WSYLR 的作文本~~

rysfUID: 2514937

实在实在不好意思。周2后一直忙于琐事，调整心态。几乎都没学习。
阅读后只剩下佩服了。

WSYLRUID: 2666837

0918 不是比较型的 感觉不太会写了呵  多多指教~~

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

0916 修改  by ttuuttuu

9月16日交
2009. 10. 17 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.


Watching movies and televisions has already been an everyday entertainment, which could be easily manifested not only by ever-raising television programme but also by popularizing media facilities. In this condition, the media, of course, has some more consequential meanings rather than just amusing people. In my perspective, both the society and the movie/television company should be benefited for the sake of showing audience the deserved ending of both the good and the bad.
建議~明確點出你的同意與不同意，

To begin with, promoting justice, by the means of showing audience rewarding the good and punishing the bad, for example, will do benefit to society harmony, since movies and televisions have huge a influence on audiences. Just think about it, when fragile heart is broking up since watching the sore ending of the hero’s meaningless death and the crimer’s abscondence with money helplessly, the value system would be irrevocablely changed. This would do harm to the whole society and it will be even hazardous when comes to immature adolescents. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that 60 percent of the chosen parents admit that the television programmed will influence their children’s psychologically well-being. In this condition, it will be wise to show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

Further more, in terms of the movie/television company, showing audiences what they want is the guarantee of a satisfactory interest. It is common sense that good people should be rewarded and bad people should be punished. Everyone hold his/her belief that the prince and the princess would live together happily ever after. What’s more, one essential function of the movies and the television is to build a fictional world in which every beautiful dream come true and this world cannot include the injustice phenomenon that good people would not be reward and bad people would nor be punished. It is evident that only if the company adjust to audiences’ preference the ratings of the movies and the television will be satisfactory.

In sum, two advantages of showing audience that good people will be rewarded and bad people will be punished are demonstrated. On one hand, the movies and television will do well to the society harmony since the justice has been promoting. On the other hand, the producer company will benefit from the high ratings.
少了 I agree ……..
建議:
結論，我同意這個論點。(再宣告自己的主張) 然後就接著你寫的兩個優點…

WSYLR 你的文章還是一樣寫的很讚~~
單字你是怎麼背的呢~~用了好多我沒背的單字~哈

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

0918改  by  ttuuttuu


9月18日交
08.12.05NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

The transition from ancient hunting sports to nowadays varying sports is a dramatiction. Rather than limited in the purpose of surviving or keeping a healthier condition the meaning of doing sports is far more significant than ever before. In my perspective, the sports can even teach something about our daily life by the means of instructing us to understand the meaning of competition and cooperation, to keep on fighting and never giving up and so forth.

To begin with, in seeking to win the game, one must have a sense of competitive, since there is no reap without sowing, and you cannot expect everyone doing nothing but presenting you with the champion. Competition builds character and teaches people essential values such as self-esteem building and striving for what we want. Whereas, competition is a good thing as long as the emphasis is not on being the best on the team or winning every game. Win or lose, we can learn from the sports that only through justifiable competition one can get what s/he deserves.

我喜歡這一段的論點


Further more, the importance of cooperation will be revealed by team-sports, which is much clear. Even if the average ability of the team is just ordinary it can ultimately win the game by the close cooperation and the excellent complement of each other. This just like the ropes, individually you can break with your hand, when they are grouped to a bundle, however, they are even strong enough to woor a ship. Trying to be a teammate is something that can help you achieve much more than fighting by yourselves, and this would be a life-long benefit we can easily learn from sports.
學習了~~這個例子很有說服力

Last but not least, it is evident that never giving up is one of the most important character leads to individual success, which of course can be learned from sports. The strong will of never stop is essential for any sport, you should keep practicing and training, when it comes to certain sports like long distance running, swimming and so on the strong will would be much more significant. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that 60 percent of the chosen parents admit that after participating in a sport team their kids become more of perseverance. In this condition, sports can teach us to keep up fighting and never give up.

