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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life.
I firmly believe that most of people had a similar experience when being children. When we were ready for playing football or basketball with friends, but our parents coincidentally opposed this. Why? In their worlds, jumping,running and kicking a ball were nothing but boring activities which would not only distract our attention from your textbook but also waste our study time. They even said that they would rather pay for a piano class than buy us a football. As the accumulation of our experience, we gradually realize that this was not the case at all. Contrarily, sports indeed teach us plentiful of lessons, such as how to cooperate and communicate with each other, how to be brave when encountering difficulties and so on.
To begin with, team games let you know that cooperation is a desirable and necessary virtue in our society. Take football game, my favorite sport, for instance. In order to avoid losing prestige or being disgraced, you must win the game. And it can be attained only through collaboration. As you know(口语化的短语不适合用来写作文), in a football match to steal the opponent’s ball needs two or more defenders working together, one preventing him/her passing the ball, another readying tacking at any time. If the two cooperate with each other perfectly, the attacker would not have any chance to pass the ball or shoot; otherwise, the opponent would break through with the ball leaving them behind. So excellent team working will be the cornerstone of success.(这段细节描写很好,末尾的比喻句也很赞)
At the second place, to be a trustful member, you firstly need to learn to communicate. Let’s go back(口语化) to the example discussed above, think about it, if all the players of a team were not good at communicating, can you believe they can win a game? I think it is really difficult(for them). Of course(口语化), it may be such extreme. However, this just illustrates the importance of communication in the triumph of a game. In order to cooperate with your teammates, you should familiar with each member, knowing their styles and their positions. And the best and effective way to attain this is, you know, communication. So you would be stimulated to hone this skill day by day, and at last can master it.
At last but not the least, participating sports is assistance to the formation of the excellent qualities, especially tenacity. You know, excelling at a sport is a not easy work, it need not only long time, maybe as long as decades, but also limitless effort. In this process, you may experience severe injury and numerous failures. But you never give up and, in my opinion, itself is a success no matter whether you win a game or not. Because you have obtained the quintessence---fortitude.
To sum up, sports teach us much we cannot obtain from textbook, far more than what were mentioned above. So when your child was born, I highly recommend letting him/her participate in his/her favorite sports.
优点:文章语法基础较好,用词也很丰富,结构清晰,细节描写丰富
拍砖:1,句式缺乏变化,通过更多练习,相信作者会表述得更好。
2,全文对sports与life的关系论述的很少,可能作者对题目的理解有偏差;缺乏反面论证。
3,一点小建议:第二段和第三段的论证内容可以构成递进关系,如果文章能将递进写得更明显,将是一个小亮点。
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https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1155361-1-1.html |
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