample, some children learn the foreign language for communication （to communnicate）with otherpeople online or in the English park.
. \* L; S& w7 j( |
0 M& f' z& B. m% v& [; kThe second factoris that, this is will not waste time in free. For, we know, （口语化了）the children havemuch time in their summary holiday. In this holiday many student will wastetheir free in talking about with others, sleeping later in the bed, watching TVat the chair and so on…（没说完，因为children浪费时间在玩的上面了，所以组织他们学习是高效利用时间的最好方式）7 E* {5 l" b. r5 M6 u6 |" e) V
4 V- J* K2 }  P4 {
The third factoris （应该用单数，少动词 is ）the most the important in my opion（opinion）. In the free time study at other thingswill been letting them more studing.（语法错误） Because many things will frustrate studentlearning. For example, playing TV games, watch TV Series, sleeping at the bedlater in the morning…. When the student（s） have the habit to study will enrichtheir knowledge, and let them more like study on the class. So the interestingis very important in study area
9 |' c9 p: H! H. [( q- dBut we also shouldknow, let the children have a free time is needed（necessary）. When their finished theirhomework, we should let them playing. However the time must limited.: {6 L9 Q- _. @0 d7 V3 b
So I think thechildren should be required to study art and music in addition to math,science, history and language. This is will be benefit for their development.
4 F, O6 h, O$ H- c
5 m$ ^5 }; G: v% ]6 u9 \8 P3 O& m感觉说理不充分，可以多些原因扩展一下

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

请各位大虾狠狠批
9月2日交. T* L1 ]5 f, `3 U. c/ z
09.06.12NA   Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobswhile they are studying in universities.

Around the Univeristy, we could see some young man takepart-time jobs in shop. While, all these people are students studying inUniversties. In the free time they will take these part-time job for gettingmoney or gaining the experience of the practical. Some people will say theseaction frustrating the studying in their major subject. For the most of thefree time divote into part-time jobs. But I think part-time jobs helpful to thestudents.
The first factor is that, students can get some momeyfrom part-time job. When they in the University, the resource of the money isfrom their family. Some times the students can only get a little money. Theyhave no enough money to buy somethings. So, by takeing part-time job, thispressure will relieve. And the students can buy something they liked.
The second factor is , through the part-time job,students can gain pracitical experience of social. Some students in theuniversity have to problem of unkowning the practical experience. When theuniversity students walk into the social, they will be unkowning of theexperience of social. And this problem could damage their further life in thesocial. Student attended in part-time jobs in University is helpful for thedevelpement in further. They can gain experience of sloving the praticalquestion. It is wonderful.
The third factor, this action will relise the pressure ofUniversity. Becaue some universities also present some part-time jobs to thestudents. And this is very difficult to get the school part-time job. Howeverthis the plafume for students to get other part-time jobs around the universities.And the school master will have a pleasure living. So the third is that, candecrease the pressure of the universities.
Last but not the least, is the benefit for the shopperaround university. When they hind the full-time worker, the wage is very high,and the benefit of the master will released. But the students of the universitycan attened in this shopes, the wage is not will high, in the same time theshops’benefit is large. So this is benefit for the shop master aound school.
However, the first job of the students id studying. Whenthey finished studying and having the free time, they can take part-times jobs.
So I think students should take part-time jobs in theirfree time. It is benefit to the student , school , and shop master.

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

恩 语法什么的就不改了。
1 C) M0 B0 q" ^0 G/ H: n3 c建议LZ可以改写出一些长句，让一句话的信息量大一些。然后可以多用些词汇，尽量老重复一个词会比较单调哦~
5 p" }: j/ a+ Z加油!

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

发表于 3 天前 18:14  | 只看该作者
RE: 欢迎大家狠狠地批
09.08.01NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Ifyou do not make sure other people (especially influential people or youremployers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never getsuccessful in life.
I do not agree withthe this statement: other expecially influentical people or your employer didnot know your strengths and accomplishments, and you will never successful inlife.
For the first thing,every gold can show in the sand. If you have enough capability in dealing withany problems in practical environment. And the sloving the difficults incompany. And I think you will be showing liking a light star in the eyes ofyour employer. In the ancient of China, there is a very man. He’s name isSIMAYI, when in his young years in his social, there is few people known hisstrength and accomplish. But through especailly long time, he is successful inhis country. And that are examples amount many people. It can indicate thatevery gold can show in the sand.
The further factor isthat, when your employers did not you strengths or you accomplish. You shouldonly do your own job. That is OK. When you do your job every good, in eyes ofthe your boss, you is a good employee in his company. And he will give you'rethe more important thing, because you are his good man. And in this situation,you should endurens the quite living-life. Because the Mark Town says: ifsomebody can enduens the quite llfe in his working life, I( author) think hewill been successful. According to the American famous author said, we know ifyou want to be successful, keeping quite in your working life.
However, if you havethe opportunity to show your strength and accomplish, you should do it well.Let your employer and influential man know your had the strength andaccomplish. And that will help your in the job.
Above analysesing thestatement, I think If other especially influential people or your employers didnot know about your strengths and accomplishments, you also can get successfulin life.

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9.6交
parents help determinedthe future of their children or children allow to make their own choices.

In my opion , theparents should help children to determined the future of their life. All theparents want their children have a well life, and wonderful family living. Andthis is the only hope they have.
Becausetheir all hope are consumated in their children.
And many children also have little experienceof pratical social. They need parents give the proposals or teaching in manyfact things.
The first factor that Isupported parents helping to determined the future of their children is theyhave a lot of experience of the life. Because the parents experience manydifficult things in social. It enhance their capablilty of sloving problems intheir social.
And the children is soyoung, almost they are under the sofeguard of their parents. So the result ischildren have little experience or ability to sloving the problem. And whenthey exposed of the social ,the maybe in a very hard situation. But if parentscan give the help in this situation to the children, it will all changed theirlife in the future. So I think the parent should help determined the future oftheir children.
The second course thatI supported my opion is that, many children always have a wonderful dream intheir brain. And they think they can do everythings in the social. For example,many children think they will gain a big money like in the fiction. Or theywill marry a pretty girl as wife and so on…. But when they entry into social,they will find the social isn’t the better in their brain. So this is thecommon problem of the many young men. So we need the parents give our hep orteaching us how we can own this problem.
However the childrenalso need have their own thinkings after receiving the help from their parents.In conclusion, first we need parents help of determining the future of ourlife. Second after receiving from help, we should make determined ourselives.
So the parents helpdetermined the future of their children is important. It is meaningful for thechildren development.

canonleeUID: 2827997

修改见附件！
修改9.7-dailiangzhen.doc (26.5 KB, 下载次数: 10)

2010-9-8 10:38:17 上传

下载次数: 10

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

8# canonlee 谢谢！！:)

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9月9日交5 z' y# \2 K1 A6P) M
2009.9.11NA  agree ordisagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something aboutreal life.



欢迎大家狠狠地批啊，不要手下留情:lol！2 z. T! B*d$ F6 T+ ^' e

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9# dailiangzhen 你的建议对我很有帮助！我这就去改我的作文。:)

miaodiUID: 2613113

好了

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

9月11日交
/ P: s! ~6 |' L( |. [2009.9.19 NA  Government should moresupport art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such asswimming pool or play ground.

欢迎大家狠狠地批啊，不要手下留情！

butterfly1987UID: 2721250

Sorry, I am not familiar with how to add an attachment to this reply, Could I just send the composition to your email? OR would you please tell me how to send it?


13# dailiangzhen

butterfly1987UID: 2721250

我是新手 不能发word 把邮箱给我呗 给你发过去

13# dailiangzhen