In sum, three valuable characters contributing to one’s entire life showed by sports have been menifestied. Sport cannot only provide humanbeing health condition but also some life necessities, including the sense of competitive and cooperative and the will of never giving up. It is undoubted that the sport can teach people lesson about life.
結論寫得很好 也有明確的宣告自己是同意或不同意
你進化了 開始寫五段式的文章

文章更趨 完美 ～謝謝你又讓我學習一次

WSYLRUID: 2666837

这篇写得有点长了....狠拍 狠拍哈

WSYLRUID: 2666837

这一阵松懈了~~乱七八糟的事儿~
继续写作~~
结尾感觉很啰嗦~
狠拍哈~~

caomiao723UID: 2686630

9.28改的有些晚了，不好意思啊~~
我不能上传附件，发到你的QQ邮箱里面了~

WSYLRUID: 2666837

23# caomiao723

谢谢点评哈~~ 收到邮件了~~
我的例子就是很单薄的说~~

WSYLRUID: 2666837

0930
麻烦大家点评~~

WSYLRUID: 2666837

1002  WSYLR

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

10月2日交
08.12.07NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Spending time alone is the best way to relieve stress

High stress is found in growing popularity in the modern world, in which people value the spirits of competition and efficiency. In order to keep the position in the company, simply working hard is not enough anymore; high pressure has been familiar with both employers and employees.  Physiologically and psychologically stress could result in deep anxiety and may even perpetuate or lead to serious diseases. Relieving from the stress has become one of the most urgent social problems should be concerned and solved. Although initially appealing, the method of spending time alone is insufficient to relieve the stress.

To begin with, staying alone is easily for us to immersing in examining our situations, which could do nothing but add to anxiety. Following the scrutiny of our situation, dissatisfaction with our current position or present income leads to a far more ambitious working goal that, in turn, will result in enduring even higher pressure. Via this vicious circle, before people have obtained their goals, their faith of progress will be crumbled by the ever-growing pressure given by themselves. Thus in (this) condition, staying alone cannot be a recommended solution to relieve stress.

Further more, it sounds plausible that staying alone, watching TV or surfing the Internet would distract one’s attention that focused on tough work, whereas, this is in some extent misleading. For one thing, watching TV and surfing the internet could also give people pressure. Yet even setting aside the regret of entertaining rather than doing regular works, the tire of watching the screen would make people more stressful. For another, even though the entertainment could successfully distract people’s attention that will not last long. After watching TV or surfing the internet the stress would advances on soon after retreating.

Last but not least, there are still other effective solutions available to relieve the stress. Staying by oneself that is dealing with the problem alone, pales in comparison to cope with the problem under the help of friends and families. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that in China almost half white collar workers admit that they are under great pressure and after talking to their friends and families they could feel much better.(这句话还是拆分一下比较好) What ever the pressure you are going through, it is evident that your friends and families will stand by you side.

To sum up, two demerits of the statements have been manifested above that spending time alone is definitely not a good idea to relieve stress. On one hand, staying alone will result in thinking confusedly and one person entertainment would do nothing beneficial, too; on the other hand, there are still other effective ways to solve the problem. As a result I do not agree with the statement that staying alone is the best way to relieve stress.
1、        首段太长，建议删减；
2、        第二、第三段有隐形的论点重复；
3、        部分内容重复，虽然语句未重复；
4、        优点就不说了，祝楼主成功。

WSYLRUID: 2666837

感谢点评哈~~ 我的前两段是都在说独处的缺点了，感觉是应当多摆其他可以缓解压力的方法~~
内容那个的确也比较单薄~只会重复的摆道理~~

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

不好意思，实在改得太晚了。
写得很不错。 09.28 by wsylr.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-10-5 21:42:35 上传

下载次数: 3

WSYLRUID: 2666837

感谢点评~~
其实我写得很超时~~
开始的构思也要花很多时间~~
句子很多是之前一直用的 来来回回也就几句
感觉内容还挺空洞，就像caomiao723 说得信息量很少~~
限时很关键呀~~开始要限时了！